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Beau came back to consciousness like a soap bubble popping. One minute there was nothing and the next she was on her back looking up at the shadows of trees against the deep dark blue of a star scattered night. Usually when she woke up flat on her back not knowing how she got there she felt like shit. Body a catalogue of every hit she wasn’t fast enough to dodge.
But right now she felt fine. Pretty great actually.
“Eleven minutes and 48 seconds.” Caleb’s voice, hoarse and to her left. It was quiet, Like he was talking to himself.
“Fuck you scared me.”
“Ja, I know. Come on we need to get moving.” He offered his left hand, she could barely see but she grabbed it and he pulled her to her feet.
He started walking before she could ask him why his hands were shaking and she had to jog to keep up. It was too dark to see properly but she could feel the scuff of dirt and protrusion of the occasional root or rock under her boots. They were on a path or road of some sort. But where she didn’t know. Caleb didn’t stop or talk to her. He just kept walking. Hurrying almost.
“What’s going on? Where is everyone?” What happened to you?
“There was a fight.” His response was guarded and short. He didn’t look at her, just kept walking.
But he was right there had been a fight. Up by the cliff. Where they had argued over whether they should camp there for the night or find something more sheltered.
She remembered the great hulking form of the whatever-the-fuck that had attacked the party. A huge and shaggy thing, with dark intelligent eyes and claws like daggers.
It had been following them. Ever since they had left the ruins. Everyone had been tired and sore from the journey and dealing with the grave robbers they had been hired to hunt down. Content though, satisfied. It had almost been fun. No war or ancient evil about to be released. Just a gig they had been hired for to earn some extra cash. There had been traps and weird slime monsters, but also a fair bit of treasure. Caleb had ended up with a small pile of the recovered Xhohasian artifacts to identify. As soon as they had time to rest. They hadn’t got it.
They had just started a fire for dinner. Yasha had been cleaning gore off her sword. Fjord and Caduceus were making dinner. Caleb had settled down with his books and the items. And she had been collecting firewood with Jester and Veth.
And then there had been something.
She remembered the shape coming out of the dark. Not humanoid. Too big and alien.
Her body tensing. Preparing for the fight.
And then there was nothing.
She couldn’t remember what happened next. She wasn’t hurt. Caleb didn’t sound great but he was moving mostly okay. But what happened to everyone else?
“Yeah, I know there was a fight but where’s everyone else?”
She didn’t know how long she had been unconscious. Did she hit her head? Maybe Jester had messaged her while she had been out. Her head didn’t hurt though. None of her hurt.
“Up river probably, we got swept down a fair bit during the fight.” He was walking fast and still not looking at her. But there was something in the way he was carrying himself. Stiff and closed off, hiding something. It reminded her of something. Of him, when they had all first met. Not trusting anything or anyone, them especially. She’d stick Jester or Caduceus on him as soon as they all met up. The clerics would look him over.
She had to jog again to catch up.
They must still be on the road they were on the day before yesterday then, it had run along the river for a while. The plan had been to camp the night where they had ended up in the woods and then get back on the road and be back in Rosohna before dinner.
There was something missing.
“Wait if we fell in the river then how come we aren’t soaked?” How long had she been out for?
Caleb gave a huff and made the somatic hand signs for the spell that could clean things off and snuff out candles. She knew them well enough to identify them in the dark.
Right. Magic.
He didn’t finish the spell, and they walked in silence for a while. She took the chance to look him over. Properly. He was clutching at his coat with one hand, Frumpkin was nowhere to be seen. Beau wasn’t sure if he had poofed or Caleb just didn’t have him out. And he was holding something in his other hand. She bent over to see what it was.
“You’re bleeding!” She hadn’t meant for it to sound accusing but that’s what came out of her mouth. He was bleeding. It was black in the darkness but she could make it out. Coming from between his fingers as he gripped whatever it was that he was holding. A short thin cylinder of some sort. A dagger maybe. She couldn’t remember if it had been among his hoard of magic goods from the ruin or not but she hadn’t been looking too closely at them. It had been the usual magical junk.
Caleb hadn’t responded to her.
“Caleb.”
There was too long of a pause. He shifted his stance without slowing and she knew he was looking at her in the dark. Thinking.
“Ah,” he broke his own silence. “Oh it’s not bad.”
He switched whatever he was holding to his other hand and flexed the bloodied one. Looking at it this way and that.
“Just messy I think.”
He was lying. Maybe. There was something too light in his voice. Too flat and too detached.
“Let me look at it.” She couldn’t do anything about it but she needed to know.
“It’s fine. Really, I have had worse.”
That didn’t make her feel better. She knew he had had worse, a lot worse. He was the squishiest of all of them. He always got hurt. But the thing was he never was one to hide it. She frowned. He was always the first to speak up when he was injured. Always accepted healing when offered.
“Just let me look at it” She moved closer than he liked. Moved into his space. He tried to step away to create some distance between the two of them but she kept pace.
“We don’t have time. The others-”
She cut him off.
“Then let me look at your hand and we can keep moving.”
She stopped walking. He stopped walking.
He offered her his hand. She could practically feel his frown. But she ignored it and took his hand anyway. It was sticky with blood and cold. She straightened out his fingers and ran her’s across his palm. He flinched as she found the cut but didn’t say anything. It was jagged but his hand wasn’t exactly mangled. He was right, he had had worse.
She let him pull his hand back. He turned and kept walking.
He wasn’t lying. He was hiding something.
But if he wasn’t going to tell her then fine. Either he pulled his head out of his own ass or they’d help him pick up the pieces later. They’d played this dumb game before. If Caleb was acting cagey it wasn’t anything new. They’d find the others and the rest of them could figure it out.
Beau picked up her pace and passed him. There was only one way to go on the road and she was sick of looking at his back.
Not that walking in front wasn’t any better. She could feel his eyes on her. He didn’t say anything. Neither did she. But for some reason she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was scared. Maybe she was too.
They walked for another few minutes. Silence stretching out into the dark.
“Beauregard.” He had stopped walking and something in his voice made her stop as well. “You need to sit down.”
What the fuck was he on about?
“What? I’m fine. We need to find the others. You just said-”
“Beauregard, please. You need to-” He put a hand on her shoulder.
Beau’s next words were stolen as she felt two of her ribs break. There was no impact. She took one breath and then the next filled her whole chest with instant pain. She wheezed. Something was wrong. She remembered the creature slamming into her.
The huge hulking form out of the dim woods. The gleam of dangerously cunning eyes.
Caleb was pulling her, gently, down to the ground. Kneeling down with her. He braced her. Hand on her shoulder. He tensed for an instant.
Stars and pain exploded across her temple and the world spun. She could see the hit in her mind. Coming out of nowhere and then what?
“It’s alright Beau.” He never called her Beau except he already had.
There was a sharp flash of silver as he dragged something across his right palm.
She felt her skin split, a laceration across her hip and thigh. So deep she could feel it reach the bone. Nerves exposed and screaming suddenly without warning. She tried to gasp and pain shot across her chest. He was holding her hand now. It felt slick with blood. Claws flashing in the dark.
“Just hold on. Just a few more seconds. It will be alright Beau. Just-”
He squeezed her hand. This was wrong. This was familiar.
Agony slid like lightning between her ribs and Beauregard Lionett choked on her own blood. She remembered someone screaming. It hadn’t been her, she couldn’t breath. There were claws buried in her chest.
Caleb said something she couldn’t understand. Just one word that she felt reverberating over her whole body as gravity disappeared and freezing cold swept over her. She had fallen. And there was nothing.
For just an instant.
And then Beau came back to consciousness.
And she was on her back looking up at the shadows of trees against the deep dark blue of a star scattered night. There was someone to her left. They drew in a shuddering breath.
“Caleb?” It sounded like him. “ Fuck, you scared me.”
“Ja.” He sounded bad. Exhausted. “Ten minutes and 43 seconds. We need to get moving.”
He didn’t move to stand. So she got up and helped pull him to his feet. Hauling him up by one bandaged hand. She felt surprisingly fine. He swayed slightly.
“Caleb are you alright? Where is everyone?” It was too dark to see anything properly. They were on a path, a road maybe. There were the shadows of trees either side of the visible strip of night sky.
“There was a fight.” He said as an explanation, but not an answer to her question. He started walking, stumbling slightly as he went, she had to jog to keep up. She knew there had been a fight. Something had followed them from the old ruins. A huge dark shape coming out of the dusk. With shape claws and clever eyes. It had waited until her, Jester, and Veth had separated from the group to look for firewood. And then. And then.
And then there was nothing.
“Yeah but where is everyone?” She could feel a big gnawing blank in the middle of her memories.
Caleb paused for the smallest of seconds. Looking at her. She looked at him. She couldn’t make out much in the dark but she could see he was tense.
“We fell into the river, swept down a fair bit. The others should be upstream.”
They must be on the road they had been traveling the day before yesterday then. It had run parallel to the river for a while.
“If we fell in the river why aren’t we soaked?”
He didn’t stop walking and didn’t look at her.
“Magic.”
Right, magic. She forgot. He must have used that one spell that cleaned things up or snuffed out a candle or something. She couldn’t remember the name of it but it didn’t matter, her clothes were dry.
And loose and baggy.
They shifted around her in a way she wasn’t used to. Her sash was missing. Had she lost it in the fight? Or in the river? Caleb’s hand had been wrapped in a bandage. The fabric had been nicer than just plain linen. He hadn’t answered her question from earlier.
“Are you alright?” She asked again. His hand had felt tacky like drying blood. She didn’t care if he had used her sash as a bandage if he needed it. She would have prefered that he had asked but whatever.
“I am fine.”
No he wasn’t. Not if he had needed a bandage so bad he took it without asking. There was something wrong. He was acting weird. It was clear that he was hurt but it wasn’t like him to hide an injury. She would have given him her sash if he needed it, wrapped his hand for him too. He knew that. So why was he so closed off now?
“Are you? Because it doesn’t seem like you are.” She hadn’t meant for it to sound accusing but that’s what came out of her mouth.
“I have had worse.”
Yeah he had and it didn’t make her feel any better. But he didn’t usually hide it. Usually he asked for help. Did he keep quiet because she couldn’t heal him? That was fine but she could still at least try to help.
“What’s going on?” Something was going on. She knew it. She could feel it. He was hiding something. It was there in the hunch of his shoulders and the way his hands were shoved into his pockets.
“We need to hurry.” He didn’t slow down. She did.
“Tell me what’s going on.” She stopped completely. In the middle of the road, staring at his back. “Caleb.”
He stopped then too. He turned to face her. She couldn’t see his expression, but she could see it in his dim silhouette, hear it in his voice.
“Beauregard, please. We do not have a lot of time. We have to keep moving.”
He was scared.
She caught up to him and they kept moving.
They walked for another few minutes. Silence stretching out into the dark. Eventually though he slowed to a stop.
“You need to sit down.”
“What? Why? You just said we don’t have any time. You won’t tell me why though.”
Her ribs broke and she remembered the fight. He caught her as she stumbled from the blow that had come from nowhere. From miles away. They sank to the ground together.
He was holding the dagger he had found in the ruins as her sash fell away from his hand.
Pain exploding across her temple. Burning sharp pain across her hip and thigh. Lungs filling with blood.
“It’s alright Beau.” He never called her that. He had just called her that. “Just hold on.”
And the both of them were falling into the icy blackness of the river.
The bubble popped and Beau came back to consciousness.
They kept walking and there was something wrong. He was hiding something
He wouldn’t tell her what was wrong but it was there in the way he held himself. The way he clutched at his coat. There were dark stains blooming from where he was grabbing.
“Hey, you’re bleeding!” It came out like an accusation. He didn’t stop walking.
“We got swept down river. During the fight. The others are coming to meet us. We just have to keep moving.” Beau listened and couldn’t hear rushing water. How far had he gotten her?
“And I guess you used magic to dry us off. But why do we even need to hurry? We’re traveling this way anyway. The others can meet us.”
He didn’t answer. They kept walking. He was hiding something. Something was wrong.
“Caleb, are you alright?” There was something in the way he was holding himself that reminded her.
She had been collecting firewood with Jester and Veth. And then there had been something.
“Hold on Beau.” He was holding her hand. Holding the dagger. “It’s alright.”
"Six minutes and 12 seconds."
“Tell me what’s going on.” Whatever it was it was his doing. Whatever was wrong.
The bubble popped and she came back to consciousness.
Something was wrong. Her ribs broke.
He was holding something. She grabbed his wrist. She had to stop him. She saw stars across her vision and pain exploded through her head.
“Don’t.” All she could manage was a wheeze. She half screamed in agony as she felt her skin split, a laceration across her hip and thigh.
“You are remembering more.” His voice was quiet, his accent thick and unwieldy. “That is not good.” He drew in a wet sounding breath. “It means that this will not work for very much longer”
She saw the glint of the dagger as he dragged it against his palm. Pain endlessly sharp slid between her ribs and she spat words with as much venom as she could with the little breath she had left. She could see the monster now in her mind’s eye and knew what Caleb was going to do next.
“Caleb don’t you fucking dare” Cold vertigo crashed into her and a hand slick with blood grabbed hers
He spoke one guttural and alien word and all the pain and all the time she had gathered in the past five minutes was gone.
Beau came back to consciousness.
She came back to consciousness,
she came back to consciousness.
“Come on.” That was Caleb’s voice. It was too dark to see anything. He sounded terrible. He was dragging her to her feet, or trying too. “We don’t have much time.”
She could feel rage bubbling up in her chest and couldn’t find a reason for it.
They stood and she had to catch him and he swayed violently. There was something wrong. She knew it. She could feel it.
“What did you do?” It was him. He did something.
“Please. Beauregard. There’s no time.” He lurched forward. His feet stumbling over the flat road, pulling her with him.
“What. Did. You. Do?” There was something she couldn’t remember. She wrenched her hand out of his grip. It wasn’t hard. His hands were weak and slick with blood.
He fell.
Unable to recover from the sudden movement. And for a second it seemed like he would stay on the ground. Fear began creeping in on the rage. They were alone, her and Caleb. She couldn’t remember what happened to everyone else. The river.
Caleb struggled to his knees, breathing ragged. He tried to stand and failed. He tried again.
“-they are coming.” He was mumbling, to her maybe. Maybe to himself. “Just a bit further. Jester said they were coming. Just a bit further.”
Beau pulled him to his feet and threw his arm around her shoulder. Holding him up. She wasn’t strong but he wasn’t heavy. They kept walking forward.
She was carrying him on her back. She wasn’t strong but he wasn’t heavy. The others were coming, he said. They would be here soon, he said. But she didn’t know how soon. She didn’t know where they were. He was hiding something. She didn’t know why she was so scared.
His hand was wrapped in her sash. Dark with blood.
Her ribs broke and the air left her lungs. Both of them tumbled to the ground. He reached for her.
The bubble popped.
And Beau came back to consciousness looking up at the ever so lightening sky. Flat on her back, she could feel every rock or pebble digging into her. The glow of dawn was just starting to spread into morning. There was a shape to her left. A hunched figure silhouetted against the darker half of the sky. They were holding her hand.
She could feel it slick with blood and trembling.
“M’sorry.” Caleb’s voice. “I’m sorry there isn’t enough time. I can’t. I can’t-” A wet sounding cough stopped his words.
Beau was suddenly very aware she was terrified. The wrongness of where they were clawing at her chest. She didn’t know why and that was terrifying because it meant it would get worse. He would get worse.
He was crying. She could just make it out under the light of the sky. She sat up and she could feel tears rolling down her cheeks too. She hugged him and with shaking arms he hugged her back. She could feel something cold he held in his hand pressing into her back.
“No more okay? No more.” She felt fine but all she could do was whisper.
He tensed. She felt her ribs break.
“Just a bit longer.”
Beau came back to consciousness.
Slowly. Very Slowly.
All of her ached in that way that healing magic left behind. The injury healed but the memory still there. There was light coming through an unfamiliar window, casting itself on whitewash walls. There was a pillow under her head and a blanket over her.Someone was holding her hand.
Panic shot through her and she bolted up.
“Beau! Beau it’s alright. It’s okay.” It was Jester. Jester was holding her hand. ”It’s okay Beau.”
“Where?” Her throat felt raw like she had been crying. Where was he?
“We’re at an inn. It’s safe now.” Jester was looking at her with wide earnest eyes. She was out of her armor and free from the usual griminess that came from road travel.
Beau started to get up. She had to move. Had to find out. Her legs were shaking like she had been running for hours. All of her felt weak but she needed to know.
“Caleb.”
Jester didn’t stop her, instead she pulled Beau up from the bed and held her steady.
“He’s alright. You’re both alright.” Jester knew she wasn’t really listening. Wouldn’t believe her until she saw it.
He was in the room right next door. In the narrow inn bed with blankets pulled up to his chin. Veth was sitting at the end of the bed sorting through one of her collections. Caduceus was sitting in a chair at the bedside, mending one of his shirts. Both looked up as Beau and Jester entered but Beau ignored them both.
He looked bad. He looked fragile. He had walked for miles and miles with her. For her.
His hands were on top of the covers. Unbandaged. She knew they had been and knew they weren’t now. He had hidden it from her. She had known something was wrong.
Beau turned in the doorway and left. Twisting out of Jester’s grasp. She couldn’t. She hadn’t. Again and again. She hadn’t helped.
This was an inn there was a bar, or at least there had to be some sort of alcohol in this shit hole. She half staggered down the stairs to where she assumed the common area would be, leaning heavily on the banister.
There was a bar and there was alcohol. She got halfway through ordering before she realized she didn’t know where her coin purse was. Or where any of her stuff was.
“Not the whole bottle, just a few shots.” Fjord corrected and settled in the seat next to her and put some coin on the counter.
“Each.” Beau could feel her shoulders tensing with the effort of keeping her emotions down.
Fjord nodded to the barkeep and put another coin down. He didn’t say anything until she had downed the first shot. He let her stew and simmer. She wasn’t sure if it was guilt or rage inside her chest. Both probably.
“He’s going to be alright you know. Jester and Caduceus say he’ll be fine. His magic is a little burnt out but he should be back to normal in a week or so. No lasting damage.”
Beau was only half listening. She wanted to scream and shout and break every piece of glass in this place. Shatter it. How could Fjord be so calm? Her memory was a disjointed patch work of patterns degrading and too familiar pain.
“Do you know what he did?” She managed to grit out.
She couldn’t count how many times those minutes had happened again and again. She didn’t care about the pain. It was over. It had never lasted more than a few seconds and not once did she know it was coming. But he knew what he was doing. How much it cost him every single time. And he lied through omission. Over and over and over again. Hid it from her so she wouldn’t know. Wouldn’t stop him. Wouldn’t worry.
Fjord threw back his shot in one and nodded, grim.
“He was still awake when we found you two. Explained what the artifact did. Some sort of localized dunamantic loop he could focus on you. He didn’t seem to realize we were actually there though. He kept counting. Keeping track.”
That fucking dagger. She could see in her mind’s eye. Over and over and over again. Fjord kept talking.
“We got there in time though. You were still there to be healed.”
He had gotten them close enough. Had kept her alive long enough for them to be found. Resurrection was powerful magic that didn’t always work. He hadn’t taken the chance. Refused to.
They kept drinking in silence until Fjord cut her off. And then they just sat there in silence. Beau wasn’t sure how much time had passed, an hour maybe, hours maybe. But Veth was there. Tugging at the hem of her shirt.
“He’s awake.” Beau wanted to ignore the halfling’s words. To hide until the acid and anger inside of her had settled down. “He’s asking after you.”
She wanted another drink.
Fjord patted her on the back.
“Come on, I’ll help you up the stairs.”
Her legs weren’t any more steady. But at least she could blame it on the drink and not the exhaustion and the fear. But Fjord helped her up the stairs. And both him and Veth left her at the open door to Caleb’s room.
Jester got up from the bedside chair she had been sitting in. She gave it a pat.
“Why don’t you sit with him for a while Beau. We’ll give you some space to talk.”
And she was gone. Not far. None of them were. Probably just out of sight to make sure they weren’t needed.
He was pale. Too pale. Healing magic only did so much when it came to replenishing blood. The dark circles looked starker than ever under his eyes. There was gray hair at his temple that she knew hadn’t been there before. He looked as brittle and as weak as she felt. He was watching her.
She sat.
“Just don’t. Don’t do that again.” She felt the anger burn out inside her. Leaving her with nothing but tired soot.
He shook his head, eyes closing with exhaustion.
“I won’t promise that.”
Fine.
She reached for his hand and held on tight. They were both still here.
He kept her safe. She’d keep him safe.
Again and again.