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It wasn’t meant to be awkward.
When Donghyuck and Jeno had accidentally kissed on live, they joked around with each other and didn’t let it phase them.
Hell, even when Jaemin and Mark had each other’s faces pressed next to each other during an intense game of twister, not even Mark Lee acted any differently.
Yet, when Renjun and Jaemin had been squashed between the rest of the members, bodies pressed together and foreheads touching, so close that Jaemin could see himself in Renjun’s pupil, the atmosphere between them had changed, enough that they both felt it.
As the group pulled apart, the two immediately ignored one another, not even looking in the other’s direction.
This unspoken pact of ignoring each other’s every move had continued on to the dorms, even during dance practices.
“Listen,” Jeno had started during one practice, “I don’t know what has happened between you two, but can you at least put it aside for now so we can actually get shit done in here?”
Jaemin and Renjun glanced at each other, the first bit of eye contact between them in days, and it instantly reminded Renjun of why he was ignoring him in the first place.
Renjun didn’t like it like this, ignoring his best friend, but he couldn’t help it.
Because truthfully, it wasn’t Jaemin he was ignoring, but was his unwanted feelings for the younger boy.
He had felt something deep inside when the incident happened, his heart racing and palms dampening, a desperately repressed feeling instantly jumping to the front of his brain, taking over his mind and leaving no space for any thoughts other than Na Jaemin.
Renjun had decided to himself that maybe if Jaemin wasn’t there to distract him, his brain wouldn’t have to bother him about it constantly. He didn’t want to be reminded of the long lashes that looked so ethereal up close, the chapped pink lips that he couldn’t help but want to taste. He didn’t want to be reminded of his stupid questionable feelings towards his band member.
...
Jaemin was never the type to shy away from his emotions.
In middle school, if he liked someone, he wouldn’t be afraid to ask them out for a milkshake after school or to come over after on the weekend. He didn’t believe in wasting opportunities, and certainly wasn’t one to be patient. If he had his heart set on someone, he had to get them as soon as he could.
But it was different now. The situation was different now.
Jaemin knew that acting on the desires he long had for Renjun would most likely not end up well. Jaemin couldn’t just run away from the possible rejection, they lived together.
He would never want to intentionally make the older boy uncomfortable or upset, even though at the back of his mind, a voice would constantly remind him that by ignoring said boy, it would have the same effect.
But still, Jaemin chose to be selfish when it came down to the situation. As long as he didn’t have to face Renjun, he wouldn’t have to deal with his loud emotions and let them spread even further.
A few nights after the dancing room incident, Jaemin had crept into Renjun and Jeno’s shared room to fetch one of Jeno’s old t-shirts to sleep in.
Somehow, his heart had taken control of his body out of nowhere, and the next thing he knew, he was standing over Renjun’s sleeping body.
This was the first time Jaemin was able to look at him in days, and was once again awestruck at how the older was able to look like an angel without even trying. He was lying on his back, arms outstretched freely with his large white t-shirt exposing his collarbones.
Jaemin wouldn’t normally find just the sight of someone with drool collecting on the side of their chin beautiful, but here he was, admiring the sleeping boy in front of him, tousled hair and all.
He wishes he could see all of Renjun up close, trace his fingers down his exposed collarbones and under the white material, feeling his warm skin. He wishes he could feel the buds he knew were sensitive from Donghyuck teasing the member in the past, just to see for himself.
He wishes he could feel every expanse of Renjun’s skin, to place gentle kisses under his navel and let Renjun finally feel all of his emotions.
He wishes he could do many things involving Renjun.
Nothing was stopping him from climbing under the covers and wrapping his arms around the slim waist, he realized, nothing but the shun he had set for himself.
Jaemin was an open book to his friends, not qualified in the habit of keeping things to himself. That’s why he needed to bury his feelings towards Renjun deep, deep down, and never let them reach the surface, otherwise they would overflow and control Jaemin’s thoughts and actions, exposing themselves to everyone else.
The first time his feelings had appeared was back when they were trainees- Renjun had interlocked his hands with Jaemin’s one day, and he swore felt electricity run all the way from the tips of his fingers, right into his heart to make space for a petite boy.
But he knew he couldn’t act on the growing admiration like he normally does- there were too many problems that would cause, and he couldn’t risk losing a new friend.
But ever since the situation where their faces were squashed so close together, his feelings had resurfaced, and it was becoming more and more difficult for him to not explode.
Looking at Renjun in this moment made him want to kiss his slightly agape mouth with force, made him want to hold him in his arms tightly and never let him go.
Taking a deep breath, he left the room.
...
It was a rest day for the Dreamies, and Jaemin had decided to spend it on the couch, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone and allowing his mind to drift.
“We need to talk.”
Jaemin looked up in search of the owner of the voice to see Renjun standing in the hall, hands playing with his mustard sweater nervously.
He stood up slowly, a million different warning bells going off in response to the sight of Renjun, before leaning against the wall opposite him, faking as much composure as his body allowed.
“What’s up?”
“What do you mean ‘what’s up’ Jaemin? We haven’t spoken in weeks! Not since-“
Jaemin took note of the red blush forming on Renjun’s cheeks as he cut himself off, trying to figure out what the reaction meant. What the whole situation meant to him.
“You’re the one ignoring me.”
“You’re ignoring me too!”
“Doesn’t matter, why are you ignoring me?” Jaemin inquisited.
“Not fair. I asked first.” Renjun stated before sighing far too dramatically, throwing his arms down in defeat.
It was cute, Jaemin decided.
“We’re not going to get anywhere if we’re just going back and forth like this, Jaemin. I just want to know what made you react this way, you know, I want to know if it’s the same reason as why I’m reacting this way and-“
Fuck it.
Before Renjun could finish his little rant, Jaemin stepped forward, allowing his heart to take control of his body once again like it did that night in the room, and placed his lips onto Renjun’s softer ones, kissing him gently before pulling away in fear.
He was going to apologize, but all he saw was Renjun’s wide smile before the shorter stepped on his tip toes and leaned up to attach their lips again.
It all felt perfect to Jaemin- the way their lips moulded together, Renjun’s warm hands placing themselves on his neck and Jaemin’s colder ones being placed snug into Renjun’s back pockets, bringing him in closer.
They found a slow rhythm like that, Jaemin pulling away what felt like hours later, simply to catch his breath, unable to contain his smile when he noticed the swollen lips, and oh did it look beautiful on Renjun.
“Bend down asshole my neck hurts!”
Renjun was lucky he was pretty.
“I could always make it hurt for other reasons.”
“Oh my god shut the fuck up,” Renjun pushed Jaemin’s chest, pulling a face of disgust which almost managed to cover the pink tint painting his cheeks, going even further to spread all over his face.
Jaemin loved how it looked on him, his tough demeanor melting away more and more as each second passed.
Jaemin laughed before looking down at Renjun’s pink and swollen lips, practically calling out to him, begging him for more.
And so he joined their lips together again with newfound strength, Renjun grabbing his hair in an attempt to not fall from the overwhelming feelings.
The butterflies and lightheadedness that washed over Renjun each time Jaemin got close to him were at their peak, and if it wasn’t for his tight grip, Renjun was sure he would fall to the ground.
He felt a sigh leave Jaemin's parted lips as his fingertips brushed over his scalp, which encouraged Renjun to lace his fingers through his hair and tug, enjoying the ego boost the low sounds leaving Jaemin's mouth gave him.
But this was Jaemin, and Jaemin couldn’t let Renjun think he was in control.
He placed a leg between Renjun's thighs before pulling away to litter kisses from the corner of his mouth down to his jawline, licking a stripe just under it, eliciting a moan from the older.
He slowly worked his way to his earlobe, painfully slow, tugging it between his teeth and giving it a soft bite.
Renjun was getting impatient with the teasing, he wanted more, and Jaemin eventually gave in by placing wet kisses on Renjun's neck and sucking out whines, which sounded prettier than anything Jaemin had ever heard before.
The younger had to hold him in place, and he knew that if he let go, Renjun wouldn’t be able to keep himself up from the stimulation melting him.
After deciding he was very much satisfied with the red and purple marks littering Renjun's neck, Jaemin connected their lips again.
Renjun didn’t realize they had been moving backwards until he felt his back hit the white passage wall, now being completely caged in by Jaemin- not that he minded- not at all.
His personal bubble was being entirely invaded by Jaemin, he was vulnerable and enclosed by him, but it felt so right, like it was natural.
Like Jaemin belonged with him.
Renjun was about to give Jaemin his own love bites when they heard something drop behind him.
Pulling away instantly, they noticed Jisung standing in the middle of the hallway like a deer caught in headlights, his phone now on the floor, playing the background music for a game that had been abandoned.
“What the fuck are you two doing? I thought you were fighting?”
They tried asking him to keep quiet about it all, they really did, but the phone was already picked up and within seconds, he was running to one of the other members.
Still stuck in a cloudy haze, the two couldn't bother chasing after him and instead walked hand in hand to Renjun's room, deciding that making out in the middle of the shared dorms wasn’t the best idea.
Jaemin felt two small hands on his chest, letting them push him onto the twin bed while his lips were occupied by some very needy ones.
With Renjun climbing above him, the same two hands began to slide under Jaemin’s hoodie, exploring the hot skin, burning for him.
The sigh leaving Jaemin’s mouth went straight to Renjun’s confidence, encouraging him to tug on the skin under the younger’s jawline and suck on it before giving it a brief lick to reduce the pain, eliciting a moan and a tug of his hair.
While Renjun continued to work on Jaemin’s neck and collarbones, Jaemin finally took his chance to place his hands underneath the sweater, slowly making his way up towards Renjun’s chest.
And God, Jaemin doubted that the sinful whines leaving Renjun’s throat when he played with the buds would ever erase themselves from his mind. He will remember this for sure.
When back up, Jaemin chose to thank Renjun in means of soft kisses, before the two were just left panting and smiling at each other, taking in the flushed faces and spit-covered lips each of them were sporting.
“So..do you like kissing me?”
“No shit, Na Jaemin. I thought I made that rather obvious.”
Minutes passed, and Renjun was now between Jaemin’s arms and listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. He was almost certain their heartbeats had synced.
“The reason I have been ignoring you,” Jaemin started, brushing a piece of Renjun’s hair to the side, “is because I was scared. I was scared that my feelings towards you would ruin the beautiful friendship we have had for so long. I didn’t want my feelings to come out, to scare you.”
Renjun tilted his head up, smiling softly, his stare revealing nothing but complete vulnerability and trust.
“You could never scare me, Jaemin. You just made the relationship we share so much more beautiful.”
The room was silent and filled with only the two boys breathing, before Renjun spoke up again, saying what he knew was at the back of their minds.
“What now?”
“What do you mean?” Jaemin asked in response, looking down to focus on Renjun’s words.
“We are idols, Jaem. Everything is complicated. We can’t go back to how things were before, and we can’t ignore our feelings for each other like we used to.
“We are in a group, we live together with our members. It’s just slightly different to normal relationships.”
Renjun ended his sentence with a sigh, allowing his head to snuggle back onto Jaemin’s chest.
“It doesn’t have to be complicated, I suppose,” Jaemin thought out loud, “All that matters is that we know how each other feels. Nothing can stop us from loving each other.”
Renjun gave Jaemin a light peck on one of the bruises he had left just above his collarbone.
“You’re right. Thank you, Jaemin.”
“Plus,” Jaemin smirked down at the older, “living together just gives us lots of opportunities for other things.”
Renjun instantly gagged, slapping Jaemin’s arm without hesitation.
The next day at practice, the air was thick with unspoken words, everybody waiting for someone to address the rather loud elephant in the room.
After what felt like hours, Jeno took the bearing, much to Jisung’s dismay.
“I heard from someone in this room that you two resolved your problems last night.”
“I think anyone with two eyes would be able to tell, Jeno” Donghyuck snorted, pointing at the purple marks littering both Jaemin and Renjun’s exposed necks.
The members really weren’t going to let this one down.