Work Text:
Yaz stared at the sky, her feet dangling out of the TARDIS. She looked over to a bay of stars glimmering in the pale darkness- somewhere, she remembered the Doctor recall a few months back, was Earth- her home. Yaz felt a shiver run down her back. She was so far away- she was running, always running. So far away.
Ryan and Graham had stopped running a few months ago. They wanted to try a new way of living- the human way. Yaz couldn’t blame them- with so much insight and knowledge of the universe living on Earth seemed a relief. Yet Yaz couldn’t go- her heart, heck her soul wouldn’t cope without the stars, the universe, the Doctor. Yaz felt another shiver dance down her back.
“Heya Yaz.” The Doctor softly said sitting beside her on the edge of the ship, and the human didn’t look at her, didn’t move her gaze at the stars of the night.
It had been a long day. Four children, six adults, two dogs. Killed by man who was looking for moon dust.
It was meant to have been a nice calming day.
Yaz had joked on the way back to the TARDIS that it was calm for them. The Doctors face was marbled, pain and grief picking at the rougher edges. They had looked at each other with affection and care, caution and responsibility and this new feeling of empathy. Yaz now understood the age in the Doctors eyes. She now felt it.
That scared the Doctor beyond belief.
“Hey.”
“You okay?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Yaz was blunt, more than the Doctors liking. The human still refusing to look at anything else but the stars. The Doctor didn’t complain, she just followed Yaz’s gaze to the stars- the burning collapsing stars.
“Yeah well I’ve seen worse.”
“Same.”
The Doctor didn’t need to ask what Yaz meant by that. Guilt gnawed at the TimeLord- she knew it was mainly her doing that Yaz had seen so many atrocities- she may have shown Yaz those very stars before her eyes, but the blackholes were never far away.
Always the blackholes.
“Do you want to visit home for a bit, see Ryan and Graham?”
“No.” There was a soft pause. “Do you visit home when it gets tough?”
Yaz’s voice was accusingly sharp. The Doctor was if anything just impressed by how much the human had changed- how defiant she was, how many questions she dared to ask. It was just one of the many reasons for why the Doctor was effortlessly in love with the Yaz, she may have never voiced her love, but her hearts bathed in it every day.
“No. I suppose not.” They didn’t shift their gaze on the stars. Although they were in space it was as if the Doctor could feel a Sheffield wind breezing on her face, her cheeks rosy pink like that apple she had two hours earlier. “You know I had a wife once, River, I loved her more than anything in the universe. Different timelines so we always met in the wrong places, wrong time- always time. It made me realise something though.”
“What?”
Yaz turned her gaze to the Doctor: the biggest star of them all. The Doctor looked straight ahead, smiling wistfully, lost in thought like she could recognise someone amongst those stars. Maybe if she let out her pain, so would Yaz. Maybe if the Doctor let down her walls then Yaz would know its safe to do the same.
“Sometimes the wrong things are actually the most perfect parts in fixed time.” Yaz was obvlious to what the Doctor meant by that. What the Doctor was trying to say in the most Doctor way possible.
“It’s been three years since I ran away from home.” Yaz spilled her words out into nothingness and the Doctor reached for her hand and squeezed it.
The Doctor already knew, she always had known. But the alien didn’t say anything- this was her Yaz’s moment, her time to talk. Moments flew by like the comments waltzing above them. It was comfortable, hazy, warm silence. Yaz liked it. The Doctor loved it.
“I understand.” The Doctor whispered and she squeezed Yaz’s hands comfortingly. The Doctor was never one for tactile moves, but she was always willing to make an exception.
“Do you miss her? River I mean?”
“Sometimes, but time goes by and I was a different person back then- different body, different mind… I will never stop… just.” The Doctor paused, and she could feel Yaz’s eyes scrutinising her, unpicking at her seams. River made the Doctor who she was today but somehow her hearts did not belong to her former wife- her hearts had beated away, plodded along the time vortex and had fallen for something new entirely, had buried into a home that wasn’t River or Rose or Clara or-
“Just what Doctor?”
The Doctor turned to look at Yaz, her eyes glazed with tears. “I learnt to find my own home so I never would have to travel far in times like this.”
“I understand.”
And that time, Yaz squeezed back.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
One year later
“Yaz!” How was Brazil?” Najia cried, hugging her daughter by the frontdoor. Yaz hadn’t even needed to open it for her mum was waiting for her arrival, waiting for her baby to come home.
Always waiting.
But Najia knew the Doctor would always slook after her eldest- for she was the Doctor. It was in her profession- in her heart (s).
Yaz had said her and the Doctor had been to Brazil- which was true- although Brazil in 1955 but Yaz thought she wouldn’t mention that part…
“It was good Mum really- whoa hey Son.”
Another set of arms flew at Yaz but the human didn’t mind. Her little sister was on the verge of tears and they all knew why. “Happy four years.”
“You don’t have to keep count ya know, I’ll never leave you.” Yaz mumbled, as she hugged her family closer. Najia and Sonya eventually let go, allowing Yaz to walk into the house grinning as she smelt the rustic scent of home- well just lentils and curry powder and the small whiff of flowers.
“You better not.”
“Anyways you and my best mate huh?” Yaz called out to Sonya dumping her bag of clothes on the sofa as Sonya plummeted down onto the other side of the furniture.
“Oh come on it’s not like you didn’t see it coming.”
“Suppose not. Plus Ry deserved someone, shame it had to be you.”
“Oi!”
“Jokes.”
“You and the Doctor though?”
Yaz walked off into the kitchen, missing out on that classic look in Sonyas face. However, if Yaz had thought she was going to hide behind her mother for safety then she thought wrong.
“Just friends.” Najia muttered shaking her head disbelievingly. Yaz rolled her eyes feeling the blood rush to her cheeks.
“Just friends Mum.”
“For now.”
“Mu-“
“I don’t know where you go, or what you do. But you’ve changed so much since you met the Doctor. So healed.” Najia’s voice cracked a little, she cupped her hands around Yaz’s cheek tears threatening to spill from both humans. Yaz wasn’t expecting the outburst but she knew it was coming- even the Doctor trusted her more, looked at her more- let alone her own family- seeing her change, evolve, heal. Yaz was surprised it took her mother this long for such an outburst.
“She looks after me.”
“I can see that alright, you’re like a different person. Beautiful.”
Yaz knew her mother was right- no matter how worried her family were about her, or where she went off to, no one could deny the emotional transformation from the young women. Yasmin Khan, Yaz to her friends was no longer an empty shell on the side of the road.
“I love you Mum.”
“I love you too sweetheart. And make sure to say thanks to your Doctor for looking after my baby.”
“She’s not my Doc-“
“Babe!”
Najia and Yaz jumped a little, hearing the younger daughter squeal in excitement as Ryan and Graham trudged through the door. They simultaneously rolled their eyes- like mother like daughter after all.
Yaz didn’t even know she was moving until she had sprinted Into the main room scanning the area for the Doctor. Of course the Doctor. Her shoulders slumped a little as she couldn’t see the alien- the Doctor had only said she would be five minutes in the TARDIS- where was she? Graham ad Ryan came flooding over and once again she was enveloped in a family hug- not that Yaz was complaining, just she would have preferred a more awkward and spiralled embrace from a certain women right now…
“Heya Yaz it’s good to see you.” Graham said. They all stepped back to fully see each other and Yaz couldn’t help the smile resting on her face. They didn’t look a day old except that Ryan was starting to grow a beard?
“Yeah Yaz we’ve proper missed you.”
“More like the aliens.”
“Never the aliens Yaz trust me, can’t speak for Grandad but..”
“I’m with you on this one son.”
The trio laughed, chatted, ate custard creams as the time flew by. Yaz was hungry for biscuits but the boys knew her mind was on the Doctor- her mind was always on the Doctor or as Rya would tease to Sonyaonce halfway through the second packet of biscuits- hungry for the Doctor. They Khans and co all played snakes and ladders (Ryan was not up for word games) but Yaz couldn’t concentrate- the Doctor had been gone for two hours and twenty-seven minutes, her Dad was ten minutes late from coming home. He always came in at five.
“You alright love?” Graham softly muttered to Yaz seeing the anxiety spread across her face. They zoned out as Ryan for once one first- now showing the two other women his celebration dance of the robot.
“The Doctor is late- she said she would be five minutes. What if something’s happened to her?”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine, you know the Doc tough as old boots.”
“Who’s got old boots? Now I know my boots are old but like I’ve worn them for four years now and they’re still sturdy- oooh snakes and ladders! Hey gang and extended fam!” The Doctor waddled in holding a box, fixated to the games as everyone rolled their eyes- typical Doctor. Yaz felt a wave of relieve wash over her- sure she wanted answers, but she was just happy to see the Doctor so distracted, so childlike- so human.
“Yaz you never told me the Doctor knew the French president!” Hakim called out and Yaz rolled her eyes giving the Doctor a pointed stare. The Doctor was miming I’ll explain later but Yaz was so not buying it.
“Doctor what took you so long?” Yaz said as the Doctor sat on the opposite chair across the table.
“I went to the shops- and I got you this.” The Doctor pushed the box across the table, thankfully Najia had just packed up the game. Everyone was intrigued and the Doctor laughed to herself- everyone but Yaz who was completely hesitant.
“It’s not going to be a bomb is it.”
“You sound worse than Graham! Open it!”
Yaz peeled off the lid and inside were endless and endless pictures. Pictures of Yaz and the gang on their early adventures to the latest ones, to Yaz and her family at random points in time. Yaz didn’t question the one where a seemingly drunk Izzy flint was holding a board saying ‘I’m sorry Yaz, I know I’m a dick’ maybe later but for now they were put where all the questions went. Tears were climbing out of Yaz’s red rims and she wiped her hands furiously as she was comforted by Graham and Ryan who had come over to see the surprise. Everyone suddenly began to crowd round looking at all the different photos, spreading them out.
“That’s weird- there’s like hundreds and hundreds of photos and yet this is a tiny box.” Sonya said.
The old TARDIS crew went quiet. The Doctor coughed awkwardly.
“Doc- Doctor I don’t.” Yaz tailed off, she just stared across the table into the Doctors eyes- like they were stars themselves. Yaz felt her heart flutter and the urge to close the gap, the urge to scream to those very same stars and say I love you I love you I love you.
But she didn’t- instead Yaz gave the biggest watery grin, mirroring the Doctors .
“So what’s with the presents then?” Ryan asked.
The Doctor didn’t say anything, she looked over to Yaz like she was asking for permission to say anything and Yaz realised that the Doctor hadn’t forgotten. She had briefly told Ryan about the day she ran away, he knew of her depression, of the bullying- more than most other than her Mum and the Doctor. But Yaz hadn’t expected Ryan to remember. Yaz didn’t expected anyone to remember- but here she was proved wrong.
The Doctor was reminding her of home.
It was clearly obvious that Najia hadn’t expected the Doctor to remember, because enow the older women was crying- out of love for the alien, respect and she was so going to plan the wedding cake this weekend.
“Doctor you may have met the French president, but you are much greater than the president.” Hakim said. In such a tense time this made the entire family laugh and the spell was broken, no more tears came.
Within an hour everyone had eaten, Ryan was staying over the Khans household much to Yaz’s disgust before it turned to smugness when it was later revealed that all doors in the house had to be wide open. Yaz was certain Najia was only doing it for Yaz’s benefit, by the sounds of it Ryan and Sonya were pretty much all doors closed type of people. Graham left soon afterwards which motioned the Doctors cue to leave.
It hurt Yaz’s heart to know the Doctor had to go.
The Doctor was brimming with disappointment, but she had one more thing up her sleeve, something to make tonight bittersweet.
Everyone was watching TV, the lights dimed, eyes glowing like- stars. Najia smiled as she saw Sonya and Ryan huddled together with their cups of tea, but she grinned when she saw the Doctor. The Doctor had wrapped her arm around Yaz who curled into the older womans side, leaning her hand on her chest, legs entwined, the Doctors other hand stroking Yaz’s so softly Yaz wouldn’t have even noticed. Then again neither women noticed anything else but each other- it reminded Najia of her and Hakim, when they both knew they were way too deep in love.
“I got this for you.” The Doctor whispered, Yaz jolted up slightly and the alien fumbled in her pockets. Those bloody pockets. Eventually she found was she was looking for. The Doctor placed the object in her hands and Yaz looked down wide eyed.
“What…”
It was a TARDIS key. The Doctor would later explain that it was the TARDIS’s idea and had already made a new key this morning. Yaz’s heart melted- they both had remembered.
“Happy four years Yaz. If you ever need somewhere to run to, you always have a safe place.” The two women said at each other lovingly and the Doctor clasped onto Yaz’s hands still, both holding the key tight as they rested their foreheads together.
“Okay you two really need to get together.” Sonya said, but no one could hear her. Yaz couldn’t hear the stars.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
One year later
“Morning.” The Doctor whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Yaz’s forehead. The Doctor had hardly slept all night, she just watched her human sleep soundly, so safe- so perfect so-
“Hey.”
Groggy. The Doctor still loved the mornings, even if Yaz was definitely not a morning person.
“Come on! We’ve got a family outing to go to!” The Doctor bounced off the bed, finding her clothes that were scattered all over their bedroom. Usually the TARDIS would clean up the mess in the Doctors room, but I suppose it was the Doctors fault to why all of the clothes were everywhere….The old girl has no sympathy for the timelord whatsoever.
“Urg why.” Yaz buried her head under the covers- 8am was way to early.
“Because miss Khan today is not a day that should be forgotten. Plus your Mum is cooking instead of your Dad so it should be safe.”
“Okay but afterwards promise me one thing?”
“Anything.”
“Take me somewhere where its illegal to wake up in the morning.”
“Ah Doctor, stayed in one place tonight or did you travel ten years into the future to meddle with the future grandkids.” Hakim joked as the Khans stepped into the TARDIS. Yaz shot the Doctor a look which she received loud and clear because suddenly the alien was looking all over the place, coughing and fumbling with her sonic screwdriver.
“Ask no questions hear no lies dear Hakim!”
The Doctor turned her attention to Najia who was enveloping her into a hug- the Doctor was never going to be used to hugs, and she felt that the whole Khan fam knew it- and that’s why they did it so much. “Good to see you Doctor.”
“You too Yaz’s Mum.”
“Sonya and Ryan and Graham will be here in ten minutes, thought we’d wait by the TARDIS see Yaz first thing.”
“Wouldn’t expect any less! The old girl will always let you in, you don’t have to wait outside.”
“Oh, now you say that. We have been waiting here for half an hour!”
Najia walked cautiously over to Yaz- although it had been half a decade, the date was still raw, stained like flesh. Everyone remembered it like it was only last Tuesday it happened. Yaz took her mothers hands in affection as her mother scrutinised her- Najia was adamant that Yaz could only travel with the Doctor if she was fed more than just custard creams and Portuguese cereal. The Doctor had tried to protest until she realised she should never argue with the mother in law.
“Heya love. How you feeling today?”
“Honestly it’s not a big deal.” Yaz shrugged, she brushed it off- looking back barely recognising herself that she used to be. If anything Yaz was more worried about the fact that she didn’t know where the Doctor was taking them- it never went down well when the Doctor did a surprise.
“Don’t let the Doctor hear that she’s been planning it for months.” Najia said and her eyes twinkled like stars in the night when she saw the shocked look on Yaz’s face with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“She has? She said it was you?”
“Right! I hope everyone’s got sun cream because the weather is saying its 20 degrees whatever that means.” The Doctor interjected oblivious as she put on her sunglasses grinning like a five-year-old. Yaz couldn’t have loved the Doctor anymore.
“Hey Doc.” Graham called out as the ghost monument opened her doors for the three other humans eagerly stepping in.
“Ryan! Graham! Long time no see!” The Doctor rushed over to her companions, where Sonya luckily dodge the embrace to head over to her sister.
“We saw you last week.”
“Or did you?” The Doctor mysteriously uttered and Ryan and Graham stared at her unsure whether she was lying or not. They could and most likely never know when the Doctor was lying and it made them scared sometimes.
“Everyone ready?” Yaz clapped her hands to distract them all- as much as she loved the Doctor, she also knew the Doctor too well- especially when she was teasing her best friends.
“Can I press the lever?” Hakim piped up and the Doctor motioned him to the controls like he was a king.
“Go on then.”
“Hang on how come Hakim gets to but I cant after three years.” Ryan muttered and Sonya nudged him with her shoulders tenderly.
“Not now Ryan.”
“Am I missing something?”
“Maybe.”
Ryan grinned, he knew that look on Sonya’s face anyway.
Smugness.
“Here we are fam. Atean 23. Biggest sand planet in the sixth dimension.” The Doctor pushed open the doors and everyone breathed in the sight, their lungs nearly giving way.
The lands were tea toasted and smelt of roses and elderberry wine, the pebbles decorated the grains on the beach where the waves ebbed and flowed as far anyone could see. The clouds swired in the sky, lighting up like-
Stars. So many sstars, shining in the sky even in the daylight- the sparkles of yellow and orange glistening against the snowy drizzle of fog layered in the atmosphere. Yaz held onto the Doctors hands and gave her that familiar squeeze. She looked over to her lover, her soulmate, her best friend and grinned.
“It’s beautiful.”
The Doctor couldn’t tell whether Yaz was talking about the planet or her and truth be told neither could Yaz.
“Now I realise why I miss this so much.” Ryan sighed as they stepped out, the heat licking their cold skin. Everyone was loving the sun, it felt like they were on holiday- well technically they were if it wasn’t of the Doctor…
The group petered out across the beach and Sonya dragged her sister and Graham towards the waves as Ryan videoed them all with Hakim going to get some weird form of icecream as long as it wasn’t the blue flavour. Apparently the blue flavour tasted like cheese, and this body didn’t like cheese.
It left the Doctor and Najia walked along the sands, with an expectant look on the humans eyes. The Doctor had mentioned it to Najia last time her and Yaz visited- a week in Earth time and two months in Yoctor time (Yaz lost against scrabble so the ‘ship name’ was official by the Doctors standards) meaning that the Doctor had spent two months trying to figure out a plan.
“Doctor?”
“Yeahh?” The alien knew this was coming.
“When are you going to ask her?”
“I have no idea.” The Doctor shrugged; she really had no idea.
“Why don’t you do it today?”
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
Najia halted and spun around to stare Doctor coldly in the eye, the Doc may have seen Daleks and the Devil but hell she was not prepared for the stare of Khan. “Doctor you’ve both been in love with each other for three years now. Don’t ever say that to me again.”
“Noted. Though not literally.”
The Doctor asked Yaz through the sunrise- where more stars appeared- of course. Everyone had gone back to the TARDIS to sleep, and the couple decided to stay up, walking, talking, holding each other like the waves- only this time it was a continuous tidal wave, forever drowning. Yaz could feel the pounding of the Doctors hearts hammering in her chest, it was becoming a melodic purr that lulled the human to sleep, but Yaz was wide awake this time, breathing her Doctor in.
“Yaz?”
“Yeah?”
“Happy five years.” The Doctor was barely audible against the crashing of the water.
“Doctor?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
The Doctor smiled and closed her eyes. Now or never. Now or never. Now or never. Now or-
“Yaz?”
“Yes Doctor?” Yaz giggled rolling her eyes, she swore she was going to whack the Doctor if it was just to say I love you.
“Will you marry me?”
“Won’t that be bigamy?”
The Doctor shot up and stared down at her partner raising her eyebrows. Yaz blushed and mirrored the Doctor, now her heart was beating just as fast. “I ask you to marry me and that’s all you say?”
“Well I don’t know do i?! I’m not going to say yes if I’m breaking the law, I used to be a copper ya know!”
“Well no it’s not bigamy, plus I’m basically a widow.” The Doctor cringed. This was planned out so much better in her head. Yaz could sense her anxiety and a pang of guilt hit her.
“I’m sorry Doctor, of course I’ll say yes, I lo-“ Yaz was cut in by a massive body launching on top of her before being spun around by said person. The Doctor placed her down and kissed Yaz so tenderly, her lips salty as the sea. “Someone’s happy.”
“Oh Yasmin Khan, I love you.” Before Yaz could reply, the Doctors set of lips crashed into hers like a tidal wave, and the rising of a star.
A star that was never going to collapse on itself and burn. A star that felt like home. And for once Yaz couldn’t run, for the entire universe felt like home.
There was no turning back, nowhere to run to. Nothing to run from. All she could do was run to the stars.