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“What do you plan on doing when I’m finally gone?”
“Work, mainly. I might be able to have a normal flow of work after you’re dead since I won’t have to pick up your slack.”
Xerxes Break laughed, tilting his head back and allowing a smile to break out on his pale face, cutting the silence of the night with the sound of glee. Though silence was being gracious; the crickets were in full bloom, making orchestral level noises, and the occasional splash from the fish in the lake or the cast going out again would decorate their intoxicated conversation.
Reim rarely got days off at all, and often spent what felt like his entire life working- for both Rufus Barma and for Pandora-, so when he had a day off, it was special. He had been planning for months to go fishing on the lake with Gilbert, but something had come up with Oz and his fishing companion had to cancel. Which wasn’t a big deal, for Reim would have been fine with going alone, but Xerxes had thrown such a wild and exaggerated deal about it and he had butted himself into Reim’s plans and tagged along. Reim found out pretty quickly that Break was supposed to turn in a few reports back at the Pandora Headquarters, and took it upon himself to evacuate the building and go on Reim’s little trip with him to avoid repercussions.
At first, he had not been very pleased with the fact that Break had joined him without being invited. In fact, Reim was sure he hadn’t even mentioned the trip to Break at all, and had no idea how the man even knew about it. But there they sat, with their ankles in the lake and fishing poles in their hands, drinks by their side and liquor in their bellies.
It was the first cool night after a long binge of unbelievably humid days, and the stars blanketed the night sky in an almost absurd amount. There were more stars than Reim had ever seen at one time, and they absolutely littered the sky and made the night seem so much brighter than it ever had been. When not feeling any tugs, the two men would just look up at the sky, tracing imaginary and not clearly visible patterns in the sky and connecting the shining dots.
“I am serious, though,” Break said after some time. A breeze rolled off of the lake and snaked around the two, rustling their hair. Break’s hidden eye showed itself for a brief moment, before being covered and obscured. “I don’t have much time left. What do you plan on doing?”
Reim twisted his mouth at the thought, looking up at the stars. He didn’t think too much about Break’s inevitable death, it wasn’t something he cared to spend his time dwelling on. He knew he would go before anyone else, before any of his friends unless something unfortunate happened, and they had spoken about it a few times in the past, but Reim hadn’t made a proper plan out for the man’s death. Reim wasn’t a member of the Rainsworth household, but he had lived there long enough that he felt like one at times, so Break dying would certainly take an effect on him.
Well, rather, it would take an effect on everyone around him, regardless of whether Break wanted that to be true or not. It was better to act like a nuisance so no one would miss you when you were gone, right?
Reim never spoke to answer him, so Break suggested, sounding smug, “You’re thinking about marrying Lady Sharon the moment I’m dead… am I wrong?”
“I was not thinking about that,” Reim confessed. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Break was looking at him, a smirk on his face as if discussing such a grim matter was as normal as discussing the weather. Reim didn’t bother giving him the satisfaction of whatever reaction he was looking for; neither embarrassment nor guilt expressed itself on his face or tone. “and, if I do marry her, it will have nothing to do with you.”
“I’m not sure I believe that.”
Reim didn’t respond to him, removing one hand from his fishing pole to grab for his glass of rye and drink from it. Break eventually turned away from him and looked out into the night for himself, falling silent and allowing the crickets to carry on their conversation for them.
Reim had wanted to marry Sharon for much longer than he had even known of the existence of Xerxes Break. And even though those were childhood memories, his feelings and determination had yet to fade, and his intentions were still there. Those feelings had nothing to do with her personal bodyguard and servant, and Sharon would ultimately be the one to decide if she would have him as a husband or not. If the time was right after Break was dead… then it would be unfortunate, but it would be the right time. Reim had no real drive to get married to a woman when he still had so much going on and so much to do at every waking moment. It was irresponsible, and Break knew that.
But the topic made it sound like he was indifferent to Break’s death, which he was, in fact, not. His feelings for Sharon and how he felt about Break dying were not mutually exclusive feelings, though he didn’t know if expressing such a thing was worth the breath or worth the effort.
He could tell Break that he valued his life the entire night, and that he would be sad when the man disappeared from his life… but Break wouldn’t acknowledge such a thing, or if he did, he would deliberately choose to ignore it after making a joke about his feelings. So Reim kept his words to himself, not needing to be ridiculed. If the idea of not being missed made Break feel better, then so be it.
The two men sat in silence for some time again, until Break’s line pulled, and he began working his way reeling in the fish. Reim would have offered to help but Break was much stronger than he was and more than likely didn’t need his help at all, tugging physically and reeling in rapidly. There was a moment of excitement that went through the two of them, an electrifying feeling that made Reim pull his feet out of the water and raise himself on the pier, tucking in his legs and pulling his knees up to his chest and he watched Break reel in a fish for what felt like forever.
After the tug of war went on for quite some time, Reim felt that he should help, but at the exact moment that he reached to perhaps hold on to Break’s waist the beast came out of the water, and Break proudly swung about a carp, grinning from ear to ear. The fish was so fat that Reim was surprised that he hadn’t snapped the line trying to reel him in, and he had to help in assisting removing the fish to throw it back into the water.
The crickets, which were making such a loud noise, started to die down until they were eventually silent, as if the crickets were finally ready to go to sleep. It was rather late- he and Break had been out there for many hours now. Reim put his feet back in the water and swore he felt the carp that they had just released brush past his toes. When he looked up, it was as if the stars had doubled, covering the sky with their light. It was so all encompassing and complete that it took his breath away, and it might have been the alcohol, but the way that it looked made him feel as if the night sky was going to swallow him whole, much more eternal and bright than either of the two of them could ever be.
“I will miss you when you are gone,” he confessed in an awed whisper. Whether he meant it to the stars or to Break, he did not clarify, though everyone in the world knew that he meant both.
Break settled himself, casting his line out to the lake again. After hearing what Reim had to say, he did not speak for some time, choosing to listen to the deafening nothingness of the night instead of his friend. After the breeze rolling off of the lake gave him nothing that he wanted to hear, he responded, in a whisper of his own, “Shut up, Reim.”
And Reim understood what that meant. He understood that, in whatever world that Break had to go to when he was done with this one, whatever duty that he had to complete, he would miss Reim, too. He cracked a smile and finished his drink, and the two men fished together, their only witness the starry sky.