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Everything was once again normal. Everything was fine. Perfect, even. Everyone was safe, and finally returning to their daily lives. They should celebrate, they should be happy.
Then why did the clear blue sky mock them?
It was a beautiful day, perfect for a picnic or even a stroll. It was a day like any other and it irked the god, because it was a day without him. Without their Head Angel, Wodahs.
His limp body was found on the forest floor, unmoving and cold and drained from any trace of life. Alela Grora had found him and wordlessly carried him back to the castle while Etihw had been absent. They finished off the flam devil responsible for the havoc, and finally decided to give him a proper burial.
Etihw hadn't buried someone in decades.
It sickened them to see their fellow subordinates again. They felt like the sky was gradually shattering to pieces as they lowered his body into the ground. Down into a grave they dug with their bare hands near his comrades; something he would've wanted.
They kept their head down. Everyone else needed comfort and hope, and they weren't going to get it from the distressed face they were making. Kcalb stared absentmindedly, his movements minimal. Perhaps he still doesn't believe that his dear brother was actually gone. Perhaps he's waiting to go back and find his younger sibling preparing supper. They didn't know what he was thinking, and it was best to leave it that way. They're not ready to know when they're responsible for this outcome.
Grora was used to deaths and funerals. She had seen them multiple times, even helped with burials. Her face unmoving, portraying no emotion. Despite being the one who found the body of her close partner, she shed no tears. She uttered not even one word as they covered the coffin with soil. Her face was stern all the way.
"He died doing his job." She said rather loudly, her voice never wavering. "His death was noble, and we should respect that and stand proud for him."
It was the only thing she had said regarding the head angel. Otherwise, she became quieter than one would like.
The sky was clear and blue, proof that the universe hasn't stopped, that time will go on without Wodahs like it had always did.
And they hate it.
---
Their first night without him was a restless one. Etihw would feel Kcalb flip and turn in bed-- which very unlikely of him, until he left their room for his. They let him leave, pretending to sleep. He needs time to recollect himself, and while being alone wasn't the best choice, it might just do it for him.
2 weeks pass and he still hasn't come back.
It's fine, they reassure themselves. They still get to see him in the morning, so it's fine. He's not quite alright at the moment, but soon enough they'll all forget about this and move on.
Without him.
Ater and Arbus sometimes scratch at his door, but always shoos them away or doesn't even bother responding at all. Etihw took responsibility and let them sleep in their lap. They sense sorrow and grief with every sound the girls make as they pet their fur.
…Erasing their memory won't help. Even if it did, how dare they delete one of the Garden's most precious memory.
This world…it wouldn't have existed without him. He was their hero. He was their Head Angel. But in the end, he was a normal person. He had a brother and friends and flowers to take care of. He had a life, and it was taken away from him because of a stupid little slip-up--
Ater hisses-- Etihw hadn't realized they had clutched at her fur. They let go and the feline hopped from their lap, leaving her sleeping sister behind. Hopefully, she doesn't run into Grora.
…Not that she's willing to chase her anymore.
---
Food wasn't necessary for Etihw, but they enjoyed it immensely. Waking up to the morning sun and finding a warm meal and a devil to tease was delightful.
Their mornings were replaced with dead silence and blinding light from the window. Today would be yet another lonely day.
Etihw decides to stay in bed some more. Besides, there's nothing to do, no grouchy Kcalb nor a certain angel coming to drag them out of bed (their empty, empty bed) no nothing.
Some extra shuteye will do, then.
When they do come out they find Kcalb in his seat, and so they join him. His eyes are tired and he only looks at his hands, finding them oh so interesting all of the sudden. Once he speaks, he speaks of paperwork, almost sounding like his younger brother. He realizes this and soon refrains from talking no more.
His small frown crosses their mind, and they couldn't breathe for a moment.
The sound of the door interrupts their conversation, and Grora walked forward.
That girl…she could've teleported. Then again, that didn't seem convenient.
"Etihw," she addresses. "I resign."
That's it. Etihw waits for her to further explain or talk, but the angel doesn't. That's all she has to say, and they don't blame her.
But they won't allow it.
"No. No you're not." And Etihw summons some paperwor, pretending to be busy. Even Kcalb is surprised, but the pay no attention.
Things will go back to normal.
"And why not?" there's irritation and anger in her tone. "I've worked here long enough-- longer than I had planned. I'm done."
"You leave when the people need you most?" They try to be calm, to not allow their voice waver. She can't go. "Their Head Angel is gone, you're most befitting to replace him."
" Hey! I never asked to be fuckin' Head Angel-- don't dump all his responsibility on me--"
Their hands twitch. They grab the edge of the table. They grip it hard.
"--when he's the one who got himself killed!"
They slam their fists on the table, and the room is too quiet.
Communication was never their thing, was it?
"Enough. Alela Grora, you're assigned to be Head Angel. You shall carry out…his duties. End of discussion."
Her cheeks were slightly red from anger, but before barking out another complaint the devil speaks up.
"Miss Grora," his voice was hoarse. "Etihw would like you to replace…replace Wod for the time being. We truly are in need of your assistance."
Grora glares at the two guardians and huffs a gruff "alright" before leaving.
She's quite the pain when there's no one to hold her back.
---
Waking up to the bright sun, Etihw stretches, something good tickling their nose. That's right, Wodahs was making breakfast, and they sure hoped it was pancakes, or even waffles. They were in a mood for either of those.
They hop out of bed excitedly, changing into their robes with a snap of their fingers when they remember that Wodahs was gone.
Teleporting to the kitchen that hasn't been touched in days, they find Grora shuffling there. Surprised, they wait for her to notice their arrival.
"Etihw," she says. Of course, Grora was still quite sharp. "Mornin'."
"Morning," they replied simply, watching her flip the slightly burnt breakfast. "Whatcha got there?"
"Hm? Oh, um," during the few moments it took her to respond, Etihw wished she wasn't upset after their quarrel. "The devil, yeah. He's been feeling nauseous, even puked at night. So I'm making him something to eat, before taking medicine, that is."
Ah, that makes sense.
"He, uh. He's not doing well…and he told me not to tell you about it but maybe…you could help out somehow? Doesn't wanna eat nothin'."
Grora prepares a tray and is heading off when she adds, "Etihw?"
"Yes?"
"…Sorry. For acting like…crap." She says, and Etihw gapes. "I wasn't feeling good so…"
"No, I kind of pressured you--"
"I hate him." She cuts Etihw midsentence, opens her mouth to say more, but ends up shaking her head and leaving.
They could sense self loathing, but they remain silent.
---
Upon finding him in the massive crown of invitees, the warp right beside him, watching him work with his infamous stern look. Even so, he spares a glance at the god.
"Need me?"
"Not dancing?" Not many were, in all honesty. But they think he should slack off a bit.
"No. Busy." And Etihw pouts. The music was so good too…
"Kcalb refused to dance with me. His excuse was he'll step on my feet and make a fool of himself but--" they look down at the long gown they wore,"-- I don't think I've used them in quite a while." They catch Wodahs, ever the sadist, hiding his chuckle behind a gloved fist.
"Fine then, I'll entertain you." He finally says, and Etihw claps gleefully.
It's amazing, Etihw thinks as they put a hand on his chest, how young he looks when he's not acting like their watchdog during work. His features soften and he actually looks beautiful-- they're sure he could steal a maiden in seconds if he just quit stressing over work but…
They enjoyed this. A Wodahs wouldn't be a Wodahs if he wasn't reserved and cranky and overprotective of his flowers and kitchen utensils. They loved him the way he is.
They catch a glimpse of a perplexed Kcalb, and quickly lean into Wodahs' chest. "You see that?"
He flashes another mean smirk and looks away. "Oh, definitely."
They hum, trying to recall the music that was playing that night whilst copying the dance moves without a partner in their nightwear. They hum louder, a sad attempt at muffling the sound of Kcalb vomiting on an empty stomach at 3am.
He doesn't want to worry them, but this has been going for weeks now. And it hurts. It hurts that they couldn't move their legs. They hate themselves. They hate this. They hate all of this.
Wodahs…
He's suffering.
Wodahs isn't going to do anything. He can't. He's not going to magically appear one day and they know it. They all know it. And yet, despite not being here, he was damaging them.
…Their heart beats fast, and then their lungs are filled with a burning substance. They can't breathe again, and so they instinctively clutch their chest and whimper helplessly "…Can't you do something useful for once?"
…
The choking continues outside their room, and then they see it. It's vague, but they see it--
"Have you…apologized yet?"
Etihw cocks their head. Ah, why now of all times? He could just continue watering his plants but no. He decides to meddle in yet another silly argument between them and Kcalb. Really now, what a persistent angel he is.
"Ah…well. No," then again, they couldn't lie when he's making that concerned face again. "Haven't exactly…seen Kcalb around."
Instead of threatening or yelling, he sighs in defeat. "My, you two always making me worry." And when Etihw gets ready to escape, he continues, "Please try to make up soon. You only have each other, no?"
They don't quite remember what they had said or thought at that moment. In fact, they hadn't thought anything at all because they know how it always ends anyways. What bothered them were the tears threatening to spill for no reason at all. No reason to cry like a helpless wimp, it's no more than a memory. One they wish so fucking hard to erase right now because despite not needing oxygen, they're suffocating.
…
They find themselves warping to the bathroom, beside a kneeling Kcalb. He barely looks up at them, and they crouch beside him, rubbing his back as he emptied his already vacant core.
Sleep doesn't come, and they avoid going to check on Kcalb for the sixth time. He's probably resting. So they decide to stroll around the palace.
There isn't anything special at night, since everyone's asleep as they should be, except for Grora who never really sleeps. And she's sleeping even less ever since he passes away. They know, that she stays up all night muttering his name like a curse, but Etihw wants to move.
They want to go there and get it over with.
Slender fingers trace the walls as they walk in the corridors. They've passed these hallways multiple times yet right now, they seem so foreign. Their fingers stop at certain doorframe--
It was Wodahs' room. The same room that Kcalb and Grora avoided like the plague. It still hasn't been open yet, and no one has the courage to confront the empty room. They don't touch the doorknob, they teleport inside instead.
As expected, it was empty and dusty. His bedroom was simple and uncluttered, almost resembling a hotel room if you ignore the all the dust.
Taking a deep breath, they sit on the floor, hugging their legs. He lived here, and he no longer lives here--he's no longer alive and nothing is bringing him back. There, that's it. Yet, they still cannot move, they remain stuck in their frustrated state and bury their face in the palms of their hands.
And they weep. Like the undeserving deity they are.
It could've been different. They could've changed it. They could've saved him. But they were foolish. They were weak and they can never change that.
---
The first thing their sight meets is blue. A cloudless blue sky they hate and despise. There is no ground, but they sat on a chair, a table set for two in front of them. What they assumed was tea is being poured into the ceramic cup. They look up, still in a daze and see some gray blur.
Wodahs tilted the kettle and set it aside, smiling at his guest.
"As much as an annoyance you were, I've missed serving you, Lady Etihw."
That voice--his voice. A voice that brought the tears back, staining their cheeks.
"W…Wodahs?" They croak, still in disbelief.
The head angel ignores them and takes a seat across them, his fingers intertwining. "You usually don't add sugar, but I'm not sure whether your tastes have changed or not."
Was he real? He seemed so alive, contrasting the day they had found him…He looked so relaxed, the corners of his mouth were even tilted up in a polite smile. They stare at black liquid in their tea cup, expecting a reflection to stare back but was deceived when they didn't find one.
"Why…?"
Wodahs lifts an eyebrow. "Sorry?"
Their fingers twitch, slowly reaching for the cup's handle but their hand grabs their arm, their nails digging into flesh. "Why'd you leave? You knew…you…It was risky and dangerous and y-you didn't tell anyone about anything…"
They trail off when tears block their vision. Blinking them out was no good either, so they admitted their defeat and let them stream down. Something holds them--arms. Wodahs' arms wrap around their hunched form and petted their hair.
Him being gone was a lot more painful than they could ever admit.
"…It's been over half a year. I apologize for making you all go through this, but what's done is done."
Etihw grabs at his suit, a sad attempt at making him stay, and the angel continues. "Please, forget about me." And now is his turn to hold Etihw tighter.
"Why would you…ask for something so cruel? Wodahs…" they look up at him, and all they see is a boy gazing at the nothingness surrounding them with pure melancholy. That blue nothingness soon melting into colors with corrupted shades.
Crouching to their level, Wodahs hugs them more properly as Etihw watches the sky mix into bizarre colors from his shoulder. "I love you," is what he says, and they don't need to look at his face, they know he's smiling. "I love you all, and don't do anything stupid."
They want to say it back, but they choke on their proper tears and no sound comes out. Soon, the entire world became black, just like the liquid in their teacup, and it was enough to absorb all the light that was left.
---
Eyes shot open, they wake up abruptly on the floor, their lungs in pain and in need of air. They put a hand on their chest as they breathe in harshly, the tips of their fingers were cold.
Soon enough, the sorrow came back. They were with him. He was there, and he has accepted that he won't ever come back so why can't they? They're the one who's supposed to comfort everyone else so why could they not remove that damned dagger from their chest. They hate it. There's no way they could forget him. They don't want to forget him. He wasn't Head Angel, he was family and now he is no more than a rotting corpse six feet underground. Nothing, not even their godly powers could undo all of this.
…
Don't do anything stupid, he had said. They were his last words, and he knows them well enough to phrase it in such manner.
"Could've just asked me to take care of them, idiot…" They say, tears still trickling down their face. Of course, after years of serving, he knows the idiotic choices they make, and sadly enough, they were the god of moronic decisions.
…They want to make them happy. But not like this, no. They can't achieve anything in this crippling body.
They whip out their hand and give it a good look. They've never done this before, heck, they don't even know whether they're capable of doing it. Everything could go upside down, or even vanish, but either they get back together or they go down together.
Collecting and centering their powers in one single hand, they watch as the glow of their magic dances in something quite alien. Their curiosity grows, and they become more and more excited. The growing pain and the sensation of tearing apart didn't agonize them one bit, and they continued gathering all they've got.
They were a selfish god, that was something he should've known long ago.
Clenching their hand with the newfound power, they pray one last prayer and rewind.