Work Text:
DAY 1
“Hey J, you look tired.” Jake observes as he flops down at his desk opposite. “Are you alright?”
James smiles slightly up at him. His eyes are a little red, like he’s not slept or… like he’s been crying. “Didn’t get much sleep.” He answers. Jake eyes him a moment longer.
“How come? Because this happened to Amy, when we first started dating.Turns out all I needed was to replace my mattress!”
James smiles a little once again, “Yeah, maybe that’s the answer, thanks J.”
Jake eyes him for a moment, because his friend’s smile has fallen to nothing. And he considers pressing the matter, but drops it, his insides unsettled and worried.
DAY 2
James is five minutes late to work and his hair is unbrushed, clothes unwashed. He’s impatient, with the computer when it takes too long to log him in. Jake turns across to Charles and meets his eye, but he looks just as clueless.
DAY 3
He looks like he’s been crying, or at least hasn’t slept in days. And he’s quiet, staring almost all day at his computer and very rarely typing. When Jake asks, multiple times what is wrong, he says he’s fine, forces a smile, and continues to stare at the computer.
DAY 4
“Ah! Sanderson.” Holt greets the detective. He’s standing beside his desk. Weakly, James smiles.
“Hello sir. I’m two minutes late, I know, skirmish in the car park.”
“Yes this is not about your arrival time. Kevin tells me you didn’t join him and Cheddar the Dog on his walk like usual. Is everything… alright, with you?”
“What? Everything is fine.” James forces a smile. “Just, Bandit was driving us crazy so I took him out earlier than usual. I’m sorry, I should have let Kevin know.”
“Oh, no it is okay. But Kevin informed me that Cheddar missed the companionship.”
James smiles and nods, “I’ll be there, tomorrow.” He slumps down in his chair as the Captain leaves.
“Damn that mattress really getting you down huh?” Jake says. James just hums in agreement.
DAY 5
“James. James. Detective Sanderson.” Terry pries, standing over the detective, who’s rolling the ring on his finger around and around.
“J!” Jake chimes from across the table. It causes James to jump and look over at Jake, who nods his head over at the Lieutenant. James jumps again upon seeing the man standing over at him.
“Oh, sorry, Lieut, what’s up?” He forces a slight laugh.
“I asked you an hour ago for that file on Brannigan. And the drug ring.”
“Oh. Yeah, I’ll get on it.”
Terry sighs, “Ok. I need it as soon as possible.”
When Terry leaves, James types slowly on the computer. Too many times doesJake catch him looking down at his engagement ring.
DAY 6
“Okay, what’s going on?” Jake says, rising from his chair and walking around to James’ side of the desk the next morning, when James is once again, looking half like a zombie. He sits on the chair beside him. “This is clearly more than a mattress issue.”
“Nothing, Jake, I’m fine!”
“James… look I know you . Something’s bothering you. Something’s upsetting you. What's going on?”
James stares down at the notepad on his desk. He sighs. “It’s me and Alex. We’ve been arguing… a bit.”
“Oh, god, no really? How much is a bit?”
“A lot.” James replies. He runs a hand through his hair, pushing it backwards.
“About what?”
James shrugs, “Everything? The wedding. He wants blue napkins, I want grey. I want to invite the squad, he says that’s too many people. We’re not agreeing on anything. I want to get a new car, we don’t have the money. Our car’s shit though, it costs more to fix every time than just to get a new one.”
“Man, I’m sorry. Me and Ames we- well Ames put this whole binder together, for our wedding- she’s so smart- and I followed it by the book, chose napkins, made gift bags. We chose the venue together- oh my god have I told you about the vulture?”
“No? You have a vulture?”
“Oh god, no. Ew. He’s this- awful dude in major crimes. Steals our cases. And stole our wedding venue.”
“No way we had someone like that too back in Utah, but we called him The Magpie.”
“Oh my god! That’s crazy, the major crimes unit is the worst!”
“The total worst!”
The two break into light laughter. James’ dimples showing, the corners of his eyes crinkling, suddenly light and the green they always had been. It’s been a while. Then his smile falls and he shakes his head slowly,
“Alex would hate this, and all.”
“Hate what? Laughter?”
“ No , us laughing like this. Getting along . He thinks- looks it’s really stupid, and it’s not even true he just- he thinks I still have feelings for you. You know, like, romantic stylez .”
Jake is quiet for a moment. A little wave rolls around inside of him at the thought, a sad wave. “Oh, James… But that’s crazy! I’m married . You’re engaged!”
“I know! I keep telling him but he won’t listen. He says I’m just in denial and it’s- I’m not .”
“Well I mean, to be fair that is what someone in denial would say, J. And we do have our movie nights every Thursday. We’re at work 24/7. And I mean- how many times this month have you blown off dinner dates so we work a case together.”
“But that doesn’t mean- we’re friends, Jake.”
“Yeah, I know. And it sucks that he won’t believe that. Do you want me to talk to him?”
“No.” James shakes his head, “No offence, but… I don’t think it would help.”
Jake sighs and sits back in the chair, “Man, I’m… so sorry this has happened to you it’s… so it’s not really the wedding that’s the problem? It’s me.”
“It’s not you . It’s us.” James shakes his head, “I don’t know, man, maybe I should just change precincts.”
“What? No! Don’t do that, you fit in so well here. I mean, you’ve got that crazy yoghurt thing with Terry. Do you know how much he loves having someone else who loves yoghurt-”
“Terry loves yoghurt more.”
“Okay but what about you and Boyle? I mean, sometimes it’s like I’m the third wheel. I mean how do you even know every song from Oliver?”
“It’s a classic film, Jake how don’t you know? If we never broke up I would’ve made you watch it by now.”
Jake smiles, “Okay, well, what about you and Holt? I mean, your dogs have playdates. Kevin lets you walk with him and Cheddar! How did you even manage that?”
“You could learn a lot from Gina. People skills.” James replies, “What about Rosa?”
“I’ve always got nothing on her but, I mean, you’re friends, right? You are! I can’t think of anything in particular but I mean, I’ve seen her smile at you before. For Rosa that’s like, asking for your hand in marriage.”
“I’m gay, Jake.”
“I know!” Jake takes a breath, “But you can’t leave. I… I just got you back.” His voice quietens, and he looks up from his lap to meet James’ eyes for just a moment.
James smiles sadly. I know , the smile says, I know . “Well it’s… it’s either this,” He gestures around him at the precinct, “Or Alex.”
Jake swallows. This isn’t fair.
The next day James arrives late to work. He’s wearing a black leather coat (17 year old Jake would have died ) over a black hoodie, black glasses, his hair smoothed back over his head. There is not an ounce of colour on him but black , black, black. There’s something horrifyingly familiar about this.
“Let’s just get it out there…” He announces to the precinct. “Me and Alex broke up last night.”
“Who’s Alex?” Scully pipes up, the rest of the precinct erupt, shouting his name disapprovingly. “Just asking.”
“There will be no wedding. I’m a single man.” He strolls down the middle of the precinct, and flops down into his chair. Jake watches sadly.
“Wow I’m so sorry man but… I thought it would be us that you were leaving.”
James shakes his head, “He wasn’t being fair. I love him. He loves me, too, I know he does but… he doesn’t trust me. Maybe.” He sighs, “Maybe he has a point I mean, I was in love with you for a long time but, I got through it. I don’t know… getting over us, I mean, that was hard. It’s kind of insulting that he thinks I never managed it.”
“That makes sense.” Jake promises. “And you’re right, I mean, Amy understands.”
“You have an incredible wife.”
Jake smiles, “I know.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else.” A tear appears, seeping from below the glasses he still hasn’t taken off.
“James! Don’t be silly.” Jake stands and walks over to James’ side of the desk again. “Come on, get up, c’mere.” He beckons for his friend to stand and hug him, and James does so, if a little reluctantly, and he melts into Jake’s arms, face pressed into his shoulders.
“By the way… did you borrow this outfit from Charles?” Jake mutters.
“Yeah he er, had it in his car for some reason. Something about, you never know when someone’s going to break your heart or something, I don’t know. He just saw me looking rough in the car park.”
“And a good thing I did!” Charles pipes up from behind them, making the two boys jump apart. “Especially the glasses! I’ve never seen eyes so red.”
“Okay, thank you, Charles.”
“Right. Ruining a moment. I’ll be at my desk.” Charles slips away, and Jake turns back to James.
“Look, you’ll get through this. You got through us, right? And you’ll find someone.”
“He needs an Amy! Uh- a male, Amy, obviously.”
“Charles!”
“I’m leaving! I’m leaving!”
A few days pass and things get a little easier. The sky feels as bright as it looks again, and James hasn’t spontaneously started weeping into a tub of ice cream in over 29 hours now. He had a nice talk with Rosa out on the roof of the precinct about her almost-wedding with Adrian Pimento. And he enjoyed a dog walk with Kevin, and Cheddar, and Bandit. And Jake smiles at him every day. He’s brilliant. His best friend. He keeps sending him silly videos too. And he knows the warmth in his chest when he watches them is happiness. Relief. Gratitude. Even though Alex had gotten to him a bit. Made him doubt himself. Made him think maybe he did like Jake again.
But Alex was wrong and James is okay. Or he will be. Eventually. Soon. Probably.
On the fifteenth day he watches the precinct lift doors close, leans against the back of the elevator and closes his eyes. He solved a case today, quite a big one and he hadn’t even thought about texting Alex. Although, now he mentions it-
The lift stops before he can do it,and he begins to hurry away before his fingers have time to pull out his phone. He’s not texting him. He’s not . He’s better than that.
He replays this mantra and forgets to look where he is going, or who else is going.
A uniformed officer crashes into him, and papers fly everywhere as a box clatters to the floor.
“ Shit .” The officer says, frantically grabbing the paper now spread across the foyer.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” James blurts, hurrying over and grabbing the papers near the automatic doors, catching them just as the wind begins to pull them. He gathers them into a messy pile and hands them to the officer who is now standing up, frowning, with half the paper, sideways and in disarray inside the box.
“This was months of filing work. Sarg was gonna be so proud of me! Now she’ll be furious.”
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, tell your Sarg it was all Detective Sanderson’s fault. A blind idiot- wait no maybe don’t say I’m blind it could be taken literally. Oh, god, look I’m sorry, I’ll take the blame, I can help you file it again, if you want.”
“Oh, no it’s okay, I have my own system. Best I fix it alone. Thanks though. Uh... Detective Sanderson.”
“Hey, call me James.”
The officer nods, “Uh. Gary.” With difficulty, he holds his hand out, under the box for James to shake. “Gary Jennings.”
“Nice to meet you, Gary Je-” As James shakes his hand, Gary loses his grip on the box and it sends the papers cascading back across the floor.
“Ah, crap, not again.” In absolute dismay, Gary bends down and scabbles with the papers once again. James goes to bend down, but Gary stops him, “No. I’m fine, don’t, thank you, but I’ve got it this time.”
“Uh… okay.” James stands back up, “I’m sorry. Again. Again, tell your Sarg it was my doing. I feel awful.”
Gary stands once again with the box, now a little red faced from the stress and frustration,”It’s okay. But yeah, I will definitely tell her it’s your fault, don’t you worry.”
“Ah.”
Gary grins. “Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to make sure she doesn’t fire you.” James’ face falls. “I’m kidding, man, I’m kidding, the sarg isn’t like that.”
James smiles, letting out a slight laugh, almost more of a chuckle. “Well, I’ll see you around.”
Gary’s eyes shine when he smiles. He has dimples too. “Yeah. I guess I will.”
James nods a final time, before finally heading to the double doors to leave for the day. And Gary finally makes it to the lift. James isn’t sure what he’s thinking, when the sun hits him outside the front of the building, but he knows for sure that it is not texting his ex.