Archive of Our Own ^beta

Capitalism is going to be the death of ghosts. And there's no one who hates this fact more than Min Yoongi. Never mind what one Kim Seokjin says about him being one of the cogs that keeps the machinery that is their capitalistic society smooth and running.

"I have got a growing family to feed, hyung. I don't have a choice. " Yoongi huffs, staring into the pits of his bottomless coffee. It's black and bitter and - 

"Yoongichi if you add any more cream to that abomination that you insist on calling as coffee, it's going to taste sweeter than Jungkook's banana milk."

Yoongi flips him off with practiced ease, still not taking his eyes off his black and bitter coffee.

"Also, Jungkook's not a growing kid, he's been dead fifteen - "

"Shhh," Yoongi covers Seokjin's mouth with his palm and glances around furtively. "Don't say the D - word."

"What? Dick?"

"All you think about is dick, you dick. "

"Ooh, your insults are getting creative. Here give me a second to keep my coffee down so that I can applaud - "

Yoongi walks through the wall. It's one of the perks of being a ghost, he supposes. He can choose when he wants to listen to Seokjin yapping. And just, walk through walls to avoid him. 

Granted, Seokjin could follow him if he so chose to, but it's the principle of it that matters. 

The room he walks into is their office, a room lovingly cleared out for them by Mrs.Kang who pretends not to know she's housing two ghosts . It's got two comfy sofas on top of which their ghostly cats - Holly and Jajangmyeon are napping, and a couple of ghostly bonsai, courtesy Namjoon. There's also a holographic screen spanning the entire wall, which keeps count of the number of screams each ghost has earned. A way to make sure that everything is accounted for so that everyone knows how much to pay as tax and - well, you know. 

Capitalism. 

He sinks into the sofa and takes out his phone, flicking through the screens till he reaches their shared calendar. Most days are slow days for them. After all, once a ghost settles down in a house, they see no reason to leave it, unless it's being torn down. And even in that case, they choose to stay and haunt it because construction sites are amazing haunt spots and sometimes the new buildings that come up just offer more grisly scenarios to enact. 

Today, it seems, is not like most days.

Because their first appointment is with none other than the Sexy Terror Twins as they like to call themselves. Yoongi calls them Idiot #1 and Idiot #2. 

He sighs. He thinks he should have expected it, after all, they have never stayed in a single place for more than a month and it's already been three since they had disappeared to haunt the villa on the edge of the ocean.

But he had been hoping they would just stick to their new house for once. 

He closes his eyes.

It's going to be a long morning.

"Yoongi hyung!" Taehyung screeches the moment he spots Yoongi, like they hadn't run to each other in the flea market just a week ago, and had fought over a silk pajama set. 

"Taehyung." Yoongi replies, tonelessly. 

"Aww, don't be like that hyungie," Jimin says, sidling up to throw an arm around Yoongi. "We know you have missed us."

"I most certainly haven't. I have been enjoying peace and quiet for the past couple of months - "

"Lies." Seokjin says, swooping into the room dramatically with a plate of skull cookies. "He's been staring at the family photo of the seven of us every night religiously and mourning every passing second."

"I haven't." Yoongi grits out, because he hadn't. Shed tears. He might have just sniffled. A bit. That's it. And his eyes had been extremely itchy then. Nothing else. He certainly didn't miss any of them.

"We know, Yoon hyung," Taehyung says, patting him on the head like he's their house cat while Jimin scratches him under his chin. "We can read your thoughts."

"Well then you should know that I am thinking of kicking you out - "

"Now now, don't be like that, Yoongichi," Seokjin says, a sly grin on his face, as he taps on a folder on the holographic screen. "We need them for business. To feed your growing family, you know."

Yoongi flips him again.

Jimin and Taehyung snicker.

"But yeah, we'll stop messing with you for now. Show us what you have got, hyungs!" Jimin says, settling down.

"What are you looking for this time?" Yoongi asks, snapping into business mode.

"We were thinking of something like a theme park?" Taehyung says, looking at Jimin. "Or any place that's got a lot of visitors."

"Yeah, something like a theatre should work too. We don't want to see the same family every day."

"Place?" Seokjin asks, even as Yoongi starts filtering the places for sale. He thinks it kind of makes sense. Jimin and Taehyung are the kind of ghosts who need to be constantly surrounded by people. They thrive off crowds and a theme park does beat a hotel when it comes to that.

"Anywhere here." Taehyung says, stepping closer, eyes scanning the properties. "We want to stay close to you guys for a bit - "

" - and besides, we have already gone around the world twice. We miss home," Jimin finishes, a sheepish smile on his face. "We miss not being able to make it for weekly dinners." 

Yoongi's heart doesn't melt. He swears it doesn't. And he absolutely doesn't feel exhilarated that his first two babies are coming home. Finally.

Nope.

Seokjin doesn't have any reservations like that. He tugs them both in a hug, screeching, a smile splitting his features. 

"I have been losing miserably at Monopoly all this while, gosh. You guys need to help me even the odds."

"Hyung, honestly, if the Hawaain couple is back," Jimin comments, patting him on the back, "I don't think any of us stand a chance at winning."

Taehyung shoots them a boxy grin, gliding over to Yoongi to hook a shoulder over his chin. 

"You guys are just jealous you don't have our chemistry - "

"You cheat, chemistry my ass - "

"Guys. Focus," Yoongi chides, but there's a smile on his face. He can't help it. Maybe he's missed this. Just a bit. Only a bit. 

Taehyung and Jimin stop arguing, sheepish smiles on their faces. 

Seokjin shakes his head, bemused.

"Right. So you can pick one out of these - " He waves at the screen. There are a couple pulled up - a few of the more famous ones. The ones that usually track a lot of footsteps. "We have got Seoul Grand Park, Jeju Castle - "

"Everland?" Twin voices ask hopefully. 

Seokjin looks at Yoongi pointedly. Yoongi glares at him.

He's not going to do this. He was the one who said no last time. 

He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly at Seokjin.

The older mouths no kumamon.

Yoongi groans.

Fuck.

He hates Seokjin sometimes. 

"Guys, it's - " He starts, wondering what sins he committed as both their gazes fall on him, one puppy-like and the other angelic - both hopeful. Yoongi hates himself sometimes. "You don't qualify for Everland. It's out of your range."

"What?" 

Jimin's voice drops to a whisper.

Taehyung's lower lip wobbles.

Yoongi feels worse than the time he punched Jungkook in the face and they had tracked ghostly blood all over the furniture.

"But - " Jimin stumbles over his words, "We're in the second tier - we know our scream count has crossed a hundred thousand."

"Yeah," Taehyung chimes in, "We made sure. Wait, I can even give you the exact number." He fumbles for his phone.

Yoongi stares at Seokjin.

The older winces, but spreads his hands.

"We don't have a choice," he mutters, sidling up next to him. "The tax officials are going to be down our necks if we don't deduct the exact screams from them. You know that."

"I hate this so much." Yoongi whines. "I can't say no to them, who in their right mind would say no to them."

"But they should know - we consider the screams only if they're out of sheer terror. More points if you get someone to faint."

"All they do is - "

" - make people scream and faint because they can't handle the sexiness?" Jimin completes for them, crestfallen. "That doesn't count? Why doesn't that count?"

"It should." Taehyung pouts. "You know we are terrible at the whole scaring shit. We don't like scaring humans."

"The only time we do it without feeling guilty is at haunted houses because the humans who come there - "

"- are dumb. They want to scream. It works out."

Both  of them stare sadly at Yoongi and he swallows. He's going to do something impulsive. He'll probably regret it but - YOLO and all that jazz.

"Fine." He says, dropping his clipboard. It vanishes. "Okay, okay, don't pout. I'll - " He takes a deep breath. "I'll give the balance from my side."

"You will?" Taehyung asks, hands clasped in front of him, eyes shiny. 

"You will?" Jimin echoes, already out of his seat and in front of Yoongi.

"You will?" Seokjin screeches, blinking. "The fuck Yoon. You barely have any for your - "

"I will," Yoongi forcefully cuts him off, shooting his best friend a warning look. "I will, provided you guys promise to actually frighten people this time, somehow and that you do not shift properties for at least a year." 

There's silence for a second and then he's got two armfuls of baby ghosts, both smothering him with their thank yous and love yous and you're the best hyungie and - well, Yoongi can't find it in himself to regret it much.

Sue him, but he's got a soft spot for his dongsaengs that's bigger than half the galaxy. And seeing their smiles as they leave hand in hand, scream accounts completely empty, more than makes up for the fact that his own is dangerously light too.

It's okay.

"Guess, you're stuck with me for another decade, huh?" Seokjin muses after their retreating backs. "What with your policy of not frightening humans and all that."

"Destiny wants me to see your ridiculous face for another chunk of my life."

"I knew you loved me, Yoongi-ah. Knew you didn't want to leave me and old Mrs.Kang who adores listening to you play the piano and who knows you're a ghost and yet pretends otherwise because she's just that nice."

Seokjin makes a kissy face at him and Yoongi rolls his eyes as he pushes past Seokjin.

"In your dreams, hyung." He calls out.

Seokjin cackles and it brings a smile to Yoongi's face.

Why would he ever want to leave that loser behind and go, huh? Life's always much better when you have a Kim Seokjin around, after all.

Their second appointment for the day is Jung Hoseok. 

Or rather, Jung Hoseok appears in the middle of their office space, yellow tote bag by his side, features harried. He startles Yoongi enough that he drops his third coffee cup. The caramel sloshes out and vanishes. Yoongi stares at the spot sadly. 

"I need to get out of that house this minute," Hoseok says, when he finally stops looking like he's seen a ghost (well, he is a ghost himself and seeing two ghosts at the moment, seeing in the looking sort of way and not dating, Yoongi wants to clarify because Hoseok is very much single and - well, that's not the point.) The point is, Hoseok looks terrified as fuck and Yoongi has a feeling he knows what this is about.

"Have they not stopped harassing you?" Seokjin asks, offering him a cup of what he claims is herbal tea but what Yoongi knows is actually just boiled water with a dash of honey and lemon. "I thought you wrote them a letter?" 

Hoseok sinks into the sofa, accepting the cup and stares blankly at the two of them for a couple of seconds. 

Long enough for Yoongi to shoot Seokjin a worried look.

And then he starts sniffling.

"They deliberately do it. They have taken to bugging me at all times of the day," he wails, clutching the cup close to his chest. "They won't leave me alone even if I crawl under a bed, they always find out somehow."

"There, there," Yoongi says, settling on the couch beside him and patting his distraught friend. "What did they do recently?"

"What haven't they done?" He hiccups. "They play all sorts of hideous howling noises when I am fast asleep. They bring home spiders the size of my fist and let them loose. They - " He pauses, gulping down more tea. " - switch off all the lights and deliberately close the curtains so that it's pitch dark and then creep up on me. I can't - "

He shudders. 

"I can't anymore. Their parents don't give a fuck, either."

"They're in their rebellious phase, Hobi," Seokjin says gently "They're kids."

"They're demons," Hoseok wails. "They're horrible and I want out, hyung."

"But Hobi, that's your family house," Yoongi murmurs concerned and the ghost looks at him sadly. 

"I know, hyung, that's why I stuck to it for so long. But ever since the Parks moved out, I have not known a day of peace. Ever since they figured out I was there - " He trails off, looking at them miserably and Jajangmyeon jumps into his lap. "I can't, hyung." 

He looks decisive.

Yoongi shares a sad look with Seokjin. They know how much that house means to Hoseok but there's nothing they can do. Or well, there is one thing.

"We'll make sure it's off the market," Seokjin promises, rubbing a soothing hand down Hoseok's back. "So that the day the Wangs move out, you can go back."

"Or do you want us to come scare those kids off for good?" Yoongi offers. "Jungkook's put on more muscle and terror twins are here too. We can fuck with them for you."

Hoseok turns to look at them with watery eyes and before Yoongi knows, he's being dragged in for a hug.

"You're the best, hyung. But - " He sniffles into the crook of Yoongi's neck. "I am not sure if it'll work and I don't want to raise my hopes only for them to be crushed and - " 

"Hey, hey. It'll be fine." Seokjin promises. "Actually, you know what, Joon and Kook should be coming in in half an hour. Why don't you wait for them to come and then we'll figure something out."

Hoseok raises his head and looks at them contemplatively.

"Yeah?" He asks in a small voice. 

Yoongi's heart breaks for him. These are the types of humans that probably kick puppies for fun and these are the humans he doesn't feel guilty messing with. 

"Yeah." Yoongi says softly. "Maybe you can even stay with us or with them till we figure out a plan to reclaim your house."

Hoseok swallows and then nods a little, eyes still red.

"Thank you, hyung," he says meekly. "But could I still look at houses?"

Seokjin winces, turning beseeching eyes towards Yoongi.

Yoongi sighs.

"Uh Hoseok - ah - " He starts. "You don't have enough screams - "

He trails off awkwardly and Seokjin groans.

"What Yoongi means to say is that your screams don't count, we need human screams - from fear and - you don't really have a lot of those."

"Because you're just too nice." Yoongi mumbles. Because it is the truth. Hoseok is one of the nicest ghosts. One of the few who wouldn't try to scare anyone even if they were absolutely horrible and deserved to maybe die out of fear. Even if they were horrible kids who fucked with your being - he would try to negotiate with them because he didn't believe in scaring them and while it had worked all this while, considering that he had never needed to switch properties - it sure's an issue now.

"Oh." Hoseok says and drops his head into his hands. "Jesus, I am a fuck up of a ghost, aren't I?"

"Hobi - "

"No, hyung. Like, there are people like Sangwook hyung who switch properties simply for the fun of haunting people. Who go for massive houses and mansions so that they have more opportunities to terrify people and here I am - " 

He sighs.

Closes his eyes.

"Maybe I should stop getting scared all the time. I am a fucking ghost. I can't let little kids scare me."

When he gets up, his shoulders are straight and there's a kind of decisive look in his eyes. The kind Yoongi used to see when he danced, before . Something he's not seen in quite some time. It's - it's empowering in a way.

"I can't let them walk all over me, you know. I didn't do anything because I was nice, because I believed that they would eventually get tired, but - " He rubs his face. "- too much forgiveness is bad too."

"Hoseok-ah, are you sure?" Seokjin asks, because this is their soft friend. The one who's sunshine and smiles.

"Yeah, hyung." He shoots them a bright smile. "Thanks hyungs. Really. I think I needed to get it all out."

Yoongi nods, squeezing his shoulder.

"Just give us a call if you need back up, yeah?"

"Of course, hyung." Hoseok says. "I will. But somehow, I have a feeling things will work out just fine. I am going to beat those brats at their own game."  

And then he vanishes in a flurry, the way he had appeared. 

Yoongi collapses onto the couch beside Seokjin and they both shake their heads in unison.

"He seems determined." Seokjin comments, manhandling Holly into his lap. 

"Is it weird to say I am scared for those kids now?" Yoongi asks, plucking his son from Seokjin's lap, ignoring the other's squawks of protest.

"I don't blame you, Yoongichi. I don't blame you at all."

Namjoon and Jungkook are the next to show up. They knock on the door, like all clients are expected to, but like no one else does. They knock at exactly 3, not a second before or after, Namjoon in a three piece suit, looking like he walked out of a business meeting and Jungkook in sweats and a hoodie, giving off the appearance of a cave creature having crawled out of its lair after a whole month.

The contrast would throw Yoongi off balance if he wasn't so used to it.

"Gaming?" Seokjin asks, as Jungkook throws himself face first onto the couch.

"Yeah," Namjoon says, an endeared smile on his face, rolling up his sleeves. "Yugyeom and he have been gaming for the past five days without a stop."

"Why are you even shifting houses then?" Yoongi asks. After all, it's rare finding a house full of people who don't mind co-existing with ghosts. 

"It's getting boring." Jungkook says, voice muffled. "Namjoonie hyung and I haven't scared anyone in like half a decade."

"Yeah. I mean, I know we don't need to - but, we do need to spice up our lives somehow." 

"I don't want to hear about the sex you have with my son." Yoongi hisses. 

Namjoon rolls his eyes.

"Hyung, you're literally three years older than him and if we look at technicalities, he became a ghost before you, so he's older - "

"He's my kid," Yoongi says. 

Seokjin shares a long suffering look with Namjoon.

"Right, so moving on - " Seokjin says, reaching towards the screen. "What are you guys looking for?"

"Mansion type." Jungkook says, rolling off the sofa and peeling himself off the floor. "Something with a lot of staircases. Really ancient."

"Uh, okay - "

"We are planning to recreate every single Shakespearen play ever - give them all a gory twist." Namjoon says, pulling a binder out of thin air. "See - " He says, pointing at a couple of sketches, Jungkook's work clearly, with neat labels about exits and entries and even whole ass dialogues. 

"Yeah. Like, we're rewriting everything with a gay element to it, of course, but imagine - rather than your boring ass tragedies like someone falling off the steps or dressing up in gory clothes and popping out of closets, which are so fucking cliche," Jungkook explains, "We are going to enact entire fucking plays every single night."

"They'll be terrified." 

"It'll be wonderful."

"It'll be for the memoirs and we'll also probably get a prize for most innovative way of scaring humans and - "

"Ahhh, have I mentioned I love your sexy brain," Jungkook cuts him off, stars in his eyes, like it's the first time he's looking at Namjoon and before Yoongi's brain can put two and two together and try to prevent the disaster that's going to happen, the two of them are kissing.

Like with tongue.

A lot of tongue.

Yoongi's not ashamed to say he screams. 

A lot.

"Did you have to ruin it?" Seokjin asks him sulkily, a few minutes later after Yoongi's managed to separate the Namkook pretzel and put them in time out at different corners of the room. "It was such good fanfic material for my next fic. You know I suck at writing kisses!" 

Yoongi screams at him too. It's not coherent sexy screaming, or dirty talk. It's screaming in keyboard smash. One of those ugly keyboard smashes like akoifjwoesi that no one would ever accept as a keyboard smash. 

What can he say, he's got a lot of pent up rage. 

"I gave you guys one rule. Only one," he splutters, when he's done keyboard smash screaming. "No PDA. Nothing even remotely indecent like hugging and you had to go - go - K - I - S - S with - with that appendage - in front of me."

Namjoon shrugs at him shamelessly, hair still ruffled from all the tugging and glasses sexily skewed on his face.

Jungkook looks the tiniest bit embarrassed and yet apparently not enough to stop making heart eyes at Namjoon.

Yoongi misses the baby doe who used to look at him like he hung the moon in the sky.

"Wrong," Seokjin interrupts him. "He always looked at Joonie like that. You were just his lamb skewer hyung. Joonie was the one who gave birth to the entire galaxy."

Yoongi chucks his clipboard at Seokjin's head.

It hits the opposite wall with a thunk and knocks Bonsai #1 - Jjin Jjin off the table. Namjoon dives to save it at the same time as Jungkook and their hands meet. 

The pot crashes into the floor.

Namjoon and Jungkook still don't let go of their hands.

Yoongi wills himself to vanish.

Death - would be much much more pleasant than being forced to witness this.

He wants to die - again.

It takes another fifteen minutes for them to kind of restore order and come back to the point. Fifteen minutes and Yoongi's inserted himself in between Jungkook and Namjoon to make sure that he doesn't witness a repeat of the blasphemy that occured. Fifteen minutes to - 

"Yoongichi, are you okay?" Seokjin asks him. Yoongi blinks at him. "You have been repeating the words fifteen minutes for a couple of minutes now, so."

"I am fine," he says, looking at the screen. "So which place?"

"Anywhere." 

"Not too urban though," Namjoon interjects. 

"And maybe something that's a little dilapted? Or like gives off really old vibes."

Yoongi nods and watches as Seokjin deftly filters through the matches to present them with three houses.

"You'll show us around, right?" Namjoon asks, already flicking through the middle house, Jungkook by his side. Jungkook by his - side? 

What?

What the fuck

When had that happened?

What - 

"The middle one looks good, hyungie," Jungkook murmurs, pulling Yoongi back into the present. "I really like the architecture and it says that it's just a husband and a wife, so we'll have the house to ourselves for most of the day."

"Yeah," Namjoon replies fondly, looking at Jungkook with adoration and Yoongi - damn it, he hates that he loves how they redefine love. Even if he hates their PDA. They're so in love, just like they were ever since the first moment Jungkook laid eyes on Namjoon and they just keep falling for each other all over again and it's - it's beautiful.

Yoongi furiously blinks back the tears that threaten to slide down his cheek.

He's a tsundere rock. He can't show emotions. No, he can't.

He - 

"Yoongi hyung, are you crying?" Jungkook asks, concern colouring his voice.

Namjoon blinks.

"Hyung?" He calls out worriedly and Yoongi waves them away gruffly. 

"I am fine, just - dust." He says, in the most unconvincing way possible. The lovebirds exchange glances that speak of disbelief but they let it drop even if Seokjin's got a glint in his eye that Yoongi doesn't like. He'll deal with Seokjin later.

After the lovebirds have left and he's had two glasses of wine and - 

"We'll take the second one," Namjoon says decisively. "Let us know when you're free to show us around and we'll be there."

"Sure." Seokjin says, a smile on his face. "A good choice. We expect a house warming party."

"With lots of alcohol," Yoongi adds.

"Spirits, you mean," Seokjin corrects him, shooting finger guns.

All three of them groan in unison.

"Hyung, no, that was terrible, even for you." 

Seokjin pouts at Namjoon.

"Joonie - "

"Fine, fine. It wasn't as bad as the turkey one. Now just tell us how many screams the advance is."

"You know you don't need to reserve it, right?" Yoongi asks, even as Seokjin starts calculating.

Namjoon shrugs.

"We know you'll reserve it for us, but - " He offers Yoongi a lopsided grin. "It's okay, hyung. We know you love us, that's enough. You don't need to pull strings for us to prove it."

"Yaah - I never said - preposterous - "

The two of them pull him into fond hugs, ruffling his hair and Yoongi - squawks - what's with people and randomly hugging him.

(The fact that he likes it doesn't matter!)

"We love you too," they chorus, and then there's a proper transfer of screams - of course, because Namjoon and Jungkook account for screams perfectly and always save them up. They're perfect that way.

And then they're out of the door, fingers interlaced, already excitedly planning their first scare.

Yoongi adores them to bits.

"You're not sneaky, you know," Seokjin tells him, later that night, as Yoongi sits at the piano, his fingers flying over the keys. 

He can hear Mrs.Kang somewhere in the kitchen, humming and he knows if he looks out, she'll be dancing with a mopstick, pretending it's her late husband. He knows because it's their song Yoongi's playing. Like he always plays first every day. 

"You act like you're tsundere but everyone knows you're just a huge softie at heart." Seokjin continues, licking sauce off his fingers. 

"I am not." Yoongi protests. "I am not soft. I am prickly and cold and - "

" - Outside, but squishy inside." Seokjin shoots him a look. "Really, Yoongi?"

And Yoongi doesn't reply to that because, well, it is true. He's always been that way, and in a way - it's why he still sticks to his job. To this house. To Seokjin. 

Because he's got so much love to give and he needs to get it all out somehow.

And seeing ghosts happy with their houses - finding them their perfect dream haunt to haunt - the perfect types of humans to haunt - it's something he adores. Something that fills him with a sense of satisfaction - of accomplishment, no matter how much he complains about capitalism.

"I am glad you're not leaving," Seokjin says after a bit, settling down onto the bench beside Yoongi, resting his head on his shoulder. "I would miss you."

Yoongi misses a key.

A smile curls up at the corners of his mouth.

"I would miss you too, hyung." He stops playing to interlace his fingers with his hyung. With his rock. With the idiot with whom he's been a realtor for most of his dead life and who's always been a constant in his life - both alive and dead. "A lot."

"Love you, Yoongi-chi," Seokjin says. 

"Love you, Jinnie hyung." Yoongi smiles at him and starts playing their song. A few seconds later, Seokjin starts singing and Yoongi joins him.

Tomorrow, they'll have more clients. 

Tomorrow, they'll help a few more ghosts find their new homes.

And then, they'll attend a housewarming party. 

Hear from Hoseok about how the brats now adore him and have been begging him to teach them dance.

They'll go for weekly dinners and - life will go on.

But for now, it's just him and Seokjin.

Normal Ghosts by night and Ghost Realtors by day, Helping Ghosts Find Their Perfect Haunts . 

And boyfriends, all around.

Life's perfect.