Archive of Our Own ^beta

The Dance of the Butterflies was the program that would win Kanae and Sanemi Olympic gold. It was a routine unlike any other, equal in artistry and technique and both Sanemi and Kanae were in perfect, harmonious synchronization that left even novices in awe. The lines of their bodies lined up perfectly and the way they focused on each other, as if the rest of the world didn’t exist, made it seem as if they really were one entity split into two. Two hearts beating as one—soulmates.

Shinobu had been there when they’d performed it the first time and she’d been left completely mesmerized. It had taken her breath away and she’d congratulated them despite the fact that she felt like no words could accurately convey just how amazing the routine was. Shinobu had no doubt that during the next season they would dominate the competition and qualify for the Olympics.

They were supposed to win with that routine. It’s as though it was written in the stars and yet—and yet it was never performed as it should have been. Instead, the video of it was rotting away in a disk no one dared to watch. No one except her. 

Shinobu is on the cusp of falling asleep when her mother comes into her room, crying hysterically and Kanao hot on her heels, looking as though the world had ended. “There’s been an accident,” She’d told Shinobu, her voice trembling, “Kanae is in the hospital.”

Her heart dropped.

When they’d reached the hospital, Kanae had been in emergency surgery and they’d run into the Shinazugawa family who was there for Sanemi. Sanemi’s mother was quietly crying as Genya held her and the rest of his siblings sat on the chairs, with tears in their eyes.

The hours they were made to wait were absolutely torturous and agonizing. Every time a nurse or doctor walked by they would stand, hoping that it was news for them. Finally, at around three AM someone finally comes to update them. The doctor had looked at them grimly, “Sanemi will pull through but…he has severe flesh wounds, it will take a while for him to recover.”

Then he sighs, “As for the other patient, her surgery was successful but…” They wait in tense silence for him to continue, “She might never walk again.”

At the time, the news was devastating but they were all just glad they were both alive. Unfortunately, in the coming months, everyone realized that maybe…they weren’t as alive as they hoped they would be. Sanemi had become a stranger, his face and body terribly scarred, always angry and temperamental. Kanae had shut down when she realized she would never step on the ice again, the light in her eyes dying. And the most damning thing of it all was that they refused to meet each other after the accident.

Kanae was moved to a rehabilitation facility where she spent the majority of her days staring out a window and barely making an effort to do her therapy. Shinobu had never seen her sister so…not there. It was as if there was nothing but an empty shell left.

Up until that time, Shinobu had been skating in the singles division and she’d been good at it too. But as she watched the recording of Dance of the Butterflies she realized that if her sister couldn’t do it, Shinobu would do it for her. She’d win using that routine and bring the medal to her sister. It was the only thing she thought she could do for her.

“I’m switching to pairs,” She told Kanae on one of her visits to the center.

Kanae had looked at her for a long moment before she tore Shinobu apart, “You’re not capable.”

Shinobu took a shuddering breath, “Yes I am.”

Her older sister sighed, “Do whatever you want. It’s not like I can stop you.”

Shinobu bit the inside of her cheek until she drew blood. She was beginning to detest the woman before her, she wasn’t Kanae. She was cruel and broken and empty. Her sister had always been kind and despite the fact she looked fragile she had fire running through her blood. A fire that didn’t let her give up and yet now here she was, cold to the touch.

Shinobu would prove her wrong and show her that there was still a life to live, even if she had to drag her back to the world of the living kicking and screaming.

Shinobu and Kanao visit Kanae every Sunday in the coming months, despite that their sister barely speaks or acknowledges their presence. Their mother goes every day and it’s starting to wear down on her, to alleviate her stress Kanao and Shinobu take over the care of the household. Their father visits when he can but there are bills to be paid and he’s flooded in work. Shinobu has seriously been considering getting a job but her father refuses, telling her to focus on school and skating.

“I promise this isn’t as bad as you think,” He tells her. “It’s just bad timing. Next year, things will get better, so don’t stop doing what you love.”

After his reassurances, the real challenge comes in finding a partner. When she tells her coach about her decision the older woman hadn’t tried to stop her. Ubuyashiki Amane has always been a realist, and if she didn’t immediately shut Shinobu down, then there was a sliver of possibility. And Shinobu would cling to that, even if the rest of the world laughed at her.

“Well,” Coach Ubuyashiki says, in that calm tone of voice Shinobu had come to rely deeply on when she needed someone to ground her feet to reality, “I will help you, but it won’t be easy. I hope you understand that.”

“I do.” Shinobu responded, her face and goal set.

“We’re going to need to find a partner for you then. I’ll put up a request and see what happens.”

It takes a while for someone to respond and when they do, it makes Shinobu’s stomach sour. Douma is exceptionally tall and when they stand next to each other the way their heights align is absurdly comical. But it makes things easy, because he can pick her up as though she was weightless. Unfortunately, Shinobu loathes him. This is all one big joke to him and he waves her off when she tries to be serious. She still does her best to make it work and even though their jumps suffer because of her lack of trust, they manage to scrape by through the season.

It’s nothing great, they don’t even reach sixth place in their first competition, but it’s a start. At least, that is, until Douma drops her. It had been an accident, of course, but Shinobu can’t seem to get over her fear from then on and her partnership with the older boy deteriorates quickly. When they’re practicing off the ice, every time he grabs her by her hips, ready to lift her, she tenses and she digs her nails into his arms.

“I don’t think it’s working out,” Coach Ubuyashaki tells them, after yet another failed practice, “Maybe you should…stop.”

Douma shrugs because this partnership had been like a passing entertainment for him but for Shinobu this was everything. Frustrated tears sting the back of her eyes and she can barely keep herself from making a scene in the dance studio. She tries to hide her anger and disappointment but she knows everyone can see right through her. Kanao, especially, tends to avoid her. Shinobu would be offended if she wasn’t so grateful. Kanao has been taking the Ladies’ single senior division by storm and she’s already breaking records. She’s sad her little sister feels like she can’t share her excitement with her though.

Kanae’s words ring in her ear, You’re not capable. And dammit all, she refuses to let those words stand. She refuses to give up like this. It makes her angry, that she couldn’t just…get over the fear. It had been one bad fall and since then, she couldn’t do it anymore. Well, maybe it was more than that, too. Her partnership with Douma had always been rocky and they barely synchronized on a good day. They were far from compatible but Shinobu had tried hard to make it work because finding another partner seemed like such an annoyance and waste of time.

Now, as she looks back, she realizes that the real waste of time had been her partnership with Douma. Now she’s left alone, without a partner, and her dream farther away than ever. Shinobu tries to focus on school for the time being as she tries to figure something out. It’s her last year at Kimetsu Academy so she has plenty to worry about, still, the problem remains in the back of her mind.

The days pass with her going to the rink by herself in the early hours of the mornings trying to practice on her own. The Nine Pillars Rink is owned by the Ubuyashiki family and they’ve known Shinobu since she started skating at the age of five. She’s worked the concessions stands before, too, so they trust her enough to give her a copy of the key.

She uses her time at the rink to clear her head and to think things more deeply. Now not only does she need a partner, but she also needs to get over her fear of being lifted, she’s worse off than she started. It’s absolutely frustrating. The psychological aspect of it all is more difficult to come back from that the physical. Because when Douma dropped her, she’d gotten a minor concussion but other than that her body had been fine. But just thinking about being in the air now made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

One morning, she’s so focused on skating and the music that’s filling the rink that she doesn’t notice Sanemi until the music is over and he clears his throat. Shinobu very nearly jumps out of her skin.

“Hey,” He greets, raising a hand.

“Hello,” She says, skating towards him. He’s wearing slacks and a dress shirt and Shinobu raises an eyebrow.

“Where are you going so early in the morning?”

“Work.” He answers, “I’m gonna start teaching math at the academy today.”

Shinobu’s a little surprised, she hadn't spoken to him in a while and she didn’t realize that he was…moving on. She swallows thickly, “That’s good.”

“I heard you switched to pairs,” He tells her, after a moment of silence. “I saw your performances.”

Shinobu cringes outwardly, “I see.”

“It was awful,” He says, honestly, and Shinobu knows. “You didn’t trust your partner at all.”

“Well, that’s why we’re no longer partners.”

“Sucks to be you.”

“I just need to find a new partner,” She tells him.

“Right,” He says, sarcastically, “Because that’s going to be easy.”

“Stop being an asshole,” She tells him, and he laughs at her misery.

“You can find all the partners in the world and it won’t mean shit if you don’t trust them.”

“I know,” She says, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No.” Sanemi seriously says, his voice hard, “I don’t think you do. But you can keep trying, if you’re so stubborn about it, and keep failing.”

She growls, “Then what would you have me do? Give up?”

Sanemi sighs, “I think it would be for the best.”

“Fuck you,” She spits, acidly, “I’m not like you.”

She knows she shouldn’t have said something so insensitive to him, his dream had been crushed, too. It wasn’t just Kanae that had lost the light in her eyes, he was just doing a better job at hiding it. But she can’t help the anger she feels and she’s always known that she’d the type to retaliate when pushed into a corner.

She steps off the ice and pulls on her skate guards hastily. She is so tired of people telling her she can’t do this. Tired of them looking down on her and telling her to give up. She walks away from him, anger bitterly settling in her stomach and for the rest of the day, she feels as though she’s one word away from crying.

She’s is in a constant state of anger following that incident but she has to stop letting it rule her life. Instead, she needs to use it as fuel to spur her stubbornness on. So little by little she starts going to Kanao’s practices again. She’ll sit in the stands as Coach Ubuyashiki instructs her on her form and choreography. She sees Kanao’s eyes twinkle when she realizes that Shinobu is there, silently supporting her.

It must have been hard for her, Shinobu realizes, having both her older sisters turn their back on her when she was just starting to shine. So Shinobu pushes down her frustration under her skin and steps into the ice to better help her. Coach Ubuyashiki smiles at her when she catches giving Shinobu giving Kanao pointers, glad for the extra help. The kids in the junior division also ask for her help and Shinobu gladly gives it.

Besides Kanae and Sanemi, Coach Ubuyashiki only had one other team that participated in the figure skating pairs division, the Kamado siblings. As she watches them she realizes what Sanemi had meant about trust and how she lacked it with Douma. Trust was something that was built from the ground up and if the base was sloppy, the whole thing would collapse on itself. And because of the absolute trust the Kamado siblings have in each other, they are able to beautiful execute even the most dangerous of throw jumps. They’re still in juniors though but once they reach seniors, Shinobu has no doubt they would be something to be on the lookout for.

Aoi and Genya also ask for her advice, despite the fact that they’re an ice dancing pair. Shinobu has come to realize, as she spends more time with them, that they feel a little inferior to the rest of the skaters sometimes. Because their discipline isn’t seen as difficult as figure skating but that’s complete bullshit if anyone asked her. Their athleticism and dancing talent is no joke and their artistry far surpasses any of the other skaters. Shinobu subtly tries to build their confidence, she knows that if they overcame their shyness they would be amazing.

Despite the fact that she’s distracting herself by helping others, she still hasn’t given up on her own dream. She will skate pairs, even if it’s the last thing she does.

But she’s absolutely floored when Coach Ubuyashiki pays her for her time.

“I can’t accept this,” She tells her, trying to hand her back the envelope.

“You can and you will,” The older woman says, “You’ve worked here before and it wasn’t a problem then.”

“But that was—“

“This is work all the same. You’ve been a great help and I hope you continue to help us out.”

Shinobu can’t be anything but grateful, “Thank you,” She says, choking on her tears.

So now that her ‘job’ and passion have merged into one, Shinobu breathes a little easier. She’ll have money saved up for exam fees and she can buy her own skates and Kanao’s. It’s not a lot, but it makes her feel just a bit better about everything. As her father had promised, things at work eventually became better for him, and he was now at home more often and visited Kanae with more frequency.

So her routine starts to look a little something like this: she practices in the mornings, goes to school, and after she comes to the rink to help the kids until late in the evening. She squeezes her studying during her free period and lunch and any other free moment she has.

So on a Wednesday afternoon, a couple of weeks after she starts working when Coach Ubuyahsiki calls for a break she takes a seat in the stands and begins flipping through her notecards as the kids head off to the restrooms or to get a snack. She feels someone sit next to her and when she looks up, Sanemi is there, looking at the ice with a longing that makes Shinobu shiver.

“Are you still serious about skating pairs?” He asks, not even bothering with a greeting.

“Yes,” She tells him.

He inhales sharply and releases it slowly, then he says, “I think I know someone that would be willing to pair up with you.”

Shinobu cannot help the way her heart fills with hope. “Really?”

Sanemi must see the relief in her eyes because he shakes his head, “There’s…something though.” And of course there would be, fate has never given Shinobu something just because. “He’s never skated professionally.”

The hope in Shinobu’s heart evaporates as quickly as it had come. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, but he’s willing to try. It’s up to you if you want to make it work.”

“Fine,” Shinobu says, after thinking about it for a minute, because it’s not like she has many options, the least she can do is meet with the guy, “When I can meet him?”

Sanemi runs his fingers through his hair, a habit Shinobu has come to associate with nervousness, which is something absolutely uncharacteristic for him. “Tomorrow.”

“Where?”

“Kimetsu Academy’s faculty room.”

Shinobu stares at him, waiting for the punch line, but he doesn’t meet her eyes and she feels as though she’s being taken for a fool.

“Seven o’clock,” He continues, “He’ll be waiting.”

Then he stands up and leaves, not even bothering to stop when Genya tries to greet him. For the rest of the practice, Shinobu isn’t able to fully concentrate. She’s stuck between feeling hopeful and upset. She can decide if this is worth it or not.

Coach Ubuyashiki notices and calls her over when practice is about to end.

“Are you alright?” She asks when Shinobu skates next to her.

She bites her lip, debating on whether the situation is worth mentioning. Finally, she just comes out and says, “I’m meeting someone tomorrow but I don’t know if it’s…worth it. He’s never skated professionally.”

The older woman hums, “I see why you’re hesitant. But if you ask me, I think you should definitely take the chance. You never know, sometimes you can build something great out of nothing.”

Shinobu nods but doesn’t tell her that he’s also probably a teacher at her academy. The situation is weird enough already. That night after dinner she watches The Dance of the Butterflies routine again and musters up her courage. She would meet him, even if turned out to be a waste of time, nothing could be as big a waste a time as Douma.

She’s standing outside the faculty room at precisely six forty-five, she clenches her fists, squares her shoulders, and raises her head high before sliding the door open.

“Excuse me,” She says but the room is empty. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, looking around. She clicks her tongue in irritation and waits. The next couple of minutes pass agonizingly slowly and finally, finally Tomioka-sensei appears in the doorway. “Kochou,” He greets, “Sorry, I had to step out for a few minutes.”

“It’s you?” She asks, barely managing her surprise. He looks a little put off at her tone but he slowly nods. “So-sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Tomioka shrugs, and motions for her to follow, he takes a seat in his desk and pulls a chair close for her. They sit facing each other awkwardly and she’s not really sure what to think.

“So, umm,” She starts when the silence has gotten a little too heavy for her, “I didn’t know you were interested in skating.” She fiddles with her thumbs just for the sake of doing something with her hands.

He nods, “I skated when I was younger but I never thought about…doing it in a professional setting.”

“What made you change your mind?”

He pauses, “I still haven’t really changed it but…Shinazugawa said, well, he said to give it a chance.”

Heat floods Shinobu’s face, yet another person that was taking this as a pastime. She sharply says, “If you’re not serious then don’t bother.”

The older man raises his eyebrows, surprised at her disrespect probably, but Shinobu wasn’t going to apologize for it this time.

“It’s not that I’m not serious,” He tells her quietly, “It’s just…I don’t know if I’d meet your expectations.”

“My expectations are super low right now I bet a child could meet them.”

“And you still want to do it?”

She looks him in the eyes, her gaze steady and resolve solid, “I want to make it to the Olympics. And I want to win.”

“That’s…a tall order.” He slowly says but doesn’t look at her like she’s crazy or like she’s way in over her head.

“So,” She asks, “What about you?”

“Should we…give it a try?” He asks in return, not answering her question.

You can build something great out of nothing, she tells herself, echoing Coach Ubuyashiki’s words. So her answer can be nothing but a firm, “Yes.”

The first order of business is evaluating Tomioka’s current abilities, so that Saturday they meet at the rink and he shows her and Coach Ubuyashiki what he can do. He’s…alright. But for someone that’s never had formal training and who’s only skated casually, he’s pretty good. They’re just going to have to work on his technique and form.  He’s in good shape already but he’s given a new training regimen by the coach and despite the fact that she still doesn’t have them skate together she gives them instructions to meet at least three times a week.

It makes Shinobu raise an eyebrow, “But why?”

“Because,” She tells them both, looking from one to the other, “You don’t know each other.”

Well, she’s certainly right about that. But between her full schedule, she doesn’t really know were to fit their meetings. Not only that, but he’s also a teacher which means they can’t be seen together out in public. It’s Tomioka that comes up with a solution, “I can meet you in the library during lunch.”

“Won’t that raise eyebrows?”

“Not if I’m helping you study.”

“But I don’t need help.”

“Yes, well,” He tells her, morosely, “Now you do.”

She almost laughs at his sullen face but agrees nonetheless. So as Tomioka works on his own, they agree to meet at the school library Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Shinobu will not lie and say it’s something easy to get used to, because it’s not. It’s really not. If anything, it’s one of the strangest things that’s ever happened to her.

Tomioka had been her gym teacher last year when he first started working, and to her, he’d always just been this taciturn man that she’d never expected to meet outside of school. Now as she watches him pull out a paper filled with questions it only makes the whole situation more surreal.

“So,” He says, setting the paper between them, “I think it’d be a good thing if we got to know ourselves a little better.”

Shinobu grabs the paper and sees that the questions are all generic ice breakers, she can’t keep the laugh from spilling from her lips, “I-I’m sorry,” She says, between giggles, “I just—I didn’t expect something like this from you.”

He purses his lips and waits for her to get a hold of herself. But it only makes her laugh harder when she sees his serious, slightly put-off face, “I’m so sorry.” She wheezes between painful laughs. “Give—just give me a minute.”

Somehow, she manages to calm down and she can’t believe she actually has to wipe away a tear from her eye. When was the last time she’d laugh this hard?

“Sorry,” She says again, clearing her throat, “Please start.”

He looks a little upset that she’d laughed at his effort, but starts anyway, “Do you…have any pets?”

“Nope, I don’t like dogs or cats, and you?”

“Well, I…had a cat when I was little but it never really liked me.”

He crosses out the question and slides the paper to her, “Your turn.”

Shinobu looks down the list and settles on, “Do you have any siblings?”

“An older sister and an adopted little brother.”

Shinobu blinks because she didn’t think they would have something like that in common. “I have an older sister too and an adopted little sister.”

He raises his eyebrows, probably thinking the same as her. “Oh, that’s…weird.”

She gives him a little smile, “Yeah, who would have thought.”

“Does your little sister attend school here?”

“Yeah, Tsuyuri Kanao, have you heard of her?”

He blinks, surprised, “Yes, I know who she is. I’ve been following her competitions since she debuted and she’s friends with some of the boys in my class.”

“The infamous Kamaboko squad.”

“Yes, you know them?”

“Oh do I ever, Tanjiro and his sister skate at the rink and the other two come for ‘moral support’ sometimes but really they’re only there to distract them.”

Tomioka gives a small smile, “They’re a handful. But they’re not…bad kids.”

“I know, but that still doesn’t mean I let them off the hook when interrupt practice.”

For the rest of the hour, they continue going back and forth between the questions and they make it through a third of them. Not a bad start, honestly.

For the next few weeks they meet often and any time someone besides them comes into the library Tomioka will pretend to be helping her with a math question until whoever's there leaves. It’s shouldn’t, but it feels a little exciting to be sneaking around, even though they’re not doing anything bad.

She comes to learn a lot about him. He and his sister are actually adopted and Urokodaki, his father, would often foster children and he’d foster them for a while before moving through with their adoption. She’d met Sabito, once or twice, he was in middle school and Makomo, who was the girl Urokodaki was currently fostering. They were both nice kids and they teased Tomioka relentlessly. It was funny to watch him, trying to keep up with the very smart mouths of two fourteen-year-olds.

They’d skirted around serious topics, making an unspoken truce that they weren’t confident enough to talk about certain things. Like his birth parents and her sister's accident. Still, they learn the little things about each other, like their favorite foods, music, books, and movies. For now, that seems more than enough.

Autumn slowly gives away into winter and pretty soon, Shinobu is required to take her university entrance exams. So everything else is put on hold for a few weeks. After she’s done with exams though, she pours all her focus back into her goal. Tomioka and her begin practicing together in the dance studio, away from prying eyes, with only Coach Ubuyashiki there helping them become adjusted to each other.

Tomioka isn’t as tall as Douma but he still towers over her and it takes a while before she’s able to fully relax in his arms. They begin by doing simple waltz steps and some of the old dancing choreography she’d done with Douma. Ubuyashiki still doesn’t allow them to perform any lifts or to skate together and Shinobu knows it’s mostly for her sake.

She’s still not over her fall, but she knows that little by little it’ll get better, she just has to be patient. One day, Tomioka comes to her with a request, “Would you like to go running with me?”

She debates in her head about the pros and cons and ultimately decides it’s worth doing, for their partnership’s sake. So in the mornings, she’ll go on a run with him rather than going to practice on the ice. It becomes routine after a while and since she already has enough attendance to graduate, she skips school some days to go to the rink and practice.

It all seems to be going on an uphill climb until her mother tells her that Kanae will be returning home. She’s made enough progress that the therapists feel that it’s a good time for her to start living in the real world again. Shinobu should be happy about it, but instead, all she feels is dread. It bleeds into her practice and Tomioka looks at her with concern, but she bites her tongue and continues to work hard.

On the day that Kanae comes back home, their mother bakes a cake, and she and Kanao help Kanae settle in. But even after everything, Kanae is never in a good mood. She’s in a wheelchair and is constantly annoyed that she’s not able to maneuver around the house easily. They have to rearrange the furniture and Shinobu hates the way she feels annoyed about it.

She doesn't want to feel like her sister is a burden, really. But even after all this time, Shinobu isn’t over the words her sister told her so long ago. It’s made worse by the fact that her sister had been right. Because it’s been almost three years and Shinobu hasn’t accomplished anything. It makes contempt rise and grips her heart.

“Are you alright?” Tomioka asks one day when they’re in the middle of their usual morning run.

“Yeah,” She says but she knows it’s not convincing enough. He slows down until finally, they’re stopping in the middle of the trail.

“Are you sure?” He presses, coming to stand in front of her.

“Yes,” She tells him again, her voice aggravated.

“I don’t think—“

“I said yes. Will you fucking drop it?” She snaps, finally, her eyes stinging.

He stares blankly at her for a long, tense moment and it makes her feel guilty, “Sorry, I just—“ Her voice cracks, “It’s just—I’m—“ She presses the palms of her hands to her eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. She doesn’t know what words to use or how to explain the ugliness inside her.

Her breath shudders and she can’t keep her emotions under control. So she just looks down, feeling humiliated and ashamed. But Tomioka doesn’t say anything and he—he does something unexpected. He pats her head and runs his fingers through her hair, “It’s alright,” He tells her, in that calm steady voice of his.

It makes everything infinitely both better and worse at the same time because suddenly she can’t keep from crying. Figuring she’s already made a fool of herself enough, Shinobu steps closer to him, pressing her forehead to his chest, and letting her tears silently drip down her cheeks. She doesn’t know how much time passes but eventually, she reaches the end of her tears. She still doesn’t raise her head though, she doesn’t remember the last time anyone let her be childish. She’s been trying to keep everything together for so long that she forgot what it felt like to rely on someone else.

For such a long time, the person she relied on had been her older sister. She was always there to offer advice or to just let Shinobu rest her head on her shoulder. Now, she didn’t even know if her sister was still inside that shell that was at home. Her mother is too busy taking care of her oldest daughter to be concern about her younger ones and her father had gotten busy again and he was barely home for dinner. And Kanao had been looking at Shinobu for guidance probably feeling like she was just making trouble for everyone.

“I’m tired,” She finally admits to him. “Ever since the accident, I feel as though I’m about to drown.”

His hands slow in her hair and he asks, “Do you want to sit down?”

Shinobu shakes her head against his shirt, “I don’t want to see you.”

“Ummm, well, eventually you’re going to have to look at me.”

She snorts, “Not if I close my eyes.”

“Then how would you get home?”

“I’ll work hard.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“You know, for someone so smart, you’re really dumb.”

“You are so rude. I’m still your teacher you know.”

“Nu-uh, you can’t play that card. Right now you’re my partner.”

Tomioka snaps his mouth shut and Shinobu mentally gives herself a point. Who knew making him speechless was something she’d enjoy doing. Eventually, after making sure she’s not dripping snot from her nose, she pulls away and looks up at him. He’s looking down at her with some tender emotion Shinobu doesn’t know what to name.

She must make quite a sight, tear tracks on her face and her cheeks blotched red, but he says, “I thought you weren’t going to look at me.”

“I changed my mind.”

He gives her a small smile, “I’m glad you did.”

It’s not long after that, that Coach Ubuyashiki must see that something has settled between them because she starts them in trust falls. She has Shinobu close her eyes and fall back, trusting Tomioka to catch her but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite the fact that she knows him better and she’s basically cried into his arms, she's still scared.

They try every day for a few minutes before and after dance practice and little progress is made but progress is progress. Even if it’s slow. They also begin talking about more serious things. Shinobu tells him about her dream of skating The Dance of the Butterflies and how she wants to prove everyone that doubted her wrong. In return, he tells her about his childhood and how before Urokodaki adopted him, he didn’t understand the concept of family very well. Besides his sister, he didn’t think he was capable of loving anyone else.

They talk about how each of them started skating and just how much the ice meant to them. It’s…strange but not uncomfortable. Not anymore.

Shinobu is in the library reading on a day when she’s not supposed to meet with Tomioka when Sanemi slides into the seat in front of her. She looks him over her book and he sets his elbows on the table.

“So,” He begins, “How’s it going?”

Shinobu marks her page, closes the book, and sets it aside. “It’s…good. We’re doing good.”

“When are you planning on competing?”

“I don’t know yet.” She honestly tells him. “Soon, maybe.”

He nods, and sensibly says, “It’s alright if you take your time.”

“And you?” She asks, forgetting about skating for a moment, “How have you been?”

He leans his cheek against one of his palms and beats his fingers on the table with the other, “I’m alright.”

“Have you settled into teaching?”

“Ehh, can’t complain, high schoolers are little shits but nothing I can’t handle.”

Shinobu smiles at that then her smile slowly fades, “My sister…is home.”

He sighs, “Yeah, your mom told me.”

She might be crossing a line but she blurts, “When—when will you see her?”

Sanemi lowers his gaze, his fingers no longer moving, “When she wants to see me.”

“What?” Shinobu asks, confused, “Did she ask you to leave her alone?”

“No, but I know she doesn’t want to see the man that paralyzed her.”

Shinobu snaps her mouth shut, biting her cheek because the accident had always been something no one spoke about. From what Shinobu had gathered by piecing bits of information from what she overheard, Sanemi and Kanae had been coming home from practice, they’d argued intensely about something, and Sanemi had run a red light and they’d been hit head-on by semi-truck going eighty kilometers per hour.

She can’t say something as simple as ‘It wasn’t your fault’ because that wouldn’t be true. But she’d like to say, It wasn’t entirely your fault, because the truck had been going over the speed limit but she knows that would offer no comfort to anyone.

“Anyway,” Sanemi says, interrupting her thoughts, “I’m glad things are working out. Tomioka has the emotional maturity of a jellyfish but even jellyfish can be nice to look at.”

That makes her snort, glad for the subject change, “Yeah, I suppose they can.”

In the coming weeks, Coach Ubuyashiki finally lets them on the ice together. They meet in the mornings twice a week and on the weekends when the rink is empty and no one will see them. They spend most of their time gliding, trying to get used to matching their speeds and step sequences. They haven’t really talked about choreography or music just yet since there are still technical aspects that they need to work on. Eventually, they would have to sit down and talk about what type of theme they want to go with but for now, just being on the ice is good enough.

The training regimen Tomioka has been doing has greatly helped him. He can control the power of his jumps now and keep his stamina up enough to do combinations. His form, in particular, has greatly improved, the lines of his body move elegantly and fluidly. She learns it’s because he’s been practicing ballet in his free time.

“Really?” She asks, incredulously.

“My sister suggested it, she’s been teaching some moves.”

“That's—that’s great.”

It’s more than Douma had ever done. Her previous partner had always thought that figure skating was about the athleticism and the artistry was an afterthought. But here Tomioka was, going the extra mile because he realized that it wasn’t just about landing precise salchows. It makes her a little grateful.

Pretty soon, Shinobu is graduating. Neither of her parents attends, her father apologizes profoundly but he has an important meeting to attend and her mother has to take Kanae to her monthly check-up. She would be lying if she said it didn’t sting. But Kanao had attended and she’d presented her with a large bouquet of flowers. To her immense surprise, Coach Ubuyashiki, her husband, and their children come. Aoi, Genya, the Kamaboko squad plus Nezuko, too.

After the ceremony, they cheer in congratulations and everyone takes pictures with her. Even Sanemi comes and takes a picture with her. “Congrats,” He says, ruffling her hair like he used to when they were younger.

Eventually, they make their way to the rink where they’ve prepared a cake for her and Tomioka makes it in just when they’re cutting it.

She hands him a piece, “Lucky you, we have one more slice left.”

He looks down at the table, where there’s still half of the cake left, and raises an eyebrow. And she tells him, “This is mine.”

“Careful you don’t gain weight if not lifting you is going to be hard.”

“That is the rudest thing anyone has ever told me.”

He shrugs, “I don’t have to be nice to you anymore. You’re not my student anymore, just my partner.”

She gapes and he gives a grin, raising the cake in a mock toast, “Here’s to many years.”

Shinobu would like to be mad, but a smile pulls at her lips, “Yeah, to many years.”

That summer, Shinobu is able to successfully trust fall into Tomioka’s arms and he catches her, as she’s always known he’d be able to do.

Shinobu begins her first year at university and since she only goes to school in the mornings, all her afternoons are free. She spends her time at The Nine Pillars rink working wherever she’s needed. From managing the entrance to the concession stands, she’ll do anything that’s required of her. And when the rink closes for private practice she helps for a little while before heading up to the dance studio where Tomioka and her have been practicing their lifts.

She’s able to complete star lifts now and it comes almost naturally. Tomioka’s hands are steady on her hips when he grabs her and lifts her over his head. She holds her positions until she literally cannot stand it anymore and she’ll tap his arm and he’ll carefully bring her back down.

Every time, he holds her just a couple of seconds longer than necessary so he’s sure that both her feet are planted firmly on the ground. Coach Ubuyashiki has been looking into preparing a choreography already and she’s made it clear that they will begin working on throw jumps in the next coming weeks. It makes Shinobu a little nervous, because even if Tomioka did everything right if she messed up, she’d ruin her knees forever. But she’s done it before with a partner she barely trusted so she knows that with Tomioka things will be different.

Since it’s no longer a problem for them to be seen together in public, they begin practicing with the rest of the kids on the rink. The first time they’d done it, they had all been shocked speechless.

Eventually, Tanjiro had broken the silence, “Oh wow,” He’d exclaimed clapping his hands, “I’m so glad you found a partner!” The rest of the kids congratulated her as well, since they knew she’d been…stuck for a very long time. They’re surprised about Tomioka’s secret ice skating talent but offer him pointers and compliment him even though they could probably do better.

Now the sight of them practicing was commonplace and they were able to better perfect their lifts. It was different from doing it on the studio, here, Tomioka moved across the ice as he held her, and she felt the air moving through her hair as she was up there. Slowly they moved from waist lifts to hand-to-hand lifts, to one hand, and as they got better they made their way down the list, until all that was left was the twist lifts.

With her weight and his strength, they know they’re able to do more than one rotation in the air, but that’s only if Shinobu trust Tomioka enough to believe that he’ll catch her. But Coach Ubuyashiki doesn’t risk it, “Start simple, don’t get way in over your heads.”

So they do, they do it off the ice, and as the weeks pass and as they practice more and more it finally comes down to doing it on the ice. Before, she’d be a tense coil but rather than fear this time what she felt was exhilaration. As she steps on the ice with Tomioka’s hands on her hips she knows even before he throws her, that he will be there to catch her.

From the moment he lets her go all she can think is, he’ll catch me.

She does one rotation in the air and as she’s falling, Tomioka is there, his hands ready and his touch reassuring. Shinobu very nearly sobs, because—because this was monumental for her. Tomioka still holds her in his arms, even as her skates touch the ice. He pulls her close, hugging her tightly, “Thank you,” He murmurs in her ear, “For trusting me. Thank you.”

She grabs his shirt in her fist, clinging to him, and nods, “Thank you for being there.”

It’s a turning point for them. Now—now a whole new world of potential opens up and even the coach is floored when they’re able to perform a double twist with minimal practice. Because for Shinobu it had never been about the difficulty, it had been about the trust, the reassurance that whoever was waiting for her would catch her. 

Once the lifts are out of the way, the throw jumps are their next hurdle, but it’s a hurdle they cross together. And when they’re able to constantly land them they’re nothing short of thrilled. Eventually, they’re even able to complete one of Shinobu and Douma’s old routines. And though it’s not perfect, they have the potential to be.

They begin planning their choreography once Ubuyashiki gave them the go-ahead. So they have to pick a theme, it’s always better when both the short program and free skate have a thread connecting them. They can’t seem to be able to come up with anything though. So they think about it for days.

Ultimately, it’s Tomioka that suggest ripples.

“Please elaborate.” She tells him.

He clears his throat in what seems like embarrassment, “I was just thinking…when water is still and it seems as though it’s stagnant even the weight of a butterfly is enough to cause it to move again. I think—I think that illustrates our partnership pretty well.”

She blinks up at him, a little gobsmacked and usually, she’d laugh at his poetry, but she feels the need to ask, “You think I was stagnant?”

“No, not you. Me.”

This is the first time she’s heard of this. So she quietly listens as he explains.

“I don’t think—I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to do this if you hadn’t given me a chance.” He admits to her. “To be honest, I’d always thought—this was something only other people could do, even though I really liked it. But then there you were all spitfire and sulfur, striving for a dream that seemed impossible. I realized that maybe—maybe this was something I could do, too. And after years of standing on the fence about it, I finally feel like I’m moving.”

She nods, blinking away tears because she finally realizes that he wanted this as much as her. She’s no longer alone in her dream, she has him and he’s doing his best to stand beside her. It’s them against the world and the something great they would build.

When they tell Ubuyashiki their thoughts, she smiles at them serenely and nods. Then she tells them something shocking, “There’s someone that would greatly appreciate it if you let him help you.”

“Who?” Shinobu asks.

“Me,” A small voice says and Ubuyashiki Kiriya stands a little ways away, raising his hand as if he were in school, “I’ve been looking at you guys train and I think—I think I can choreograph something. If you’d let me.”

The coach’s only son was a small fourteen-year-old that was too sickly to skate. But he loved it. There was never a time he wasn’t in the rink, taking notes, and analyzing his mother's students. It had been Kiriya that choreographed some of Kanao’s record-breaking programs. There was no question the kid was a genius and Shinobu would be nothing short of stupid if she refused him.

Tomioka and her share a glance and then she’s nodding, “We’d appreciate your help.”

The boy smiles and immediately pulls out a notebook and launches into a lecture about their strengths and weaknesses and what they can do to improve.

As autumn rolls around they enter their first competition. Shinobu’s fingers tremble as she finishes filling out the paper forms but this is the beginning of her journey and she’s only too glad that it’s Tomioka that’s by her side.

They’re placed in the second block, the Kanto region. The competitions are the third week of October and since some of the kids will also be participating, there’s a nervous energy in the rink. Shinobu and Tomioka have been practicing non-stop and with the choreography Kiriya prepared for them, it feels as though the dice will roll in their favor.

So yes, one could say they take the world by storm. They win first place in their block and as they move up and up in the regional bracket people begin paying attention to them. As they get used to the attention and the competitiveness their routines only seem to improve. In November, they win third place in the regional championship and qualify for Nationals by the skin of their teeth.

Unfortunately, they don’t make the podium at Nationals but—but they’ve become something to look out for. They make a name for themselves and people begin inquiring about them. The following year, they’ll strive to get better. Their partnership has a solid foundation and the only way to build, is up.

Things at home begin to change as well. Kanae has been looking better these days, she’s picked up a few hobbies too, like watercolor painting and knitting. She isn’t as depressed as she used to be and all around, Shinobu feels as though she’s happier, lighter.

Kanao and Shinobu take Kanae to the park on the weekends and their older sister makes them flower crowns like she used to when they were children. Little by little, they start talking to Kanae about their skating progress.

“Kanao, here,” Shinobu says, bragging, “Won Silver these past Nationals, this year she’ll definitely take gold.”

Kanao’s cheeks pink, “N-nothing is set in stone and I—I had a lot of support.”

“Don’t be so modest! You’re the one that killed it out there. And get this,” Shinobu continues, just because she loves to see her little sister squirm, “A little birdie told me she has an admirer.”

“I do not. Tanjiro is just my friend.”

Shinobu grins at having caught Kanao in her trap, “I never said anything about Tanjiro.”

Kanao flushes so red Shinobu might actually be concerned but when she beings sputtering she can only continue teasing her. Kanae smiles as they argue but her smile turns a little sad. “What’s wrong?” Kanao asks when she notices.

“It’s just…I haven’t.”

“Haven’t what?”

“Supported you. Either of you,” Her voice almost fades, “I’ve missed so much.”

A knot lodges itself in the back of Shinobu’s throat but she manages to keep her voice steady, “Just make it up to us by being here now.”

“Would—would that change anything?”

“Yes.” Kanao answers, the redness of her face fading as she grabs her hand, “We just want you to be proud of us.”

“I am proud,” She says, “I am so proud.”

A few days later, Kanae surprises them by asking them to bring her to the rink with them. She wants to watch their practice, so they load up her wheelchair in the car and they’re off, excited that she’ll be able to see what they’ve been doing first hand.

So it’s pure coincidence—pure awful, rotten coincidence—that the first person they run into inside is Sanemi.

He’s on his way out, with Tomioka following closely behind, and they’re on their way in. Her sister and he lock eyes on each other and it’s as though the life itself drained out of their faces. They turn pale, looking seconds away from passing out.

Sanemi chokes, “Kana—“

But her sister is shaking her head, her hands trembling, and heaving. “Take-take me home.” She sobs. “Please. Please.”

Neither Shinobu or Kanao move, completely frozen, but Tomioka comes out from behind Sanemi and in one fluid movement picks Kanae up from her wheelchair and snaps, “Kochou. Let’s go.”

It spurs her into action and she follows him hastily, the empty wheelchair easy to maneuver. Kanao opens the door for them and the last thing Shinobu sees is Sanemi’s terribly sad face. It makes her want to stop and comfort him but he turns away abruptly and disappears out of sight.

Kanae sobs the entire way back home and into the night. It lasts literal days. She can’t sleep, she has nightmares, and she can barely keep her food down. It’s horrifying to watch. It’s as though she’d reversed into the state she’d been in weeks after the accident.

Shinobu can’t do anything but watch. Eventually, Kanae’s cries quiet and her eyes glaze over in indifference. No, Shinobu thinks, desperate, you’re not leaving us again.

Shinobu walks into her room, her resolve like steel, she pulls the curtains open and tells Kanae, “Get up, we’re going out.”

“I don’t want to,” She answers.

“I don’t care what you want.”

When her sister doesn’t move, Shinobu grabs her by the collar of her shirt and forcefully lifts her off the bed. “Get up.”

“No.”

Kanao stands in the doorway of the room, not knowing what to do.

“Get up. Or I will drag you out. I don’t care if you cry or scream I’ll drag you off this bed by your hair if I have to.”

“Then do it.”

And Shinobu—Shinobu does.

“SHINOBU!” Kanao screams in horror when she grabs a fist full of her long hair and pulls on her so hard, Kanae’s body slumps into the floor, her legs crumpling uselessly. Kanao moves to pry her hands off their older sister, but Shinobu’s grip is solid. “Let her go,” Kanao shouts.

Kanae raises her hands, slapping both of them and scratching their arms, as Shinobu struggles to against both of them, “Move, dammit, move.” Kanae’s crying in pain now, but Shinobu can’t find her compassion, “I’m tired of you. I don’t know you. My sister was never a pushover or a weakling.”

“Shinobu stop!” Kanao cries, finally managing to dislodge Shinobu’s fist. There are clumps of her sister’s hair in her hand and Shinobu throws them on the ground.

Kanae is looking up at them from her place on the floor, her face crumpling, and something in her finally gives because her voice cracks when she says, “He hates me. He never once—he never came to see me. I—I waited and waited and he never—ever came.”

Shinobu and Kanao are stunned into silence. Kanae continues, “And after all these years—he still won’t see me.” She lowers her face to the ground, she begins crying loudly, “I loved him. I still do. But he—“ The rest of her words dissolve into indistinguishable sobs.

Shinobu feels the entire fight leave her body. So this was what it was. All these years and it was this. The world’s most fucked up misunderstanding. Her legs give out from under her and the only reason she doesn’t fall painfully is because Kanao reacts quickly and catches her, slowly lowering her to the ground. As she looks at her sister's sobbing form, Shinobu realizes that even the people that seemed to be the most in sync were capable of completely misunderstanding each other. They sit in the middle of Kanae’s room, and soon, all three of them are crying.

They sit Kanae up, leaning her back against the bed and arranging her legs into a comfortable position and they continue to cry, letting out years of frustrations and pain.

“Tomorrow,” Shinobu says, her voice hoarse, “You’re going to talk to Sanemi.”

“But—“

“You are both stupid idiots. If you’d talked since the beginning and not made any assumptions, none of this would have happened.”

“What do you—“

“He thinks you hate him for causing the accident. He’s been so miserable I think he might give you a run for your money.”

Kanae begins to quietly sob and the rest of the night they hold her hand, keeping her steady. When their parents make it home later that night, they find Shinobu and Kanao on either side of Kanae in her bed, sleeping like the dead.

The next day, Shinobu takes Kanae to Sanemi’s apartment and they talk for literal hours. From morning to evening. For the first couple of hours Shinobu had sat with her sister on his couch but then their conversation started to take a more tense turn and Shinobu really wasn’t down for listening to their screaming match so she’d gone out to the hall. By the afternoon, they were still in the arguing stages so Shinobu took the liberty of going to Tomioka’s apartment. He lived in the same building, only on a different floor.

When he pulls open the door, he looks a little worse for wear. He’d probably been cleaning.

He blinks at her in surprise. “Kochou.”

“If we ever have an argument,” She says, “You’re not allowed assume anything. We have to talk it out. No matter how angry or hurt we are.”

He nods, agreeing but then he asks, “What’s this about?”

“Let me in and I’ll tell you.”

“Oh, right, sorry.” He pulls the door open further and she squeezes in. He closes the door and she leans agains his wall, looking up at him, she tilts her head to the side.

“How long have we been partners?” She asks.

“Officially?”

She nods.

“A year, three months, and—“ He thinks for a moment, “fourteen days.”

Shinobu purses her lips and says, “Well, then, in the spirit of not assuming anything. I like you.”

He gapes for a few seconds and then asks stupidly, “Like as a person?”

She grabs him by the collar of his ratty T-shirt and pulls him down, “Yeah, as a person.” She stands on her tippy toes and Shinobu trusts the dumbass enough to know that by the time their lips meet, he’ll be caught up with the program.

Sanemi and Kanae marry not even two months after reuniting. They have no doubts and they’ve each waited long enough that neither is up for waiting anymore. Tomioka doesn’t get an invite, but that’s only because Sanemi said he was one thousand percent sure he’d be there as Shinobu’s plus one.

She narrows her eyes at him, “But no else was allowed to bring a plus one.”

Sanemi nods, “Yeah, I made an exception for you, little sister.”

Shinobu can’t very well kill Kanae’s new husband, even if she wants to, so she lets it go.

Tomioka doesn’t seem the least bit bothered, probably glad he’s there by whatever means necessary.

“So,” Sanemi questions, “I hear you want to win the Olympics with The Dance of the Butterflies.”

“Yep,” Shinobu says, taking a sip of wine.

Sanemi looks between them, mirth dancing in his eyes, he looks younger now that he doesn’t look like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I don’t think you guys will pull it off.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Sanemi causally says, “I think you guys might lack the…emotions.”

“How?”

“I choreographed that routine with only the end in sight,” He tells them cryptically.

“And what’s the end?” Tomioka asks.

He raises his hand, showing off the ring on his finger, “The final pose was her standing and me down on one knee.”

He leaves them after that, going off to pick up his wife from the wheelchair and holding her as they slow danced with her in his arms.

“Ah,” Tomioka says, when it finally clicks in his head a while later, “He was going to propose.”

Shinobu has been red from the roots of her hair down to her toes. “I got it, thanks.”

Damn, now what? It’s as though now it’s pointless, in a way. Maybe The Dance of the Butterflies had always been out of her reach.

Tomioka elbows her, “You’re thinking too much.”

“I just—it all seems pointless, now.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ll never be able to skate it.”

Tomioka hums, “Why not?”

“Because it’s a proposal!”

He looks at her strangely, “I think we can do it, in a few years, maybe.”

Shinobu pulls her head back, looking up at him as if he’d grown another head. She finally teases, “Are you proposing to me right now, really?”

He shrugs, sure of himself as always. “I’ll give you a ring, eventually.”

Shinobu is left speechless. This man is ridiculous. Totally and utterly ridiculous. They’ve barely begun dating and this guy—this guy was already talking about marriage. Shinobu can’t help the smile that overtakes her face though—maybe his ridiculousness was rubbing off on her.

“Well if that’s the case, you can’t do it unless we win Olympic gold.”

“We will.” He tells her, confident. So confident Shinobu believes it—trusts implicitly that it will be true.

(So three years later, when they complete The Dance of the Butterflies on Olympic Ice Shinobu not only goes home with a gold medal but a ring, too.)