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Sunday, September 25th
It’s two in the morning, and they’re all laying in Gigi’s living room watching Mean Girls, and everything is good. Jan’s phone vibrates and she flicks the ringer button to mute, barely pausing to check the screen. She’s fine.
‘Who’s that?’ Nicky asks, raising her head from the corner of the couch she claimed the second they got there - it’s the comfiest, she says, and she’s always perfectly willing to fight Jackie for it - and she looks at Jan, puzzled. Jan smiles, throws her phone onto a pillow on the other side of the room, and climbs onto the couch beside her, resting her head on Jackie's legs.
‘Jake,’ she replies, and turns her head towards Nicky, sniffing the air. ‘Are you wearing new perfume? It’s cute.’
‘Aren’t you gonna answer him?’ Gigi yells from the other side of the room, painting her nails a bright pink. Jackie shoots her a look. They drop the subject, as they always do. He doesn’t come up in conversation much. Jan doesn’t mind, somehow.
-
Sunday, October 2nd
He breaks up with her over text, and Gigi holds her, strokes her hair, gets Nicky to bring her those cupcakes she likes from the little bakery down the street and ignores Jackie's glare when she pulls a bottle of rosé from the kitchen cabinet as a way to make her feel better. Jan cries for hours, but her friends are there, and Gigi's arms are warm, comforting, and everything that his never were.
(She’s not sure whether she’s genuinely upset or just wants to stay like this. She doesn’t want to be sure. The thought is scary.)
They end up drunk at four am, laughing mindlessly over whatever episode of The Office is playing in the background, and Jan doesn’t even catch herself thinking about him.
Maybe it’s bad, she thinks, that they’d been together for close to a year, but after a few hours she barely cares much anymore.
‘Do we have any cupcakes left?’ Jackie asks, poking her head around the door to the kitchen.
‘No,’ replies Nicky, shoving the still half-full box under Jan's coffee table with her foot. ‘Sorry.’
‘There are twinkies in the cabinet, I think,’ Jan yells. ‘they’re Lagoona’s, though, so don’t hog them.’
‘Twinkies and wine?’ Gigi giggles, eyes bright. ‘That’s real class, Jan.’
Nicky looks at her and laughs, swatting her on the arm. ‘Smooth, Rizzo.’
Gigi glares at her and opens her mouth in mock horror, raising a hand to her face for dramatic effect. ‘That was Marty , not Rizzo,’ she gasps. ‘And you call yourself a theatre nerd?’
Jan looks away, stands up, and heads to help Jackie in the kitchen.
-
Sunday, October 15th
‘This fucking sucks,’ Jan sighs, flopping back onto her armchair dramatically. ‘Where are they?’
‘Jannifer, breathe,’ Jackie replies. She picks up her phone, sees no notifications, and rolls her eyes. ‘Calm down. They’re just late, that’s all.’
‘I am calm!’
‘You’re pacing, sweetheart.’ Jackie pats the space on the couch next to her and smiles as Jan heads over to join her, leaning her head on Jackie's shoulder. ‘They’ll be here soon, they wouldn’t miss plans. God knows Nicky's just bad at checking her phone, and Gigi’s at that family party til seven, right?’
As if on cue, Jan's front door opens and Gigi and Nicky burst through, laughing loudly. They round the corner into the living room and smile at Jan and Jackie, blissfully ignorant to their annoyance.
‘Sorry we’re late,’ Nicky grins, throwing a bag in Jan’s direction and frowning slightly when she makes no attempt to catch it, letting it flop onto the cushion next to her. ‘We were out, and we thought we’d stop and pick up some snacks before we came here. The store was busy as hell.’
‘You got out of your party early, then?’ Jackie asks, looking pointedly at Gigi. Gigi’s face scrunches up in confusion, and she glances sideways at Nicky, who nods subtly.
‘Oh, yeah,’ she smiles. ‘I did.’ She waves her hand as if to physically brush off the topic, and gestures to the bag next to Jan. ‘We got those chips you like, did you see?’
Jan sighs, defeated, and grabs the bag. She pretends not to notice the look of pity Jackie shoots her as she grabs the chips and thanks Gigi, her voice tinged with a sadness that’s hard to pinpoint.
-
Tuesday, October 17th
Jan’s phone vibrates on her bedside table. She ignores it. Two minutes later, it goes off again, and she gives in.
Jackie♡ - Do you want to go get ice cream or something tomorrow? (9:07pm)
I asked Gigi and Nicky, they both have plans. (9:09pm)
Jan rubs her eyes and throws her phone onto the floor, wincing as she hears what she swears is a crack on the screen. It vibrates again after some time, and she’s more relieved that it’s working than curious as to what the new message says.
Jackie♡ - We don’t have to, I just figured since we’re not seeing each other this weekend it’d be nice! Let me know <3 (9:24pm)
She checks the group chat, and sure enough, that Sunday’s movie night has been cancelled - Nicky's seeing friends that are over from Paris, or something, and Gigi’s out with family. Again.
Jan - sure, i can do ice cream. 2-ish? (9:31pm)
-
Wednesday, October 18th
‘I think we should do this kind of stuff more often,’ Jackie smiles through a mouthful of mint ice cream. Jan laughs, confused.
‘What do you mean? We go out all the time.’
‘Me and you,’ Jackie clarifies, trying to make eye contact. Jan looks down, suddenly very interested in her sorbet. ‘Especially since the others are so busy recently.’
‘They’re not always busy,’ Jan replies. ‘They’ve only cancelled on us once.’
Sure, and how many family parties do you think they’ll try and bullshit before they catch on that we know?’
Jan clenches her fist, and the plastic spoon she’s holding snaps in half, cutting her finger with one of its edges. She winces, and Jackie grabs a handful of napkins, grabbing her hand and wrapping it up.
‘Shit,’ Jackie gasps, ‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah,’ Jan replies, gritting her teeth. ‘Great.’
-
Jackie walks her home in silence, and Jan fiddles with the hello kitty band-aid wrapped around her finger, her eyes darting around to the houses, and the street signs, and the sky, and everywhere that isn’t Jackie.
‘I’m sorry for bringing it up,’ Jackie says when they reach Jan's house, and Jan smiles in response, hoping she doesn’t notice how fake it is.
‘That’s okay,’ she replies, unlocking her front door and stepping inside. ‘I know you’re right.’
Jan tries to wave her off and push the door closed, but Jackie sticks her hand in the way. ‘Are you ever gonna tell Gigi?’ she asks. Jan tries her best to keep her face blank.
‘Tell her what?’ she replies, pulling the door back and gesturing for Jackie to move her arm.
‘I think you know what,’ Jackie says, stepping back from the door. ‘I think you should, for your own sake.’
‘Goodnight, Jackie,’ Jan replies, already closing the door.
-
Sunday, October 30th
It’s two in the morning, and they’re all laying in Gigi's living room, again, and Jan is begging every god she knows the name of to just please let her sleep . Jackie had to leave early, so it’s just the three of them left. Some bad Halloween movie or other is playing softly on the tv, but she doesn’t want to open her eyes to watch it, can’t risk letting them know she’s awake.
She hears Nicky whisper something, but it’s not loud enough for her to catch it. Gigi laughs in response, and Jan borderline despises the way her stomach twists at the sound, hates how she’s not the one that prompted it. She squeezes her eyes closed harder and wills herself to sleep, god, just sleep, let this be over, let her go home.
It’s silent except for the low, droning soundtrack of the movie, and then she hears shuffling, more laughter, and then a voice - Gigi’s, of course.
‘ Stop it ,’ she says through giggles, and Nicky snorts with laughter. ‘not with Jan here.’
‘She's asleep, baby,’ Nicky replies. ‘it’s fine.’
As if I’d ever tell her, thinks Jan. She feels tears welling up in her eyes, and chastises herself for being so pathetic. As if there’d ever, ever, be a point.