Archive of Our Own

Something is happening to Hoseok.

Jin knows it, he isn’t dumb. But still doesn’t know what it is.

Seokjin has been living in the dorm for just a couple of months but has known them long enough to recognize that something was bothering Hoseok.

Hoseok is known for his cheerful and nagging self in the dorm. Despite how tired everyone is because of endless practice and strict diets, he doesn’t lose his smile and tries to cheer everyone up. Playing with the youngest and being a good friend for his fellow rappers. Reminding them to take care of themselves and of their dorm. Always ready to be the energy they need in order too do it. He is a ray of sunshine in their life.

In the studio and practice room, he is probably the most focused person that Seokjin knows. It’s like he transforms his sunshine personality into a more serious and collected version of himself. Always ready to learn something new about producing music or rapping from his members. Eyes shining from excitement when he could rap at the same level as his friends or he could come up with a new melody. Hoseok is the most hardworking person that he knows.

And there isn’t need to talk about dancing, that is his world. If Hoseok is a light in the dorm and shines bright in the studio, then he is the literal sun when dancing. His body moving to every beat, flowing with the music like he doesn’t have any bones. And the smile on his face is everything that is good in this world. No one can beat him in dancing was something that Jimin told him some time ago.

The maknaes always look at him with admiration and adoration in their eyes. Their favorite hyung even if they don’t say that out loud. Namjoon and Yoongi are proud of how far he has come and excited to know how far he will go in the future.

And Seokjin, well, he isn’t any different. Hoseok is someone he admires. He admires his attitude, how cheerful and caring he is at home. He envies his work ethic and how motivated he is to keep learning. He is jealous of how well he dances. Seokjin knew he would never be able to dance like him, he accepted that a long time ago, but he could always try, right?

But, also, Hoseok is one of the reasons for him to keep trying and not give up yet. Even though he is a tough dance teacher - his strictness makes him tremble sometimes ‐ he really can’t be mad at him for long. He is only doing what is best for the team. When his stiff body starts causing problem during dance practice, his pats on the back and his “You are doing great hyung!” or “let me help you with that” stop his thoughts from spiraling to the negative ones. Hoseok’s words and actions make his day and make him think that maybe this is really the path for him and that he shouldn’t quit just yet.

Hoseok is his personal hope.

But this Hoseok, the one he has been seeing for the past couple days, wasn’t his Hoseok.

It happened slowly, almost without anyone noticing. One day he wasn’t as focused on dance practice and then everything was going down from there. His sessions in the studio didn’t seem to be as good as before if the expression on his face could tell you something. Being distracted during practice and scolded by their choreographer on a daily basis was the norm now. And the cheerful boy in the dorm, well, he still tries to exist despite everything. But his glow isn’t as bright as before, his smile isn’t as big, and his energy is clearly in the low.

Seokjin wonders if the rest didn’t notice the change. Everyone is feeling more stressed lately, the tiredness deeper in their bones, and the questions of whether this was worthy appearing more often in their minds seem to distract them enough. So if they did notice that Hoseok wasn’t as brightly as before, they didn’t seem to do anything about it. That’s bothering Seokjin even more.

But then he realizes. Despite his own stress and tiredness, Hoseok was the first to give pats on their backs when dance practice stretches too long or give them encouraging words when they all seem to slowly break. Probably they weren’t aware that there was something wrong with him because he tried to be his bright self as always.

Hoseok is everyone's hope and strength, and he takes his job seriously.

So, for once, Jin decides to be that for him. He wants to be a good eldest hyung to him and the rest. Seokjin knows that his role in the group is just being the visual and that no matter how hard he practices, he’s never gonna be as good at the rest. Not at singing, not at rapping, not at dancing. He was cast as a pretty face and that is. How he managed to stay in the final formation of the group was still a mystery to him. The least he can do to prove his worth was to be good oldest hyung and hope for the best.

So Seokjin starts with more encouraging smiles, more rubs on the back and “you are doing great Hoseokie”. He seems to appreciate it but his eyes still don’t shine as bright. When they are alone, Seokjin asks him if everything is okay or if something is bothering him. But Hoseok just answers just tired and dismisses his worry like it’s nothing. Seokjin tries other times but the answer is always the same, maybe a little bothered by the insistence so he just stops.

Despite his efforts to help him somehow, nothing really changes. Not for the best at least. If before Hoseok was distracted at work, now he isn’t present at all. His mind is somewhere else and his body, well, it isn’t better. He starts getting paler, bigger bags under his eyes, sweating more, shaking like he’s constantly cold even though the heater is on, takes more and longer bathroom breaks.

Whatever was bothering Hoseok mentally, now was bothering physically too. And it has Seokjin worry like hell. He asks again if there was something bothering him or if he feels sick, but once again, Hoseok dismisses his worry with a tight smile and runs away before he can ask anything else. Seokjin doesn’t know what else to do and it’s driving him crazy.

So, when two days later, Seokjin is informed by Namjoon that Yoongi has to take Hoseok to the hospital, he isn’t surprised at all. Just an “oh” leaves his mouth before taking a sip of his water bottle and blinking slowly into the distance.

“Is he okay?” he asks a moment later from the floor of their practice room.

“He was suffering stress-induced enteritis, it’s not that complicated but he has to rest for a couple of days”, Namjoon explains watching his hyung from above.

Jin continues to look at the mirror in front of him. “I see” is all he says.

Namjoon stands like that for a moment feeling the awkwardness in the air. A minute later he excuses himself rubbing his neck and leaves the room. Seokjin is only half aware of that, his stare still fixed on his own reflection in the mirror.

He isn’t sure what he is feeling. Part of him is glad that Hoseok is finally getting the treatment he needs and he’ll be able to get better soon. But another part, a bigger one, is mad. Really mad. But Seokjin hasn’t decided about what or who yet.

So he just stays there, without moving, just staring at his reflection until Namjoon tells him they are going home.

As soon as he enters their dorm, he can hear the chattering in the bedroom. He drags himself there and finds Hoseok sitting in his bed with the maknae line around him bombarding him with questions and worried eyes. Hoseok acknowledges his arrival with just a look because he is still busy trying to convince the kids he is alright and there's nothing to worry about.

The same way he was telling Seokjin that everything was fine just yesterday.

Seokjin doesn’t say anything to any of the people in the room. Instead, take his stuff to take a shower and leaves the room as Yoongi comes with a tray with food. He hits him with his shoulders as he passes by but doesn’t apologize. Jin takes a longer shower than usual, taking the opportunity as everyone is distracted. Then he goes to the kitchen to look up for something to eat. Then he starts studying in the living room. Then he does literally anything else but going back to the room.

Just when it is late and everyone else is there he decides to come back. Everyone is still awake talking with each other around Hoseok. A weird feeling starts invading Seokjin’s stomach, a feeling that he doesn’t want to name. So instead he just talks to the room.

“You should go to sleep, some of you still have classes tomorrow morning”, his voice is soft but cold. His members notice immediately, everyone goes silent and starts moving to their beds.

Jin goes up to his bunk in silence, gets under his blanket and closes his eyes without saying goodnight. He hears how everyone gets into their beds, says goodnight and turns off the lights. Soon everything is in silence and his thoughts start to appear again. But he doesn’t want to think now, too tired, so he tries his best to go to sleep and ignore how twisted his stomach feels.

Sadly, the next morning isn’t better. Around 6 am, Seokjin hears how everyone starts getting ready for their activities of the day but also how everyone asks Hoseok how he is feeling, him being awake cause his body is already used to waking up early. He hears how they ask him if he is hungry or if he has to take his meds, and how Hoseok dismisses their worry telling them he is alright. Somehow that makes Seokjin mad and uncomfortable being in the room so he gets up quickly to go to class.

No one seems to notice how fast he dresses up and leave the room without saying a word. He eats something quickly, brushes his teeth, picks his stuff and it is when he's almost out the door when someone speaks to him.

“Jin hyung?” he turns around and sees Namjoon half-dressed, “You are already leaving?”

“Yes”, he answers simply. The younger seems uncomfortable on his spot. “Is there something wrong?”

“Oh... no, just... I thought you have class later today and you will help Hoseok to take his meds, you know how he is with that”.

No, I don’t, he thinks bitterly but instead, he says, “I’m not his mom. He is big enough to take care of himself. I’m leaving now, see you later”.

Before Namjoon can respond he is out of the house.

Seokjin has time to think about what he said while waiting for his classes to start. He knows that he is being unfair and childish but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He couldn’t pretend to care now when he was worried enough before but apparently wasn’t enough for Hoseok. He is tired of trying to be a good eldest hyung to them and being unappreciated. So now Seokjin won’t care anymore.

(The tiny voice in his head tells him that’s lie but he just ignores it).

So that’s how he spends the next days, not caring about anyone or anything that isn’t work or class. His days are just wake up-go to class-go to practice and recording-and go back to sleep. He doesn’t speak more than necessary, doesn’t know if they will hear the anger in his voice if he speaks too much. So he just starts building walls around him to protect himself (and the others).

He ignores how Namjoon looks more stressed. He ignores how Jimin is practicing until later than usual. He ignores how Taehyung and Jungkook are seeking attention. He ignores how Hoseok looks at him when he enters the room and waits for him to speak. He ignores how pissed off Yoongi looks by his attitude. And he ignores how his mind is telling him he is being the biggest asshole.

Except for Yoongi, the rest don’t seem to notice his change though. At least nobody mentions it. Or speak to him at all. It seems like suddenly he isn’t important to them. And that only bothers him even more. But then Seokjin reminds himself that he isn’t supposed to care and calm down.

(Hoseok did try to talk to him one time. Ask him how he was and try to joke with him. But Jin wasn’t having any of that and just answered with a monosyllabic and left the room. Hoseok didn’t try again).

On the fourth day, after an unsuccessful recording session, he sits on their studio couch in silence with the second oldest on the computer. Seokjin isn’t sure why he is here and not literally anywhere else. Especially, he isn’t sure why he is here with Yoongi of all the people. Beside Hoseok, he probably is the other he’s mad at.

“Are you going to tell me what is it that's bothering you?” Asks Yoongi after what seems like hours of being in silence. Seokjin slowly looks at him in the computer chair, now turned around so Yoongi can look directly at him with his hands folded in his lap. “So?”

“Nothing is bothering me”, Seokjin speaks calmly.

One of Yoongi’s eyebrows goes up. “Oh, really?”

“Yes”, Jin confirms, sitting straighter and folding his hands atop his crossed legs.

“So you decided to be an ass just because?”

Seokjin glares at him. “Watch your mouth. Remember with who you’re talking to”.

“That’s what I would like to know too. Because I’m sure as hell this person here” he starts angrily, gesturing towards Seokjin “isn’t the Jin hyung I know. So, what is happening?”

Seokjin snorts and crosses his arms over his chest, looking at the corner of the room.

Yoongi speaks after a couple of minutes, “It’s because of Hoseok?” Jin’s body stiffens.

“Why would it be because of him?” He retorts without looking at Yoongi.

“I don’t know, you tell me. You are the one that is ignoring him. Or I have to believe you are treating him that badly now just because? And especially now that he is sick?”

“He should have taken care of himself better then”, Jin shrugs like he doesn’t care.

“Oh”, Yoongi sounds surprised and mad. “You are blaming him for being sick? Alright, I didn’t know you were that kind of person”.

“I’m not blaming him. I’m... I’m just mad that he couldn’t handle this situation better”.

Yoongi huffs, visibly annoyed. “It’s not that easy to handle the stress”.

Seokjin stretches his arms before re-crossing his arms over his chest, “He can ask for help. I offered it and he just ignored it, there is nothing more I can do”.

Another minute of tense silence.

“Hoseok... he asked me today if I knew why you were mad at him. I guess I can answer him now”.

Seokjin spins his head faster than he would like to admit and looks at Yoongi with terrified eyes.

He is definitely mad at him, that isn’t a doubt. But he doesn’t want him to know. But how couldn't Hoseok know? He has been ignoring him these days, he hasn’t even asked him once how he felt. Seokjin is hurting Hoseok and doesn’t like that. That isn’t the purpose of this, but what is the purpose then?

His convictions crumble in a second, just how his arms fall to his side. The angry feeling inside him disappears in a moment, just to be replaced by guilt. What is he doing? That isn’t him. He can’t be cruel and act like he doesn’t care. Seokjin cares too much for these guys, cares too much for his own good. He wants to care about them but doesn’t know how. He's still not good enough with it, or just not enough. But if he isn’t a good hyung, then what is he?

Yoongi could see in the eyes of the oldest that a turmoil was occurring in his head. “You know you can speak to me, right?”

Yoongi’s soft voice brings him back to reality, his eyes still watch him trying to enter his mind so Seokjin looks at the floor so he couldn’t see how glassy they look now.

Where to start? What to say to make it make sense? What to say so he didn’t sound like a mad man?

Seokjin opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, thousand of thoughts making rounds in his head. It took him a while before the words leave his mouth. “Why you?” It is just a whisper.

Yoongi frowns. “Why me?”

“You took him to the hospital” he states, voice still so soft that Yoongi has to get a little closer.

“Yes,” he answers still without understanding.

Seokjin looks at him. “Why you?”

“I...” Yoongi blinks for a couple of times trying to understand, “I don’t know. He came to me and said he didn’t feel well so I took him to the hospital”.

Jin nods slowly. “I asked him. I asked him if he was good, if something was bothering him, if he was sick. He told me he was alright every time. Why you then?”

Yoongi tilts his head to the side, still frowning. “Are you mad that I was the one to take him to the hospital instead of you? I don’t understand”.

“No, it’s not that”, he is starting to feel frustrated. “It’s just...”, he pauses for a moment, “You know why? Nevermind. This is stupid. I was being stupid and an ass, I’m sorry. I will apologize to the rest later”.

“No, no, that’s not what I mean hyung” he corrects himself quickly. “Just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s stupid. I just feel like there is more”.

Is there more? Of course, there is more. There is always more in a fight, even if it's a one sided fight. So he tries to explain it.

“Hoseokie was acting weird since two weeks ago I think. You probably noticed”. Yoongi tilts his head thinking, “You didn’t?”

“No that I remember. What do you mean by weird?”

Seokjin thinks for a moment. “He wasn’t as bright as before. He seemed distracted and in low energy. He wasn’t as loud or playful either. I thought it was obvious.”

“Well, I didn’t notice.”

“How could you not?” Seokjin is in disbelief. “You know him longer than me”.

Yoongi scratches the back of his neck and looks aside at the wall a little embarrassed. “Hoseok wasn’t the brightest person when I meet him, so I guess that seeing him like that again wasn’t that weird to me”, he sounds disappointed in himself.

“It was weird to me. The Hoseok that I was watching wasn’t the one I knew so I tried to help him but he kept rejecting me and I don’t understand why. I’m trying my best to be a good hyung to him and all of you but it doesn’t seem to be enough for any of you. So they prefer to push themselves into sickness instead of asking for my help or go to someone else”, Seokjin crosses his arms trying to act mad but it looks more like he is trying to protect himself.

Yoongi laughs without humor. “I see that Hoseok isn’t the only person you are mad with”. Jin wants to deny that but what is the point on lying now? So he just shuts up. “What I’m understanding is that you are mad because he didn’t ask your help and went with me instead?”

Seokjin looks at Yoongi’s sneakers instead of his face and just shrugs, not knowing what else to do.

Yoongi speaks after a moment. “I can think of some of the reasons why he didn’t. For example, because he is like that. He doesn’t want to bother anyone and hides his emotions really well, prefers to hide everything until it explodes in his face. This leads me to another reason, I think this is the third or fourth time I have to take him to the hospital for the same exact reason”. Jin looks up and frowns. “It hasn’t happened in a while so I was surprised when he came to me and told me that he didn’t feel well”. Yoongi pauses for a moment, “Maybe he felt more comfortable telling me because it’s not the first time or maybe he didn’t want to be scolded by you which I think you would have done. Either way, don’t take it personally hyung, I’m sure he didn’t mean wrong. Hoseok is just like that”.

They stay silent for a couple of minutes. Seokjin plays with his hand without knowing what to do. Part of him understands what Yoongi says but it didn’t take away how uncomfortable he still feels. So he decides to speak up and be sincere.

“I feel responsible for this,” another whisper, “I feel like if a was a good hyung to him he would have had spoken to me before and he wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital”.

“It’s not your fault”, Yoongi reassures and by the look Seokjin gives him it is clear he didn’t believe him so he tries another thing. “You know that Namjoon is the leader, right?” Seokjin nods without understanding, “So shouldn’t be his fault then? Since he is the one in charge?”

Seokjin frowns deeply. “Of course not. He is a kid, that’s not his responsibility”.

“Then why are you doing that to yourself hyung? It’s not your responsibility either, you take care of us because that’s who you are. If anything, it’s the management’s fault that this happened, not yours”.

Seokjin looks at his hands in silence for a minute. “I just wanted to be a good hyung”,

“And you are” Yoongi assures him, “I know Hoseok thinks the same.”

“It doesn’t seem though or he would go with me”, Jin couldn’t hide how angry his voice sounded.

“I’m his hyung too” Yoongi sounds a little bit pissed, “I’m not good enough for that role?”

Seokjin shakes his head, “You are but you are more too and that’s not fair”.

The younger frowns, “What do you mean?”

“You are a rapper and you write songs and produce them too and also you are a good hyung to all of them and that’s not fair. If you take that away from me then what is the point of me being in this group?”

His heart accelerates and a tear escapes. Yoongi’s expression gives away how surprised he is by his declaration. Seokjin starts feeling exposed and just wants to run away but his body stays sit on the couch.

“Hyung...” Yoongi’s voice sounds hurt, “what are you saying? You are important for the group”.

Seokjin shakes his head. “I’m not”, his voice trembles and his hands start moving to try to explain somehow, “I’m useless. I’m not a rapper. I don’t know how to produce or write songs. Any of the kids can sing better than me. I thought that maybe I could make myself useful if I could take care of all of you. But I can’t even do that and you are already good at that so why am I here?”

More tears run through his face. Somehow he hates himself more after saying these words. He hates feeling this way and thinks this way of himself. But he is also tired of pretending these thoughts aren't in his mind more often than he would like to admit.

Seokjin looks up and sees how hurt Yoongi is but doesn’t understand why.

“Don’t say that hyung.” His voice is so low and sad. “Me taking care of the rest? I can barely take care of myself. And you are not here to be some kind of nanny for us. You are here because of your talent and hard work. Did anyone say otherwise to you?”

Seokjin shrugs again. It’s not like someone has said that to him directly but he could read between the tired sighs when he couldn’t hit a note or do a move right.

Silence for another minute.

“You don’t want to do this?” Yoongi's tone has no bite, just pure wonder.

Seokjin shrugs and dries his tears with his sleeves. “I don’t know”, Seokjin admits, “I mean, I didn’t want to sing before this. I’m still an actor major, that is still my dream. I just don’t know if singing is my dream too I guess”.

“Don’t you love singing?”

He thinks about it for a moment. It is true that he didn’t intend to sing before he was casted on the street. But it was also true that when his voice cooperates with him and can sing without missing a note it’s one of the best feelings in the world. It makes his heart beat with excitement.

“I don’t hate it” he opts to answer.

“Have you ever thought about quitting?”

“Yeah, a couple of time.” He sees Yoongi’s expression become sadder. “Why do you look so sad? It’s not the end of the world.”

“Because it’s not the first time that some of us want to leave and I’m starting to question if the problem is this group”.

Seokjin’s mind goes to months ago when Hoseok wanted to leave. And he did. Jin wasn’t living with them yet but he remembers when the rest informed him about it and how puffy Jungkook’s eyes looked. Those were some difficult weeks for the group but somehow they managed to bring back Hoseok and everything went to normal.

He didn’t understand at the moment how someone could leave everything behind that he worked so hard to obtain. But now he does. Now he understands how it is like to work so hard but not see any result. How the tiredness makes you question if this is really worth.

But he also understands how Yoongi feels. See how the group he worked so hard to make big starts to crumble from the inside and his dreams shatter with that.

“Don’t worry Yoongi” Seokjin softly replies, trying to calm his doubts, “I’m not going to quit. You don’t have to worry about the group”.

“Fuck that,” Yoongi’s tone is harsher than he expects. “I’m tired of knowing that you are having a rough time when you wanted to leave or are already leaving. You complain about Hoseok but hyung you are exactly like him. He did the exact same thing you are doing now. Hiding your feelings and worries instead of speaking to us. Why is it so difficult for us to speak with each other?” That last sentence sound so painful in his ears that it makes his heart ache.

It is weird to see Yoongi so mad at someone and it makes him feel small knowing he is in the receiving end.

“I guess you are right, I’m not that different from him. I guess it’s easier to try to deal with this alone and not bother anyone with your problems.” He sighs and rests his head against the back of the couch looking at the ceiling. “I’m a mess, right? I swear I’m usually more collected than this, it’s just...”

Why is he feeling like this recently? Usually, he can fight those thoughts easier than this. But since he started worrying about Hoseok he started feeling like falling in the deep of self-doubt.

Suddenly an epiphany came to his mind.

Seokjin straightens and looks at Yoongi again with sad eyes, “It’s just that Hoseokie is usually the one who helps me to feel grounded. He always says I’m doing good or helps me if I need to do something better. Without him, I feel a little lost.” He pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts. “I can’t believe I’m using an 18-year-old kid as my emotional support. Maybe I am a mess”, he laughs without humor and another tear escapes his eyes when he blinks.

Yoongi sighs tiredly, but still wants to reassure him. “It’s not weird to want to feel validated. Everyone needs someone to remind them they are important from time to time”.

Jin sighs too. “But it’s not fair to put that responsibility on another person and act like a child when they don’t give you what you want”.

“You always act kind of childish though hyung” a teasing smile appears on Yoongi’s lips and one of Jin's eyebrows goes up.

“I’m still mad at you” Jin teases back and gains a little laugh from the younger. “I feel like I speak too much but somehow I still feel like shit and the only thing I concluded is that I’m a horrible person”.

Yoongi shakes his head. “I think you should talk with Hoseok”, he turns around to grab the box of tissues on the desk and handle it to his hyung.

He grabs them, “Ugh, I don’t think I can face him right now. I have not been the best to him”, he admits then blows his nose.

“Hoseokie doesn’t hold grudges, he will be happy that you are speaking to him again”.

“I hope so.”

“But hyung”, Yoongi begins seriously, “please don’t ever think you are not important for the team. I know that everyone has doubts about if this will work if we are destined to fail no matter what we do or if we are not working hard enough. I have those too. But please don’t doubt that you are important to us. PD-nim chose you as part of the group because he knew you have the potential to be great. And you have proved time after time that he was right. Your singing has improved so much that no one would believe that you started singing just a year ago. And your dancing too, I know you don’t like it but you work so hard to keep up with the rest and everyone can see it. I can see it. And I know that when we debut more people are gonna see the amazing artist you are becoming.” He pauses for a moment, “I know it’s hard but please wait a little more. We are going to make all these hardships worthy so just trust us. And yourself”.

Seokjin’s heart clenches in his chest with a warm feeling and more tears escape his eyes. He feels stupid to seek the validation of others so badly but it also feels so good. And he needs it so much.

“Maybe I’m not mad at you anymore,” he says with a trembling voice while dabbing a tissue on his cheeks.

“I’m glad” Yoongi answers with a sweet smile.

“Thank you Yoongi-yah.”

He shakes his head. “No problem, I’m always here if you need me, I mean it”, Yoongi smiles at him and Seokjin smiles back. “We should be going home now,” he continues after a pause but Seokjin grunts and sinks into the couch, “so you can talk to Hoseok,” he rolls over, “and the rest”, and hides his face there. Only his grunting is heard. “Come on hyung, you have to do it”, Yoongi nags but Seokjin hears the smile in his voice.

“Can’t wait a little more?” He asks with the couch pressed on his cheek. From his position he can see Yoongi next to him.

“No you can’t, dragging this will only make it worse”. The younger start tugging on arm trying to make him stand. “Get up. You're always nagging me about going home early”.

“And when have you listened to me?” he jokes.

“Set the example then”, Seokjin laughs and lets himself be pulled up by Yoongi.

“Alright then”.

Yoongi turns off their computer and equipment and Seokjin starts collecting their stuff. When they are ready, they walk home. And talk more. About how both are the younger brothers in their families and how somehow now they are the hyungs for other five and six guys (“I’m still your hyung Yoongi”, “I’m younger than you by only three months” “And I’m gonna make you count every single day of those”). And how both still feel insecure about doing it wrong. Yoongi shares with him stories about when he was the oldest in the dorm, how he was so used to only taking care of himself and how he had to learn how to take care of others.

It is nice to talk to Yoongi after so long. Scratch that. It is nice to talk with someone after so long. Despite his introverted self, he enjoys the company of these guys so much. They make his every day funnier and meaningful. And now, as he walks home next to one of his friends talking and laughing he realizes how stupid he was acting these past few days. He needs to improve himself and learn a better coping mechanism. But as he sees Yoongi with a big gummy smile after telling about the time they almost set a fire in their dorm, Seokjin feels like he's not alone in the path anymore.

Still, when he sees their dorm in the distance he starts feeling like a coward again. He slows down his pace and gets a little behind. Yoongi stops and turns around to watch him.

“What? Are you scared?” He teases.

“Yes.”

Yoongi smiles at him softly and takes a couple of steps closer to him. “Of what?”

Seokjin shrugs. “That he won’t want to talk to me? That the rest don’t want to talk to me? I wouldn’t talk to me if I were them.”

“Then you are lucky that they aren’t you,” Yoongi jokes and gains a pout from his hyung. “You know them better than this, they will be willing to talk. And they are not mad at you, they think you are mad at them.” Seokjin’s face saddens. “Don’t pull that face hyung, if you apologize to them everything with be fine. And you just have to say hello to Hoseok and he'll do the rest. Don’t worry too much hyung”. Seokjin nods still not fully convinced. “Let’s focus on Hoseokie first, alright? I will tell the others to leave the room so you can talk alone with him, okay? Then later we can talk all together. Everything is going to be alright, do you trust me?”

Seokjin thinks for a moment and then nods. “Yes, I trust you”.

“Good,” Yoongi says and puts his arm around Jin’s shoulders despite the height difference, “let’s go home then, I’m tired” and they start walking again.

“I wonder why are you so tired. Whose fault that would be”, he jokes watching the road.

“Being a wonderful person is a tiring job” the younger jokes back.

“Yeah... you are a wonderful person.” This time there isn’t any sign of a joke in his voice.

Yoongi is a little taken back by the sudden compliment but just smiles shyly.

“But for real, stop working until dawn.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and looks at the opposite side. “Don’t start now.”

Seokjin frowns and speaks with a pout: “Well I already did so you’re gonna listen to me. You need to rest more, I don’t know how you don’t collapse during dance practice”.

“Why are you nagging me now?” Complains the younger but there is a smile in his voice.

“Someone has to.”

“Hoseokie already does it. You two really are too similar”.

Seokjin laughs softly but doesn’t speak again until they are at the entrance of the building.

“Your arm is gonna hurt if you keep stretching so much”, teases the smaller.

“Shut up”, he responds but removes his arm from his shoulders anyway.

They climb the stairs in silence. When they are outside of their dorm, Yoongi gives him an encouraging pat on the back and opens the door. They walk to the living room and Jin stands there awkwardly.

“Stay here” Yoongi whispers to him and walks to the rooms.

Less than a minute after, the rest of the boys start entering one by one. They watch him but don’t say anything and he doesn’t say anything back either, still too awkward. When Yoongi comes back, he nods towards him that he cleared the hallway so he could go. When Seokjin passes by his side, he gives him another pat on the back and Jin thanks him with a tiny smile. He stands for a moment in front of the bedroom, breathes deeply and opens the door.

Hoseok is sitting cross-legged in his bed and fidgeting with his phone. As soon as he sees Seokjin enter the room, he stops and stays still watching for a second only to move his eyes to his hands a moment later. Jin sighs, hating that, and closes the door behind him. Slowly he walks to the bed beside Hoseok and sits there.

“Hey,” he says softly.

Hoseok looks up at him with a bit of doubt on his eyes, “Hey...”

“How are you feeling?” His tone is still soft and he folds his hands on top of his lap. “Did you take your meds? Did you eat?”

He tilts his head a little, “I’m feeling better, I already took them and Namjoonie brought me something to eat not long ago.”

“I’m glad. I’m happy that you are getting better” he admits with a sincere smile.

Hoseok watches him for a moment in silence but then a big heart-shaped smile breaks on his face and he starts moving to get closer to the edge of the bed and him.

“Yeah! I’m getting tired of being here all day, I wanna go back to practice” he confesses without losing the cheer in his voice.

“You are probably the only person that would say that” Jin jokes with him and gains a big laugh from the dancer.

Seokjin’s heart starts feeling really warm; he feels like he could cry at any moment now because of the kindness of his friend. So he figures now's the time to say it.

“Hoseokie”, he starts, still feeling a little awkward. Hoseok hums in response, “I want to apologize to you. I haven’t been a good hyung to you recently, especially now that you were sick. I’m really sorry”.

Hoseok shakes his head with a smile, “It’s okay hyung”

“It’s not” he corrects the younger softly.

“Really Jin hyung, it’s okay. You probably were stressed and couldn’t deal with me, right? It’s alright. I just thought you were mad at me but it’s alright”.

“I was.” He can see Hoseok is clearly taken back by the confession, “I was mad at you.”

“Wh- what? Why? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry hyung, it wasn’t my intention to make you mad”.

Seokjin shakes his head quickly. “It’s not your fault, I was mad at you but you did nothing wrong, it was me”. Hoseok wants to protest but he stops him. “Please, listen to me”. The younger shut his mouth and a pout appears. “I was mad because... Because you let yourself get sick even though I offered you my help and I thought you didn’t trust me because I wasn’t being a good hyung to you.”  Hoseok is about to speak but Jin raises his hand and stops him again. “Now I know that was being irrational and that I wasn’t thinking correctly. I’m really sorry about my attitude”.

“Hyung... why would you think something like that?” The hurt in Hoseok's voice is unmistakable. “Why wouldn’t I trust you?”

“Well, you didn’t tell me that you were sick. I asked you, many time, but you didn’t tell me.” Hoseok looks at his hands. “And I don’t understand why”.

“I’m sorry”, says Hoseok in low voice, “It wasn’t my intention to make you feel like that”.

“I know that now. Still doesn’t justify how I treated you or the others so I apologize to you for it.” They stay in silence for a minute. “I know that you must have your reason to not trust me but I will like to know so I can change that. I want to be a good hyung to all of you so that will help me”.

The dancer looks at him. “You are already a good one,” he assures “and it’s not that I don’t trust you. I just was ashamed to say it”.

“Ashamed? Of what?”

He shrugs. “Myself probably”.

Seokjin frowns. “Why? Is there something to be ashamed of?”

“Weeks ago, someone said something to me”, Hobi says after a moment of silence. “I do not even remember what it was exactly, something about if it is really worth all this work when we don’t even know if we’re gonna succeed or even debut”. He looks at his hands in silence for a moment. “And I started having doubts again because I’m weak,” he laughs without the feeling. “I break down so easily and start losing sight of my path so fast and I don’t know what to do. And I got stressed so bad about it that I made myself sick and...” his voice start wavering so he breathes deeply. “I didn’t want to bother anyone with it, I thought that it will pass but it didn’t and I ended like this”.

“I noticed that you weren’t feeling well”, Jin comments after a moment.

Hoseok laughs the same way again. “I know you did, and that kind of makes it worse? Not that I’m blaming you for that” he corrects himself quickly moving his hands in front of him. “I feel like I have a responsibility with all of you, that I have to give you energy and keep you going. So knowing that someone noticed that I wasn’t doing my job it kinda made me feel more pressured. Again, I’m not blaming you but I thought that if you noticed then everyone would too and would be mad at me that I wasn’t being useful enough” he finishes with a sigh.

Seokjin watches him for a long moment and sees himself in him. He had always thought that he would feel proud if someone could be like him. But not like this. How both could share the same feeling of uselessness? Yoongi is right. They aren’t that different at all.

“Don’t make that expression Jin hyung, don’t worry. I’m feeling better alright now”, assures Hobi.

Seokjin gives him a sad smile. “Hoseokie... you’re crying now”.

Hoseok touches his face surprised to feel it wet.

“There is something in my eyes”, he responds with a trembling voice.

“You really suck at lying”, Jin softly laughs and stands to go sit by his side, turning his body to look directly at him. Hoseok follows him with his eyes. “You must have been having a hard time, right?” Seokjin whispers so only they can hear, “And your heart probably still feels heavy, or I’m wrong?” Hoseok shakes his head to answer as his voice fails him, “So why don’t you let me help you with that?” He starts caressing his hair and somehow that gesture makes Hoseok’s eyes look more glassy. “So if you want to cry and let all that out, please do. I will be here for you so you don’t feel lonely. I promise you that you will feel better after. So please, trust in me”.

Seokjin looks him directly in the eyes without stopping petting his hair. Hoseok’s expression starts changing slowly. His lips start trembling, his eyebrows frowning and more tears start falling from his eyes. Gently, Seokjin puts the head of his friend on his shoulder and hugs him with his free arm. As if he pushed a button inside of him, a sob is heard immediately after. And then another and another and soon he is sobbing on his shoulder. The sound is heartbreaking and makes him wonder how long he was hiding all these feeling.

Hoseok doesn’t hug him back, instead, grabs his hoodie and holds it tightly like it is the anchor that keeps him safe. Seokjin doesn’t mind, he just keeps patting his head and humming a melody on his ears.

Seeing his friend like this is breaking his heart so he cries quietly too. Cries for Hoseok, cries for himself, cries because that is the only thing he can do right now. Seokjin just wants to hug him tightly and protect him from the world and his thoughts. But for now, he would be the shoulder where he could cry.

Seokjin doesn’t know how long they are like that but at some point, his sobbing quiets down until only his breathing is heard. He stays still for a couple of minutes more until he sits again. Hoseok’s face is so red and his eyes so puffy that for a moment Seokjin doesn’t recognize him. Softly, Jin starts drying his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, mentally cursing himself for not grabbing some tissues before. Some tears still escape his eyes when he blinks but he doesn’t mind drying those too.

“Here, blow your nose” he says as he offers his sleeve to do it.

“No hyung, no” whines.

Seokjin give him a fond smile, “Do it, we have to do laundry anyway”

Hoseok doubts for a moment but does it anyway. When he is done, Seokjin takes off his hoodie and throws it on the floor. Then drags Hoseok until both of their back are leaning on the walls. They aren’t sitting in the most comfortable way thanks to the bunk beds but they don’t mind.

“How are you feeling?” asks Seokjin.

“Alright, I guess. Tired,” Hobi admits and stays in silence for a moment. “I’m sorry hyung”.

Seokjin tilts his head to see him. “Why are you sorry?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know? I just feel like I should apologize”.

“There is nothing to apologize about. Don’t apologize for crying or for your feelings. You don’t have to feel ashamed for what you’re feeling, even if they are negative things”.

“It’s just... it just doesn’t feel fair to others”, he sighs.

“How so?”

“I feel like I have to prove myself worthy to be here with all of you. I already left one time but somehow you still accept me back so I feel like I can’t disappoint you again. Like I have to work extra hard to pay you back for giving me another opportunity. I don’t have time to feel down”.

“First of all, we didn’t accept you back. We dragged your ass back here, okay?” Seokjin jokes, gaining a little laugh from his younger friend. “And we did it because we want you here, we need you here. It wasn’t an act of charity or us pitying you. If anything, we feel pity for ourselves because we almost went crazy without you.” He laughs again. “So you don’t have to prove your worth to us because you already did a long time ago. Second, you can feel what you want to feel. Happiness, sadness, anger, anything. We are humans and you are a teenager, we're gonna feel so many things so don’t repress it. If you are happy, be happy. If you are sad, be sad. But please, don’t hide your emotions”.

They stay in silence again another minute.

Seokjin speaks again looking at the wall opposite of them, “But I also know that our minds can be our worst enemy and make us think some terrible things like no one would understand us or that we are so lonely or that we are not good enough, right?” Hoseok nods although he isn’t watching him. “Sometimes we need someone to remind us that those things aren’t true”. He pauses for a moment. “You see, I wasn’t just mad at you. I was mad at me too. I was feeling really useless lately. Well, it wasn’t something new but lately that was bothering me too much”. Hoseok turns towards him frowning. “So today I talked with Yoongi. Well, he made me talk. It was kinda therapeutic actually. I told him how these days I was feeling insecure and that I didn’t know what was my role in the group. And while talking with him I realized something. Every time I was feeling that way before, you were the one to help me.”

“Me?” He sounds surprised.

Seokjin turns his head to see his friend, “Yes, you” and smiles. “Somehow, you always say what I need to hear in those moments. Maybe for you when you tell me I’m doing well or ask me if I need help is a normal thing to do, but for me, it means the world. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know why I’m in this group, I’m not confident enough in my voice and my dancing yet so sometimes when I see the others being so naturally talented I get really insecure. But then you say things like how you like how I sing a part or that you like the idea I give or when I dance, it really makes me happy when you praise me. And I don’t know, you give me hope”.

“Hope?” He repeats softly and Seokjin nods.

“Yes, that I can be better, that I can improve, that my role in the group is important too, that everything will be better. You have that kind of existence in my life”.

“I have never thought of me that way. Like someone that could give hope to people”, he admitted. 

“People usually don’t realize what they mean to us if we don’t tell them, the same way they don’t know how we feel if we don’t speak. I think that's something that we have to improve as a team. But that’s not the point I was trying to make here. What I wanted to say is that for me you are hope. But”, he pauses, “I don’t want that to be pressure to you. I don’t want you to feel to act a certain way so you can be that for us, it’s not needed, you brighten our days just being you. You are naturally a kind person, your presence alone can lift our mood and your smile can make everything better”, he can feel his face turn red but decides to ignore it in favor of his friend.

“Hyung” Hoseok practically whines out, smiling shyly.

“It’s true. You are naturally all of that to us. But when I heard you say that puts pressure on you I feel bad for putting so much weight in you”.

Hoseok shakes his head rapidly. “I don’t mean it like that. I want to be a bright person and be energy to you because it makes you happy but also makes me happy too. I just don’t know how to do it well yet. I don’t wanna be a sad person I want to be a happy person but I still don’t know how to it. I put a lot of pressure on myself to continue to be like that because I want to be that kind of person for me and you but... I don’t know,” he trails off, glancing down at his hands.

“In my opinion, you are doing a pretty good job”.

“Then why doesn’t it feel like that?”

Seokjin sighs and leans his head on the head of his friend. “I already told you. Our minds sometimes are pieces of shit and lie to us”. Hoseok laughs softly. “So, I have a proposal to you”, he says after a moment of silence.

“What kind of proposal?”

“As I tell you, you are hope to me and honestly, I don’t want to you to stop being that. Yes, I’m a selfish person, sue me. But, in exchange for that, I want to be hope for you too. And strength too. And everything you need. I want you to lean and count on me. I have big shoulders so you can use them as you want to, you know” he jokes and Hoseok laughs a little. “What do you think about it?”

Hoseok stays in silence for a minute and Seokjin is scared that he could reject him.

“I think I can do that” he finally answers, turning his head towards him and smiling.

Seokjin smiles back. “I’m glad. So now when you feel down you can come to me and say it and I will comfort you, and you will do the same to me, right?” Seokjin extends his hand to Hoseok to hold it and he does, after a moment of hesitation. “No more making your self sick for worrying too much and no more me acting like a child”.

“You always act like a child though.”

“Oh come on,” he says and both laugh.

They stay like that, side to side, holding hands in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Okay, this is feeling awkward,” says Hoseok laughing nervously and showing his hands.

“What, why? We are having a bonding moment here, making our friendship stronger so we can be together forever and ever.”

Hoseok laughs loudly. “You are making it worse”.

“Come on! We have something special. When I saw you that time in your underwear I thought ‘yes, he's gonna be one of my best friends, I can feel it’.”

Hoseok laughs louder, clearly embarrassed, and falls on the bed without releasing his hand, “Hyung don’t remind me of that!” He whines.

“I know you feel it too! That connection! That friendship at first sight thing! I know!” Hoseok laughs harder. “Hoseokie!” he whines too with a big smile.

Seokjin moves to have a better look at his friend but forgets that he is in the bottom bed of a bunk bed. The next thing he feels is how his head hits the upper bed and how he takes his hands to his head.

Absolute silence overtakes the room for 5 seconds. Then a loud laugh invades the whole dorm. Seokjin knows that the rest are hearing this too. Through the tears of pain, he sees how Hoseok is laughing so freely holding his stomach and he knows he is crying too, happy tears now.

He really can’t be mad at that.

“I’m glad my pain makes you happy” Jin jokes with him.

“I’m sorry hyung,” the younger apologizes, sitting again, trying to hold his laughter and failing miserably. “Hurts too much?” he manages to ask between laughs.

“Nah, I will be fine.”

They look at each other for a moment and then Hoseok laughs again, throwing himself to Jin who ends up falling back on the bed. Seokjin can’t resist either and starts laughing too. So they stay like that laughing freely and God, it feels so good. He really misses that.

After they stop laughing completely, they stay laying side to side in the tiny bed, a little bit uncomfortable but neither of them moves. Only the sound of their breathing is heard while they are in their thoughts.

“Hyung” Hoseok breaks the silence minutes later.

“Yeah?” His eyes don't stray from the upper bed as he responds.

“Do you really think of yourself like that?”

Seokjin sighs still looking above, “Yeah, I mean sometimes. In my defense, if you only eat chicken breast and sleep for three hours for so long, you really can’t think more positively,” he tries to joke but only hears silence. He sighs again. “It’s not always like that” he assures, “but... you know, sometimes I feel insecure and sometimes it’s too much”.

“Yeah, I know” Hoseok confesses and both turn their head to look at each other.

“But I will work on that. I will become the most confident person you know and you will be embarrassed by me, I promise”, he says and gains a tiny smile from his friend. “But until then, I will need your help”.

Hoseok’s face becomes more serious. “What if I can’t keep my promise? If we can’t be for each other or if I’m not enough for you?”

“You are more than enough Hoseokie. I already told you, your presence is enough to make me feel better. I already feel better just by being here with you. Have a little more faith in yourself.” Seokjin is firm, but soft altogether. “When I told you are my hope I really meant it. I will call you that from now on if that means you start believing”.

“You are too much hyung,” he says shyly.

“But to answer your question...That would suck” Seokjin admits. “But lucky us, we are not alone. There are other five boys that I know who are willing to help us if we ask them. And we are gonna do the same for them, right?” Hoseok nods. “Then everything is gonna be alright” he pauses for a moment. “Now, if somehow all of us start feeling like this and no one can help let’s just throw the whole group and let’s go home, alright?” he jokes.

Hoseok laughs softly. “Don’t say that hyung. I don’t want us to separate”

“Yeah, me neither”.

They stay in silence until Seokjin speaks again minutes later.

“I should go apologies to the rest,” he says but doesn’t move at all.

The dancer turns around to watch him. “You aren’t moving” mentions Hoseok moments later and doesn’t receive an answer. “Hyung,” he starts laughing, “You should do that soon so we can come back to normal already”.

“Back to normal?” Seokjin is suddenly confused.

“Well...” he doubts for a moment, “the rest think that you are mad at them so everyone is trying to not bother you too much”.

Seokjin hides his face behind his hands and starts grunting. “I’m the worst person in the world,” says still hiding.

“Don’t say that hyung, you were just having a bad moment, they will understand”.

“I will talk to them now,” he says and gets up so fast that he almost get dizzy. “Let’s go,” he almost fall but grabs Hoseok, whom doesn’t seem to mind as he smiles while getting up from his bed.

He walks to the door and as soon as he opens it someone falls into the room. Actually, three people do. Before anyone could say something, Jimin takes Jungkook’s arm and drags him to the living room as he screams “It was Tae’s idea!”

Taehyung, who is now the only person on the floor, looks up at his hyungs a little scared of their reaction for the eavesdropping. But Seokjin’s laugh behind his hand calms him.

“What are you doing Tae?” Seokjin asks as he extends his hand to him so he can help him to stand. Taehyung doubts for a moment but takes it anyway and in a second he is on his feet again. 

“We heard laughs and then silence so we came to see if everything was right,” Taehyung explains tugging his shirt down nervously.

“Everything is right Taehyungie” He assures the younger and ruffles his hair.  Taehyung's face immediately lights up as Seokjin looks over his shoulder and the dancer, “right Hoseokie?”

Hoseok nods happily.

“Really?” Taehyung’s excitement is hard to miss as he's looking between both his hyungs.

“Yeah but let’s go to the living now”.

The three make their way to the living room and find how the rest of the maknaes are hiding behind Namjoon giggling to each other. He and Yoongi are talking about something ignoring them as they enter. They only look at them when Jin coughs to gain the attention of all.

“Hey,” he says softly and sits down on the floor. Hoseok sits by his right and Taehyung throws himself to the floor by his left. “I wanted to talk to you” he says to the group. Slowly everyone accommodates themselves until they form a circle. “I... I want to apologize to all of you. I haven’t been a good friend and member of this group these past days. I was acting like an asshole to you and that’s not fair. I’m really sorry. I promise you that won’t happen again” he finishes and bows as much as he can in that position.

He stays in that position waiting for someone to speak. But instead, he sees how Taehyung crawled until he can see his face from the floor. “It’s alright hyung,” the younger says with his carefree smile and Seokjin can’t hide his own.

“Hyung” someone else speaks and Jin looks up at him “it’s fine,” Namjoon reassures with his kind smile. Jimin and Jungkook nod at his side agreeing with him.

“Thanks, guys,” he says but starts playing with his hands nervously, “but there are other things that we should speak as a team.” He stops, looking at Hoseok and Yoongi for support. He receives a  pat on the back from Hoseok and a nod from Yoongi. “This problem started because I let my own insecurities control my actions instead of speaking up before how I should have done from the start. So I think we need to speak now”.

So he speaks. About how the issue started, how the miscommunication has been causing problems now and in the past, and how they should solve this before ruining the group. He isn’t sure if what he is saying makes sense or really could help somehow but that is the only thing he can do now. If he wants to be a good eldest hyung to them he needs to start the conversation of the topic that maybe isn’t the easier to talk about.

When Seokjin finishes, he finds himself wrapped in the thin arms of Taehyung who looks at him with a pout on his face.

“I thought about this before” speaks Namjoon after a moment, “but it never felt like the right moment to bring it up. I’m sorry, I should have said something sooner”.

Seokjin shakes his head, “It’s not about who has the responsibility in this or anything like that. I mean, we are still young and the seven of us started living together not so long ago, I really do not expect that we can tell everything to each other right from the start but... I really think that is something we should aim for. I think that would be best for us”.

“Jin hyung is right”, Yoongi agrees, “if we want Bangtan to succeed, we have to better ourselves not only as artists but also as friends”.

“I don’t wanna be one of those groups were they hate each other”, says Jimin with a low voice. 

“And we won’t be,” says Jin quickly, “this is just to strengthen our relationship. This is best for everyone. I just want everyone to know that if you have a problem, something is bothering you, you are sad or anything you can talk to us. With just one or the whole group like now. I don’t want you to feel alone if we can help”. He pauses for a moment. “So if someone wants to talk about something now... please do”.

Seokjin looks around, watching the expression of his friends. After a minute of silence, Namjoon speaks. And keeps speaking and telling them about his fears and worries. And they listen and comfort him. Then Jimin talks. And then everyone else does. Seokjin talks too and tells them about his own insecurities. They speak, they cry a little bit and laugh a little more. And in between calming rubs on the back and hair ruffled, they find themselves more connected than ever.

The sky darkens outside when the subject changes and everyone is laying down or sitting more comfortably in the tiny space. Everyone seems more relaxed and happy despite their red eyes.

Somehow, Taehyung is still by his side, laying down on his back and listening to the story Yoongi was telling. Something about one of his classes in high school? Jin wasn’t sure.

“Jin hyung”, Taehyung whispers and he turns his face to watch him, “are you alright?”

He recalls how Tae has been by his side from the start of the conversation and how he started crying when Seokjin was talking about what has been going on his head for so long.

He smiles at him softly, “Yeah, I am now”.

Taehyung hums. “You are great Jin hyung, don’t let your mind tell you otherwise”.

His expression is so serious that Seokjin can’t help but laugh softly behind his hand because of how cute the younger looks. “Thank you Taehyungie, I really appreciate it”.

The loud laugh of Hoseok distracts him. Whatever Yoongi is telling them must be really fun. But his stomach starts grunting and realizes that they should eat something soon. He sits and speaks, “Guys, we need to eat dinner”. 

30 minutes later, the seven of them are walking to the convenience store. Somehow the conversation turns around how they should go buy something to eat, then that Jin will buy it for them and before he could notice, they were on a trip to the store downhill because, according to Taehyung and Jimin, this one is better even though they have to walk for longer.

The maknaes are particularly excited leading the way, behind them Yoongi and Hoseok talking lively and then Namjoon by his side.

Namjoon speaks putting his hands inside his hoodie, “Hyung”. Seokjin hums in response, “I’m sorry”.

He stops walking and turns to see him, Namjoon stops walking too, “What? Why? Why are you apologizing?”

“I should have worked harder to be able to help you,” says and somehow he seems smaller inside his hoodie.

Seokjin shakes his head with a soft smile, “It’s not your fault. You are working hard enough for us, there is no need to put more weight on yourself. This is just something I have to work with myself. I’m actually kinda happy that it happened now and not when we debut, so don’t worry too much, okay?” Namjoon nods still unconvinced. “It’s fine Namjoonie, everything's gonna be alright and I will able to help you. We are a team, the leader and the oldest, right? What was the phrase that you always tell us? About teamwork?”

“Teamwork makes the dream work” Namjoon answers happily, receiving a smile.

“Right, teamwork makes the dream work. We’re gonna be the best team in the world, us together and with these guys so don’t give me that sad face anymore. Come on, show me those dimple of yours,” says and start tugging his arm, Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh. “There they are,” Seokjin coos with a smile and Namjoon hides his smile behind his hands.

“Hey!” someone screams, they turn and see how Tae is waving his arms almost outside the store with the other down the hill.

They run to catch them and soon after they are all entering the store. The kids run inside searching for foods with Hoseok at their backs screaming “Don’t run inside!”. Everyone walks around on their own looking for food but somehow minutes later they found themselves together in front of the chips discussing what the best chip is. And they argue. And laugh. And scream despite the ugly look the employee gives them. And more importantly, they are happy.

Seokjin couldn’t help but to step back and watch his friends laugh. His heart feels warm once again and he can’t help to smile at them. He really loves them. And the group. And the work they do together. Maybe this really is the right path for him. He hopes so. Seokjin isn’t the bigger believer of fate and destiny, but this didn’t feel like a coincidence at all. How he managed to team up with another amazing six guys? That is a mystery for him but he isn’t going to question it now.

15 minutes and a lot more arguments later, he is at the register waiting to pay. They end up buying a lunchbox for each one, a bag of chips and a bunch of other snacks and drinks. As he pays, Jin makes a mental note to thank his parents for the allowance he still receives from them. The rest pack their stuff and leave soon after.

Just a couple meters outside and Jungkook excuses himself to go back to the store because he forgot to buy something and runs back. Less than 3 minutes after, he comes back running with his hands in the hoodie. They resume their way home and the youngest start walking by his side.

“Jin hyung,” He mumbles after a minute, tilting his head to watch him. The maknae takes one of his hand out of the hoodie and hands him a small bag. Seokjin takes it and sees that are gummy worms. “Those are your favorites, right?”

Seokjin blinks a couple of times surprised but ends up smiling softly at him, “Yes, they are. Thank you Jungkookie”. He opens the bag and offers him, “Want one?” Jungkook smiles and takes one.

“I want one!” Say other voices and Tae and Jimin appear in front of him.

“What did we say when we want something?” Seokjin tuts, putting the bag near his chest.

“Please,” says Tae.

“Almost but not”

“Hyung-nim gives me some,” says Jimin with a sweet smile.

“Correct!” He handle him the gummies.

Taehyung makes an almost sad expression as Jimin eats one with a smug smile. But any sad expression was gone a second later as he copies his friend in his task to get food. A moment after and all of them stop walking to get some gummies from their hyung.

When they run out of candy, they continue walking leaving Seokjin with the realization that he didn’t eat any of those. He is laughing in silence when Jungkook tugs his sleeve softly as he stands in front of him turning his back at the rest of the group. From his pocket, he takes another bag of gummies and gives it to him while putting a finger on his mouth. Seokjin blinks a couple of time before taking it and starts beaming at the youngest. He thanks him in silence and ruffles his hair. Jungkook smiles too before he turns around and goes back with his friends at the front.

Seokjin start walking and realizes that Yoongi watched the whole exchange from not so far away. He opens the bag and offers him but he denies with a shake of his head. He eats one and starts walking together with Yoongi in silence.

Seokjin is looking at the full moon when he decides to speak, “I didn’t apologize to you yet”.

Yoongi makes a surprised noise, “You don’t have to”.

“I want to.” He turns his head to face him. “I’m sorry for being an ass these past days”.

Yoongi continues looking in front of him. “I don’t know, it was too much. I don’t know if I will be able to forget about it,” he teases.

“Wow, Yoongi holding grudges? Why am I not surprised?” he jokes back and Yoongi turns to see him now.

“You hurt me a lot hyung, how am I supposed to forgive you so easily? I need time to heal”.

“You know what? I take back my apologies, I’m not sorry at all” Seokjin mocks as he starts walking faster and hears how Yoongi laughs and fastens his pace to by his side again. “Go be dramatic somewhere else”.

“Who speaks of being dramatic,” he laughs.

Seokjin gasps (dramatically) and puts a hand to his chest, “Me? Dramatic? That’s it. Min Yoongi, I hope you fall out of your bed tonight”.

Yoongi laughs so loud that it gains the attention of the rest but they quickly ignore him. He continues to laugh and Seokjin can’t help but do the same. He is feeling happy and doesn’t want to hide it. He wants to feel this happy always, he wants that his friends feel this happy too. He can only hope. But Seokjin thinks, at least for tonight, as he laughs with Yoongi, that hope isn’t needed anymore.