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Tine walks into the music room freezing at the door. He recognises the song Sarawat is playing. It’s his song, the one he has been working on for who knows how long, the one song he doesn’t let Tine hear. Tine has been catching bits and pieces of the song here and there whenever Sarawat was not fast enough. Tine doesn’t understand why Sarawat has gotten so protective of the song lately. A few months back he had no problem playing the start of it in public.
Tine knows Sarawat is going to be mad if he finds out but he can’t help it. Slowly Tine retreats from the room, hiding next to the now open door. He can hear everything clearly as he peaks into the room. Sarawat finishes playing the apparent intro of the song and starts singing. Tine smiles.
“Your eyes were so bright in that summer night
You were jumping so high with tears in your eyes
The smile glowing on your face made me blind
You stepped on my toes and apologised“
Slowly Tine’s smile fades away. He stands there at the door, leaning against the door frame no longer scared of getting caught. The scenery of his first Scrubb concert jumps in front of him. He can hear himself in every line. Every note, every sound, it’s all about him. Not about an old crush or a random boy, him.
“I won’t forget the look on your face that time
That first night you were shining so bright
For so long I followed behind
Hiding in shadows admiring your light”
Tine finds it hard to breathe. The beat of the song turns slower now and Sarawat’s voice turns calmer.
“And now you're here and I no longer have to hide
You took my hand and let me inside
Now you’re here right by my side
You proved me wrong and I can’t deny
How I love you and how I miss you
Yeah, I need you”
Tine can barely swallow, his heartbeats are loud and frantic in his ears. He gets it now. The reason Sarawat didn’t let anybody hear his song. The reason he was so secretive, why he hid away his notebook and these chords. This is not just a song, it’s a confession. Everything Sarawat has wanted to say, everything he’s feeling, it’s all in there. And Tine just listened to it. With a shaking body, Tine straightens himself up. He takes a few steps forward and stops. Sarawat is still playing the song, repeating the chorus with that same painfully beautiful voice of his. Tine still has time to run away. If he turns around now, if he just exits the room he can pretend this never happened, he can pretend he never heard Sarawat’s feelings and act oblivious. He can go back to being unsure of himself, they can go back to being friends. But as Tine stands there, he can’t force his body to move. Sarawat’s words are making his heart tremble and he can’t go back. Not after hearing how far gone Sarawat is. He cares too much about the boy to leave him in the dark again. Tine opens his mouth but no words come out. Sarawat finishes his song and sits still for a while, staring at the wall with slumped shoulders.
Tine opens his mouth again but it’s too late. Sarawat turns around and flinches in surprise, his eyes growing wide and the grip on his guitar tightening. He gets up from the chair his body tensed. They stare at each other.
“I-..” Tine starts but he doesn’t know what to say. I heard it by accident? I didn’t mean to listen? I got curious and listened? I wanted to hear it? I heard it and now realise I’m in love with you? The last option startles Tine and he takes a step back. His eyes are now as wide as Sarawat’s are. Does he love Sarawat? Sure. Yes. But... Is he in love with him? The idea seems strange but for some reason, Tine can’t bring himself to deny it. Sarawat clears his throat and crouches down to put the guitar into its case.
“So... did you hear it?” Sarawat asks his tone nonchalant. Tine nods. Realising Sarawat is still facing down he pipes out a small ‘yes’. Sarawat stays quiet as he closes the case.
“And?” Sarawat asks as he gets up from the ground, this time facing Tine. Tine just stares, his mind not yet fully grasping the situation. Tine opens his mouth again but just like before, nothing comes out. Sarawat’s expression changes and Tine wants to wince. He never wants to see that look on Sarawat’s face ever again.
“Ok. I get it”, Sarawat answers and walks towards the door. Sarawat’s words ring painfully in Tine’s ears as he’s reminded of the last time he pushed the man away. Sarawat walks by Tine, brushing his shoulder with his as he goes for the door. That’s all it takes. Tine jolts up and turns around, grabbing a hold of whatever he can grab on to. It ends up being the guitar case and Sarawat is yanked back. He turns around to face Tine, his expression unreadable.
“I loved it”, Tine breaths out, his words barely above a whisper. Sarawat stays still, his eyes searching Tine’s expression.
“I loved it”, Tine repeats again, this time louder. Sarawat stares at him a little longer and then his expression softens. Feeling relieved, Tine starts rambling.
“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want me to hear it yet but when I heard you playing I couldn’t stop myself from listening and then it-” and like always, Sarawat shuts him up with a kiss. He grabs a hold of Tine’s head and presses their lips together. Tine is starting to see a pattern here but this time, a lot less than any other time, he doesn’t mind. Sarawat pulls away, the smile on his face reaching his eyes. Tine loves it when his eyes smile like this. It’s his favourite smile.
“I’m glad I heard it”, Tine sighs as Sarawat’s thumb caresses his cheek. Sarawat nods and the smile on his lips fades but his eyes never change.
“Me too”, he agrees and slowly leans in for another kiss. Tine closes his eyes and leans forward, taking away the rest of the distance between their lips. Oh, how glad he is to have heard it. How truly glad.