Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After the almost-apocalypse, an angel and his demon counterpart were sitting on the sofa of a small bookshop in London, kissing affectionately. The connection between them for the past 6,000 was evident, but up until less than a month ago, the pair did not verbally share their feelings for each other, in fear of Heaven and/or Hell. Now there was no one to stop them or be angry at the scene, they were finally on their own side, together.

The two were so into the moment, Crowley didn’t notice the fact his glasses fell off but if he had known, he wouldn't have cared. He hated his yellow snake eyes but the angel he was pressed up against didn’t make him feel like he needed to hide when they were alone, with just the two of them. Crowley’s hand started to slither up the torso of Aziraphale. Crowley was never one to be shy and he always was the first to advance, so he started to slide his hand up Aziraphale’s vest, hoping to take this makeout session further.

Aziraphale was fine until he felt a hand gently go up his side, much closer to him than he would’ve preferred, and his eyes shot open and he tried to pull away. Constantly, there was a nagging in the back of his mind with the voice of Gabriel, telling him to “lose the gut.” He had never thought there was anything wrong with his weight but when Gabriel said that, he started to notice that being overweight was no longer a good thing and made you ugly. He never dared to bring this up to Crowley in fear of finding out that the demon in fact did find him to be repulsive. Crowley’s hand continued along its path and showed no signs of slowing. Aziraphale was shifting a little bit, uncomfortable. Skin suddenly hit skin and Aziraphale's eyes shot open and pulled back with a slight gasp.

Crowley noticed his lover’s discomfort and looked at him with concern, keeping his hand where it was to comfort the angel. But that hand was in fact what was aiding the discomfort. Aziraphale couldn’t handle the touch anymore and aimed to simply push Crowley back a little. However, he was too forceful in his attempts, knocking the red-head straight onto the ground, leaping off the couch as he does so.

Crowley is stunned. Aziraphale had never been so aggressive before. He was always quite gentle and wouldn’t do anything to harm Crowley. He looks up at Aziraphale dumbfoundedly. He’s met with disgust, also a trait he's never seen on his angel before. Especially directed at him. The realization hits that his glasses are off. Crowley averts his gaze immediately, not able to stand seeing Aziraphale repulsion any longer.

Aziraphale could only gape at the fact, he threw his lover to the ground, only because of his insecurities. A wave of nausea hit him, something he’s never experienced before, as he watched Crowley’s Adam’s apple bob and lip quiver.

He frantically searched for his glasses on the ground and put them on the minute his hand touched them, covering up his lurid yellow eyes, burning with tears. Aziraphale, his best friend, his angel, his whole world, has just decided that he is no longer worth loving and pushed him away. He finally saw how awful of a creature he was. Crowley always knew it was too good to be true. He knew there was no chance in hell?...heaven?...wherever, that Aziraphale could ever love a demon. He’s too pure, too good, for Crowley and all it took was one look into his eyes, and he knew that he couldn’t really love Crowley.

This wasn’t their first time kissing. The first time on the bus home had been magic, or Crowley thought it had been for both parties, guess he was mistaken. So why now? Why all of a sudden the change of heart? Sadness turned to irritation in Crowley. No, he wasn’t irritated, he was pissed. He loved, loves? Aziraphale more than anything and would be discorporated for him, and now after weeks he gets thrown to the floor like garbage because he has serpent eyes. He understands, he hates him too, but he thought Aziraphale could at least tolerate them.

Anger and dejection boil over, and he yelled, a shakiness undermining his rage, “How is it you only realize now that you’re disgusted by me? Hmm? I’ve known and loved you for 6,000 years, and I have been a demon this entire time. Nothing has changed, so why now?” tears are threatening to fall behind his glasses shield, “I know I’m not as beautiful as you. I never have been. Even when I was an angel. So what made you decide that right now my hideous eyes were a problem?” By this point Crowley was shaking, whether it was his sadness or frustration was unbeknownst to him. Aziraphale looked at him with such pity, knowing he was the cause of Crowley’s suffering. However, it only made Crowley more angry seeing the tears brimming in hi...the angel’s eyes and the pity streaming from them.

“Crowley...I...it really wasn’t…” Aziraphale started to sputter.

“Oh shut up,” Crowley said viciously, “You going to give me the whole ‘oh it’s not you it’s me’ spiel? Save it Aziraphale. We both know that’s complete bullshit. You’re a fucking angel, in every sense of the word. I’m just a disgusting demon. There was always a small part of me that thought this could work.” The last part coming out small and shaky, barely audible. Crowley turned to leave and Aziraphale reached out to him.

Slowly he brought his hand back as his heart broke hearing, “I knew this had been too good to be true, how could anyone love me?” come from his best friend for 6,000 years. Tears poured from blue eyes as the bookshops' door slammed.

***

A few days later, as Crowley yelled at his plants about how they “aren’t good enough” and “need to be better”, he heard a faint knock at his door, which was unusual considering he had no friends that would come over. Putting the spray bottle used for misting the plants, Crowley sauntered over to the door to see what Jehovah’s witnesses or scientologists stumbled upon his house today. He had to check twice to make sure his reptilian eyes were not deceiving him. Aziraphale stood outside, wringing his hands anxiously.

With a sigh Crowley opened the door just enough to see the distressed Aziraphale and said, “What do you want ang...Aziraphale?”

“Oh, Crowley! I wasn’t sure if you were home or would even answer me,” he sputtered, looking down sadly at the last part, “But here you are! Um...I wanted...I-I just wanted to clarify...what happened...the other day. You at least owe me that.” Aziraphale seemed to focus everywhere but Crowley’s scrutinizing glare. Not that he knew Crowley was glaring at him, because his maybe ex-lover had his sunglasses glasses on, which was part of the problem in fact. Aziraphale couldn’t have been more wrong, however. If he were to take off Crowley’s glasses at that moment, he would have seen nothing but sorrow and guilt from the demon, who suddenly felt bad for exploding like he did, not giving Aziraphale the chance to explain.

Crowley moved to the side, allowing Aziraphale in, and the second he closed the door, the angel started, “Crowley, I am so so sorry for what I did. It...I...oh goodness...I was so nervous Crowley. I love you so much but Gabriel...just the things he said to me...they...they were getting to me and I didn’t want...you to see me as fat and ugly. And I know...I know it’s stupid but I wouldn’t be able to carry on if you didn’t love me,” and as he spoke he got quieter and quieter until the last part was essentially a whisper.

Crowley sighed and lifted his glasses enough to wipe his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. He sniffled a little and cleared his throat before saying shakily, “I am a complete idiot. I thought you were disgusted with me and that’s why you pushed me away. I am so sorry. I...I completely understand if you hate me now.” He covered his mouth and tried to choke back the sob that threatened to escape. All because he was an insecure little shit who misunderstood the circumstances, he might lose Aziraphale forever.

Aziraphale rushed over to Crowley wrapping in a quick hug before he pulled away and said, “Oh, Crowley, you are the one that should hate me. I put you through all that because I was worried about my weight.”

“Angel, I only got mad because I thought you hated my eyes. You’re gorgeous the way you are. And if you ever feel like that again you have to tell me. I would hate to make you feel uncomfortable,” the demon responded.

“Thank you, Crowley. I guess vanity got the best of both of us huh?” Aziraphale tried to joke, but just ended up looking like a kicked puppy.

“Hey I mean I don’t know if you’re up for it but would you...maybe...you can say no obviously...but do you want to maybe cuddle on my couch? I can put on a Disney movie or something. I mean it’s ok if you don’t want to…”

Aziraphale cut him off by kissing his cheek and said, “I’d love to, my dear,” as he took the demon’s arm, letting him lead them to the couch.

The pair sat down, hip to hip, and started to enjoy the movie. Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder, messing up his glasses’ position. Aziraphale suddenly suggested, “Why don’t you just take them off, my dear, it’s just the two of us?”

Crowley hesitated, but took them off, not looking Aziraphale in the eye. Aziraphale lifted his chin, and watery yellow met soft blue eyes. Crowley looked at him so solemnly, with a hint of hope behind all of the insecurity.

“You must know, I alway did love your eyes. They make you you. And never, never think that I would stop loving you because of a silly thing like that.”

A smile grows across Crolwey’s face and he leans in and kisses his angel, his angel. It was probably one of the most passionate kisses the two had ever shared. Not aggressive, but rather gentle for the length it lasted. Crowley, not really thinking, let his hand leave from its position on Aziraphale’s face and wander towards his hips. Aziraphale flinched on contact. More out of surprise than discomfort, but he flinched nonetheless, earning the attention from a worried Crowley.

“Aziraphale, I am so sorry...I know we just talked about this...this was the cause of all of our problems and I just did it again,” Crowley quickly got out, rubbing his hand across his face.

“Hey hey it’s ok Crowley. I know you meant no harm. I was just surprised that’s all,” Aziraphale reassured.

“It’s not fine angel. I am very sorry about any discomfort I ever made you feel. But there was really no need for it I must say. I think that you’re beautiful just the way you are. It makes you who are. You’re soft because that’s who you are on the inside. And...and if anyone makes you feel like that again, tell me so I can go beat them up,” that earned a little chuckle from Aziraphale. Crowley continued, “It makes you better for hugs and cuddling too.”

Aziraphale blushed, and smiled, responding with a small bashful, “Thank you.”

Things won’t go exactly back to normal for the two right away, and things take time, but for now they have each other and somebody to love, which is really all that matters.

Chapter Text

Title: TBA I'm not creative*

Summary but not really: So like Azi and Crowley are on the couch of the bookshop but like not in the open and are kissing and crowley’s glasses fall off because ya know he’s into it and doesn’t care. Then crowley goes to slide his hand under azi’s vest? Shirt? Jacket? Idk but anyways he goes to do that and azi remembers gabriel’s dick comments about his weight and shoots his eyes opened and tries to pull back and crowley opens his eyes to see what’s wrong but doesn’t take his hand away so azi pushes him harder than he meant to and he off the couch and azi leaps up. Crowley is stunned and takes azi’s look as disgust and immediately averts his gaze as azi stands looking over him shocked at what he just did. Crowley grabs his glasses and stands up lip kinda quivering or something because he thinks azi no longer likes him but he’s pissed bc he loves him and starts yelling about how “you only realize now that you’re disgusted by me, i’ve been a demon this whole time, i know i'm not as beautiful as you and my eyes are hideous what’s changed now” and shit and azi is nearly in tears and goes to defend himself but crowley gets even more angry and is like “oh you gonna say that it’s me and not you well that’s bullshit bc you’re a fucking angel and i’m just a demon” and walks out being like “i knew this was too good to be true, how could anyone love me” and like azi is stunned and starts crying. *time passes* azi shows up to crowley’s and he’s like what do you want angel and azi is like i just want to clarify what happens you at least owe me that and he’s like stuttering a lil bit bc he’s nervous and tells crowley what actually was the matter and crowley feels awful and is like i understand if you hate me now and azi is like no you should be the one to hate me i put you through all of that and crowley is like no youre beautiful but if you felt that way you should’ve told me and azi is looking like a sad puppy so crowley suggests cuddling or something and azi is like take off your glasses and crowley is hesitant but does and doesn’t look azi in the eyes and azi lifts his chin and is like i’ve always loved your eyes because they make you you and don’t ever think I wouldn’t love you bc of something as silly as that and crowley has watery eyes and kisses azi and he flinches back when crowley gets a little too handsy and crowley keeps apologizing and azi is like it’s fine and crowley is like it’s not but i want you to know that you’re beautiful the way you are and you’re soft bc that’s who you are on the inside and it suits you perfectly and makes you the best person for hugs and cuddling and azi is blushing and is like thank you and they kiss and it’s adorable

*This was before Queen inspired me