Chapter Text
It all started a day of practice, when Hinata was sparkling, more than usual, raising many eyebrows, and theories about why the sun was more shining than ever, many, if not all, believed it was due to something related to the Adlers’ setter, they weren’t wrong about it, at the end of the training, when everyone was in the lockers, being a miracle that Sakusa hadn’t left the place yet, Shouyo called everyone's attention standing in one of the benches.
“Guys! I have an announcement!” he shouted, grabbing his backpack and took something out of it, placing it between his fingers, a ring, everyone looked at him in surprise, letting out an abrupt gasp. “I’m getting married!”
The entire room was filled with joy, shouts, whistles, congratulating Hinata, a total mess lost in the celebration, but something was missing near the protagonist of the event, or so Sakusa felt, he slowly examined the room before approaching. Soon, he spotted him. Atsumu was frozen on the bench next to the redhead while everyone was celebrating and cheering.
“Tsum Tsum! Didn’t you hear what Hinata just said !?” Bokuto asked, shaking him by the shoulders, so excited that he seemed about to explode. “Tsum Tsum?”
“Sorry, Bokkun, apparently today I pushed myself too hard, I'm a little dizzy.” He gave a soft laugh, a bit uncomfortable and kind of awkward. Atsumu ran a hand through his messy hair making it worse, a few drops of sweat fall down to his face, running down to his tanned skin, and Sakusa's eyes betrayed him, not hesitating to follow the path those drops were making through his teammate’s skin until they got lost under his shirt.
“Do you need me to take you to the infirmary?”
“No, it’s okay, I’ll shower and head back home to rest.” he drew a smile, but Sakusa knew him more than he wanted to admit, something was bothering him, and that smile, despite everyone’s obliviousness, was a bittersweet smile, full of a feeling that may be shattering his heart into a billion pieces that would never get back into one.
"Does it bother you if I go with you, Miya?" Kiyoomi dared to say, both Bokuto and Atsumu, looked at him and blinked in disbelief at his question. “Just for safety, if you are so exhausted you can pass out or have an accident, that could affect the team.” He was quick to explain his intentions, he did not want them to misunderstand, although… Would it be a misunderstanding? All those nights in which he couldn't sleep because Atsumu lingered in his thoughts until late at night gave him the answer- no.
“Ohoho, worried about me, Omi?” Atsumu playfully asked, Sakusa just rolled his eyes and snorted, trying to keep his act together.
“Just hurry, I'll wait outside,” Kiyoomi said, coming out of the lockers, not before congratulating Hinata.
The day was cold, despite not being winter, the temperature was low, and the sky was cloudy. It was a melancholic day, a day of broken hearts and void expectations broken in half, he knew it very well, Atsumu Miya was in love with Hinata Shouyo, and he, Sakusa Kiyoomi, had fallen in love with the blond knowing this He was at peace with this involuntary choice he didn't take a while back, but has come to terms with, thinking it would soothe the ache of his heart, how wrong he was.
He did not know when it was that everything had started, he only knew one day he began to admire how the arms of the shortest flexed when he sets or how his abs were soaked with sweat when he pulled up his shirt to wipe his face, taking all his breath away with an ambitious and smug smirk on his plumb lips. And Kiyoomi did not know when he also started smiling slightly behind that mask when he heard Atsumu laugh, or how hard it was for him not to laugh at his terrible jokes.
But he had to be honest with himself, Atsumu would never look at him the way he sees Hinata; he is all serious, dark, apathetic, with horrible social skills and the complete opposite of the warm sunshine Shouyo is, even so... Late at night, or early in the morning, when he couldn’t sleep, his heart would race after dreaming that the setter was looking at him with the tenderness and love that abounded in his eyes as he admired the red headed when he spikes, spoke or exists in general.
He let out a bit of air gently, raising his eyes with longing towards the sky, as if it was going to fulfill his deepest desire.
“Omi-Kun, I thought you already left.” he heard that melodious and irritating voice, which causes the insomniac of the spiker.
“I told you that I would walk with you,” he said without turning to see the other, setting his eyes on the grayish sky.
“I didn't think you were serious.” Sakusa turned to see him, expressionless, with his pitch black eyes piercing that damn fake smile.
“Atsumu.” He let out that name that he had forbidden himself to call the other. The named tilted his head, waiting for him to say something. “I know you're not tired, or dizzy... And I know that you're sad because of Hinata, so... Stop smiling in that fake ass way, it makes me sick.”
Atsumu's smile fell to the floor, he just stood there looking up and down at Sakusa's face, hoping for the latter to hint to be joking. “How did you know?” he asked softly, with a strangled voice as he realized he had been discovered.
"You don't have to be observant to know, Miya..." He turned around completely to see him, his hands in his sweatshirt’s pockets, looking deeply into Atsumu’s eyes, making him feel so small, helpless and weak. “I am not good with words, nor with people in general, but you do not have to suffer in silence... I am willing to help you, or at least listen to you.”
“What if I cry with a runny nose and all? You’re not gonna be disgusted?”
It all began on a day of practice when Hinata was shining more than usual, sparking curiosity and theories about why the sun seemed brighter than ever. Many believed it was related to the Adlers’ setter, and they weren’t wrong. At the end of training, with Sakusa miraculously still present in the locker room, Shouyo stood on a bench to grab everyone's attention.
“Guys! I have an announcement!” he shouted, grabbing his backpack and revealing a ring between his fingers. Everyone looked at him in surprise, letting out an abrupt gasp. “I’m getting married!”
The room filled with joy, shouts, and whistles, celebrating Hinata. Amidst the chaos, Sakusa felt something missing near the protagonist of the event. Slowly examining the room, he spotted Atsumu frozen on the bench next to the redhead while everyone celebrated.
“Tsum Tsum! Didn’t you hear what Hinata just said!?” Bokuto asked, shaking Atsumu with excitement. “Tsum Tsum?”
“Sorry, Bokkun, apparently today I pushed myself too hard. I'm a little dizzy.” Atsumu gave a soft laugh, a bit uncomfortable and awkward. As he ran a hand through his messy hair, drops of sweat fell down his face, and Sakusa's eyes followed the path those drops made through his teammate’s skin until they got lost under his shirt.
“Do you need me to take you to the infirmary?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll shower and head back home to rest.” He forced a smile, but Sakusa knew him more than he wanted to admit. Something was bothering him, and that smile, despite everyone’s obliviousness, held a bittersweet feeling, shattering his heart into a billion pieces.
"Does it bother you if I go with you, Miya?" Kiyoomi dared to say. Both Bokuto and Atsumu looked at him in disbelief at his question. “Just for safety, if you are so exhausted you can pass out or have an accident, that could affect the team.” He quickly explained, not wanting any misunderstandings. Although… Would it be a misunderstanding? All those nights unable to sleep because Atsumu lingered in his thoughts gave him the answer - no.
“Ohoho, worried about me, Omi?” Atsumu playfully asked. Sakusa just rolled his eyes and snorted, trying to keep his composure.
“Just hurry, I'll wait outside,” Kiyoomi said, coming out of the lockers after congratulating Hinata.
The day was cold, despite not being winter; the temperature was low, and the sky was cloudy. It was a melancholic day, a day of broken hearts and shattered expectations. Atsumu Miya was in love with Hinata Shouyo, and Sakusa Kiyoomi had fallen for the blond knowing this. He was at peace with this involuntary choice, but now he had come to terms with it, thinking it would soothe the ache in his heart. How wrong he was.
He didn't know when it all started, only that one day he began to admire how Hinata’s arms flexed when he set or how his abs were soaked with sweat when he wiped his face. Kiyoomi didn't know when he started smiling slightly behind that mask when he heard Atsumu laugh, or how hard it was for him not to laugh at his terrible jokes. But he had to be honest with himself; Atsumu would never look at him the way he looked at Hinata. Even so, late at night or early in the morning, when he couldn’t sleep, his heart raced after dreaming that Atsumu was looking at him with tenderness and love as he admired the redhead. He let out a sigh, raising his eyes with longing towards the sky, as if it could fulfill his deepest desire.
“Omi-Kun, I thought you already left.” he heard that melodious and irritating voice, which disturbed the insomniac spiker.
“I told you that I would walk with you,” he said without turning to see the other, his eyes set on the grayish sky.
“I didn't think you were serious.” Sakusa turned to see him, expressionless, with his pitch-black eyes piercing that damn fake smile.
“Atsumu.” He uttered the name he had forbidden himself to call the other. Atsumu tilted his head, waiting for him to say something. “I know you're not tired or dizzy... And I know that you're sad because of Hinata, so... Stop smiling in that fake-ass way; it makes me sick.”
Atsumu's smile fell to the floor; he stood there looking up and down at Sakusa's face, hoping for the latter to hint at joking. “How did you know?” he asked softly, with a strangled voice as he realized he had been discovered.
"You don't have to be observant to know, Miya..." He turned around completely to see him, hands in his sweatshirt’s pockets, looking deeply into Atsumu’s eyes, making him feel small, helpless, and weak. “I am not good with words, nor with people in general, but you do not have to suffer in silence... I am willing to help you, or at least listen to you.”
“What if I cry with a runny nose and all? You’re not gonna be disgusted?”
"From afar, I still could help by listening to you," Sakusa mumbled. Atsumu gave him a small, soft smile and took a few steps closer before breaking.
“Omi-Kun, if I'm honest, I don't know how much more I can bear it,” his voice trembled, and Kiyoomi understood that it was the sign to get going.
They walked in silence, so quiet that Sakusa began to fear that Atsumu would hear how strong his heart was pounding just from walking beside him. It got worse when the desire to take the setter's calloused hand invaded him, along with his anxiety telling him not to touch him due to germs, all the way to get to the blonde's house.
“Do you want to… come in? Uhm ... Today, before I went to practice, I cleaned.” Atsumu bit his lip immediately, almost slaughtering it, and Sakusa locked his eyes on that action, wishing he could do the same with it.
“Sure...” he answered with a nod. Awkwardly, Atsumu managed to open the door for them to enter; the house was cleaner than Kiyoomi expected, tidy and with not many things.
“Get comfortable, do you want something to drink...?”
“Miya.” His hand had moved instinctively, taking the other by the sleeve of his jacket.
“It’s not necessary.” He said, withdrawing his hand as if it burned, and looking away from those caramel eyes that he liked so much.
“If I’m being honest, I don't know where to start, Omi-Kun. I feel like I’m still in shock, and at the same time, like I’m breaking, slowly.” His gaze fell to the ground, relaxing his muscles. Sakusa pulled him to the couch near them, seating him carefully on it.
“It's not that I'm not happy for him.”
“Hey...” Sakusa sat next to him, close to him, ignoring his anxiety for the moment.
“I just wish that were me.” Atsumu buried his face in his hands, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. He let out a sob, and Sakusa's heart broke. He knew what would happen, to see the boy of his dreams cry for someone that he could never be. It was going to break him inside, but he had to be strong, for him. “I feel terrible.”
“Don’t worry, I'm here,” Kiyoomi mumbled, leaning against Atsumu's back, brushing the fabric of the mask against his clothes.
For the first time in his life, his anxiety didn't matter. No matter if his brain was giving him red warnings about the closeness of his teammate, seeing Atsumu that way squeezed his heart. Inside, he was a disaster, although outside looked so calm.
That night, after leaving Atsumu resting, he found himself in the comfort and loneliness of his house. Only then did Sakusa take off his mask, not only the cloth one, but the one he had to put on just a few hours ago when he saw the person he loved broken before his eyes. As once again, the world stressed that he could never be the person that Atsumu wanted. He was not even half of it.
That night, Sakusa broke, crying himself to sleep, holding himself, feeling so lonely and empty in what should be his home. But now his home was Atsumu, and he could never go home because it belonged to someone else.