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13. Every time you have an STD test you’ll be 102% sure you have HIV, or at least a spot of Chlamydia.
Doctor’s surgery waiting rooms are never a comfortable place to be at the best of times; if you are people-spotting and making up reasons for the other people to be there, then it’s a pretty good bet that the others are doing it too.
“I hate this!” Bitched Louis, shuffling in his seat and crossing his arms to drive home his point.
“No-one does,” Sighed Liam as he patted Louis’ knee in an attempt to both reassure and still the older singer,
“But we have to do this once a year.”
“I know but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.” The pout was now in full force.
“They’re just checking to make sure we’re healthy before tour.” Liam reasoned, “Don’t want us collapsing or something during the middle of it.”
Louis kicked the leg of the empty seat in front of him, he knew Liam was right but he wasn’t going to agree with him. “No, that wouldn’t help their bank balance would it.”
There was no way he was going to win the argument but Liam guessed that Louis understood, so settled on giving his leg a squeeze.
Zayn dug his elbow into Louis’ side, “They just want to make sure you haven’t got ‘The Clap’ or anything.” He whispered, earning him a glare from Liam who was sure that he had just settled Louis.
“If I have, I’d have only got it from you.” Louis smiled lovingly, ignoring the glare from Harry.
“Maybe I got it from you?” Zayn smiled back.
Sensing the tension coming off Harry Liam decided to stop the taunting before it escalated any further. “Lad’s that’s enough now, not everyone understands your humour.” His eyes pointing at Harry, enough for Zayn to nod his understanding.
“Yeah, sorry mate.” Zayn wriggled and rested his head on Louis’ shoulder and closed his eyes.
“Metro say that you always think that you have something when you get a STD, test anyway. I know I’m clean.”
Harry said proudly but started biting his lip. “At least I think I am.”
Silence settled over the small group in the waiting room, then suddenly Harry started squirming in his seat.
“What if they discover I have an incurable disease?” Harry twisted his fingers nervously.
Niall turned in his seat to look back at Harry, “Eh? What the fuck you talking about?”
Meanwhile next to him, Paul tipped his head back and rolled his eyes as he wondered if it was now too late to look for another job.
Harry looked up at Niall, oblivious to Paul’s predicament. “What if they do the usual tests and find out that I have myxomatosis or something? How do I explain to my mum that I have an incurable disease?!”
Now Niall was very confused, “Myxomatosis?! That’s what fucking rabbits get you twat! If you have that, then explaining your life expectancy is the least of your worries!”
“Given the noise levels sometimes, I’d say you’re all fucking rabbit’s!” Mumbled Paul