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I walk toward the shop, finally focused on the cobblestone path, trying to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. In case Asra was in today, I wouldn't want him to see. He can't know what went on between Julian and I... he might assume that I didn't have feelings for him either. It's so frustrating falling for two people at one. I shake my head. This whole situation is impossible. I can't choose. How could I? It wouldnt be fair to myself or either of them, if my suspicions of both of them caring for me are correct.
I stop before the old wooden door, closing my eyes and feeling the grain of the wood caress the tips of my fingers, in attempt to collect myself and be in the moment.
I fumble the key out of my haphazardly filled bag, cursing at myself for being so disorganized lately. To be fair, a lot has been on my mind. At last, I hear a tinkle of metal against other contents of the bag and fish it out, my eyes gleaming both in triumph and bitterness.
I prepare my eyes to guide the key into the lock, only to look up and see Asra at the doorway, eyes soft with amusement. He must have sensed my lingering presence at the doorway.
"I don't think you'll need that anymore," he says, holding the shop door open for me.
"I-I...thank you." I stammer. I walk in, running a hand through my hair, flustered.
Asra closes the door behind us and resumes labeling a fresh batch of products for under the counter.
I can't remember ever being this nervous. I shift my weight, stalling. My eyes float towards the back room.
The cards call to me.
Ah, yes! The cards!
I feel Asra's gaze upon me, gentle, but curious.
"Is something bothering you? Would you like to ask the cards?" He asks. I can tell he wants to press further, but decides not to.
I smile weakly. "I will do a self-reading today, but you're more than welcome to join me after." There's no hiding his concern this time, his brows furrowed, filling up a newly labeled jar with a comical level of intensity. A sleepy Faust seems to feel his worry, waking from a snooze in Azra's scarf.
I've never done a private self-reading in his presence, only when he and I were away from eachother. So I don't exactly blame him, especially since I'm usually so transparent with him. My hands part the soft curtains, stopping midway through the waterfall of fabric to look back and meet his gaze again. I raise an eyebrow. "Having fun looking at me today?" I tease.
Oh no. Why must I be such a flirt? I'm trying to make this situation more simple, not more messy. Oh well, it appears I've lightened the mood judging by Asra's twinkle in his smiling eyes. I whip around, going into the reading room before he gets a chance to respond. I'm glad I played it off cool before this blush fully consumed my face.
I do my best to clear my mind before choosing a type of reading and a question. There are so many questions in my head and so many types of readings I can do.
After a pause, I choose a situation, action, and outcome reading.
I shuffle the deck into 3 smaller decks, rearanging and shuffling again. From there I sweep the cards out in a semi-circle on the table. I think of my question: What should I do about this situation with Julian and Asra?
I gently pluck three cards that call to me, Laying them out.
Situation: VIII of Cups, Reversed.
I am both fearful of walking away and pursuing this situation further. I am afraid of losing all that I have gained along the way. I am confused, unsure if walking away would be better for me in this case.
An amused breath escapes me. You sure got that right, I think.
My hand delicately flips over the second card with a satisfying thwap.
Action: Temperance
I let out a disgruntled groan. Now is definitely not the time for elsuive answers.
I gather my patience and dissect its meaning.
Temperance means the middle road, which is making me more confused. I furrow my brows. The middle road? In this situation? -Both- Julian and Asra? Now that I think of it, Asra and Julian did have that fling... a few years ago...but that's about it. I sigh. The card means finding a balance and adapting, but I'm more worried about the communication that has to happen to get me there.
My eyes drift over to the last card as my hand reaches to flip it over.
Outcome: Ace of Cups.
It means emotional fulfillment, new beginnings, and giving-and-getting.
I don't know what will happen, but I need to know now. My heart flutters with hope.
I lean forward, collecting the cards, shuffling them, and placing them back in a small purple velvet pouch I bought for them at the market. I trace the small, gold-threaded embroidery of an graceful snake on the middle of the bag. I hope Asra likes it, after all I needed something to protect the cards if he's going to let me adventure around with them on my person.
I hear a knock on the post just outside the curtains. "MC, everything okay? You've been in there a while...Can I come in?" Asra asks.
"Sure! All done here!"
Asra passes through the curtains, the lamp casting light on his beautiful features. He looks like he's glowing. He takes a seat, taking in my face as well. The tension is a little too much for me.
"Sorry I took so long. I didn't mean to leave you hanging with shop duties. There weren't any customers that needed a reading, right?" I say, biting my lip nervously and shifting my feet.
"No, you're fine. MC, did you want to talk?"
"Actually, yes."
He looks at me expectantly as I try to find the words.
"I...Julian...left me."
"Oh. I didn't know you guys were a thing."
He almost looks hurt.
"That's not the only thing bothering me," I blurt. Might as well get this all off my chest and be done with it. Running my fingers through my hair, I look up to him, his gaze locked in mine. Rather than feel scared, I feel emboldened seeing Asra like this, in this light, in this intimate room. "I care for both of you."
"Is that why you wanted a private self-reading?"
I nod.
"What did the cards say?...If you don't mind me asking."
"I did a Situation, Action, Outcome spread. VIII of Cups, reversed. Temperance. Ace of Cups."
He looks thoughtful for a moment. "He ended it, huh? I'll have to help you get him back. That is, if you want." A smirk plays at his lips. "I'm willing to see where this goes, I'm interested if you're okay with it."
He gets up from his side of the table and comes over to mine. I nod, trying not to beam with giddiness. At my failed attempt at supressing a smile, he laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Leaning down and taking my hand, he whispers, "Let's go find Ilya."