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Josuke shot up from his pillow, breathing heavily. He was drenched in sweat and he grasped onto his cotton shirt with violently shaking hands. Still panting, he vigorously looked at his surroundings, trying to familiarize himself with where he was.
Bed.
Blanket.
Lamp.
Okuyasu.
My name is Josuke Higashikata.
I am 16 years old.
I live in Morioh.
I am safe.
He knew where he was. He knew who he was. He knew how old he was. He was Josuke. Okuyasu was sleeping soundly on a futon next to him. He wasn’t in danger anymore. Still trying to control his breathing, he tried to remember what had happened.
It was a nightmare. When was it not these days? He doesn’t remember what it was about. What else is new? Only waking up, panicking, and remembering one word, one person:
Yoshikage Kira.
Kira was dead—he knew that Kira was dead. Kira couldn't hurt them anymore. Even knowing all of this, just thinking about that man made his heart race faster and his breath quicken.
It seemed that Rohan was the victim this time. Josuke played it over and over in his mind; Rohan getting impaled, Rohan exploding, Rohan’s blood-covered body lying motionless on the sidewalk. Kira’s maniacal laughter still echoed through his brain even when he was wide awake, trying to shake off his nightmares. It had been well over 4 months since the event had happened, but it seemed that Kira still haunted Josuke’s mind long after the incident.
He didn’t know how exactly these dreams started, but it had become more frequent as time went on. It seemed that the longer Kira was dead, the worse they got. He barely remembered the recurring dreams once he woke up, but he still felt a shred of pure panic. Thinking that he was still in the moment. Still in the danger zone. Of course, he hadn’t told anyone about his nightmares and he wasn’t planning on it. Everyone seemed to be finally getting over him, why would he re-open old wounds?. Plus, it was embarrassing. Nightmares were childish. No one else got them.
And as for the dream—
—He could already feel it leaving his mind. The images slowly flooded out of his mind, but the sounds still echoed in his ears. The screaming, the laughter, the explosions-
He felt tears fill his eyes as he sat there, petrified.
It’s okay. It’s fine I’ll get through this myself. I’ll be fine.
“Josuke?”
He had almost forgotten that his friend was sleeping close by, sprawled out on a mattress next to him. He knew that if Okuyasu caught him like this--or anyone at all, really--he couldn’t even imagine the embarrassment it would cause. But even so, just the presence of Okuyasu soothed his frazzled nerves. He found that he could fall asleep quicker with him in the room and he had fewer nightmares knowing that his best friend was safe beside him, snoring softly. Okuyasu made it better for the most part.
Not always.
Trying to control his breathing, he sniffled and buried his shaking hands under the covers.
“I’m—I’m fine, bro. Go back to bed.”
Okuyasu grew suspicious. He sounded oddly serious and he could hear the slight waver in his voice as he spoke. It wasn’t like Josuke.
“Dude, are you alright?” he asked, more awake. He slowly sat up and inched closer to Josuke’s bed. When his friend didn’t answer, Okuyasu got up and sat on the edge of his bed, frowning at him.
“Josuke?”
Josuke turned his head from him, taking one of his hands and slightly pushing him back. Okuyasu had never really woken up and witnessed one of Josuke’s nightmares, he’d only been there when the kid was already out of his panicked state and ready for comfort.
This seemed different.
“Josuke,” he said once again, grabbing his hand and pulling back in surprise, “Bro, why are you shaking?”
Okuyasu was right. His hands were shaking. And fuck, Okuyasu was holding his hand and he could barely breathe and he wasn’t ready for anyone to see him like this ever, especially Okuyasu. Josuke quietly let out a breath in surprise, loud enough for his friend to hear.
Shitshitshitshitshit-
He could feel a wetness on his cheeks and he desperately tried to pry his hand free from Okuyasu’s in a futile attempt to dry his eyes. When he pulled away, he could hear the concern in his friend’s voice.
“What happened?” Okuyasu’s voice was a mixture of concern and confusion and Josuke couldn’t take it anymore.
“Oku...” he croaked, his voice as quiet as a whisper. He could hear the break in his voice as he turned to face him, tears steadily streaming down his face.
“Josuke-” he started, but the boy had already flung himself towards Okuyasu, pulling him into an almost desperate hug. He buried his head into Okuyasu’s chest, loud sobs wracking his entire body. Okuyasu sat there, rubbing his back and whispering reassuring words softly into Josuke’s hair.
“Everything’s okay...” Okuyasu whispered. His raspy voice sounded surprised but equally panicked. Here was Josuke Higashikata, his rock, the man he looked up to the most, holding onto him for dear life and shaking uncontrollably in his arms. It was a side of Josuke he had yet to see until now.
He didn’t exactly know what happened, but he already had a feeling.
“I think you had a nightmare or something, but it won’t last forever. I get them all the time, okay, bro?” he said, reassuringly, “You’re safe. You’re alright.”
Okuyasu had his fair share of nightmares, often waking up completely disoriented and unaware of where he actually was. Realizing that Josuke might be in the same boat, he gently whispered in his ear, “Do you know where you are right now?”
“I—in my room—sleepover-” Josuke choked out.
Josuke was still visibly quaking under Okuyasu’s grasp, and he lifted his head slightly, tears still soaking Okuyasu’s chest.
“You’re okay, Josuke...'' he whispered gently
“I—I know Oku—It’s just—It always feels so real-” he hiccuped, melting closer into his friend.
Always? So he gets them a lot, then? Okuyasu couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. How many times had Josuke woken up in a state of panic, falling apart at the seams with no one to help him through it?
“I know it’s hard, bro, but there’s nothing to be scared about here. We’re okay, here. We’re safe. Can you breathe with me?” Okuyasu asked softly. Breathing always helped. He was relieved when Josuke nodded weakly.
“Breathe in for five seconds, hold it for five more, then breathe out for five,” he said calmly, covering him and Josuke with his blanket and letting Josuke rest his head on his chest.
Josuke nodded and the pair breathed in together, all while Okuyasu kept a calming hand on Josuke’s back. Matching up his breathing with Okuyasu’s, Josuke began to grow calmer and calmer, eventually falling limp in his friend’s arms. Letting Okuyasu run a hand through his hair, Josuke spoke up, much to his embarrassment.
“I didn’t know it would happen. I’m sorry for waking you up…” he finally mumbled apologetically. Okuyasu stopped running his hands through his hair and looked down at him.
“Don’t worry about it, dude.”
“I just-” Josuke grasped the blankets with his hands, letting his eyes close, “-I just don’t want to be a burden to you. You’ve done so much for me. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
Okuyasu frowned. Why the hell would he think that?
He looked down at Josuke, who was still curled up into him, nestling his head into the crook of his neck.
“Josuke, you’ll never be a burden to me. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control. I love everything about you regardless. You’re like, my best friend in the world bro. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I...okay...” Josuke said, eyes trailing down to the duvet.
“Can you remember what happened?”
Okuyasu knew that he didn’t need to ask; he already knew the answer. Kira was the primary thing plaguing everyone’s mind right now. It was impossible to ignore what had happened a few months prior, no matter how much they all wanted to admit it.
“I know it was a nightmare...I only remember snippets of it, but I think It’s a recurring one.”
“Sometimes talking about it helps,” Okuyasu offered cautiously. He immediately felt Josuke tense up under his touch. The hand he was grasping gently had started to shake again and Okuyasu pulled Josuke into another tight hug.
“You gotta breathe, remember? Everything's alright,” he reminded him, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wanna.”
Josuke sighed and shook his head. He knew that he had to talk about it eventually, even if he really didn’t want to. He breathed in and held Okuyasu’s hand tighter.
“Kira was there. He—I don’t remember much about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. What if we lost? What if he’s not really dead? What if he turned back time again and we don’t really know? What if we never really won?” he whispered, feeling a sick feeling creeping up his throat, “Rohan kept dying over and over and—I don’t love the guy, but I don’t want him to die. I don’t want anyone else to die.”
Okuyasu shivered. Josuke’s nightmare seemed all too familiar.
“You can’t die again, Oku. I don’t want you to die.”
Josuke was crying again and Okuyasu didn’t know what to do. If he had known that Josuke had been feeling this way all this time, he would have been able to comfort him properly right now. Instead, he felt caught off guard. What was he supposed to say?
“I’m not gonna die on you, okay? I promise, bro, I promise.”
That seemed to only make Josuke cry harder, his hands gripping Okuyasu’s shoulders, mumbling incoherently through his tears.
“I’m sorry,” he hiccuped, pressing his face further into his friend’s chest, “This is so stupid. Everyone else is fine, now--It’s just me. I’m being childish.”
Okuyasu blinked. Did he really think that?
“I get them too,” he said quietly, amidst Josuke’s tears. Josuke grew quiet.
“...what?”
“Koichi can’t sleep anymore, either. Yukako said that he’s missed a lot of school lately because of it. She told me he had to get prescribed Melatonin or something like that so he can fall asleep..”
Josuke sniffled but didn’t say anything. Okuyasu took that as permission to continue.
“And I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I know that Rohan’s scared, too. After we said goodbye to Reimi, Koichi told me that he completely freaked out when they were hanging out later. He wouldn’t stop crying, which is scary to think about because it’s Rohan.”
That elicited a bit of a chuckle from Josuke, who loosened his grip on Okuyasu.
“Bro, I know this won’t stop yourself from thinking about it and I know how frustrating it is, but just know that we’re all here for you. Koichi, Yukako, and Jotaro’s always a phone call away. I’m here for you, too. Even Rohan is here for us, even if he doesn’t really act like it.”
Josuke nodded in understanding, still looking pretty rattled.
“You think you can get back to sleep?” Okuyasu asked quietly. When he would wake up from his and still hear the explosions piercing his ears long after the nightmare was over, sometimes he just couldn’t go back to sleep. It was impossible.
Josuke shrugged, sighing deeply.
“Could you...stay with me, maybe?” Josuke asked, his voice too quiet to be his own. He quickly fumbled with his words, pulling away from his friend, “Sorry, that was weird, wasn’t it? You don’t have to-”
“-Of course I’ll stay with you, bro.”
Josuke didn't look at Okyasu’s face, but he knew he was smiling. He didn’t hesitate to lean forward and back into his friend’s arms. He breathed in the sharp scent of his shampoo. It was comforting, knowing that Okuyasu wouldn’t leave him, at least in this moment.
“Thank you.”