Work Text:
quirkless loser.
creepy nerd.
useless freak.
a defective human being.
he was all of this, and izuku knew this. every negative word that slashed across his heart as if it was blade; cutting deep into his already broken, battered and bleeding heart. reopening wounds that was healing - placing scares over old, worn out ones.
the curses and taunts hurt more than burning pains that that littered over his body. more than the pain he felt when the fire would spilt passed his flesh and tore it open - leaving a burning wound. it hurt more than when he - katsuki - would push him down onto the ground and kick, punch, and spit down onto him with the wicked toothy grin of his. that pain was dull compared to his words. his words tore his shattered heart into mere ash - leaving it to blow in the wind.
but it was okay, izuku still loved katsuki and looked up to the explosive blond. even when he said he hated him, even when he said to give up. when he said he can't be a hero. even when he said to kill himself - he looked up to katsuki. he loved the blond, he was his best friend from the beginning, and to the end, he will his best friend.
in the grey world of his, izuku will forever trust katsuki with his life. he might not be the same kacchan he grew up with, but he was kacchan in the end. izuku doesn't blame him for the anger issues - mitsuki has them. she treats her son like a dog. screams at him at every little detail he does wrong then whacks him against the head. she taunts him in ways it might just seem as mother and son bickering - but behind closed doors it really isn't. masaru tries his best, but his best isn't helping. katsuki really just need someone in his life to show that they love him and won't hurt him or leave him.
izuku gladly too that role. he accepted the abuse that came with it too. he had deserved it anyways for being so weak - so defective. he wasn't normal. he didn't have a quirk.
he couldn't be a hero.
all might said so too. the number one hero, who millions of people looked up to, said he couldn't be a hero. if he said it, it had to be true. after all, many people had said the same thing but he didn't want to cut that string- not yet.
his mother was sorry. sorry that she had a worthless son. after all, what son has his parents get a divorce and puts his mother in a spiraling depression?
his dad, abandoned him at the age of four after the diagnosis. he had every right to - izuku wasnt mad at him.
katsuki, turned on him and unleashed his anger onto him. that was fine, really it was, he needed to be beaten into his place. he needed to be told how much of a worthless person he is, he needed to be told he couldn't be a hero. he needed to know that he was a piece of trash that was taking up too much the air.
perhaps, he really would be a true hero by just jumping. if he did, he wouldn't be useless anymore. he would do more good than bad.
he would leave his grey world behind.
izuku was going to jump - or as his best friend put it - take a swan dive off the roof. that term was much more prettier for what was to come once he took a few more steps.
the air on the roof felt nice. cooling with a gentle breeze that caressed his cheeks and danced around his body - sending tingles down his spin. tiny goosebumps formed on his arms as he stared out into the busy city.
laughter rung into his ears as he saw friends and lovers walk down onto the sidewalks. they were content and were happy to be with each other. that left a bitter taste in izuku mouth as he scoffed as he looked away.
pain. pain was all he felt. a dulling numb aching feeling burned in his chest as tears blurred in his vision.
everything was coming to an end - yet izuku didn't think he deserved to die. it was an easy out of his life, yet, it seems as if it was only way to be happy - to gain peace with himself. he wasn't scared of death, no where near scared of it. but, here he was, hesitating to jump.
pathetic.
weak.
just, fucking, do, it!
his head was throbbing, his body was trembling as his chest began to tighten. it was hard to breathe; why was it so hard to breathe? his lungs felt as if they were dancing around fire and while he breathed in the thick clouds of black smoke. every sharp and shakey breath hurt - it made things worse as he tried to catch his breathing.
tears poured from his eyes as he looked over the edge and panic. he was too close. he was too close to death - too close to falling.
he was going to die.
he didn't want to die.
but he needed to die.
his breath quicken as he fell to his knees. he pulled himself away from the edge - fearing the fall. he didn't want to die. not yet - he couldn't die. but he was letting down too many people without his death - all of the suicide notes he had gotten from people, people who had gave him advice to do so, he can't just ignore it. he has to listen, especially if katsuki wanted him dead now. and katsuki is always right -
".. deku?"
"s- s- stay back!" izuku yelled with loud hiccups as he shot up from the ground. he knew that voice, it was katsuki. he must've gotten a worried call from his mother. oh, his mother would be upset at his death - but she's a strong woman, she can make it. she should throw a party at the fact she doesn't have a son as a disappointment no more.
"deku.. what, why the fuck.. come back from the ledge." katsuki spoke in a soft tone that felt weird to hear. but it didn't matter now though, times of softness were over. izuku just shook his head and took a step closer to the edge. he could hear katsukis breath hitch, was he worried? he couldn't possibly be worried for a quirkless loser.
"deku please. this- you cant jump." izuku wanted to laugh. laugh a bitter laugh. its funny how a few hours ago katsuki was baiting him to do so, izuku was merely following his advice. and now that he see he was doing it, hes scared and worried all of a sudden.
faker.
".. why? give me one reason not to." izuku turned to look at katsuki in the eyes. the red-eyed male was scared. he could see light trembles coming from his body as his eyes widen with, was that hope?
".. auntie inko. she would be broken to lose the only family she has left."
"ah, comfort her will you then, yeah kacchan? shes all i had but she won't mind losing a burden like me after she realizes what good my death would do." izuku smiled as katsuki winced and took a step closer. izuku gave a warning look as he took a step back. the blond male froze in his place - knowing it only took one more step to lose izuku.
"y- you.. you wanted to be a hero, right? so.. d-dead- dead people can't be heros." the laugh that came from izuku was empty - shallow and one that shouldn't come from a boy his age. tears stung the corner of his eyes as his throat felt as it was closing - making it hard to speak. hard to breathe. but he ignored the tightening burning sensation in favor of the explosive blond in front of him.
"did you know, i met all might today? twice in fact." the blonds eyebrows knitted in confusion on how the number on hero could be added into the situation. he looked as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't. izuku was grateful he didn't.
"the first time i met him was in the sludge accident before yours. me, well, being me, asked could i be a hero! and thinking the number one hero, who has said on numerous times on national tv that it isnt about the quirk, its about the heart, anyone could be a hero! would, you know, believe in a quirkless freak like me. you know what he told me, huh? to think realistically and that i couldn't be a fucking hero and left me on a fucking roof heartbroken." izuku laughed. it sounded crazed - only ones you hear from villains. tears dripped from his dull green eyes that used to be filled with so much life, so much hope for the future.
katsuki felt his heart break. his heart twist with pure resentment and hatred for the current number one hero. izuku could've died - and it would've been his fault.
katsuki tried to ignore the voice in the back of his mind whispering; it also would've been your fault.
"it doesn't end though, kacchan! oh it gets funnier. after he saved you, he found me and suddenly says i can be a hero because he got more fame and if a quirkless kid like me died trying to save a strong person like you, the media would've been on his ass and every hero there! he even offered me his quirk. i said no. don't give me that look kacchan, i said no for a good reason. think about it; right after saying no to me and leaving me to suffer in self pity with little to no care about my mental health afterwards - you turn right back around and just say hmm! i got some fame outta ya so heres my quirk!" izuku scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "i think not."
"oh ah, one last thing kacchan.. i never stopped loving you. you're always my friend, my other half right? you may have left, but i didn't. please take care of yourself and oh! this isn't your fault." time slowed down as izuku took the final step off the ledge. he was falling and katsuki ran before his mind could even comprehend what was going on. tears filled the blonds eyes as he threw himself to the edge and reach over and grabbed an arm.
izuku was okay.
he would be okay.
he didn't die, he couldn't die.
"izuku.. please give me your other hand." katsuki pleaded as the other boy gave a blank look. katsuki heart tore as he struggled to keep his composure. he wasn't experienced with this - he didn't know what to do when the person had jumped - he never even thought he would ever deal with something like this.
"let me go please.. katsuki.."
"no.. no i can't. im, im gonna try to pull you up." katsuki ignored the other boys complaints as he struggled to lift him over the ledge. but he did it - and when he did, he pulled izuku into his arms and held him tight. he wasn't going to let go, not again. he couldn't afford to lose him - he was so close to losing him today. next time, he might not be so lucky.
"k- kacchan?" izuku voice was muffled by katsukis chest from the embrace he was in. izuku was confused on why the one person who told him to kill himself was shaking; breaking down crying in the mop of green hair of his. he was too tired to even let the confusion to settle in though, he just let katsuki cry.
it was a weird sight - he's never seen the blond cry since they were kids. and he only cried because he scraped his knee and it was bleeding so much. but seeing him break down made his heart ache in a way that it hasn't done in awhile.
"i- im.. im sorry kacchan.."
"dumbass.. don't- don't apologize." katsuki voice was horse and raspy. he had a tremble to it as he tried to calm his breathing from the crying and panic that happened a few seconds ago. izuku pulled away from the warm and tight hug and frowned - he was confused, upset and quite frankly, scared.
scared that he was dreaming.
scared that when he wake up, this version of katsuki won't be real.
scared if he does wake up, when he does jump no one would save him.
he's terrified of that last thought.
"why.. kacchan. you- you wanted this. i- don't.. you.."
"izuku, im fucking sorry! i- shit. i dont know why i said it, i didn't mean it and i thought you knew that! i- i n- never- never meant for this! shit i-" katsuki was hyperventilating and shaking. he never wanted this to happen. he never wanted to tell izuku to kill himself. he never wanted to bruise izuku with his punches - with his kicks. he never wanted to use his quirk on izuku and cause burns on him. he never wanted to use harsh words on him and make him cry. yet he did all of those things and its too late to turn back. what's done is done - you can't unring a bell once its been rung.
why did he do it?
he doesn't know.
they were best friends. going to be the best damn duos.
he was trying to protect him. bullshit.
he almost died because of his own words. his own actions. how could he be a hero with villainous actions.
he's a fucking villain.
izuku wrapped his arms around katsukis trembling body. katsuki was having a panic attack - and it was his fault. izuku wanted none of this, but he knew his best friend was truly sorry. the look in his eyes told him so. even if they can't turn back time to undo the things katsuki said to him - did to him - at least he has the old kacchan back.
"i- its okay. im sorry.." izuku whispered over and over into katsuki ear as he held onto him until the boy started to calm down. when katsuki took in a shaky deep breath and started to pull himself away from the held izuku had on him - he gave a wary look.
"de- izuku, stop apologizing and listen to me. i.. fuck, im so stupid. im sorry i- i don't.. don't deserve you trying to even comfort me. this.. you.. you tried to kill yourself because of me. im the source of your problems and ive told myself that all ive wanted to do is protect you yet look what happened! fuck izuku i- i fucked up big time. i don't get how you still even love me - let alone can stand you breathe the same air as me. i.. i want to be friends again. i want to work to earn your trust again. i want to go back to our dumb fights about what hero is better, what it would be like to be duo hero's together! because, you know what? you can be a hero izuku. im fucking sorry for.. everything. and don't let all might tell you otherwise either. you already are so strong for the shit i.. put you through, so please.. be a hero - be my hero and continue on?"
izuku wasn't sure how he could cry more - but he manage to have a river of tears fall from his eyes as he threw himself into katsukis arms.
he was going to live. if not for himself, for katsuki and his mother.
he needed to be their hero - screw what the world says.
he'll be a quirkless hero to give them a huge middle finger to show them that quirkless doesn't mean weak.
"o- okay kacchan. i- i.. will be a hero." he was going to be a hero, and no one was going to stop him. not all might, not his mother or his fellow classmates. no one was going to stop him.
for once, izukus grey world felt as if it was brightening with specs of color. he had hope for the near future.