Chapter Text
“You didn’t…see that… coming? “
No, truth is I didn’t. I didn’t see you looking at me with those lifeless eyes, I didn’t see you crumble to the ground and I didn’t see your soul fade away.
Instead I saw you laughing with your sister after the battle, I saw you smiling and talking unstoppably, because Steve made you and your sister part of the team, I saw you…happy.
Or is that what I wanted to see? Because I remember you in a bed fighting for your life and in the end…losing, I remember the pain of seeing you six feet underground.
And as I sit here, I look around and I see bottles…bottles that only minutes ago where filled with alcohol.
I close my eyes, because it hurts too much to look at something that used to be your room, with things that used to be yours.
Why am I even here? I ask myself. But I can’t answer, because the tears that now run down my face have clouded my mind, again. So I cry myself to sleep.
***
When I open my eyes I see light coming in from the window. Morning. I think. Practice. Is the next thing that comes to mind.
I stand. My head hurts as does my whole body. I put my clothes on, take my bow and leave the room.
As I walk through the hallway I can hear voices coming from the living room. It must be the rest of the team. I go down the stairs and reach for the door. Silence. I look to my left, to where the living room is and see them looking at me. Have they never seen a human before?
Well they have, just not one looking like this. I think as I look at the small mirror next to the stairs. My skin is pale and my hair is a mess, my eyes are red from crying and the circles under them show that I still need sleep...it was a lifeless face, full of despair.
I look away with a sigh. I open the door and leave, closing it softly behind me.
***
It was Tony, he did this. He killed him. He is the one to blame....I guess that's what i should be thinking. I don't. He didn't know, it's not his fault. It's mine....
Nat told me i couldn't have saved him. That no one blames me. But i can see Wanda's hatered when she looks at me, the unspoken question. A harsh why?
Why? I wish i knew. Why didn't i run, why didn't i move, i had time....so why? Maybe, cause i didn't want to fight anymore, i didn't want to avenge. I was tired.
Now....hah....now all i want is to shoot something.