Chapter Text
Thirty-six hours. Thirty-six hours of labour is how long it took for Pepper to successfully give birth to a premature baby boy. After years of trying different doctors, going through more exams than she could count and enduring numerous procedures, she was finally rewarded with a healthy pregnancy.
Amid all of the joy and relief, it was easy to forget the agonizing months that had brought them to where they were and that there had been a time when Pepper had found herself ready to give up on every fertility treatment anyone could offer her. During the first several months of treatment, she'd tried to stay optimistic, telling herself that it would happen in its own time eventually, it did. There was a positive pregnancy test and everything seemed right with the world until it didn't. She was three months along when she found herself crying on the bathroom floor as her body began to spontaneously abort the fetus she had been so lovingly carrying. They would learn later that her uterus just hadn't up for the task and that she would need to have surgery if they wanted to retain the hope of her being able to maintain a pregnancy to term.
Sitting on the bathroom floor had felt Pepper absolutely drained. She'd been crying for so long that there were no real tears left but it wasn't until she looked down at her bloody legs that she realized she'd been sitting on the cold tiled floor, staring a the door for over two full hours. Suddenly feeling more aware and overwhelmed with anxiety, she had JARVIS call her husband, ignoring the way her vocal cords had made her sound pathetic and weak as she made her request.
“Mrs. Stark, I would like to notify you that medical attention should be arriving soon” the kindly sounding AI announced after she's managed to pull herself up from the floor on shaky legs.
“Thank you, JARVIS”, she barely managed to whisper. She was far to busy trying to ignore the harrowing pain that was radiating from her lower back all the way down to the pelvic bone and through her cervix. As she held herself up against the sink, she looked down and squeezed her eyes shut, internally begging, no one, in particular, to explain to her why. Why had her body failed her? Why couldn't she give a family to the man that she dearly loved? Why couldn't she make her parents and in-laws grandparents? The anxiety, the pressure that had been caused by all of those perceived expectations were intense and infuriating.
"PEPPER!!", she heard Tony's deep voice shout from behind the door. Though no more than a few seconds passed before JARVIS was unlocking it, thus allowing him access to his wife. He'd not really been prepared for the sight that awaited him and he took in a sharp breath. There was Pepper, the love of his life, standing there, holding herself up against the counter with blood leaking down her legs while opening sobbing. All he could do was stand there wide eyed and scared shitless not knowing what to do. His mind had gone completely blank.
"Sir, I need to inform you that emergency services are at the door", JARVIS informed, pulling Tony out of his state of near panic.
"Let them in.", he said and then swallowed hard before approaching Pepper so that he could rub her back. At least then he could feel like he was doing something, even if it was only a small gesture of comfort and solidarity.
"Hey, look at me.", Tony whispered as he placed a finger from one of his hands on his wife's chin to encourage her to look at him, while simultaneously using his opposite had to gently brush away the strawberry blond hair that was sticking to her tear-stained cheeks.
"I'm a failure, Tony.", Pepper breathily spoke. Things, like getting pregnant and giving birth, seemed like such natural events that she as a woman should be able to do without medical intervention. She couldn't stop herself from feeling like there was something about her that was broken or unworthy. She'd failed at doing the one thing women were fundamentally built to do. Create life.
"You're not.", Tony attempted to soothe but he knew the words weren't getting through. So, he just sat there and looked at her with sad eyes and forced himself to remain calm and composed for her benefit. She was already struggling and he didn't want to add to her already mounting guilt by displaying his own feelings of hurt and upset. Though, admittedly there were several tears shed during the time spent in the hospital and several more when they returned under similar circumstances a mere seven months later.
"I'm just worried about her.", Tony confessed to the doctor as he walked down the whitewashed hallway of the hospital. Despite having been assured that there were still other procedures that they could employ should they choose to continue trying, he was concerned about his wife's ability to cope with a third loss, with his own ability to cope with a third loss, really. While his wife had to suffer through the physical pain of the miscarriages, they shared in the mental anguish. As small and underdeveloped as they may have been, they were their children. "I think that this second spontaneous abortion has completely shaken her.", he added, choosing not to admit that he too was troubled.
"This had been traumatic and people tend to deal with trauma in all different ways. Perhaps you should stop treatments for a while and seek some psychological guidance to help her cope before you jump back in. When you're ready, We'll carry out the next round of diagnostics and try a new precautionary regime.", the doctor explained.
"Yeah, I-", Tony began only to be cut off by his family baring into the small reception looking as though they were prepared to start a war.
"I'm Maria Stark and this is my husband, Howard, we're here to--", he heard his mother frantically shout at the poor receptionist before she realized that he was standing right there and began to hurry towards him. "--Oh! Look, it's Anthony... Tony!", she called out and soon he found himself being pulled into an unexpected three-way hug.
The doctor smiled at the display and waited patiently to be able to finalize their previous conversation. "I'll give you some privacy and if you require any further assistance, please don't hesitate to ask for me at the nurse's station. I'd be happy to come and help you. Also, please note that your wife should be good to go by tomorrow morning.", he kindly informed before politely shaking his hand.
"Thanks for your help, Doc.", Tony replied and then watched as the man left the room, leaving him to explain the tragedy at hand to his parents. Then with a deep sigh, he turned towards his mother and father's worried faces. "Pepper lost the baby, Mom and I don't know what to do.", he truthfully told his mother as a few tears fell from his eyes and onto his mom's shoulder where she had taken him back into her arms.
"Anthony, son... look at me.", his father requested of him and Tony complied, looking up from his mother's embrace. "It may be hard right now and I know you're probably feeling lost and angry but you have her and she needs you. Just let her cry, sob, scream, whatever she needs to do because it's hard to lose something so special but I've no doubt in my mind that both of you will have a precious family, like your mother and I have with you and your sister, May.", he gently spoke before firming up his tone. "Now, you take a deep breath, go wash your face and talk to your wife, okay? You can do this. Take your time, your mother and I will be here to keep her company until you get back.
Tony nodded his head and sniffed as he wiped at his red-rimmed eyes only to have to wipe them again when his dad whispered a quiet, "I love you, Son.", into his ear.
"I love you too, Dad.", Tony echoed and then followed his father's orders and went to make himself presentable before, going to talk to his wife and his parents about the options the doctor had laid before him. How there would be more tests, injections and bed rest in their future should they chose to continue their quest to become parents. He had to keep reminding himself to stay positive as he spoke. His mind pressed quite the opposite.
Along with his explanation, Tony made a concerted effort to try and help his wife understand that none of what had happened was her fault, that it was natural and that there were many, many other young women who were also struggling to conceive. They weren't alone, even if they felt like they were.
Pepper and remained quiet throughout the entire speech. It wasn't until her husband had said that he didn't fault her for the losses, that she finally spoke and when she did, it was with tears in her eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Tony.", she finally said before breaking down completely.
"...and that's okay, Amore Mio, We can wait and when you're ready you can decide if you want to have the treatments and trying again, okay?", he said with non-judgmental affinity. He loved his wife and wanted more than anything to have a child with her but he wanted her to know that she was enough. If it came down to it and being parents just was just never going to be in the cards for them... she was enough.
"Okay.", Pepper choked out through her own emotion and Tony took her hand into his, bringing it up to his lips so that he could kiss give it a gentle kiss. Then as he carefully brushed his finger's through her hair to bring it away from her blue eyes, he smiled while his own parents looked on with care.
It took three more years of frustrated tears, multiple rounds of medical intervention and lots of intensive family counseling before they were able to bring Peter Benjamin Stark into the world. A living, breathing, six-pound baby boy with dark hair and the biggest most gorgeous brown eyes anyone had ever seen. Being premature had led to a few respiratory issues but it wasn't anything that couldn't be managed because he was a fighter. Tough as nails just like his mom and the entire family was instantly in love with him. None of them could possibly be any happier about Peter's safe arrival.
Even Pepper's parents, Karen and Kennedy Potts had flown in all the way from San Francisco the moment they'd received the news of their grandson's early arrival. They could hardly contain their excitement as they came bursting into the hospital room with arms full of flowers for their daughter and a few small gifts for Peter.
"I can't believe I'm a grandmother, Maria! This is insane!", Karen said once she'd spotted her friend across the room.
"Neither can I dear.", Maria agreed as she looked over the lastest pictures that had been carried in by the NICU nurse. The baby in the photographs looked so tiny in his incubator with the little tubes and monitors attached to him but even so, he was perfect.
"May just called me, Mom", Tony said, interrupting his mother in her thoughts, "Happy's going to be bringing her by just now."
"That's great, my dear.", his mother distractedly replied before passing the photographs over in order to give Maria and Howard to chance gush over their precious Peter.
Tony smiled and glanced down at his wife who seemed to be waking up from her well-deserved nap and made his way towards her. "Are you hungry, Darling?", he asked knowing that it had been hours since she'd had more than a few ice chips and some broth. However, Pepper just looked at his with worry etched across her brow.
"Is he okay, Tony?", she asked and Tony was quick to try and quell her nerves.
"Yeah. Out baby boy is strong. He'll be here for a couple of weeks until his lungs develop a little more but other than that, yes. He's healthy.", Tony assured but when his wife's features remained tense he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. "It's all going to be fine, he's a fighter and he's currently under the care of the best specialist in the country. You know why? Because we're going to give him the best of everything."
"He's also going to be spoiled rotten by his crazy aunt and uncles.", May chimed in, causing everyone in the room to trun to face her. She was holding a baby blue arrangement and next to her was her long-time boyfriend, Ben Parker. "I know you've had a difficult journey but hey, you know you have us, Pepper.", she said to her sister-in-law as entered the room.
"Thank you, Sis.", Tony said, smiling sweetly at his sister. "It's like you always know what to say."
After setting down the flowers, May made her way over to give her Pepper a hug before turning to embrace her brother. "Yeah, well, that's one of the perks of being raised by ever knowledgeable, Maria Stark.", she quipped, with a teasing glance towards her mother.
"Hey! Just because I like to give life advice doesn't mean I want to be the center of attention.", Maria countered mock offense. "Are you listening to this, Howard? I can't believe these children.", she complained and then everyone in the room was laughing.
"Maria.", Howard said as he lay a heavy hand on his wife's shoulder. "No matter how many life lessons you give, these children will always find a way to take the piss out of you."
Rolling, her eyes, Maria shook her husband's hand away and made a point of moving to the complete opposite side of the room from him. "I can't believe you're siding with them, she huffed while Karen and Kennedy laughed quietly in the background. There was nothing more entertaining than watching the Starks take things to a whole new level of playful bickering.
"My dearest Mother, I am very sorry that I hurt your feelings.", May offered while she made her way over to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"You better be.", Maria grumbled causing Tony to snort a laugh while Ben simply sighed and brought his hand, momentarily up to his face.
"You know, everything's going to be great, right, Pepper?", Ben said once the room had grown quiet again. "There's nothing to be worried about because if you need anything your family is going to be here to support you.", he promised and everyone in the room was quick to jump in and agree with him.
After taking a moment to compose herself, Pepper smiled softy at her family. "Thank you, Ben... and everyone. I am honestly so grateful to have such a loving crazy family.", she honestly expressed and leaned in as Tony placed a kiss to her cheek.
Then just as quickly as the sentimental moment had started it ended as Howard clapped his hands together in a business-like manner. "Well, Happy just texted me and apparently he's waiting so I'll be heading off to get some work done at the office.", he proclaimed as he took a quick look at his watch. "Id you need anything you can call me but your mother's going to be sticking around with you."
"Sure thing, Dad.", Tony said and then wrapped his arms around his father's neck, giving him a firm pat to the back. "Thanks for everything, I love you"
"I love you too, son.", Howard returned and then he was out the door leaving the remainder of the family to quietly talk amongst themselves. They all spent a good bit of time, chatting about current events and telling funny stories in an attempt to distract Pepper from her obvious concern. They knew she was worried about Peter. She'd yet to be able to really look at him. They had held him up briefly for her to see once he'd been safely delivered but then he'd been whisked away to the NICU for observation, where he would remain for a minimum of twenty-four hours.
Even with the promise of constant care, Pepper was having a hard time with the separation. It was nervewracking to know that her baby was so close yet so far away. She'd invested so much time, patience and even her own physical being into bringing Peter into the world and if felt like a punch to the gut to be told that she would have to wait to see him, to hold him, to touch every single one of his tiny fingers and toes. It left her feeling powerless and afraid but there was nothing she could do. It was similar to the same helpless feeling she'd had after each of her miscarriages. The thought of her two angles babies, made her breath hitch. "Tony.", she said as he grabbed her husband's loose sleeve. "He really is alive, right? You're not, they're not lying. He's okay?", she pleaded as her eyes began to water and her heart rate spiked with panic.
Tony's heart sank because he knew how hard this was for her. For them. "Darling, I promise you that our baby is alive and that we're going to see him tomorrow. Then we're going to get you home and Peter's going to be moved out of the NICU to a more specialized unit where we can visit him all the time.", he soothes while kissing her hand. "I would never lie to you about or son's safety and wellbeing.", he continued with a shaky breath, looking at her with pitying eyes that were seconds away from becoming cloudly with tears.
"I know that.", Pepper replied with a broken voice. "I... I'm just desperate. He's out there and I'm in here, Tony. I can't do anything for him. I can't nurse him, I can't change his diaper, I can't even sing him to sleep. Hell, I don't even know what he really looks like.", she nearly shouted towards the end while gesturing towards the small pile of pictures the nurses had brought her to share with family and to look at while she pumped her breasts. She so frustrated and heartbroken at that point that the tears wouldn't stop.
"I know, I know, Honey but hey, tomorrow, you're going to be able to see him and soon enough, he'll be home with us, where he belongs. You're going to be able to nurse him, rock him, read his books and change every single one of his diapers. Ten times a day... probably more.", Tony said knowing that it would make his wife laugh. Then he took a moment to wipe away her tears and make strong eye contact with her. He needed to make sure she was listening. "I know your upset and anxious, so am I. We have each other, though and we're going to get through this. I promise."
Twenty-four long hours later, both Pepper and Tony were being dressed in sterile scrubs so that they could walk into the NICU and hold their tiny baby boy. Looking around, they were fully aware that there were quite a few small infants in the room but their eyes were trained solely on their own. They watched as the familiar doctor picked up their son who still attached to several machines, including one that was offering him a steady stream of life-giving oxygen and they could see the way he had to place his hands carefully to not disturb them.
"Mr. And Mrs. Stark, this is Peter.", the doctor said as he placed the baby carefully into Pepper's outstretched arms. "Be mindful of the wires, they're what's helping us monitor heart rate, temperature and oxygen levels. The nurses cleaned him up this morning and he's been changed. So, far, everything looks great.", he said with a small smile. "If Peter keeps up this same rate of development he should be able to be released into your care in the next couple of weeks."
Tony, who had been looking fondly at his wife and son, took a moment to shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you so much, Doctor White. I truly can't thank you enough for everything you've done for my wife and I."
"It's been my pleasure, Mr. Stark and as I'm sure you already know, your wife is set to be released from the hospital sometime tomorrow morning. Until then, you're both welcome to stay in here with your son as much as we can safely allow. I'm sure you can understand that with this being the NICU, there are several medically fragile infants in the room. Should any critical emergencies arise while you're in here, you will have to be asked to step away until things are back under control. However, as soon as we have the discharge papers in order Peter will be moved to a facility that will allow you to visit him as much as you like, with fewer interruptions."
"Thank you so much.", pepper told the doctor and then looked around the room as the vigilant staff continued to care for their small patients. "Thank all of you for looking after my baby boy and taking such good care of him, keeping him safe. I can't explain to you how grateful Tony and I are.", she expressed with teary eyes. They really were lucky to have such an amazing team of caregivers.
"It's no problem, Mrs. Stark.", one of the nurses replied with a smile. "...and just so you know, we'll try to give you as much privacy as we can while you get to know your baby. If you'd like to nurse him you can, he's probably going to be getting hungry here soon. Just let us know if you need any help."
With the doctor having stepped away and the nurses busying themselves around the room, Pepper and Tony were left to admire the newest member of their growing family. Tony watched as his wife held their son close to her body and reached out to take a hold of the infant's small hand, being careful not to disturb any of the numerous wires.
"He's so beautiful...", Pepper airily proclaimed, never looking away from Peter's pink cheeks and wrinkled forehead. Finally having him in her arms was a relief and tears began to stream down her face. She had to take a deep breath to try and keep them at bay. "He's so precious. I can't believe he's ours. Look at him, Tony. He's our baby."
Tony too had to wipe at his eyes as tried to control his own emotions. Then he looked down at his gorgeous wife and their perfect child. "He, he's our baby, Pepper.", he uttered through the oncoming tears of joy. "...and the tree of us? We're going to be together into the end.", he added with a deep breath, never taking his eyes off of his family.