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Jason has an idea.
Usually, he wasn’t one to try and train vigilantes, but he had seen the type of situational awareness Spider-Man has.
Sure, the kid had a sense that told him when he was in danger. That wasn’t enough though. You can’t make it through this gig by pure instinct, at least not to the age of retirement (not that they ever did). The kid was going to get himself killed because his sense registered someone/something as not a threat and it’s going to come and literally bite him in the butt.
“So, basically,” Spider-Man hung upside down from the fire escape, “I’m gonna get a stalker for the next week or so?”
Red Hood shrugged, “Or so.”
“And you’ve talked this over with Double D?”
“Not in so many words, but yeah.”
“He didn’t want to share me, did he?”
Give the kid a point for awkward phrasing.
“He’ll get over it. Meanwhile, you are going to learn situational awareness in the best way possible. Having someone stalk you for a week and take photos of your most embarrassing fails.”
Spider-Man claimed a little higher on his rope-web-thingy.
“That does not sound like the best way.”
“It’s the way I learned.”
That was a full blown lie. Jason hadn’t noticed someone following him and Bruce when he was Robin, he doubted Bruce had even been suspicious. Tim was that good.
“First of all, I only took fail photos of Dick, and it was only Discowing. Second of all, it was once, and those sequins were just begging me to take the shot. Third of all, no you did not. I bet I could still get away with it if I hadn’t become Robin. All of you guys have the worst situational awareness when you're not in immediate danger.”
Oh yeah, Tim was on the coms. Listening. Like the stalker he was always meant to be.
Not that Spider-Man needed to know that. (Jason was only a little put out by that because he really needed to remember to tell Tim to send him that photo. Blackmail is the best when you have a stalker on your side).
Spider-Man didn’t look convinced by his reassurances.
“Would you like to do this with an actual sniper?” Hood says.
Spider-Man’s eye lenses widened a bit and he shrunk into himself.
“At least it would give me an advantage.” He offered half heartedly.
“And you’d be dead.” Red Hood countered.
When Spider-Man stayed quiet Hood sighed.
“Look, kid, one day your going to get gassed or knocked upside the head. It’s going to do something to your web sense or whatever you call it. You're not going to be able to avoid the sniper in the rafters if you don’t know they’re there.”
Finally Spider-Man looked defeated.
“Fine.” He sighed, “What exactly does having a stalker for a week entail?”
Underneath his helmet, Jason grins. This is going to be fun.
—||—
“Why did I agree to this again?”
Peter looked around on his perch on the roof. He could have sworn he heard the shutter of a camera. However, his nerves have been on high alert for the past three nights because of the stalker Hood had hired. Had he hired them? It seems like something he would do, but Peter wasn’t sure. Maybe they just had a hobby of stalkery. He could ask Hood next time he saw him.
“Because you don’t want to die, kid.” Speak of the Devil, or Red Hood, and he shall appear, “Trust me, it’s no fun.”
“Did you get a freaking ninja to stalk me Hood?”
Red Hood let out a small chuckle through the com, “Nope. Just someone with a lot of time on their hands. So long as you provide the caffeine, that is.”
Peter swung to a different rooftop, listening for any trouble down below.
“So, a caffeinated ninja. Gocha.”
“They aren’t- well… maybe they are a ninja. Hang on let me ask.”
Just then, Peter spotted a mugging in progress.
Letting out some quip about stealing being wrong, Peter jumped down between the mugger and victim.
Just another Tuesday, Peter thought as he webbed they mugger to the alley wall. He just had Karen send an alert to the police when Hood came back on the com.
“He says he's not a ninja.”
“That sounds like something a ninja would say.”
“Ninja usually don’t talk.”
“A ninja pretending not to be a ninja would have to talk.”
“Touché.”
A spike in his Spidey Sense and Peter's whole body went rigid. He then jumped and landed high on the alley wall.
Whipping towards the mouth of the alley, Peter caught the shadow of something fleeing. He sprung towards whatever it was, but when he came to the entrance there was nothing. The street beyond was empty. Not even a wayward taxi driving by, which was sort of eerie.
Closing his eyes, Peter concentrated on listening, like Matt taught him, to the heartbeats around him, trying to find something off.
There was the mugger behind him, the victim climbing the steps to his apartment two buildings over, and sleeping citizens so rounding him on all sides. Nothing that could be Hood’s stalker's heart- wait.
There it was.
Climbing up the side of a building, probably a fire escape, was a heart rate that was elevated enough to only belong to someone running high on caffeine.
Peter was off like a shot.
If he could just catch them, then this could all be over. Peter probably wouldn’t have to knowingly deal with a hired stalker for a while. At least not this particular stalker.
It was part of the agreement, anyway.
Man, this guy is fast, Peter thought as he arrived at the roof and the stalker was already half a block away. Luckily, Peter had a way to remedy that.
Using his webs, Peter quickly caught up with the stalker. Their shadowy form zigzagged across the roofs below him, darting between shadows like a water skipper.
Just as Peter was about to descend and confront the stalker, they disappeared. Completely gone. Peter couldn’t even pick up a trace of their heartbeat.
Silently, he cursed himself. Hopefully he could get them next time.
—||—
Spider-Man ended up not catching Tim.
He got close several times and Jason would forever treasure the muttered string of ‘ Shit, shit, shit, fucking shit,’ coming from Tim’s com as Spidey got closer every time.
Course, Tim also had to play the part of a civilian with a penchant for stalkery. That means no equipment except for a camera, a pair of running shoes, and sheer will power. Jason thought he pulled it off flawlessly.
Jason’s favorite part was the photos.
Tim had a true talent. He could make someone look truly magnificent in one moment and then he would shift the angle and suddenly they were the greatest fool on the planet.
It was the best.
For this, Jason had requested for a mix of both kinds of shots. He wanted to show the kid that should he die, he could die looking like a fool just as easily as he could looking awesome. Honestly, that in of itself was probably a good motivator.
Nobody wanted to die looking like a fool. Least of all, teenagers.
So here Jason was, in full Red Hood regalia, sitting on the roof with Spider-Man just before the kid went on a daytime patrol. Photographs were scattered between them.
“These are good,” Spidey said picking up a particularly majestic photo, apparently surprised.
Hood leveled him with a stare, “You honestly thought I was going to get some amateur photographer to do this?” He started to shake his head, “For shame. For shame.”
“You just said you would have someone stalk me for a week and if I caught them it would end early. There was no mention of skill.”
The Red Hood stayed decidedly silent.
“Since these are all of me, legally, I can have them, and you can’t sue me, right?”
“Only if you remember that each one of them is a headshot from any decent sniper and you’d be dead.”
“This world has already killed my soul, what’s one more thing?”