Chapter Text
Lately Shen Qingqiu has been feeling... stressed. Why? Because Valentine’s day was around the corner and everyone around him started acting weird. It made him nervous. If Shen Yuan even got his hands on the sell-out that is known as Airplane-bro, he would throttle that stupid hack of an author!
Why? Why the hell would you put western holiday in ancient fantasy China??!!! Oh, right. So you can add more meaningless papapa and harem shenanigans.
The whole arc of several dozens of chapters was wasted on this stupid holiday and Bingge’s attempts to appease all of his numerous wives with final solution being an orgy, of course. Several orgies, actually, but Shen Yuan wasn’t sure if there was anything more to that since he skipped that arc entirely.
And now he had anxiety. What if that hack added some weird papapa-inducing props or traditions into his mess of a novel? Would they affect Shen Yuan? He is a scum villain not a love interest so they shouldn’t, but what if? With the way everyone has been acting lately he was getting worried.
Still, he did his best not to show his state of mind and continued as usual: teaching his adorable white sheep disciples, holding meetings with other Peak Lords, working on his own cultivation and going on missions. In fact, he and his flock of ducklings have just returned from a successful night-hunt he took them to as an educational school-trip kind of thing. All of his children did very well and he was genuinely proud of his cute little lambs. Truly he was blessed that all of his students turned out to be such good little seedlings once the conditioning the original goods put them through faded.
The rest of the Cang Qiong Sect watched in morbid fascination as Shen Qingqiu gracefully glided forward diligently followed by his pack of feral little monsteeerrr..- cute little ducklings.
Huh! As if!!!
The whole sect knew that disciples of Qing Jing Peak were vicious little hell beasts. The only person still oblivious to their true nature was their Shizun. The other Peaks vomited blood each time they saw those hell-beasts selling meng when Shen Qingqiu was looking, only to turn back into the Abyss monsters the moment his back was turned.
..And they would gleefully rip anyone who spoke ill of their Peak Lord or tried anything untowards to shreds with Ning Yingying leading the crusade. That’s right, while many felt that Luo Binghe deserved the title as the most vicious of the feral beasts, the boy had no interest in leading and prefered his own one-man crusade over relying on his martial siblings. Ning Yingying however had no such qualms gleefully leading the charge with Ming Fan as her enthusiastic second-in-command.
With the holiday coming up, it seemed like the disciples of Qing Jing Peak decided to tighten their ranks around their oblivious Shizun in order to keep the pests away from him. Said pests being the numerous birds and bees their Shizun attracted wherever he went. As far as the disciples were concerned none were worthy of their Shizun, and even worse, they could cut into their one-on-one time with him which is unacceptable, and as such they viewed all who approached him with suspicion. Even other Peak Lords were considered the enemy. The enemy they, sadly, couldn't get rid off and thus all the more dangerous for that. They had good reasons to be wary.
Yue Qingyuan tried to visit Qing Jing Peak in general and its Peak Lord in particular at any given opportunity, as often as his duties allowed him. He tried to take full advantage of the situation presented to him now that his dearest shidi no longer resembled the particularly venomous porcupine whenever he saw him.
Since that fateful qi deviation his shidi has become much softer and approachable. Even, dare he say it, vulnerable. With his guard so temptingly low it would take a better man than Yue Qingyuan not to press his advantage. When it came to his Xiao Jiu, Yue Qingyuan was a selfish, selfish man. The more he wormed his way into his regard the greedier he became. Can you blame him? That newfound innocence and sweet oblivious naivete made his teeth ache with desire. It took all of his formidable self-control not to bite...
This time around, however, he came for an entirely new reason. One he didn't have to resort to for months. He came here with the intention to scold him. Gently, of course.
Lately his disciples have been getting especially unruly. Picking fights with anyone who even looked at their Shizun wrong. And Lord help them if they said something even slightly negative about their teacher. They also did their best to scare off any uninvited visitors and even went as far as to screen the mail before it got onto Shen Qingqiu's desk.
Not that Yue Qingyuan disapproved of what they did given the upcoming holiday, but their methods… And his dear Xiao Jiu did nothing to stop them. Smiling indulgently, patting their heads and generally closing his eyes on their misdemeanor. At worst, he would scold them lightly as they pretend to be sorry, giving him sad puppy eyes and pouting guiltily. And Xiao Jiu falls for that each and every time, folding like a wet tissue paper, fully convinced that his disciples are the sweet, obedient little darlings they paint themselves to be in front of him.
So here Yue Qingyuan was, intending to have a stern talk with his shidi about his habits of spoiling his disciples and failing miserably to actually do so. Now, it wasn't his fault. Really. He came here ready and set to have a stern talk with his shidi.
But why? Why? Xiao Jiu, please! Have some mercy!
Why did Yue Qingyuan think that it was a good idea to have this discussion over some tea with sweets? Why did he have to choose these particular sweets? Oh yeah! Because he's an idiot who thought that bribing Xiao Jiu with sweets would make things easier for him. Spoiler alert, it didn't! He really should have thought more about what sweets he was presenting to his shidi. He had no one but himself to blame.
Looking at Shen Qingqiu's pretty little mouth stretched around the tanghulu as he delicately sucked on the candy coating, his lips shiny and inviting, Yue Qingyuan felt his resolve crumble bit by bit. No. No, he had to hold it together. He is a grown man, he is a sect leader, he is strong, he is powerful, he can handle anyth… wait.
Why did he come here again? Ahhh, that’s right! To give his Xiao Jiu more allowance and some candy. Surely Xiao Jiu would love some candy and maybe a kitten? Would Xiao Jiu want a kitten? Maybe a puppy would be better? Or a husband? Yue Qingyuan can give him a husband! He is 10/10, perfectly Husband-Sized!
Yue Qingyuan will gladly present himself to be his husband. He'll be the best husband, he swears. He'll bring him breakfast in bed, carry him anywhere, give him anything he likes. Xiao Jiu, please! What would you like? The sect? His soul? His heart? His heavenly pillar? You can have it. Any time, any place, in as many positions as you want!
Would it help if he begged? If he let Xiao Jiu step on him? He would! He would happily let his Xiao Jiu tread all over him with those dainty little feet, he knew he hid under his robes. Xiao Jiu, please, give me a sign!
Suddenly he felt enormous killing intent. Hmm? Where is it coming from? Oh, it’s just Xiao Jiu’s disciple. He must have imagined it. No child that young would radiate so much killing intent... unless he thought he is trying to steal his father figure?
Don’t worry, little one, if everything goes well you will have two father figures! Now how to make it happen... Xiao Jiu, pspspsps~
Shen Yuan wasn't really paying attention to the weird faces Yue Qingyuan kept making. Why? Because he has a dilemma! What should he ask Binghe to make for dinner? Fish? Chicken? Maybe that hairy monster Liu-shidi dropped on his porch? Didn’t he say it was tasty? Hmm, so many choices. Such a difficult decision. It wasn’t easy to be a Peak Lord!
Why did Zhangmen-shixiong come to visit him again? Something about his students? Well, since he wasn't saying anything clearly it wasn't too important. Also, the poor man should really go visit Mu-shidi. He kept blinking really fast like he had something in his eyes, and his eye would twitch spasmodically from time to time, his usually serene smile had an edge of something deranged. Clearly the stress of the job was getting to him!
Forgotten by both Peak Lords Luo Binghe continued to observe the proceedings plotting his future course of action, his eyes narrowed dangerously. It seems the Sect Leader was going to be more of a nuisance and a threat than he thought previously. Glaring at the subpar offering he brought for his Shizun, Binghe decided then and there that the rest of Sect Leaders gifts would mysteriously find their way to the trash can.
Luo Binghe smiled. He knew Shizun would forgive him for that. He knew better than anyone that his Shizun is actually a soft downy pillow trying to masquerade as porcelain. Besides, Binghe is so very sorry. It's just that his last growth-spurt has made him awfully clumsy! He's sure Shizun would understand. He would make sure to prepare something extra-special to make up for his mistake. Now, how to politely hint that it's about time for certain someone to take his leave?