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“Do you ever want to top?”
The question catches Type off-guard. He’d been almost halfway to asleep, feeling delightfully well-fucked and comfortable, lying sort of half on top of Tharn, head and one hand on his chest, the other hand around Tharn’s waist, and then Tharn asks that question. Type is immediately fully awake again.
“What?” he asks, looking up at Tharn. He has to lift his head to not hurt his neck because of the position they’re in.
“Have you ever wanted to be the top in bed?” Tharn asks. He looks and sounds very calm, like he’s not asking a really weird question.
Although maybe it’s not so weird, actually. Type did ask if he wanted to switch roles earlier.
He’d been joking, though. He thought Tharn knew that.
“I was joking earlier. You know that, right?” Type asks, just to be sure.
Tharn smiles at him. “I know,” he says, and the smile gets a little more serious. “But that doesn’t mean that you’ve never thought about it before. It would be pretty normal for you to think about it.”
“What do you mean ‘normal’?” Type asks. He’s confused.
“I mean, most guys think about this stuff,” Tharn replies. “Sure, people settle into their roles, but most people think about it. A lot of people try it both ways to figure out what they like. It’s normal to wonder and be curious, even if you don’t try it both ways, or even if you don’t really want to try it both ways. A lot of guys still think about it.”
Type looks away.
The truth is that he has thought about it before. More than once. The first time he thought about it was obviously the first time he propositioned Tharn. He’d wanted to be ready with the whole plan before he even brought it up, and he’d thought about being on top, but he had concluded that, since it would be his first time and it was only supposed to be the once (biggest joke of his life, honestly), he’d lie back and let Tharn do all the work. After all, Type had no experience and Tharn had plenty (not that he liked to think about that, even back then).
The second time he’d thought about it had been after they got together for real. Tharn had declared, back when he agreed to sleep with Type, that he was always on top and Type hadn’t really wanted to challenge that or whatever. He liked the way they had sex and had seen no need to change it. But then P’San had turned up, and his whole story with Tharn had made Type think about it again. But he hasn’t really thought about it since.
“I’ve thought about it before,” Type admits. He’s gotten miles better at being honest and open with Tharn, about pretty much everything, but sometimes he still has to overcome his own reservations and shyness. He doesn’t look up at Tharn, but he can feel the inquisitive way Tharn looks at him. “But it’s been a while.”
“When did you think about it?” Tharn asks.
“The first time, obviously,” Type replies, because that is the simple one.
Of course, he thought about it when he propositioned Tharn. For one thing, Type had wanted to approach Tharn with a fully thought-out strategy that he could present him with, and that included thinking about who had experience and whether or not Type wanted to be an active participant (he hadn’t wanted to be, hence the “I’ll just lie there”, but he had been a very active participant in the end). For another, he had figured that Tharn would want to fuck him, because if someone was to proposition Type about sex back then, he’d have wanted to be the one doing the fucking too.
For a third thing, Type had been super curious about sex, super attracted to Tharn despite all attempts to quell that, and kind of horny. He had, from the first time he thought about it, wanted to know what it was like to have Tharn fuck him.
Tharn hums. “You told me you wanted me to be on top,” he says. “How did you decide that?”
“You had way more experience than me,” Type says. This is the simple answer. He’s sure that Tharn knows by now, on some level at least, that Type hadn’t only propositioned him to repay a debt, but that doesn’t mean that he has any particular desire to dig into his mindset back then now. “And I didn’t want to have to do any work. I wanted to just lie there and get it over with.”
“You have always liked it when I take care of you and take the lead,” Tharn says with a smug grin. Type just rolls his eyes. Sometimes, not engaging in the teasing is the best strategy to make it stop.
“It’s not like you don’t like it that way too,” he says, and there’s nothing Tharn can say to that, because that is also true, ha. Tharn still smirks, though, all smug and satisfied, because he doesn’t experience shame or embarrassment the way Type does. Bastard.
“And was that the last time you thought about it?” Tharn asks. Type shakes his head. “When was the last time?”
Type bites his lip. He’d rather not talk about this, but, well, honesty, right? “After you told me about P’San,” he mumbles.
He looks up at Tharn’s face. He looks surprised.
“Really?” he asks. Type just nods. “And what did you think about?”
“I thought maybe I could do it better than him,” Type admits. Tharn’s eyebrows go up practically to his hairline. “You told me the only time you bottomed was with him. So, I thought, maybe he was just bad at it. Maybe I could do it better. Also…” Type hesitates a little, but he and Tharn don’t keep things from each other anymore, so he keeps going. “I didn’t really like the idea of P’San having something with you that I didn’t have. I didn’t like the idea of him being the only one to do this thing with you, so… I kind of wanted to do it too, so I could tell him that he was no longer the only one.”
Tharn smiles, some kind of mix of fond and amused, and Type hits his shoulder. “It wasn’t funny.”
“It’s a little funny. You get so possessive,” Tharn says. Type huffs. He can’t even deny it.
“You’re just the same,” he counters.
Tharn’s smile gets softer. “I know. And I like it when you get possessive,” he says softly.
The truth is that they both kind of like it when the other gets possessive. It usually results in very good sex.
Type has dated girls before who didn’t like his possessive side, and Type can sort of see that it might be annoying to people who don’t get possessive themselves. But that’s just part of why he and Tharn fit so well together: they’re both the possessive and jealous type.
Still, Type has never appreciated getting called out, and he wasn’t entirely kidding earlier when he said his quota for sappiness had been used up for the day, so he gives Tharn’s head a light shove in response.
“So why did you never say anything?” Tharn asks.
Type takes a second to consider whether the inevitable smugness and teasing will be worth the brownie points for honesty and openness.
And yeah. It will be worth it.
God, when did he become this person who values honesty above dignity, and why does he not care more?
“The first time we had sex after P’San showed up, I thought about it,” Type admits. “But then… in the heat of the moment, I just… really wanted to do it like we usually do. So I didn’t say anything then. And afterwards, I thought, why change something that’s already good? Why even bring it up, when you have a clear preference?”
“So… you just really wanted me to fuck you?” Tharn asks, and yep, there’s that infuriating smugness and teasing.
“I’ll punch you,” Type warns, very uselessly, because Tharn knows that he won’t. So Type huffs and moves to get off Tharn, in some weird kind of retaliation, but Tharn chuckles and wraps his arms more securely around Type to keep him in place.
They’re quiet for a moment, during which Type maneuvers around to get comfortable on Tharn again, before Tharn speaks up.
“Do you ever want to top?” he asks.
Now that Type has an immediate answer to.
“No,” he says.
“Are you sure?” Tharn asks. “I know I said I’m always the top, and that is how I prefer it, but if you want to try it the other way around, we can do that.” A cheeky grin spreads on his face, and Type mentally braces himself for a stupid comment. “Maybe you are better at it than P’San.”
Okay, not that stupid, surprisingly.
Still, Type rolls his eyes and pinches Tharn’s side. He still doesn’t like thinking about Tharn’s ex-lovers too much, especially not the ones that meant more to him than the rest. Like his first. Who also happened to get on Type’s nerves with his smug attitude about having been Tharn’s first.
Well joke’s on him, because Type is going to be Tharn’s last, and that’s way more significant than the first.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Like I said, I like how we do things,” Type says.
Understatement.
Type loves getting fucked. There’s no two ways about it. There’s no compromise or anything. He’s not on bottom for Tharn’s sake. He just really loves getting fucked. He loves the feeling of Tharn’s dick in his ass, the pressure and the stretch of it, and prostate stimulation is one of the best things he’s ever felt in his life. He may have enjoyed fucking girls, and he may have thought about fucking Tharn before, but he has no actual desire to. Whenever they have sex, and it goes all the way to penetrative, what Type wants most is for Tharn to fuck him. Even if Tharn asked him to top him, Type is pretty sure he’d just spend the entire time thinking how good it would be if Tharn topped him instead.
But he’s already mentioned this once, and he’s not gonna stroke Tharn’s ego (or Tharn’s anything else) more tonight, so he doesn’t say any of this out loud.
Tharn’s face goes surprisingly soft, and he strokes Type’s hair. “I’m glad to hear that,” he says, far too softly considering they’re talking about their sex life. Type gives him a look and says nothing back.
This is when they hear a noise outside the window that’s probably just a bird, and Tharn jumps and flinches.
Tharn’s not usually jumpy, so it takes Type a moment to figure out why he reacted like that. And when he does, he can’t help the smirk that appears on his face.
“Scared it might have been my dad?” he asks.
Now it’s Tharn’s turn to huff and avoid eye contact. “He hates me,” he says. Type laughs, because the whole situation is ridiculous, and he doesn’t really know how else to react to it. Tharn huffs again, but also looks at Type’s face with a very serious expression. “What if he heard us having sex?” And no, Type would really rather not think about that, because that would be embarrassing and awkward on so many different levels. “Then he’d know for sure that I’m not the wife, and he’ll never accept me.”
The idea of not being accepted by Type’s dad bothers Tharn a lot, and it bothers Type, too. He doesn’t want his dad to oppose his relationship, obviously.
But something else that also bothers Type a lot is what he said about accepting Tharn if he’s the wife.
It makes no sense to him. Why does it matter so much? Why is his dad even thinking about it?
“I don’t get why it matters so much to my dad how we have sex,” Type says with a frown. “Why is he even thinking about it? I would never want to think about my kid having sex.”
Tharn sighs, a deep and tired sigh.
“To some straight men, it matters a lot,” he says, in that voice he uses whenever he tells Type about yet another aspect of homophobia that Type had never even considered might exist (Type always feels a lot of conflicting emotions about it. Relief that he was never homophobic in that specific way, anger that he was ever homophobic at all, annoyance that it exists, and fear that he might be or has been subjected to homophobia like that). “It’s about who is the man and who is the woman in a relationship.”
“No one is the woman in our relationship,” Type says immediately. They’re both very much men. Tharn has spent a long time making Type realize that Tharn never treated him like a woman, because there is no woman in their relationship, and Tharn is gay and doesn’t want Type to be a woman. “I know we say I’m the wife and you’re the husband, but there’s no woman in our relationship.”
“I know,” Tharn says with a small smile. “But some straight men have this idea that someone has to be the woman in the relationship, and to some of them, it’s easier to accept their friend or son being gay, or being in a relationship with another man, if he’s at least the man in the relationship, because then he’s still manly.”
Type frowns. He’s never been concerned about his own manliness in terms of their roles when they have sex.
“So… it’s about manliness? My dad wants me to be the husband because that’s the most manly?” he asks.
“I guess,” Tharn replies, shrugging.
“But that doesn’t make sense,” Type says. “He’s known me literally all my life. Why would I suddenly get less manly just because I’m dating a man?”
“I don’t know the logic behind it, babe,” Tharn says. “I’ve never thought like that.”
“Maybe it’s about control. After what happened, maybe he wants me to be the one in control,” Type muses.
Tharn lets out a surprised laugh. “If that’s the case then he should be fine with us, because you’re certainly a bossy wife,” he chuckles.
“Oi!” Type protests and hits Tharn’s shoulder. Tharn pouts at him, but it’s quickly replaced with a laugh, and Type huffs to stop himself from laughing as well, and then he rests his head on Tharn’s chest. It means he can no longer see Tharn’s face, but it’s comfortable and better for his neck.
Silence settles over them again. Type could just go to sleep, but there’s something he can’t stop thinking about.
“What will you do if my dad never accepts you?” he asks quietly.
He shouldn’t be worried that Tharn will dump him over this. There are plenty of other things Tharn could dump him over, and he still hasn’t. Type himself is certainly not going to let his dad dictate this relationship. As he shouted earlier, he’s not breaking up with Tharn (he’s already done that one too many times, and it was not fun), and he’s also not gonna let his dad’s attitude change anything about their relationship or their roles in it. They’re perfectly happy as they are, and if they want things to change, then it will be down to them, not his dad. And he’s pretty sure Tharn agrees with him on all of this, but there’s just something in the back of his mind that wonders how long Tharn will be willing to put up with this kind of treatment. Or if maybe someday he’ll decide that he doesn’t want to cause problems between Type and his dad, so he removes himself from the mix.
“He’ll accept me some day,” Tharn says confidently. “If nothing else, I’ll make him respect me by putting up with his childish behavior.”
Type scoffs, but Tharn’s confidence is pretty reassuring.
“He’s stubborn. It could take years,” Type warns him. “And he’ll make you suffer in the meantime.”
“I guess I’ll just have to keep trying to convince him to change his mind,” Tharn says with a sigh.
Type shrugs. A small smile creeps up on his face, and he’s powerless to stop it. “It worked on me, didn’t it?”
Tharn smiles down at him fondly. “It did,” he says. Then his smile turns more playful. “Though I don’t think I should use the same methods.”
“Tharn,” Type whines. Tharn just laughs at him.
The silence that settles over them this time seems to carry the intent of staying. They wiggle around to get comfortable enough to sleep, with Type no longer practically lying on top of Tharn but just resting his head on Tharn’s chest, one arm slung over his waist, while Tharn has one arm wrapped around Type’s back.
The tiredness from earlier, that Tharn interrupted with his question about topping, creeps back up on Type. He feels like he could fall asleep any minute now again, and Tharn’s breathing indicates readiness to sleep.
There’s just one last thing he wants to say before he does.
“Ai’Tharn,” he says. Tharn hums to show he’s listening. “I hope you can convince my dad to not hate you. But until he does, I’ll protect you from him.”
Tharn kisses the top of Type’s head, and Type smiles at the action, pleased.
“Thank you,” he says. “Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams,” Type says back.
He’s so comfortable, wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms, and he feels loved and cared for and happy, like he almost always is with Tharn. If his dad thinks he can make Type give up on this or scare his boyfriend away without Type putting up one hell of a fight, then he’s got another thing coming.
And he’ll also just have to fucking accept that Type is happy being the wife.