Archive of Our Own

Mark held her hand in between his. It was soft and considerably smaller, a bit cold to the touch although it was a sweltering summer night. Cicadas sang in the trees around them, perhaps the only sound to accompany Mark when he speaks.

“I’m moving back to Canada,” he says. “My dad’s company asked him to transfer to another branch. It’s in Vancouver this time, but…” Mark’s voice catches in his throat. Her lips were quivering and there was a melancholic glaze in her eyes. “I’ll call you every day, I’ll keep in touch with you, so—”

It had been a long time coming, but the words still hurt.

“Mark, let’s break up. I think it’s better for the two of us that way.”

The warmth left his grasp. She wiped at her tears furiously as she stood up.

“Besides… you never really liked me from the start, right?”

She was pretty even when she cried. Long, black hair that Mark always found beautiful. Bright features that could light up the darkest of days.

It was strange. Mark couldn’t bring himself to embrace her nor wipe her tears away. He simply watched her walk away, never to return to him again. 

And yet, somehow, he was okay with that.

“Hey,” Yerim said as she twirled a lock of brown hair around her manicured fingers. “So, like, what’s the deal between you and Eunji?”

It was lunch break, and there were only a handful of students left in the classroom. Yerim was perched on the desk in front of Mark while he tried to finish his Math homework before the next period began.

“What do you mean?” Mark braced himself, even though he already knew what was coming.

Yerim rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows that she likes you, and you like her too, right? When are you going to confess?”

Is that how it looked like to them?  

Mark determinedly focused his gaze on his algebra worksheet. “I don’t think it’s the right time for that,” he mumbled. “Eunji, she’s busy with the student council and I’m… I’ve got a lot of stuff to do on the soccer team.”

“Ugh.” Yerim wrinkled her nose. “How hard can it be? All you boys do is play around on the field after classes end.”

“We take our practices very seriously, you know!”

“Is that why you never get into regionals?”

“We— we’ll get in this year, for sure.” Mark’s voice wavered but his resolve didn’t. He was approaching his last year of middle school, and after that, Mark wasn’t sure where fate would lead him next. His life was constantly changing in great magnitudes, so it was important for him now, more than ever, to work harder on his goals and spend the most time he can with his friends.

Relationships aren’t really Mark’s thing, but apparently everyone else is obsessed with it.

“Mark,” Yerim sighed. “It’s not good to keep a lady waiting.”

Mark couldn’t understand. He had better things to do. No one has all the time in the world.

“I’m okay with it.”

Mark watched as drops of vanilla trickled down to Donghyuck’s fingers and melted on the asphalt below them. The brick wall had been much taller the last time he remembered, but that memory became overwritten when Donghyuck easily hopped up and sat down on the flat surface of it.

“Really?” Mark was having a hard time processing Donghyuck’s words. He had the urge to reach out and squeeze Donghyuck’s thigh like he always did whenever he felt uneasy, but he kept his hands steady, one balled up into a fist and the other almost crushing his ice cream cone.

“Yep.” Donghyuck licked his fingers as he finished his share. “I trust you. You’re a good guy. You’re my best friend. You’ll take care of Eunji-noona, right?”

“Of course I will,” Mark answered, biting down on a mouthful of chocolate. “I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

“Surprised?”

“I thought you’d be more against it.” Mark shook his head. “I thought maybe you’d miss me or something.”

Donghyuck made a face. “Why would I miss you? We’re still going to be spending lots of time together just like before.”

“Yeah, but… You know what I mean,” Mark finished lamely, giving Donghyuck a light shove.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Donghyuk said in a sing-song voice, “I’m Mark-hyung’s number one person in the whooole wide world.”

They laugh together, atop that little red brick wall by the riverbank, and everything felt like it was alright once more.

Morning practices are something Mark can never get used to.

Being under the clear, blue sky surrounded by a vividly green field just makes him want to lie down and be at one with that peaceful serenity. He's sprawled out on the grass after finishing his stretches, eyes closed and just breathing in fresh air.

"Are you sleepy?"

Something soft touches his forehead, and Mark's eyes flutter open to see Donghyuck peering down at him, patting a towel to dry his sweat-slicked hair.

It's bright.

The sunlight is pouring down against the crown of Donghyuck's head, like a cherub painted in a brilliant halo.

Mark yawns. "Not anymore, I guess."

"Liar," Donghyuck laughs, sitting down beside him. "You can nap for a little bit more. Just don't let Jaemin catch you."

Mark sits up, groaning. "Too late."

“Hey, lovebirds, cut it out!" In the distance, Jaemin yells, cupping his hands together to form a makeshift megaphone. "Time for practice!”

Mark watches as Donghyuck jogs over to the rest of their teammates, contemplating whether or not what he just saw was an illusion.

They run through one practice match, and when Jaemin calls for a break, he pulls Mark along with him to the water fountains.

"Heard the news," he comments, with a slight smirk. "Studies, sports, social life, and a girl. How are you gonna balance all that?"

Mark chokes in the middle of gulping down large mouthfuls of water. "Where—" he coughs. "Where did you hear that from?"

"It's all over the school, hyung. You two are quite the hot topic."

"Ah." Mark flushes. It makes sense that talks about him and Eunji are flying around everywhere. Again, relationships are all middle school kids care about. "Well, I'll manage somehow."

A weak laugh spills from his lips. Jaemin regards him with a sort of a wry stare.

“I just have one question," he says. “Why did you change your mind?”

“Change my mind… About what?”

Jaemin doesn't answer him directly. He has a way of being too clever for his age, and Mark sometimes forgets that he's a whole year younger than him. “Stop running away. It will only hurt worse in the end, for you and for him."

Mark tried not to notice it. The way Eunji sometimes stared at him and Donghyuck as if she was the only one left out on a secret, as if she was miles and miles apart from them and the three of them haven't known each other for years.

Suddenly, Mark wonders if he made the wrong choice after all.

They say that airports are the saddest place on Earth. Up to now, Mark has never understood it completely until he experienced it for himself.

He stands with his family before the departure gate, carrying large bags where they tried to fit as much of their home in their hands. Mark's six closest friends are there to see him one last time in person, because who knows how long he'll be away. Because who knows if he'll even be back.

Mark gathers them in his arms, and he wishes that time would stop if only for a little while at that moment. "Don't cry anymore, you brats," Mark says, despite the painful prickling he feels in his own eyes. "When I leave, you've got to stick around for each other, alright?"

"We'll hold down the fort while you're not there." Jeno smiles, albeit lacking that cheer that he usually has.

"You worry too much," Renjun sniffs. "We'll take care of the kids, so…"

Mark's expression softens. Jisung and Chenle are holding on tightly to him, and it looks like they won't let go that easily.

"Only one minute left 'til your flight," Jaemin says, and Mark swears he's never heard him this quiet before. "I guess this is goodbye, huh?"

Mark glances at one of the digital clocks on the ceilings. Red, glowing numbers that flash 1:59 P.M. He looks back at his friends' gloomy faces. "Yeah," he says, "I guess this is it."

Donghyuck grabs onto his hand before he can go. "Hyung," he muttered. "Don't leave."

If Mark could stay, he would. He would throw everything away just to be by Donghyuck, but there's only so much a kid can do.

Mark holds him close, and this time, he lets himself cry. "I'll come back," he whispers brokenly.

Maybe what Donghyuck wanted to say was don't leave me.

And maybe what Mark should have said is I'll come back to you.

Mark is fourteen. He's sitting on the carpet of their family's living room, playing FIFA on his Xbox. Donghyuck is playing against him, mashing the buttons on the controller as if it'll be the key to his victory.

"Hey, hyung," Donghyuck pouts. "Look over here."

Mark briefly turns to look at him. "Cute, but I'm not falling for it."

"Then… how about this!" Donghyuck leaps forward, pressing a big kiss on Mark's cheek. He drops his controller in shock, and at that interval before Mark recovers, Donghyuck has already landed a goal, tying their scores.

"Yes!" Donghyuck cheered, jumping up and down in glee. "It worked!"

"You cheated!" Mark whined.

Donghyuck doesn't know, but Mark lost the game on purpose later on, only because he liked seeing how happy he looked when he gets what he wants.

Once, Mark almost transferred to another school because of Donghyuck. He had always been a little too much. Jokes that sometimes went out of line, messing with Mark's head whenever he could, always being so irritatingly overwhelming. And yet, Donghyuck had also been the reason why he stayed. He broke him down and built him up again and again, a cruel push and pull of warring emotions going back and forth.

Just like a bad habit that Mark can't quit.

Thinking about it has him wondering what would have happened if he really did leave back then. He wonders if Donghyuck would cry for him as he did mere minutes ago. He wonders if they would forget about each other in a span of mere months. Wonders if Donghyuck will ever find a friend that’s better than him.

No one's there to go hand-in-hand with him anymore, no one to share all his burdens and merriments. At least, not for a while.

Fluffy, white clouds are the only thing that Mark can see through the plane’s window. His eyelids are getting heavy. Everything fades to black.

Vancouver was much, much different from Toronto. It was a sleepy little city, lined with rich neighborhoods and a far more bearable temperature compared to the giant, free-for-all metropolis Mark and his family used to live in. Around this time of year, it would be snowing heavily in Toronto, but here, the rain falls from a grey sky and pitter-patters down onto the glamorous urban structures spread out around him.

Adjusting in a new environment is always hard, but Mark pushed through. He found his place in assemblage of Asian kids in his new school— apparently, they came in abundance here in Vancouver, and Mark felt a little less homesick knowing there were others in more or less the same situation as him.

His friends back in Korea contact him regularly. Jaemin still nags all the time. Jeno makes sure he's always updated by sending pictures of the guys when they meet up. Renjun texts him dramatic messages every now and then. Chenle and Jisung have been busy with school ever since the hyungs graduated, but they call Mark whenever they have the chance to. 

But none of it compares to Donghyuck. He's relentless, pestering Mark day-in and day-out about how he's doing, rambling for hours and hours and hours until they've exhausted everything that there is to talk about and Mark has to go sleep because their time zones are completely opposite.

Because of this, it doesn't feel like Mark has ever left at all, but there are times when he wants to reach out and touch Donghyuck through his phone's screen, to feel his fluffy hair while he's sleepily laying in bed at the early hours of the morning.

"I miss you," he lets slip one night when the call finally connects.

There's a few milliseconds of delay before Donghyuck answers. "I was just about to dial you. Did you really miss me that much?"

"You're annoying," Mark huffs.

"But you still like me."

"Yeah, I do."

He hears soft, muffled laughter on the other line. That sound will probably never get old to Mark's ears.

"Well," Donghyuck says, "I really miss you too."

And, god, Mark has never wanted to have someone in his arms as much as he does now.

Whenever Mark moves into a new city, he finds himself changing along with it. Like some sort of chameleon, camouflaging into his surroundings, always playing it safe. 

As they say, fake it 'til you make it.

His new friends are nothing like the close circle he has in Korea. If he's being honest, they aren't nearly as clingy, aren't as fun, and most of all, Mark feels like he constantly has to put on a façade in front of them.

However out of place he may be, they're the only ones that he's got. Mark has never liked being alone. But then again, who does?

So he breaks through that barrier, bit by bit, and before he knows it, he's getting invited to one of his classmates’ house.

And for what?

Mark wishes he had never agreed at all.

The actress on the laptop's screen moaned high in her throat as she got taken from behind. She was blonde, had glistening skin and curves all over, but Mark remained frozen even as his classmates childishly giggled at the video playing out before their eyes. 

"This is boring," Mark said as he finally recovered his composure. A knot was forming somewhere in the pits of his abdomen, wound tight like it's about to snap any time now.

"Let's watch something else," one of his classmates suggested, taking control of the wireless mouse to navigate the site. 

The knot tangles up. Twists inside of him until it hurts.

No, no, no— This shouldn't be happening. Anything but this.

Two men are on the screen, feeling each other up like they're animals in heat.

"Yo, he's cute," Mark's classmate says, pointing to the smaller of the two.

"Dude, seriously?" Another one gawked.

"What? Don't you feel like you could do it with someone that good-looking even if they were a guy?"

"I mean, if he's that cute, then I guess…"

"That's what I'm saying, man." 

"What about you, Mark?"

Mark flinches at the mention of his name. There must be something wrong with him. For this kind of thing to affect him when he's been sitting through it indifferently up 'til now.

"No way in hell," he answered. "I ain't gay." 

Mark laughs, and he hates how unconvincing he sounds.

"Hey, transfer student! Wanna eat lunch with us?"

A boy latches onto Mark's arm the moment he steps out of the classroom. He's so nervous that he doesn't even know what to say before he's swept up in this hurricane of a person.

"Donghyuck! Don't just pull him along like that!" A slightly taller boy follows after them. He looks quite irritated but clearly trying his best not to show it.

"Sorry about him," he says, hauling Donghyuck by the collar. "I'm Na Jaemin. Nice to meet you, I guess."

"Erm, I'm Mark Lee— I mean, Lee Minhyung," Mark says, even though he already introduced himself in front of the whole class, including these two.

Donghyuck examined him inquisitively. "Mark? Was that your name when you were still living in Canada? We can just call you that if you're already used to it."

"Jaemin-ah, why didn't you wait for m—" Another boy pops up from behind them. He has sharp eyes, and for a second, Mark feels a slight tinge of fear when the boy's stare lands on him. That is, until he smiles, turning his eyes into perfectly-shaped crescents. "Oh, hi. It's you. Minhyung, right?"

"It's Mark!" Donghyuck corrects, looking far too proud of himself.

The boy shrugged. "Okay, Mark. I'm Lee Jeno. Just turned eleven this April, so that's cool."

"Oh." Mark stands up a little straighter. "I'm older than you," he says, smiling a bit. "I was born in '99."

"Aw," Donghyuck groans, theatrically falling onto Mark's shoulder, "we have to call you hyung?"

"Hyuck," Jaemin clicks his tongue. "Stop being so touchy. He doesn't like it. It's different where he came from."

It's definitely something Mark has never experienced, being so close with another boy that he's only known for mere minutes. But he also doesn't mind it, for some reason. "No," he assured them, "I'm fine. It's okay. We're friends now, aren't we?"

Jeno exchanges a pleased look with Jaemin. “See, I knew he was nice.” Jaemin laughs helplessly, and there’s something tender in his eyes that Mark couldn’t figure out at the time. “Hear that, Hyuck?” he says.

Donghyuck's grin stretches from ear-to-ear. "Yeah!" he exclaims, throwing an arm around Mark's shoulders. "We're friends!"

The ringing of Mark's alarm pulls him away from the nostalgic dream. Birds chirp outside to remind him of the day's start, but today is Saturday, and Mark has no classes to attend, no obligations to do.

Mark admits that he's been missing them lately, but ever since that thing in his classmate's house, he's been avoiding talking to Donghyuck. They never keep secrets from each other, but Mark doesn't know how to say it. Mark doesn't want to say it.

So Mark occupies himself with trivial acts to pass the time, like kicking around a soccer ball in their backyard despite the chilly temperature. Then, he gets a call. He’s half-expecting it to be Donghyuck, checking up on him before he turns in for the night, but it’s not, and Mark swallows the disappointment down.

“Hey,” the caller greets him. It’s Mark’s classmate, this one Chinese kid that’s practically rolling in money with how wealthy he is.

“What’s up?” Mark replies. His voice cracks at the end. It’s been doing that a lot recently.

"Are you free today? My parents are out for the weekend, so I'm throwing a big party at my house. You should go too, it's gonna be so awesome!"

Mark’s sitting in the yard, surrounded by patches of orange leaves and drying soil. He’s got loads of time to spare right now. “Sure,” he says. “I’ll go.”

Mark uses the excuse of a group project to leave his home, but now he’s sort of regretting it. 

Five hours later, he’s in an absurdly large mansion of a house, staring at some toxic waste green substance in his red solo cup. It looks exactly like a scene from those Western movies, with these drunken high school kids wildly dancing against each other like their lives are ending tomorrow.

Mark is with a large crowd gathered around in the living room, playing a decidedly immodest version of truth or dare. 

He promptly turns away when the two boys in front of him kiss without any reservations after being dared to. Something unravels inside of him, bursting at the seams.

"That looks fun," whispers the girl beside Mark. He hasn't even talked to her before today because there are constantly hordes of teenage boys around her, but she has a hand placed suggestively atop his thigh and he almost wants to push her away. "Why don't we try it?"

Mark gulps. "Uh, are you, like, sure about that?"

"Absolutely sure."

A memory flashes through his head. Of summer nights long gone and hooded brown eyes under curly hair. A voice like honey calling out to him. 

Hyung.

A part of him screams deep inside. Girls. Girls. You like girls—

She leans in closer. Her perfume is the sickeningly sweet kind, taking over the oxygen and replacing it completely. The shine of her glittery lipgloss should be appealing, but it only appears so uncomfortably sticky, like it would latch onto you and never come off.

She closes her eyes and puckers her lips.

Mark feels sick to his stomach.

"I'm sorry," he says, voice barely over a whisper. "I can't do this."

He runs off, and doesn't come back.

On Sunday, Mark goes to church with his family. He feels the guilt eating away at him slowly as he listens to the pastor's sermon.

He doesn't return any of Donghyuck's calls or texts that week, and it hurts so bad that he cries, drowning out his sobs into his pillow.

A series of short messages are left unanswered on his phone.

Beloved Donghyuck

why wont you talk to me? (10:27 P.M)

hyung? (10:30 P.M)

please dont ignore me (11:45 P.M)

The pain is unbearable, digging deeper each time he tries to run from it.

Every day, Mark prays that it'll all go away.

Seasons change. Time passes. Donghyuck has stopped trying and Mark regrets it more with every passing month.

He is eighteen when he graduates with flying colors, and it is also the age when he decides to go back to Korea alone.

His family holds back tears when Mark tells them about his plans for the future. "There's something waiting for me out there," he says. "I've left so much behind and I want to take it back."

His parents look increasingly crestfallen as he speaks, so Mark adds, "Um, that is, if that's okay with you..." Sighing, his brother steps in when their parents are unable to say anything in between their sniffles. "Mark, if you've figured out what you want to do, we aren't going to stop you. But just remember that we worry about you a lot. Living alone can be very difficult, you know?"

"I'll be fine, hyung, I promise. And also, about school… I've got somewhere in mind."

"A music school?"

Mark nods.

"I see. You should pursue your dreams. Mom and dad and I all know how talented you are, after all."

"Just watch me, hyung. I'll definitely make our family proud." As he says this, Mark looks straight into their eyes to prove his commitment.

"You've grown up," his brother laughs, ruffling his hair until it's a mess. "Whatever you're looking for, I hope you find it."

"Thanks, hyung." Mark hugs his brother and their parents one after the other, patting their weary backs to assure them that he'll be alright. This time, it's his turn to work hard for their sake.

His brother nods. "Always, kiddo."

Ten hours on an airplane is something Mark should be accustomed to at this point, but there's no way to make the queasy feeling in his bones disappear that easily.

His bag is like a mountain on his back, heavy and imposing, dragging him down even as he shifts the straps higher up. The streets are unfamiliar, but Mark seems to be pulled in by some kind of invisible force leading him to his destination.

He casts a short glance to the crumpled piece of paper in his hand. An address is hastily scrawled out on its surface, provided by Renjun on the phone.

"I haven't forgiven you yet, just so you know." Renjun answered almost immediately when Mark rang him up earlier, skeptically questioning whether or not Mark was really back in Korea and if his intentions were sincere.

Over the years, Mark has been conversing with the five of them, but they had been careful to not tread on the topic of Donghyuck, who could hold a grudge for a whole century if he wanted to. Still, just because Donghyuck and Mark weren't talking anymore doesn't mean that the group's friendship would just crumble completely.

Mark chose to speak to Renjun because he was the one who knew all the ins and outs of Donghyuck. Even though he transferred much later than Mark when they were in elementary, he quickly formed an inseparable bond with Donghyuck. He probably even understood him more than Mark did. And now, Renjun told him, in the most threatening voice that he could muster, "If you ever, ever try to hurt Hyuck, I will personally find you, and I will beat you up."

Mark doubts the validity of the threat, anyone who saw Renjun's skinny shoulders would know it isn't possible, but he replies, "Do it. Call Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung over too. Punch me one by one, because I deserve it. Anything's fine, I just… don't want to make Donghyuck sad ever again."

"No way, you dummy," Renjun said, and it sounds like something's been caught in his throat. "Hyuck would never let that happen."

He's right. Mark's standing in front of his dormitory right now, and he's sure that Donghyuck would never let that happen, because he would be the only rightful one to give him a beating.

Mark rings up the intercom to his room, and for a while, he thinks Donghyuck might be either outside or asleep, but his voice passes through the speakers and Mark does all he can not to swoon at it.

“So, you finally decided to show your face around here?”

It knocks the breath out of Mark's lungs. He can only utter one word in return. "Donghyuck."

“How did you know I was here?” Donghyuck asks, unimpressed.

“I'm sorry," Mark says, the remorse bleeding into his words. "I talked to the guys. I wanted you to be the first to know but I thought that if we met in person, it would be better. But that’s not the point— I wanted to see you. I wanted to come back to you.”

Silence. One, two, three beats before it's gone.

"Get over here right now."

Mark is lightning on his two feet. He races against the seconds, bounding over never-ending stairwells until he reaches the end. Donghyuck's door opens just as Mark gets there, and then he's stepping out, exactly the same as he was, so dreamy and enchanting, a perfect fit in Mark's arms.

“You idiot.” Donghyuck sighed wistfully into his shoulder. “Welcome home.”

Donghyuck convinced him to stay over that night. Mark had just gotten out of the shower, drying his hair off with a borrowed towel. He even carried the same scent as Donghyuck now, fruity shampoo and body wash making it seem like he was Donghyuck’s property. Mark tried not to think about it too much.

It’s late, and Donghyuck is curled up on the sofa watching one of those old nature documentaries that aired at midnight. The shirt he wore was several sizes too big for him, drowning him in loose-fitting fabric, and Mark just wants to touch. Cuddling Donghyuck was more nerve-wracking than before. They used to do this, the amount of times innumerable with how often they did it. But it was different now, too complicated to describe. 

“What are you doing?” Donghyuck murmured. His eyes were glazed over, not quite watching the television anymore. There are glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling, and Mark felt a flood of nostalgia sweeping over him.

“Making up for lost time,” he answered.

“Three years, I was lonely for three whole years, hyung.”

Mark said nothing as Donghyuck pressed their cheeks together. Like this, he can feel the pout that formed on his face, his pulse beating against Mark’s ribcage, the warmth seeping from his skin.

“It’s my fault, I know,” Mark eventually answered, patting Donghyuck’s soft hair. “I just have to make sure it’ll never happen a second time.”

They fall asleep just like that, holding each other like they’re the only two people existing in this universe, and Mark feels like he is fifteen again.

Some time at the end of August, a few years back, Mark and Donghyuck had a big fight that not only tore them apart but also affected the people around them. It had been a petty, trifling matter, really. They didn't speak to each other for about a week until Mark couldn't take it anymore and confronted Donghyuck behind the school.

One way or another, that confrontation escalated into a fistfight, with Mark throwing the first punch because Donghyuck was looking at him so vehemently. But Donghyuck hit him harder, and soon enough, they were caught by some first-year kid that was passing by. 

Bruised and scratched-up, they got sent to the principal’s office.

They spent a week in detention, stubbornly ignoring each other as they sat in silence working on leftover homework.

In the end, Mark was the one who apologized first even though Donghyuck started it, because his pride was his shield and Mark couldn't bear to let him shatter that.

"You two really are a pair of idiots," Jaemin had told them, shaking his head in disdain, when they finally got out of detention and returned to soccer practice. He's smiling, but in that passive-aggressive way of his. "Just get together already and make my life easier, won't you?"

“What the heck are you saying,” Mark sputtered, “we can’t do that!”

Donghyuck stuck his tongue out at him. “Someday, I’ll make you eat your words, Lee Minhyung.”

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom, pink and white decorating the spectacle of students gathered for their first day in university. Mark took the college admission test a few months ago together with Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin. That had been their big reunion in person, with Chenle and Jisung joining them right after they were finished with the test. Naturally, tears were shed, but Mark tried to hold it back, because someone needed to be the strong one, the one who stood firm and didn’t break down. And Mark felt like it was his responsibility, being the oldest. Being the person who caused all this sadness in the first place.

But that sadness was quickly replaced by talks about the old days, a great outpouring of reminiscence that set off a domino effect of them anticipating the many days they would now spend together again.

“Where do we go from here?” Jeno had asked the six of them.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Donghyuck answered. “We just have to continue off from before. We’ll join the soccer team. We’ll copy each other’s homework and skip class. We’ll go out to eat pork belly. But— ah, poor maknaes, they won’t be able to join us.” He stuck his tongue out at Chenle and Jisung who were grumbling the whole time.

“We’ve only got one more year left in high school, okay!” Chenle pointed out. “After that, the gang will be complete!”

Jisung sighed. “Isn’t one year too long, though?”

“It’ll go by faster than you think,” Renjun said. “In the meantime, you’ll just have to study hard.” By that logic, Mark supposes Renjun isn’t wrong, but time only goes fast when you’re having fun. A year had stretched out into an eternity when Mark was in Vancouver. Now, the seconds feel like milliseconds and he can’t get enough of it all. 

He meets Donghyuck’s gaze from across the table when he looks up. Mark looks away, biting his lip to keep his stupid grin from spilling out. Sitting beside him, Jaemin seems to have noticed this, so he leans closer to Mark and asks, "So, have you stopped running?"

"What are you talking about, Jaemin-ah," Mark said, poking Jaemin on the cheek. There he goes again with his cryptic messages and paradoxes.

An odd twinkle can be seen in Jaemin's eyes. He looks wiser than he's ever looked before. "You'll get there,” he hums. “Everything will make sense soon.”

“Okay,” Mark tilts his head quizzically. He still doesn’t understand it, but he trusts Jaemin. His intuition has always been the best, after all.

No words can describe how much Mark has missed being out on the field and just running free. Joining the soccer team for old times’ sake was a spur of the moment decision, but it had been a mutual agreement by all of them. Perhaps a part of them still yearns for the rush, the sense of satisfaction and achievement that comes with the victory. They never did go to regionals that time, but maybe they’ll do better now. 

It isn’t as busy as before. They’re still in the group of second string players, and they’ll have to work harder than ever to make it up as regulars, but Mark is just fine with that. Their coach is seated on the bleachers, smiling at his phone, typing away while the five-minute break is going on. Mark decides to sneak up on him, padding over with light footsteps. 

"Minseok-ssaem, what are you doing?"

"Mark! You scared me," Minseok clutches a hand to his chest, surprised. "It's not good to sneak up on other people like that."

Mark grins. Although Minseok only teaches third-years and they barely see them outside of practices, the guys have gotten very attached to him. He’s one of the cool teachers, who knows how to be a good sport and get on with the students’ bantering while also being there to look out for them.

"Your girlfriend?" Mark peeks over Minseok’s shoulder to look at his phone.

"Hm. Boyfriend, actually," Minseok corrected.

"Oh," Mark says dumbly. "Can I ask you a question, ssaem?"

“Ask away,” Minseok nods. He ruffles Mark’s hair upon seeing the hesitant look on his face.

Mark looks around to see if anyone’s around that could listen in to them. Once he deems the coast is clear, Mark’s voice lowers until it’s barely audible, and he asks, "Um, so, when did you start realizing that you liked guys?"

Minseok stares off into the sky. "You know, I'm still not quite sure,” he sighs. “I've been in relationships with girls before, but there's only one man I've ever loved, and he's the one I'm dating right now. Crazy, isn't it? Life truly has a strange way of making things happen."

This soliloquy strikes a chord somewhere in Mark’s chest. It’s coherent and confusing all at the same time, but it helps to clear a bit of the fog that’s obscuring Mark’s sight. 

Jaemin brings an Instax to school the next day, and keeps snapping pictures of anything and everything around his vicinity.

Their schedule is vacant for now, so Mark, Donghyuck, Jaemin and Jeno laze around on one of the benches on the quad, flipping through the large stack of Polaroids that Jaemin has taken. “Ooh,” Renjun chirped, ”these shots are cute.” He shows Donghyuck the pictures, and it’s all of him and Mark with big smiles on their faces, looking at each other.

Donghyuck snatches one up and waves it around Mark, cooing. “Don’t we look like a couple, hyung?” Mark laughs, and hopes that they won’t notice how red his ears are. Donghyuck’s clinging tightly onto his arm, though, he can probably feel Mark’s heartbeat thundering heavily in his chest. “Do we?” Mark teases.

Jaemin snorts. “Yeah. A couple of idiots.”

“Jealousy is a disease, bitch,” Donghyuck quips. “Get well soon.”

“We should take a group photo with Chenle and Jisung next time,” Jeno says, holding one of the Polaroids up to the light. Jaemin agrees. “Let’s do that.”

“These would look so adorable inside our lockers.” Renjun is picking out all the photos where he’s posed solo, tucking them away neatly inside his Moleskine planner.

“I’m going to put these up on our bedroom wall,” Jeno says as he’s facing Jaemin. The two of them are looking at each other with such bright grins for no reason, and then Jeno’s giggling uncontrollably when they’ve been staring for too long.

“Where are you gonna put yours, Hyuck?” Renjun asks. Donghyuck is still holding the picture of him and Mark, admiring it with a soft look in his eyes. “Dunno,” he says. “Maybe I’ll put it inside my phone case.”

“What about you, hyung?”

Mark blinks. For a moment, he’s forgotten that he’s just been sitting there while staring at Donghyuck. He tends to do that a lot, even before, but nowadays, it’s much more fervent. Like something burns in him and he’s consumed by the sheer magnitude of it.

“Oh, uh, probably in my wallet,” he quickly says.

“Okay,” Donghyuck replied. “Then I’ll put it in mine too. That way, we’ll match.”

“Copying me again, huh?”

“You like it when I do.”

“Hmm, I wonder about that.”

Renjun cringes. “Ugh. Why am I surrounded by all the cheesy couples?”

“Mom, I’m gonna go now!” Mark waves to his mother, who’s in the kitchen preparing for dinner.

“Be careful while going up the hill, sweetie. And make sure you get back on time!” She calls out after him.

“I will!”

Mark hops on his bike and starts pedaling. A meteor shower is scheduled to happen later on that night, and Mark is meeting up with Donghyuck to view it from the best spot possible. He thinks of what to wish for on the way there, but only one really comes to mind. It’s a bit embarrassing and out of character for him, but there’s nothing else he can come up with.

Donghyuck is already at the foot of the hill when Mark gets there. “Ah, you’re so slow, hyung!” he complained. “It’s about to start!”

“Relax,” Mark says, propping his bike up on a tree next to Donghyuck’s own one. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Let’s hurry up, then,” Donghyuck huffs, taking Mark’s hand in his. “We can’t miss it for the world.”

They climb the set of wooden steps leading up to the slope, the expanse of the deep indigo sky widening with every stride taken. It’s an entire panorama by the time they reach the top, little spheroids of white dots glowing all throughout.

Mark checks his wristwatch. 8:30. Any time now.

“You ready?” He asks Donghyuck.

“Uh-huh. What about you? Did you think of a wish yet?”

“Yep. It’s a secret, though.”

“Stingy,” Donghyuck mumbled. 

Just then, a plethora of light streaks across the horizon, painting the most brilliant sight that Mark has ever laid eyes on.

Well, maybe the second most brilliant sight.

Donghyuck gasps, “There it is!” His profile is gleaming with the help of the thousands of shooting stars soaring through the atmosphere. Mark is momentarily taken in, he almost forgets about the meteor shower and only looks up at it when Donghyuck closes his eyes and puts his hands together in a silent prayer.

Mark whispers his plea to the stars, and it is carried off by the wind.

“Hey, can’t you tell me what you wished for?” Donghyuck asks him after the shower has ended and the sky is still once more.

“I’m not telling,” Mark sighed. “Don’t you know that it won’t come true if you say it out loud?” He and Donghyuck are holding hands again as they go down the steps. It’s become much darker around them since it’s gotten late.

Donghyuck’s grip on him tightens. “If it comes true, will you tell me then?”

Mark’s thumb brushes over his knuckles. “Yes, I will. Promise.”

Canada was so far away.

8,382 kilometers, to be exact, but Mark has long since stopped caring about the numbers, because Donghyuck has always felt like home.

Initially, Mark was going to stay at his aunt’s house in Seoul until his parents could finalize the lease on an apartment for him, but he convinced them to withdraw it because Donghyuck offered for the two of them to live together.

“I don’t want you apart from me anymore,” Donghyuck said, that very same night Mark returned to Korea. And there was no way Mark could refuse a request like that, especially coming from Donghyuck.

Now, he’s moved into the same dorm unit as him, and they’re picking up from where they originally were before. Close. Comfortable. Full of longing.

Today is no different. They’ve got nowhere to go, and Mark is content just lazing with Donghyuck on the sofa while watching classic romance flicks.

"Hey, Hyuck," he sleepily mumbles into the crest of Donghyuck’s hair. "Where do you see yourself ten years from now?"

Donghyuck turns to look at him. Mark’s arm is securely wrapped around his waist. "Ten years from now? Wouldn’t I still be by your side?"

“Why are you asking, anyway, huh?” He questions, pinching at Mark’s earlobe.

“I have dreams,” Mark says, “and it sounds crazy, but you’re always there in every one of them.”

“Not crazy,” Donghyuck replies, so quiet that Mark can barely hear him. “I mean... I’m the same, too, after all.”

Mark hums. Sleep is beginning to overtake him, but he manages to get his words across before it does. “It would be nice if we could stay like this forever.”

Feather-light lips press against his temple. Gentle fingers carding through his hair. A steady voice like still waters.

“We will.”

One never knows what destiny has in store for them.

A few months into their first year of university, Jeno and Jaemin break the news to their group. It started out just as a simple invitation sent to their KakaoTalk chat room, short and direct to the point. A message of ‘BARBECUE PARTY THIS SATURDAY! JAEMIN’S BUYING!!’ sent by Jeno, which induced the seven of them meeting up in Jeno and Jaemin’s shared flat.

“There you are, you little brats,” Jaemin said as Chenle and Jisung finally arrive, wrapping them up in a tight hug even as they protest. “Your favorite hyung missed you a lot!”

Mark shook his head. “Jaemin-ah, I don’t think you’re the favorite.”

“Ji, did you grow even taller than the last time we saw you?” Renjun stood next to Jisung, the hand he’s using to measure their heights just barely reaching the bridge of Jisung’s nose.

“He did,” Chenle glumly said. “Meanwhile, I’m here stuck at 170 centimeters.”

“Give it time, Lele.” Renjun patted his head. “I think you can still grow taller.”

“Taller than you, at least,” Jeno snickered, and Renjun threatened to swing a fist at him.

“Hello? Enough with the small talk!” Donghyuck whined impatiently, rubbing at his stomach. “Some of us are starving here!”

“Alright, alright,” Jaemin laughed. “Now that we’re all here, let’s get started.”

They bond over grilled beef ribs and side dishes, talking about everything under the sun as if they were catching up with their middle school selves who used to chatter on and on with no end. 

Jaemin is the one who snags the last piece of beef left on the grill, and with that, the food’s all gone.

The flow of events is all downright ordinary, until Jaemin says around bites of meat, "By the way, I forgot to tell you, but Jeno and I are dating."

“What?!” Chenle screams. Jisung chokes on his cola and starts up a coughing fit. Renjun claps his hands together and shouts, “I knew it!” Only Donghyuck remains silent, staring at them with a sly smile on his face, as if this doesn’t come as a surprise to him.

“You—” Jeno’s cheeks turn pink almost comically. He smacks Jaemin on the arm but his eyes hold a sense of endearment deep within them. “This is why I wanted to tell them earlier!”

Mark tilts his head. Huh. So, that’s why all these years, there’s been this deep attachment surrounding them. Like Jaemin and Jeno are in their own little bubble and no one else can get through that but themselves. But Mark has never been good at figuring feelings out.

“So, yeah,” Jaemin concludes. “That’s it, really. It’s been going on for a few months now but we figured it was only fair to you guys if we told you.”

“Unbelievable,” Renjun fumes. “I can’t believe you two were actually making me the third-wheel all these times we went out for lunch together!”

“You knew what you were getting into,” Jeno said.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Well, if you need someone to officiate your wedding, I’m always here.”

Chenle also pipes up, “Say no more, hyung, I’ll be the wedding singer.”

With a nod, Jaemin says, “We’ll keep that in mind.”

Jisung sniffs. “Oh, god. This is just like a real-life drama, I think I’m gonna cry.”

"You never told us you were into guys," Mark says absentmindedly when he's alone with Jaemin in the kitchen, washing dishes. The others are in Jeno’s room being loud while playing games, as usual.

Jaemin playfully splashes Mark’s arm with soapy water. "It's not a matter of liking guys,” he says. “If Jeno was a girl, I'd still fall for him. We could be plants, or dogs, or reborn in another life as rocks. And it will always be him."

The realization hits Mark belatedly. "Would you say that he's your soulmate?"

“Yeah.” Jaemin grins. “That’s really the only way to call it.”

“How did you know?” Mark asks. He admires how true to himself Jaemin is, how simple it is for him to set his sight on something and zero in on that.

Jaemin stares off into space. He looks absolutely smitten for someone who’s scrubbing a plate clean. "When you find your soulmate, that big, defining moment when your life bursts into colors doesn't happen. Rather than that, it's natural. It's comforting. It's something you've always known deep inside when you meet them for the first time."

Mark only finds out for himself later that what Jeno and Jaemin have is true love. And love isn't about changing yourself to be better for someone, it's about accepting all of their parts and fractions. All of it, even the bad ones.

It happens during their semestral break. The seven of them take the KTX to Jeju Island, two connecting train rides that took roughly about five hours in total. They visit Donghyuck’s parents and siblings in their family home, but they crash in a guest house near Woljeongri so as to not impose on them.

“I’m sleepy,” Jisung mumbles. They’ve just gotten their bags inside but he immediately claimed a bed of his own, flopping down on the freshly-laundered sheets.

“Me too,” Chenle pouted, taking the bed next to Jisung and curling up on it.

“Yah, don’t fall asleep,” Jaemin nagged at them. “It’s not even lunchtime yet.” He’s unpacking his stuff on a table and doesn’t look even the least bit drained from their commute. 

“Let them rest,” Renjun says, even though he looks like he’s about to pass out on the couch himself. “The kids are going through puberty.” To which Jaemin scoffs, “What are you, their mom?”

One thing’s for sure, the weather is so oppressively hot that no one has the energy to move. Jeno’s laying down on the wooden floor, fanning himself with his T-shirt. “Hyuck,” he calls out, prodding at Donghyuck’s ankle. “Go out and get us some drinks.”

“Don’t order me around,” Donghyuck huffs, but he slips on his sneakers anyway. “You come with me, Mark-hyung.”

Mark sighs as he pulls his baseball cap lower down his eyes. “You’re just going to make me pay for it.”

“You said it.” Donghyuck shrugged, then turning back to their friends, he yelled out, “What am I getting?”

“Chocolate milk!” Multiple voices yell back.

They step out on the boardwalk, steps falling in sync with each other as they go. The air is still sultry, but the magnificent ocean view makes up for the hot weather. Clear, blue water coalescing with the white sand while milky clouds roll by.

"It's beautiful," Mark says when he remembers how to breathe again.

“Isn’t it?” Donghyuck beams, looking proud. He tucks a bit of hair behind his ear, and Mark finds himself mesmerized.

“Your hair’s getting longer,” he mentioned.

“Ah, I guess I haven’t had a chance to get it cut in a while.”

“It suits you, though.”

“Oh, really?” There’s a teasing lilt to Donghyuck’s voice. “Maybe I’ll let it grow out then.”

They decide to sit down for a bit by the shoreline after buying the drinks and some iced treats to cool themselves off. Mark’s eyes can’t leave the sight of Donghyuck even though a most picturesque scenery is laid out before them.

Summer as a person would be no one else but Donghyuck. Skin that had been tanned from the rays of the sun generously shining down on him. Wavy hair that held the sea breeze of his hometown. 

Lips that tasted like the watermelon-flavored popsicles from the corner store by the beach.

It doesn’t immediately register in Mark’s mind, the fact that he’s been staring for too long and Donghyuck had just leant over and kissed him as if it was nothing.

Donghyuck wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, like he’s embarrassed of what he just did.

Slowly, carefully, Mark reached out and caught his wrist, afraid that he'd run off at any moment. “Was that a trick?” he asked.

Donghyuck lowers his hand. His lips are stained scarlet. “No,” he answers.

“A mistake, then?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay,” Mark nodded slowly, holding in a breath. “Would you mind it if I kissed you back?”

Donghyuck was already making space for himself in between Mark’s knees. “Not at all.”

They meet lips once more, tasting even sweeter than the last. Mark thinks of all the times that Donghyuck has kissed him, whether it’s intentional or not. The cheek kisses he casually gives to everyone. The accidental kiss they had when Jaemin pushed them together while they were joking around. The chaste, fleeting one that Mark only felt on the verge of his slumber. Out of those, this here right now has to be the best.

Mark pulls away, but still grips Donghyuck’s hand to assure that this is indeed real. “Hey, tell me. Am I wrong for wanting this?”

They’re so close that Donghyuck’s eyelashes flutter against his skin. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Mark murmurs something against Donghyuck’s jaw, and he can feel the way his smile curls charmingly.

“Say it a little louder for me, please.”

Once and for all, everything in the world feels right.

“I love you, Lee Donghyuck.”

Night falls upon Jeju like an inky curtain, tranquil and alluring all on its own. They’ve set up a campfire by the sea, flickering orange embers like fireflies dancing around the air. Chenle and Jisung are roasting marshmallows on barbecue sticks. Jeno included his ukelele along for the trip and is playing a peaceful melody on its strings. Renjun and Jaemin sing along enthusiastically, arms held around each other like they’re a group of jolly drunkards.

Mark and Donghyuck watch over them from afar, and it is the warmest scene to ever exist.

“Do you remember that meteor shower five years ago?” Mark whispers into his hair. Their arms are linked underneath the patchwork blanket that Donghyuck brought to fend off the cold.

“How could I forget?” Donghyuck said. The light from the fire reflects off his brown eyes, making it appear golden. “Did your wish come true?”

As far as revelations go, this might be the greatest one Mark has ever had. “It came true a long time ago,” he affirmed.

Donghyuck wound his arms around Mark’s neck, playing with the short hairs at his nape. “Oh, yeah? What was it?”

“I wished for us to be together always.” In turn, Mark’s hands come to rest at his waist, and it feels like it was made entirely for him. “But you were mine all along. We just didn’t know it.”

Mark is nineteen. He’s inching closer and closer to his dream. He’s got all the best friends in the world. He’s found the love of his life, and there’s nothing more he could ever need.