Chapter Text
Maddie had warned Buck about a week back, that their parents were coming to LA for a visit on Monday and that they planned to stay for a few days, at her place.
And so for the past seven miserable days he’s been an absolute anxious wreck of anticipation. Buck’s stomach is so knotted up with nerves that he hasn’t been able to eat much without nausea clawing at his throat, and he knows--by the concerned looks he’s been on the receiving end of lately--that he hasn’t exactly been his usually upbeat and talkative self.
He’s tired, he tells anyone who asks what’s wrong, it’s been a long week, he’s worked a few too many double shifts, he’ll be fine, come his day off, Monday, he assures them.
Maddie asks him several times over if he’s sure he wants to show up at all. It’s not as though he’s been invited or anything, to this little family reunion. But Buck, god, he’s so desperate to prove himself to mom and dad, to prove he was worth what little time and effort they put into raising him.
Buck needs them to know that he’s a firefighter now, that he saves lives. That, just maybe, he’s actually good.
He’s nervous as hell, as he makes his way to Maddie’s front porch. Perhaps, possibly, this was a stupid idea. He should go back. He should turn around and jump back into his jeep and hide in his apartment, just for a few days, just until they’ve boarded their plane back to Pennsylvania.
He’s sweating, his palms clammy, and he has to wipe them against his khakis, jumping slightly from foot to foot; he must look silly, like an overgrown child, jittery in the face of his parents. Buck takes a deep breath and when he lets it back out it comes out a shudder.
He can do this. He can do this.
He closes his eyes, takes another breath, deeper this time, and rings the doorbell. He’s doused with regret almost instantly, it pours over him, drowning him, encompassing him, and he can’t catch his breath, and fuck, fuck, fuck, he wore the wrong color khakis. His mother used to make him wear this ugly beige color when they went to church every Sunday, and here he is, like a fucking idiot, wearing grey.
Fuck.
“Buck.” Maddie’s suddenly in front of him, looking surprised to see him, even though she’d told him what time to come over that morning. She’s wearing this awful yellow mustard dress with too many contrary patterns--it was probably a gift from their mother, Buck thinks.
Buck gulps, forcing a smile. “Hey, they here yet?”
Maddie in turn gives him her own strained smile. “In the dining room. Mom’s making cookies. Come in.”
“Thanks.” Buck can see that Maddie’s interior has changed--and not for the better. She’s got a bunch of those creepy little angel figurines all over, on her book shelves, counter space, over the fireplace. She hates them, Buck knows, but they’re gifts from mom, and she can’t bring herself to throw them away.
Buck tries to keep calm, cool, collected, but the further inside he goes, the more panic begins to settle in. He shouldn’t be here. They don’t want him here.
It’s been years since he last saw his parents, and not of his own accord.
He can hear their muffled voices in the dining room and his heart stutters in his chest, skips a beat. He clenches his fists tight, willing the nerves to go away. He can do this. Buck is going to go in there, tell them that he’s just fine now, thank you very goddamn much, he turned out fine, even without them there. Buck is a firefighter now, he saves people, he’s a good person, he’s trying his best, he has friends, amazing friends who are like family to him now, and he’s got Bobby, and Bobby lov--Buck shakes his head.
He’s ok, he’s ok, he’s ok, he’s ok.
But he’s not.
The moment he steps foot into that room, he knows. He knows what a stupid fucking tragic mistake this was. Buck knows he shouldn’t be here. Why is he here? No one wants him here.
His mother’s face goes horribly numb the second she lays eyes on him, devoid of all feeling. He remembers that face, haunting him as a child. Buck remembers falling off the monkey bars as a kid, remembers crying to his mom, who sat at the bench, feeding birds, remembers the vacant devil may care look she’d given him when he’d shown her his bloody arm.
“Evan, I’m busy,” she’d said, her tone cold and unforgiving. “Go play.” and then she’d turned back to her swarm of pigeons, ignoring the sniffling.
“I’m sorry.” He half shouts, before turning on his heel and literally running out of Maddie’s home. He doesn’t even realize he’s hopped back in his Jeep and is back on the road until he’s pulling up to his apartment and he’s shaking so bad he has no idea how he made it all the way back, safe.
He wants to call Bobby or Eddie or Hen or Chim, hell, any of them, but he knows they’re all still pissed about the lawsuit. Rightfully so. Buck doesn’t think he could take their rejection right now, and so he sits alone in his living room and plays old episodes of The Office on a loop, trying to distract himself from having another panic attack.
I’m ok, he tells himself, repeating it in his head like a mantra, until he almost believes it.
He’s working the next day, which means that even though the team and he are still at odds with one another at the moment, at least he’s not isolated in his loft with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. Buck has a purpose today.
He gets to work early and does a couple of chores---they’re not even his assigned chores, but lately it doesn’t really matter, because Bobby’s been fine with piling ‘em on, anything to keep him off the field. Buck knows it’s because the Captain wants to keep him safe, of course, still it's frustrating.
But he’s happy to be back and Buck won’t dare complain, not after Bobby made the choice to let him back on the team. He could have had him transferred, and it’s that scary thought that keeps Buck on his toes every single day.
He’s in the middle of cleaning under the rig when he hears that voice. He freezes under the truck, keeping himself hidden from plain sight, and trying not to make a sound.
Why are his parents at the station?
“This is Howie Han, my boyfriend.” Maddie introduces. She sounds very clearly strained. Buck is sure she probably would have preferred to introduce Chimney to her parents after work, perhaps at a lunch or dinner date, but Buck knows how their mom is. She never takes no for an answer and is very persistent when she wants something.
Chim greets their parents cordially, of course, but adds, “I thought we were meeting for dinner tonight.” with a question mark, most likely directed at Maddie.
Their mom responds for her, as per usual. “Well, we were in the neighborhood,” she says, “I wanted to see where you worked. You’re a fire Captain?”
“Oh, no, I’m a firefighter, actually, my Captain’s right over here. Cap, these are Maddie and Buck’s parents.”
Bobby introduces himself. “Nice to meet you. Actually, Buck is somewhere around here right now, if you wanna’ see him.” he spots him under the truck while Buck’s mom is in the middle of saying there’s no need for that, and calls him on over. “Buck, don’t be rude, your parents dropped by, c’mon.”
Buck’s heart drops to his stomach and he has to force himself to get out from under the rig and face everyone. He can see the panic on Maddie’s face and it must match his own, because both Chim and Bobby give them very curious looks.
“Hey mom, dad.” his voice cracks horribly.
At this point Eddie and Hen are hanging by the balcony area watching the whole thing play out, which only makes Buck feel more trapped. More witnesses means less plausible deniability.
“Evan.” His mom glares daggers at him and Buck can’t help the way he flinches back a little.
Chim tries quickly to disperse some of the obvious tension. "Hey, why doesn't Buck join us tonight? It'll be fun."
"Um, no, that's ok---" Buck starts, only to be interrupted by his father.
"This is awkward, especially in front of everyone, but we should probably get this out of the way now, if we're going to be here all week." he begins, not even looking over at his son. "We haven't been on speaking terms for quite some years now, and Maddie's mother and I would prefer to keep it that way." he looks down at his watch and tsks. "Honey, we're going to be late for the lunch reservations I made, we should go. It was nice to meet you Howard." he tips his head at Bobby. "Captain."
"Let's go." their mother pulls a reluctant Maddie along, brushing roughly past Buck on their way out of the station. Not a single person misses the look of disgust she gives Buck, or the way Buck tries to make himself impossibly small as she marches past.
Chim grimaces. "Hey, Buck, I'm sorry man, I didn't know---"
"It's fine." Buck forces a smile and a shrug, trying to be casual, but he knows no one's buying it. He manages to make a run for it, side stepping the Captain, who looks like he wants to say something, but doesn't get the chance, before Buck is back under the truck, pretending nothing happened.