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Every time this happens, Jungkook comes back to Jimin. Every time this happens, Jimin puts Jungkook’s pieces back together—tells him that he’s not broken, that he’s strong, that he deserves more love than he knows.
Jimin feeds him and pampers him and he always knows how to make Jungkook feel better. He knows when it’s best to let Jungkook off on his own to blow off steam. He knows when he needs to coax Jungkook out of his own head. He knows when Jungkook just wants quiet, he knows when Jungkook needs to talk, and he knows when Jungkook just wants this—just wants Jimin.
“Not all allos are bad,” Jimin tells him, interrupting him in the middle of his latest complaining session. Jimin is patient with him even when he’s speaking so openly from the heart. “Allos don’t always understand, but a lot of them don’t care as much about sex as we think they do.”
“I don’t understand how you’re always so positive,” Jungkook grumbles. He isn’t very focused on Jimin’s words, too emotional to process them and too busy with the pencil in his hand and the half-finished sketch of Gureum on his lap. Jimin had arranged them like this, with Jungkook tucked against his chest between Jimin’s legs. Jimin’s chin rests solidly on Jungkook’s head. Jungkook thinks more and says, “You’re always so positive and I don’t even think people who’d want me even after I explain what asexuality means exist. None of them even care to understand.”
Jungkook can feel Jimin shake his head. “You should only be with people who show you that they care. Wouldn’t you show them that you care, if your situations were reversed?”
Jungkook isn’t in the mood for Jimin to make him think like this. He knows that it’ll make him feel better later, but he doesn’t like that it makes him feel worse in the moment. “No, but—”
Jimin holds a finger up to Jungkook’s lips. “No buts,” he says. “You should only be with people who treat you the way you treat them.”
Jungkook stubbornly remains silent and erases his dog’s entire face. It isn’t coming out right. His words aren’t coming out right either. He feels tiny and pathetic and tired.
“You’re more than enough as you are, Jungkookie,” Jimin says. “You’re so good. Everything you are makes you good. Your personality alone is enough for people to love you.”
“It doesn’t feel like enough, though,” Jungkook says, and he feels so, so small. “I don’t ever feel like enough.”
“Baby,” Jimin murmurs. He lifts his hand to comb his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. He doesn’t sound upset by Jungkook’s words, or try to correct him when he knows that Jungkook doesn’t mean what he’s saying. “You know that’s not true.”
Jungkook shrugs as much as well as he can in his cramped position. He continues shading the ear of his dog. He doesn’t know how to tell Jimin that he doesn’t really believe him. He knows that Jimin’s experiences haven’t been much better than his own, but he doesn’t know what makes him and Jimin different—what’s made it so that Jimin is always so resolute about things like this.
“Jungkookie?” Jimin’s hand stills. “Are you okay?”
Jungkook sighs. His pencil slips from grasp. At Jimin’s question, the heaviness from Jungkook’s week crashes down on him all at once, his eyes stinging with tears. Jimin is always like this: so nice Jungkook doesn’t know what to do with him sometimes. But he’s not nice to Jungkook in a way that makes Jungkook feel immature or ignorant. Jimin makes him feel safe and heard and seen.
“I’m tired, Jimin,” Jungkook whispers. He pushes his sketchbook to the side and turns around in Jimin’s arms so that he’s looking up at Jimin. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“I know,” Jimin says. He’s looking at Jungkook sweetly, and his gaze feels like sunshine no matter how upset Jungkook is. “What can I do to make it better?”
Jungkook says the first thing that comes to mind. He doesn’t think about it before he says it. “Kiss me,” he says.
Jimin is quiet for a moment, but not in a scary way. Not in a way that makes Jungkook’s heart leap or his chest tighten. It’s a tiny moment, just long enough for Jimin to cup Jungkook’s face in his hands. Jungkook can’t help it when his eyes flutter shut and he leans into Jimin’s touch.
“You want that?” Jimin says.
Jungkook nods. He feels comfortable in Jimin’s presence—touching him, familiar and kind, and listening to his voice, sweet like molten honey. Maybe it’s something more than comfortable. It’s like coming home after being away for too long, something like relief and happiness and Jungkook feels floaty, like nothing bad could happen in this moment.
Jimin’s thumbs brush under Jungkook’s eyes. Has Jungkook been crying? Jimin wouldn’t let him cry for long. ”Where are you comfortable with me kissing you?”
Jungkook’s eyes open slowly. Maybe he should feel panicked or nervous at this moment, but he doesn’t. Jimin doesn’t sound like he’s judging Jungkook or like he’s surprised or annoyed by his request. He’s listening to everything Jungkook has to say and is seriously considering it, and Jungkook wants him badly if only for how much Jimin cares.
”Anywhere on my face,” Jungkook says breathlessly. “Only if you want to.”
“Of course I want to, sweet boy,” Jimin says. “Thank you for asking. Thank you for telling me. Is there anything else you want? Don’t want?’
“Um…” Jungkook’s head is spinning. “I—don’t know.”
There’s a lot that Jungkok doesn’t want, but Jimin knows that. Jimin understands that Jungkook has a lot of boundaries, and he has a lot of the same ones. It would probably be easier to list the things that Jungkook does want, but he doesn’t really know that either. He knows that he wants a lot with Jimin, maybe more than he would want with most people,, but he doesn’t want it now, not when he feels like this.
“That’s okay, baby,” Jimin says. “Just tell me what feels right as we go, okay? Tell me if anything stops feeling good?”
“I will,” Jungkook says. “I trust you.”
“I know, but I still want to talk about it,” Jimin says. His voice is low and pretty and soothing. Jungkook feels like he’s melting. “Can I kiss you now?”
It’s Jungkook who kisses Jimin first. He leans up and presses his lips to Jimin’s cheek, soft and fleeting. He can feel himself blushing already when he pulls away just enough to see the corners of Jimin’s lips turn up. He always smiles so nicely, smiles like it comes naturally to him, or maybe he’s practiced it so many times he knows how to wear a smile, practiced it because he knows he looks handsome like this, and he likes feeling that way.
Jimin’s fingers tickle under Jungkook’s chin like one would scratch a cat. Jungkook lifts his head and Jimin kisses his temple and then the slope of his nose. “Pretty boy,” Jimin says. He sounds playful and fond and Jungkook preens so Jimin’s smile grows wider.
“You’re pretty,” Jungkook says. It’s easier to talk about Jimin than himself because Jungkook likes him a lot. But it’s not like with the other people Jungkook has liked. It had been hard to talk to them sometimes. Jungkook hadn’t been enough for them.
Jimin, of course, would tell him that saying such a thing was ridiculous—that Jungkook is always enough and anyone who doesn’t accept him for who he is doesn’t deserve him. Jungkook knows this. But he’s still learning how to believe this.
Jimin’s lips are a breath away from Jungkook’s. Jungkook shivers and wants Jimin so badly he’s shocked by the feeling. He’s never felt like this before. This just feels like Jimin. Nothing special. Maybe it’s better that way. Jungkook is happy this way. He’s even happier when Jimin closes the gap between them and presses their lips together.
Their first kiss is soft and short and makes Jungkook feel weak all over, like his only real tie to reality is Jimin’s lips. They’ve barely touched and Jungkook is out of breath when he pulls away, so full of trust and love for Jimin he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He clumsily sits up in Jimin’s lap so that Jimin can kiss him properly, and Jimin laughs against his lips.
Even though they’ve never done this before, it feels familiar. Jimin goes back to touching Jungkook’s hair, his other hand at the small of Jungkook’s back, holding him close. Jungkook hadn’t known how Jimin kisses before today, but he knows how Jimin touches. He knows what it feels like to have Jimin’s hands on him, in the best of ways, and when Jungkook touches Jimin like this he feels like he’s at home.
Jimin breaks away for the briefest of moments, and Jungkook’s stomach doesn’t swoop like it has when he’s kissed other partners, because he knows that Jimin isn’t going to kiss him any way he doesn’t want. Jimin switches to kissing his bottom lip and he’s attentive to what Jungkook likes but he’s not pushing for more and he’s satisfied with what Jungkook is giving him.
It’s good. It’s so good. Jungkook never wants to kiss again if it’s not like this, with no real buildup except for Jungkook’s fondness for Jimin. It’s always been the motive behind kissing that has made Jungkook dislike it, aside from the stickiness and wetness and everything Jungkook usually hates. But this is nothing like that. Jungkook knows that Jimin wants him and that’s okay, Jimin is kissing him and that’s okay, and Jungkook wants to keep going and it makes him feel more okay than he’s felt in a long time.
Jimin kisses Jungkook’s lips one last time before pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks. It feels just as good to have Jimin’s lips elsewhere, so Jungkook closes his eyes and lets Jimin kiss him, lets him kiss all his worries away and kiss happiness on to his skin. “Jimin-hyung,” Jungkook breathes, not really knowing what he’s asking for.
“Jungkook-ah,” Jimin says back. “Was that good?”
Jungkook nods. “Really good. Hyung…”
Jimin waits patiently, never pushing, never asking for more, not in a way that Jungkook wouldn’t want.
“It never feels like that when I kiss other people,” Jungkook confesses. “It’s too hard to explain to other people what I want and they never kiss me the way I want them to. I didn’t even have to tell you how to do it and you made it feel like you understand me.”
“You don’t have to kiss anybody unless it feels good,” Jimin says seriously. “They aren’t worth your time and it’s okay for you to say no.”
“I do say no,” Jungkook says. “But I don’t want to have to keep saying no. I just want them to understand.”
Jimin’s fingers tap out a steady rhythm against Jungkook’s back. Jungkook could easily get lost in every sensation Jimin indulges him with, if he wanted to. “I know it’s hard, but if someone chooses not to understand then they don’t deserve you either,” Jimin says.
“How do you know when they decide not to and when they just don’t get it?”
Jimin frowns. “It depends on the person, I guess. Sometimes people just want different things, Kook, but the first step is finding someone who’s honest with you.”
The conversation is already starting to tire Jungkook out, and it makes Jungkook wonder how long he’s been holding back on this, and how many times he’s ignored how he’s felt in order to make things easier. It’s never easier, in the end. Jungkook is full of regrets even though he knows that he wouldn’t be the person he is today without them. But that doesn't mean he should let himself continue having bad experiences. Now that he has boundaries, shouldn’t he embrace them?
“I wish I would never have to explain asexuality again.”
“Everybody has limits,” Jimin says. He brushes Jungkook’s bangs out of his eyes and taps his pointer finger against Jungkook’s nose, right where he had kissed him earlier. “You might have more limits than your partner, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of having your limits respected. You deserve someone who understands you and knows what makes you tick.”
Jungkook realizes it then, everything he’s felt over the past few months, the past few years, the past few minutes, coming together all at once. It doesn’t feel groundbreaking. It feels just like how it had felt when Jimin had kissed him. Jungkook could be happy with Jimin, and he knows this to be a fact. He could spend the rest of his life like this and be happy.
Jimin understands him. Jimin makes Jungkook feel comfortable. Jimin is everything Jungkook has wanted his whole life, even before Jungkook had realized what he’d wanted, and it might be fate or it might be choice but the opportunity is here and Jungkook’s for the taking.
“You understand me,” Jungkook says quietly. “You always understand me.”
Jimin’s eyes go wide and Jungkook wishes that he could remember this moment in perfect detail for the rest of his life. Jimin knows what he means immediately, because of course he does. Jimin knows how to put Jungkook’s pieces together and understand what he’s saying and how he feels. He’s a step ahead of Jungkook, even.
“What do you mean, Jungkook?” Jimin says. He cups Jungkook’s face in his hands and says, “What do you want me to be for you?”
“I think I might want you in a different kind of way,” Jungkook says. He looks down at his hands, now in his lap instead of touching Jimin, even though he always wants to be touching Jimin. His face feels like it’s burning where Jimin is holding him. “You make me really happy, Jimin-hyung. I think I want to be with you for a very long time.”
When Jungkook finally lifts his eyes, Jimin looks stunned. He looks speechless. His cheeks are dusted pink. “I want whatever you’ll let me have,” Jungkook says after a long moment. “Whatever you want. I want to make you feel the way you make me feel.”
“Oh, Jungkook-ah,” Jimin says. He lets go of Jungkook’s face and draws him into a tight hug instead. “You’re so sweet, Jungkook-ah. Is that what you want?” Jungkook nods against Jimin’s shoulder. “You want more than what we have now?”
“I want everything we have now, but I want to be yours,” Jungkook says. “And maybe some kissing. But I just want whatever you want.”
“That sounds really nice,” Jimin says, and Jungkook’s heart feels like it’s going to burst, overflowing with love and happiness and more good things than he knew could ever come from a conversation like this. “We don’t have to label it if you don’t want to. But I’d like to be your boyfriend, if that’s what you want.”
“I want that,” Jungkook says. He lets go of Jimin just enough to kiss his cheek. “Is this really okay? Was it okay that I asked you to kiss me?”
“It’s okay,” Jimin says. He looks at Jungkook and smiles as if he can’t help it. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh? You really want this? And not just because it’s easier, right?”
Jungkook shakes his head fiercely. “No. No way. You being ace doesn’t hurt, but I don’t want you because you don’t want sex. I want you because you’re beautiful and kind and you treat everyone how they deserve to be treated and you pat animals only after asking their owners and because I love you.”
Jimin’s eyes go wide again. Jungkook can hear it when his breath stutters. “You love me?” Jimin gasps. Jungkook nods and Jimin says, “I love you too. I love you so much.”
Jungkook kisses him, because it feels right, especially because Jimin is still smiling when Jungkook pulls away. “I love you,” he says. “Can we still do this?”
“Of course,” Jimin says. He laughs, a combination of nervous and giddy, and combs his fingers through his hair. “Where do we go from here?”
This is just Jimin and Jungkook—and for Jungkook, loving Jimin comes effortlessly to him. It’s not a big step for them, but it’s a big step for how Jungkook feels about himself, and it strikes him in that moment just how close he’d been to this all along.
It’s okay. There’s no rush anymore. Baby steps are okay.
“Let’s start the movie again?” Jungkook suggests. “I want you to hold me.”
“Okay,” Jimin says, and Jungkook can hear the smile in his voice.
Jungkook settles back against Jimin’s chest, sketchbook in hand, and it’s just like he’d been before, but this time he’s hopeful and he feels happy with himself, and the future doesn’t even feel the least bit scary anymore.