Work Text:
James Potter to Illegitimate BoJo Children: i made chocolate chip banana bread who wants some
Sirius Black: ah i was wondering what that smell was
Peter Pettigrew: ME
Sirius Black: yeah ill take some
James Potter: remus? usually youre the first to speak up for chocolate
Remus Lupin: Mean. You know I can’t eat bread right now.
James Potter: what why
Remus Lupin: It’s Passover??
James Potter: fuck i forgot!!!
James Potter: im so sorry for baking during this difficult time!!!!
Remus Lupin: It’s fine!!! Sorry I thought you knew!! Please don’t feel bad!! I can live without bread and pasta and stuff for like a week. I do it every year.
James Potter: פסח שמח האג
Remus Lupin: Whilst I am very touched that you googled how to say “Happy Passover” in Hebrew, I have to let you know that you instead said “Happy Hague Passover”. As in The Hague.
Sirius Black: lol prongs wishes happy passover to the international criminal court and no one else
James Potter: fuck
James Potter: what is the correct hebrew
Remus Lupin: חג פסח שמח
James Potter: חג פסח שמח
Peter Pettigrew: חג פסח שמה
Remus Lupin: I don’t know how you managed to copy and paste wrong, Pete, but you basically just said “Passover is her name” instead of “Happy Passover”.
Peter Pettigrew: o srry
Remus Lupin: Anyway, I need to get back to studying. Enjoy the banana bread!
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James Potter to Light of My Life: i fucked up
Lily Evans to Decent Shag: okay how much is bail and do i need to get sirius too
James Potter: what no im not in prison
Lily Evans: oh nvm what’s up then
James Potter: you know that if i was arrested, i wouldnt be able to text you right?
Lily Evans: listen i am just trying to be a supportive girlfriend!
James Potter: yes and i love that and you and how you were immediately ready to bail sirius and i out no questions asked
Lily Evans: i know who i’m dating. i know the risks
James Potter: <3
James Potter: but no the fuck up is that its passover and we totally forgot
Lily Evans: um we?? i remembered. i texted him happy passover yesterday.
Lily Evans: also how?? do you think remus just eats matzah for fun??
James Potter: idk!! he does weird things randomly since starting his phd!!
James Potter: and hes not going home to celebrate with his family this year, which was always how i remembered!
Lily Evans: aw he’s not? that must be tough
James Potter: yeh i assume he thinks hes too busy with school to trek out to the country for a night
Lily Evans: poor him. id hate not being able to properly celebrate a holiday that important
James Potter: wait
James Potter: youve just given me a brilliant idea
James Potter: how are your matzah ball soup making skills?
Lily Evans: currently non-existent but i am happy to learn!!
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James Potter to Saturday Night Pub Crawlers: dinner at ours!! tomorrow night!! at 7!!! you are all required to attend!!!
Marlene McKinnon: free food? count me in!
Sirius Black: i dont remember granting permission for a gathering in our space!! bad flatmate!!
James Potter: sirius do you really want to get into what constitutes bad flatmate behaviour?
Sirius Black: no thank you! cant wait for dinner!!
Dorcas Meadowes: i’ll swing by after work! can bring alcohol if needed
James Potter: yes please!
Peter Pettigrew: yay food and yay not having to go out 4 it
Mary Macdonald: ooh yes! can’t wait to see everyone!!
Lily Evans: feel free to bring reg mary!
Mary Macdonald: aw thanks ill tell him!
Remus Lupin: Ah not sure if i can make it. Was planning on being at the library tomorrow night…
James Potter: remus you can take one night off to have a nice dinner with your friends
Remus Lupin: I’m not sure…
Sirius Black: if u dont come ill hide a furby in ur room
Remus Lupin: I’ll be there!
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Lily Evans to Saturday Night Pub Crawlers Minus Remus: okay so remus can’t know this but tomorrow night is actually a surprise passover seder
Sirius Black: sneaky. i like it
James Potter: remus is going to celebrate this important holiday and feel connected to his culture and heritage WHETHER HE WANTS TO OR NOT
Lily Evans: what he said
James Potter: so we actually do need some help from all of you
Mary Macdonald: aw this is so sweet!! what can i do?
Marlene McKinnon: very down for both the surprise and the loving gesture to a friend (but mainly the surprise because remus has the funniest surprised face)
Sirius Black: he does its true
James Potter: mary, can you and reg find and print out some haggadahs? thats the book thing for passover. there are a million different versions available online, so whatever one you think looks best
Mary Macdonald: yes! happy to help!!
Dorcas Meadowes: what do you need me to do?
Lily Evans: if you could still bring alcohol like you offered, that would be great! it just needs to be kosher for passover wine. and you should probably get a lot
Dorcas Meadowes: copious amounts of kosher wine. on it.
Sirius Black: whats my job
James Potter: youre in charge of music. remus will know all the songs but none of us will. and you know remus will refuse to sing them alone. so if you could learn them, that would be helpful
Sirius Black: is choreography allowed?
Lily Evans: minimal choreography. no getting up from the table.
Sirius Black: i can work with that!!
Marlene McKinnon: what’ve you got for me
Lily Evans: so james and i will be doing all the cooking for the actual meal, but there are a few things needed during the actual seder that we don’t have. can you pick them up?
Marlene McKinnon: sure! what am i getting?
James Potter: parsley, horseradish, and a bone
Marlene McKinnon: a bone??
Lily Evans: yep. apparently a lamb shank bone is a part of the seder plate. it has to do with the tenth plague and remembering sacrifices. but i think remus will forgive us if its just a chicken bone or something. whatever you can find!
Marlene McKinnon: i shall procure a bone!
Peter Pettigrew: wat do u want me 2 do?
James Potter: stay out of the flat all day and try not to end up in hospital
Peter Pettigrew: i can do that!!!
Lily Evans: okay! any questions??
Sirius Black: am i allowed any props?
James Potter: no
Lily Evans: any other questions?
Sirius Black: what about special effects?
James Potter: also no. last time you used special effects you caught me on fire.
Sirius Black: and was that not a memorable performance for the ages??
James Potter: okay! im taking that as a sign no one has any real questions! thank you all for your help!!! see you tomorrow!!
Lily Evans: and if you could all actually show up at 6:30 so we have some time to prep before remus gets home, that would be great!!
Dorcas Meadowes: aye aye captain
Mary Macdonald: see you then!!
Peter Pettigrew: am i aloud back in the house at te early time?
James Potter: yes peter
Peter Pettigrew: k!
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Lily Evans to Decent Shag: okay i got all the ingredients for dinner i’m on my way over now
James Potter to Light of My Life: great!
Lily Evans: how's the cake coming?
James Potter: baking without flour is a challenge but one that i am confident i have risen to!
James Potter: omg and i think i just accidentally made a passover pun i am killing this passover thing!
Lily Evans: lol sure babe x
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Sirius Black to Brother from a Superior Mother: can i have any costume changes
James Potter to Sirius Quack: do you really need me to answer that question
Sirius Black: so thats a yes?
James Potter: tonight is about remus! not you! please keep that in mind
Sirius Black: fine…
James Potter: also where are you??
James Potter: you left the flat before i got up
James Potter: and thats unheard of
Sirius Black: a local theatre company let me rent their rehearsal space for the day
James Potter: yep that tracks
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Dorcas Meadowes to Daffodil Evans: okay so i have 2 options for you on the alcohol front
Lily Evans to Dorky Pastures: ooh what are they?
Dorcas Meadowes: so i could buy a few bottles of what looks like decent kosher wine
Dorcas Meadowes: or
Dorcas Meadowes: i could buy several three litre jugs of kosher blackberry wine at 9 quid a pop
Lily Evans: well
Lily Evans: remus has mentioned having to drink shitty sugary wine on passover before
Dorcas Meadowes: mogen david kosher for passover blackberry wine it is
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Peter Pettigrew to james: can i come back rly quick i 4got something
James Potter to Peter Pret-igrew: what did you forget
James Potter: i can hand it to you in the hallway so you dont come in
Peter Pettigrew: underwear
James Potter: how do you even
James Potter: nvm dont want to know
James Potter: i refuse to touch your underthings so you can come back in and get them yourself
James Potter: i will walk you to your room and then back to the front door
Peter Pettigrew: thx!
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Lily Evans to Little Mix: somehow
Lily Evans: in the walk from his room to the front door
Lily Evans: peter managed to ruin the flourless chocolate cake james had baked for tonight
Lily Evans: so can one of you pick one up from a store
Marlene McKinnon: ugh way to go pete i was looking forward to james’s baking
Mary Macdonald: reg can bake another one!! he’s just here at our flat rn chilling
Marlene McKinnon: ooh i love reginald’s baking as well. my depression is cured
Lily Evans: perfect! i’ll have james send him the recipe when he's done mourning his fallen cake
Dorcas Meadowes: how did both of you end up with baking boyfriends
Mary Macdonald: just very lucky gals!!
Marlene McKinnon: dorcas you literally dated a pastry chef last year
Dorcas Meadowes: yes but she would never bake for me at home because she was tired from baking at work all day
Lily Evans: fair
Marlene McKinnon: also! i found a bone
Lily Evans: amazing!
Marlene McKinnon: do you want to know where i found it or should we let that remain a mystery
Mary Macdonald: please do not tell us
Lily Evans: agreed. that is a secret you can take to your grave. just make sure it’s clean
Marlene McKinnon: will do!
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Marlene McKinnon to Siriusly Bad Idea: hey wanna know where i found the bone for tonight
Sirius Black to Old Lady Name: um duh of course
Marlene McKinnon: two neighbourhood cats were fighting over it
Sirus Black: incredible
Sirius Black: do u know what animal its from
Marlene McKinnon: nope!
Sirius Black: even better
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Remus Lupin to Jamestown: Hey I’m not sure if I can make it tonight. I’m really swamped with work.
James Potter to Loop de Loop: remus you have to come
Remus Lupin: I’m really sorry but I don’t think I can! Have fun!!
James Potter: no like you dont understand
James Potter: you HAVE to come
Remus Lupin: ?
James Potter: i cant believe you are making me ruin the surprise but tonight is FOR YOU
Remus Lupin: For me?! Why?? My birthday was last month and you already threw me a great party!
James Potter: for someone so smart you can be so thick
James Potter: what is currently happening that you normally celebrate but arent this year
Remus Lupin: Wait
Remus Lupin: Are you putting on a seder for me tonight??
James Potter: yes!! and it was supposed to be a surprise!!!!
Remus Lupin: That’s…. incredibly thoughtful. I don’t know what to say. You didn’t have to go through all this trouble for me!!!
James Potter: listen you should know by now that we are all happy to do it because we all love you
James Potter: but if you dont come tonight then all this work was for nothing and youre dead to me forever xxx
Remus Lupin: Mean.
Remus Lupin: But fine yes of course I’ll be there!! Leaving soon!!
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James Potter to Peter Pret-igrew: where are you??? remus will be here any minute!!
Peter Pettigrew to james: o am i aloud back now?
James Potter: yes! you were supposed to be here at 6:30!!
Peter Pettigrew: oops srry b rite there
Peter Pettigrew: ive just ben in the park across the street all day
James Potter: its been raining most of today??
James Potter: nvm dont have time for an explanation just get here now!!
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Marlene McKinnon to Little Mix: i’m so hungover holy shit
Lily Evans: I KNOW SAME
Dorcas Meadowes: that blackberry wine really fucks you up
Mary Macdonald: i think it was the combination of the alcohol and the insanely high amounts of sugar
Marlene McKinnon: how’s reg? he was hitting the kosher wine pretty hard last night
Mary Macdonald: oh he’s been sick off and on all day
Dorcas Meadowes: lol he drank most of an entire 3 litre jug by himself of course he’s ill
Lily Evans: i’ve only just now managed to drag myself from the guys’ flat to head home
Mary Macdonald: how are they holding up?
Lily Evans: james is in a similar state to me
Lily Evans: sirius woke up still drunk and started doing an encore of his performance last night until james threw a shoe at his head
Lily Evans: peter has not emerged all day.
Marlene McKinnon: and the guest of honour?
Lily Evans: remus is completely fine
Dorcas Meadowes: lucky bastard
Marlene McKinnon: must be one of those passover miracles we learned about last night
Mary Macdonald: i mean he has always been the best about holding his drink. and he was the only one with any real experience of terrible sugary kosher wine
Lily Evans: yeah he was up at 8 making breakfast before heading to the library to do some work
Lily Evans: so pretty normal day for him tbh
Dorcas Meadowes: glad we didn’t wreck his work timetable
Marlene McKinnon: i don’t think remus would even let a natural disaster wreck his work timetable
Mary Macdonald: remember when his first words after coming out of heart surgery freshman year were asking about the homework
Lily Evans: lol yep
Dorcas Meadowes: some things never change
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Sirius Black to Illegitimate BoJo Children: has anyone seen my toothbrush
James Potter: i think its still taped to the other stuff you used as your staff for “let my people go”
Sirius Black: oh yeah thx
Sirius Black: has anyone seen my staff
Remus Lupin: Check Peter’s room.
Sirius Black: ew hes been cuddling with the staff all day nvm ill just get a new toothbrush
James Potter: wait wheres my toothbrush
Sirius Black: i will also get you a new toothbrush
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Lily Evans to Decent Shag: so remus knew about the seder last night right?
James Potter to Light of My Life: um
James Potter: why would you think that
Lily Evans: he has a great real surprised face but a terrible fake surprised face
Lily Evans: also he had already decided how to allocate the reading of the plagues when he walked through the door
James Potter: damn his deeply ingrained organisational skills
James Potter: fine yes he knew but only because he texted me at 6 yesterday saying he wasnt coming
Lily Evans: haha i’m not mad don’t worry
Lily Evans: maybe just tell remus to work on his ability to act surprised for the future lol
James Potter: i can do that!
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Remus Lupin to Saturday Night Pub Crawlers: Hey hope you have all recovered by now!! I just wanted to say thank you all so much for last night. It meant so much that you all did that for me, and on such short notice! A particularly large thank you to James and Lily for organising the whole thing and cooking such a wonderful meal. I feel extremely lucky to have such amazing friends!
Sirius Black: ew feelings
Remus Lupin: And the moment is ruined never mind.
Lily Evans: aww happy to do it remus <3
James Potter: we are just glad you were able to celebrate passover!!
Marlene McKinnon: and that you were somehow spared the awful hangovers the rest of us had
Remus Lupin: Yes I’d say that certainly passed me over ;D
James Potter: boo
Sirius Black: 5/10
Remus Lupin: Hey my Passover puns are matzo bad right? ;)
Dorcas Meadowes: i second the booing
Remus Lupin: Haggadah say, I thought they were pretty good ;)
Mary Macdonald: lol these are so bad i love them
Remus Lupin: I’m glad you’re not wine-ing about them! ;)
Lily Evans: that one was only barely passover related
Remus Lupin: Sorry I didn’t seder right pun ;)
Peter Pettigrew: i dnt get any of these
Remus Lupin: Okay, okay! I shall plague you all no longer ;)
Remus Lupin: Thanks again for last night I love you all Happy Passover <3
James Potter: חג פסח שמח
Lily Evans: חג פסח שמח
Mary Macdonald: חג פסח שמח
Dorcas Meadowes: חג פסח שמח
Peter Pettigrew: חג פסח שמח
Marlene McKinnon: חג פסח שמח
Remus Lupin: תודה רבה לכולכם (Thank you all very much!!)
Sirius Black: will u teach me dirty words in hebrew
Remus Lupin: And you ruined it again.