Chapter Text
Do I Have To Ask?
Chapter -1-
Your Hands
“Killua.”
The name echoes through the house, sending shivers down Gon’s spine. His heart practically vibrates with emotion, wordlessly screaming all these feelings he doesn’t know — that he doesn’t understand.
“Killua,” Mito calls out once more through the staircase, “come down, dinner is ready.”
Killua.
Killua.
Killua.
Kil-lu-a.
What is this feeling? Gon questions. This enigmatic feeling that flows through his veins every time he hears Killua’s name. He can’t describe it, but he knows it's always there, imprinted on his palms — scattered across his hands and written in a language he doesn’t understand.
“Coming,” and Gon’s reasoning nearly evaporates at the sound of Killua’s voice, his mind racing in inexplicable ways.
“What are we having?” Killua asks as he finally makes an appearance by the kitchen’s door. “Is it lasagna?" he asks Mito while dramatically sniffing the air. "I bet it's lasagna," he smirks.
“Smart boy,” Mito replies with a smile. She carries a casserole full of lasagna across the kitchen and carefully places it down on the dinner table. “But first," she proceeds to wipe her hands on her apron, " wash your hands," she demands with a playful tone and finger pointed towards them both.
Gon and Killua immediately look at each other, their eyes speaking before they’re able to formulate any words. They instantly race towards the sink, Killua arriving first by a fraction of a second — making Gon pout childishly.
"Let's race again," Gon whines. "Please," he emphasizes his pleas by making those specific eyes Killua always complains about.
"Nope," Killua flicks Gon's forehead. “I am not looking,” he swiftly turns his face towards the sink.
And Gon's skin burns under Killua’s touch, his forehead tingling when the pressure's gone. “Didn't want to win anyways,” Gon quietly mumbles while rubbing the sore spot.
"Don't be a sore loser," Killua chuckles and proceeds to wash his hands.
And it's strange, Gon thinks.
It's strange how his forehead continues to throb. Although it's not in pain but deep longing. Like his skin misses Killua's touch. Chases after it. Even if it hurt.
What is this? Gon questions.
Is it...masochism?
He quietly laughs at himself. What is he even thinking?
He shakes his head and quietly sighs, deep in thought. He's sure he's never used his brain this much.
They continue to eat dinner throughout the night, fighting over food, and making casual conversation. But if Gon was being honest, he was incapable of paying attention. It seems he's distracted. Way too distracted with Killua sitting beside him. The heat of his body reminding Gon that he wasn't alone, that he wouldn't have to miss Whale Island's ocean anymore. He can just swim in the blue of Killua's eyes — stay there until he drowns.
“Gon?” Killua frowns in confusion, noticing how he's being unusually quiet. “Is anybody in there?” he asks while playfully poking Gon's forehead.
Gon stares back at Killua.
Yeah, you.
He desperately wants to answer.
But he knows better. Knows he shouldn't say things he can't explain. Not to Killua anyway. He asks too many questions and Gon has no answers.
“I have my brain in there,” he finally replies, taking the last bite of his food.
Killua snorts, “doesn’t seem like it.”
Gon sticks his tongue out for the second time tonight, too absent-minded to come up with a better response. And Killua just smiles at him. He smiles that gentle smile that's full of his hidden warmth. Full of his quiet kindness. That smile that makes Gon's fingers twitch — like his hands were begging him to hold onto something.
But onto what exactly? What do they want? What does he want?
It wasn’t until they were in his room, that Gon tried to understand himself. Figure out why his body ached for Killua's touch. And of course, there's only one way to find out.
“Hey, Killua,” Gon calls out from the bathroom, “don’t…um… don’t take out the extra mattress.”
He can hear Killua’s movements stop — he was probably in the middle of doing just that. “Okay… why? ” Killua asks, entering the bathroom, “do you want me to get scoliosis from sleeping on the floor?”
Gon chuckles, looking at Killua through the mirror, “no, I was thinking more along the lines of — sleep with me?”
Through the mirror, he’s able to see Killua’s cheeks shimmer like the scarlet fireworks they once saw on Greed Island; the sight making his heart nearly jump out of his chest. Making him nearly choke on his own saliva.
Which was lame. Very lame.
“What am I? A one night stand?” Killua jokes, trying to divert the atmosphere into a less risky one.
“Killuaaaa,” Gon whines, still admiring the blush through the mirror, “what I meant is…let’s go to sleep together.” And Then he smirks, “but…y’ know unless you want us to actually do— ”
“—Okay, okay, I get it, sheesh ,” Killua interrupts with a darkening flush, “I’ll…sleep with you, so shut up,” he mumbles.
“Really?” Gon turns to look directly at Killua, appreciating how much prettier his features were in person than through the mirror.
“Um…yes,” Killua blinks, distracted by Gon’s intense gaze, “if you keep looking at me like that…I’ll hurt you.”
“How?”
“Like this,” Killua’s gentle smile contrasted the harsh punch against Gon’s shoulder.
“So rude…” Gon mutters while rubbing the sore spot.
“You asked,” Killua shrugs, trying to suppress a grin, “Now brush your teeth—”
“—yes mom—”
“—shut up,” Killua narrows his eyes, “I’m gonna sleep,” he retreats to the bedroom.
Gon softly exhales, grabbing his toothbrush and applying toothpaste to it. He lets his mind wander while he brushes his teeth, thinking of various ways he could touch Killua’s skin. Maybe their legs will tangle in the darkness, their touch secured under the blankets. Or he could gently brush his cheek, run his fingertips across scarlet skin. Or maybe their shared heat will be enough for Gon to finally realize what’s going on.
There were many things he could do, but he had already made up his mind. Gon knew exactly what to do and why.
The moonlight peeked through the window, the only intruder in their shared silence. Their bodies lay across Gon’s bed, skin making slight contact thanks to the lack of space. It seemed rude to interrupt the comfortable silence, but it would be worse to ignore his own desires.
“Killua,” Gon’s voice was a mere whisper in the dark, “ are you awake?”
The silence returns, and then Killua whispers back, “ no.”
“Damn,” he smirks, “well…since Killua isn’t awake, I guess I could talk about how pretty his eyes are and the wonderful person he Mmmmm—” Gon's voice is suddenly muffled by Killua’s hands.
“Whelp, guess I'm awake,” Killua continues to press his hands against Gon’s mouth, “now suffer, you little devil,” he pushes down harder, “suffer until you…uum…Gon, w-what are you?” Killua's movements stop when Gon gently strokes his arms. He takes advantage of Killua’s weakened grip to grab his hands and remove them from his mouth.
Gon lets out a deep breath once he’s free. “I couldn’t breathe,” he huffs, shifting slightly to face Killua, who finally snaps out of his trance.
“That was the point,” Killua turns towards him, “ you dolt.”
“I’ll never know your reasons for wanting me dead,” Gon mumbles — finally letting their fingers intertwine, slowly adjusting their hands until their palms smoothly collide.
And this is it.
This is what he wanted.
That's precisely what's engraved on his palms — the undeniable need to hold Killua’s hand. There was a whole conversation flowing through their shared warmth, and it was entirely silent. Unspoken words translated into a simple touch, the language of physical contact.
“Hey, Gon,” he can feel Killua’s breath on his face.
“Yeah?”
“Y-you’re…holding my hand.”
“Mmmm…good observation.”
Gon could almost feel Killua’s features morph into disbelief.
“Will you let go any time soon?” Killua decides to say, too dumbfounded to say anything else.
“I could,” Gon shrugs.
“Are you going to?” Killua presses.
“If you want me too,” he says back.
“Do you want to?”
“If you tell me to.”
“But what do you–aaaaghhh,” Killua huffs, irritated. “Forget it. I feel like this conversation is going nowhere, anyways."
Gon smiles, glad he won the “argument.”
“That’s why you don’t ask stupid questions,” Gon quietly mentions, “and just let me hold your hand.”
And Killua just sighs.
“Fine.”