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It was nearly curfew, and yet Abel’s Runner Five was in no rush to get back to her quarters. People were still rebuilding parts of Abel every day, but she managed to find a spot in the park by a tree that still stood tall even after facing many horrors of the apocalypse. She leaned against it, facing Abel’s borders, her eyes towards New Canton’s direction. Not that she could see it from where she was, but she knew that if she ran, it wouldn’t take long. It wouldn’t feel far.
There was so much she never knew about Archie Jensen. She should have asked, should’ve talked to her more. She audibly sighed, even though no one was around to hear. Archie was so much different from anyone she had ever met after.
She never wanted to open up to anyone. What if something happened to her? Runners had the most dangerous jobs, and she could very easily leave for a mission one day and not return. She didn’t want to leave behind a more painful memory than she needed to. And what if something happened to them? Even though she had tried to keep her distance from everyone, the townspeople got under her skin. She never wanted to care about any of them the way she had grown to. Which was almost impressive, since she would go out of her way to keep talking to a minimum, and keep to herself as much as she could.
And Archie, she wasn’t even at Abel. She was part of New Canton, once Abel’s enemy. They were never supposed to know one another, let alone be friends.
She wiped back a tear, trying to stop the waterworks. Archie wasn’t the first and she would not be the last. And yet.
No one openly talked bad about Archie. But it was the way they would talk about her, especially at first. The judgmental tones. The comments that weren’t quite complaints when runners heard that she would be joining them. It was all too familiar to Five, and before she knew it, she was shooting glares when she would previously keep her emotions in check. She was telling Sam that he could put her on runs with New Canton’s Runner Twenty. And when he tried to brush her off (‘No need to do that, Five. There’s all sorts of people left alive out there. Everyone will behave.’), she insisted. It never took much to get what she wanted from Sam, but she wasn’t going to dwell on that tonight.
She un-clenched her hand, she hadn’t realized that she had done that until her hand started hurting. She flexed her hands, wiping away more tears before moving them to cover her face for a moment. Jamie. She wanted to find Jamie and tell him how sorry she was. If she had been faster, she would’ve been able to save Archie, and she never would’ve been captured by Van Ark.
And she should’ve stuck up for her more. Why hadn’t she done that? She knew it was the right thing to do. Archie was easily misunderstood by people who wanted to judge her too quickly.
She should’ve done more to stand by her and protect her. She never should’ve left her to Van Ark that day. She should’ve helped Jamie with his plan. Maybe it would’ve worked, having an extra set of eyes. Maybe they would’ve been able to save Archie, stop Van Ark, and rescue Paula all in one go.
Why do other people believe in her when she can’t protect the people she cares about the most?
“That you, Five?”
She let out a frustrated sigh, turning away and trying to hide from where the familiar voice was coming from.
“Come on Five, what is this, hide ‘n seek? Not sure if you noticed, but we’re past curfew.”
“Go away, Three.” When she talked, people listened. A perk of staying quiet.
She heard someone walking closer and tried to wipe her face of any evidence she had been crying.
“Just leave me alone!” She tried again but, dammit, her voice had cracked.
She heard him falter his steps, and she hoped he would turn around and head back, leave her to her emotional breakdown. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.
Instead, she heard hesitant steps getting closer, until she felt him watching her. She couldn’t make eye contact.
“I said get out of here, Simon.” She said, quieter, but stern. And her voice didn’t crack this time. She glanced up at him, for a moment. Not long enough to see the look on his face.
After a moment that felt like it lasted years, he spoke. “I’m getting Sam.”
“No!” She retorted, trying to keep her voice down. She finally looked up at him. He looked conflicted, trying to decide if he should get Sam anyway. It was much different from how he usually looked, with his smirk and cocky attitude.
“Alright, you have two choices here then, Five: Me or Sam. Either you’re going to talk to me, or I will go find Sam, and you’ll talk to him.”
“What do you care? Just leave me be, please.” She pleaded, looking back down and away.
Simon was the exact kind of person who would’ve gotten on her last nerves had she met him before. Not that it was much different than how she felt about him after. And, when Five first met him, she definitely didn’t like him. She wouldn’t say she liked him now, but all of the runners had bonded. She almost, almost, grew to like Three. Tolerate him, even. They weren’t friends per say, but he could sometimes be fun to be around. But not now, not tonight. She didn’t need him and his cocky attitude making this about him or making fun of her.
Three sat down next to her, looking away. “I’m not going anywhere. You know, this is your own fault, you asked for this.” He said, almost sounding like his usual self. “Next time you need a place to cry, you better go somewhere where you know no one will find you.”
Five rolled her eyes. She had half a mind to get up and go back to the dorms. It was past curfew, after all. But she hated to admit that there was something comforting about his presence. On one of their recent runs to the Dickens estate he seemed to be affected by Archie’s death too. He seemed to blame everyone for her death. She wondered if he blamed her too.
“So, what’s this about? Or are we going to be out here all night?” he finally asked, turning his head slightly in her direction but not looking at her.
She paused. “Do you blame me for Archie?”
He looked over at her, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “You? No, of course not.” He paused, looking away from her again. “And, you know, I don’t blame Sam either. I didn’t mean it when I said that, okay? I was just…”
“Upset?”
He sighed. “Sure, yeah. I meant what I said, about Archie being a hell of a person. She was great. Wasn’t right that she had to die.”
He glanced at her for a moment, before clearing his throat and looking away. She had never seen Simon so uncomfortable. Which would’ve been funny if they weren’t talking about Archie and her death.
“So this is about Archie then, yeah? I can’t imagine you would make a scene over what I thought about you.” he chuckled.
Five knew that she didn’t have to humor him with an answer. She knew that she should’ve just ignored him.
“You can talk to me, you know.” He said after a few moments of silence. Five glanced over to find him looking away, tearing at some grass near where he had sat down. “I’m not going to run off and tell the township your sob story. None of my business. Even if I did, they would just think I’m an ass as usual… This job doesn’t get any easier.”
“Being a runner?”
“Surviving.” Simon gave her a sad smile before looking away again. She hardly recognized him.
Five let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She felt the knots in her stomach loosen a little. “Archie reminded me of my younger sister.”
Simon turned back towards her. “You had a sister?”
“Have,” Five found herself correcting, even though she had no idea what came of her sister or the people she cared about most in her life before.
He nodded, giving her the opportunity to continue.
“It was the way she acted, even though they were very different people. But it was also the way people talked about her, and acted around her.” She couldn’t make herself stop talking if she wanted to. She pulled her knees into her chest. “I wasn’t able to protect her or save her. I wasn’t fast enough. And now she’s dead.”
Five felt exposed in the worst way. It had been a very long time since she allowed herself to talk about her feelings, let alone have a good cry about anything that happened after. She didn’t have the privacy she once did, and especially now that she was something of a hero at Abel, it was a lot to live up to.
She felt Simon put a tentative hand on her upper back. She had known him for a while now, but this is the quietest she’s ever seen him.
“It wasn’t your fault,” and he sounds so sincere that Five almost believes him. “No one here blames you either.” He moves his hand from her back and folds his hands over one of his knees, which he brought to his chest. “And knowing Archie, she definitely wouldn’t have blamed you. We all know the real villain here is Van Ark. She knew it too… Can’t save everyone, Five. Not even you.”
It was quiet for a while. Five tried to wipe the silent tears from her face without Simon noticing, but he was looking anywhere but in her direction.
She closed her eyes, feeling exhausted and, surprisingly, slightly better. Not that she would ever tell him that. She couldn’t believe she unloaded this on Simon of all people. Still, she was pleasantly surprised, and even grateful, at how supportive he could be. The camaraderie of the runners was a strong bond indeed.
And she was definitely a little glad that he wasn’t Sam, who already knew too much about her.
She got up wordlessly, brushing the dirt off of her leggings.
Simon glanced up at her. “Time to head back for the night?”
She nodded. She hesitated for a moment before offering a hand to help him get to his feet. Once he was up, Five started towards the runner’s quarters. It didn’t take Simon long to catch up with her.
However, as they walked past the training grounds, they both paused. They looked at each other at the same time.
Simon shrugged. “We’re already past curfew. Up for a quick race, Five? Or afraid you’ll lose?”
Five smirked, feeling more like herself. “In your dreams, Lauchlan.”
They took their mark before sprinting down the track.