Chapter Text
sometimes, i feel as if someone else is in control of my body. i could be sitting in class, focusing on my teacher as they lectured, and suddenly my right eye begins to move on its own. my fingers would suddenly join the party and i hold them together to stop them from freaking out. i'd try rubbing my eye to stop its movement, but it would only make it worse.
someone's stray eyes would find me and judge me for acting weird out of nowhere. more people would slowly turn their attention to me and my breathing would quicken in fear of more eyes staring at me, worsening the stupid twitch. the twitching would continue until i raise my hand, interrupting the teacher and ask, "can i go to the bathroom, please?"
i would finally gain control again, but my fear would still remain. the fear of being judged for something out of my control. the fear of hearing the infamous whispers about the weird twitchy kid. the fear of the twitches worsening from the fear brewing within me.
i take a deep breath as my back touches the cold tile wall of the boys' bathroom and i slowly slide down until i'm sitting on the floor. why does this keep happening to me? no matter how many prescriptions and therapists i've had, the twitches remain.
i hoped they would go away during the summer break, but that wasn't the case. as long as i feel out of control, i'll actually be out of control. so, how can i gain control of myself again?
i sigh then stare at the white floor. "how can i gain control back when i never had it?" i whisper to myself.
a creaking noise echoes throughout the bathroom and i look up to see a boy with tanned skin and dyed chesnut hair, clashing perfectly with his skin tone. his almond shaped eyes a beautiful brown color that stare deep into my dark brown ones.
he gives me a smile as he says cheerfully in his bass voice, "hi, jungkook! i didn't know you were in here!"
i swallow my nerves and reply, "he-hey, taehyung..." my voice barely echoing unlike his voice.
he gives me his signature smile before going to the sink to wash his hands and i watch him.
kim taehyung. i forgot he had his last class in this wing. i should probably pay attention more to what he says. taehyung and i have known each other since we were nine, around the time he first moved to seoul.
i barely said a word to him and he already claimed me as his best friend. our dynamic used to be very odd in other people's eyes.
i've always been known as the strange, twitchy quiet kid that hung around taehyung, the loud and energetic guy. eventually people stopped questioning our friendship, which means the twitches lessened.
"did it happen again?" i hear him speak and i jump before realizing he's turned towards me.
i give him a confused look. "what?"
he tilts his head cutely as he says, "i asked if it happened again?" taehyung dries off his hands with two paper towels, throws them away, then walks towards me.
for some reason, my breathing increases with each step the older takes and i feel the muscles in my shoulders and arm tingle before twitching.
taehyung gives me a comforting smile before he sits down next to me and hugs me. he rubs my back soothingly and lays his chin atop of my head. i slowly wrap my arms around him, but my arms twitch and suddenly i'm holding onto taehyung as if my life depends on it.
he whispers, "it's okay, kookie. it'll pass over as always." i put my face in his neck and wait it out as always.
i hate it whenever someone tells me everything will be okay and that the twitches will pass over, but taehyung holding me like this convinces me he speaks the truth.
even though i know it's all one big lie.