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“I’m getting married Emily” said JJ. But she wasn’t smiling. And the woman in front of her wasn’t either. Best friends were supposed to be happy for each other. Best friends would be congratulating each other, hugging, screaming jumping around. But not them. There was a hint of sadness in the younger woman’s eyes.
“when?” Asked the older woman, trying to hold back her tears.
“Monday morning, Will and I are gonna go to city hall with Henry and my mom.” Said JJ
“Are you happy?”
“I guess so…” JJ lowered her head, scared of looking into Emily’s eyes.
“You know that’s not good enough. You’re supposed to be over the moon, I mean you’re marrying the love of your life” Emily’s tone had changed, it was colder, almost mean.
“I-“
“Stop it JJ, you’re the one that made that decision, you’re the one that decided to stay with him, because you loved him and he made you feel safe, because he brought a sense a stability in your life. You decided to settle with this, it was your decision.”
Emily turned around and left JJ standing there, alone in her office. Right before she got through the door, she could hear JJ’s breathing change, like if she was gonna cry. It took her all the strength in the world not to turn around and hug her and tell her everything was gonna be okay. But she had to think about herself first, and this relationship with the blonde woman was just pain and suffering. She had fallen in love over heels with her, and when she decided to go back to her boyfriend, the father of her child, it broke her and she thought she would never survive. But she did, she got over her, she even had a few dates with beautiful and nice women. But the news JJ just shared broke her heart in a million pieces, once again. She made her way to the elevator, holding back her tears. She was so concentrated on doing so that she didn’t see Penelope and bumped into her, causing the analyst to spill her coffee everywhere.
“Oh my god Garcia I’m so sorry, are you okay?”
“I think the most important question right now is are you okay?” Asked Penelope, maintaining eye contact with her.
Emily looked away and said “I’m okay, don’t worry”
“Em you don’t look okay, what’s happening?” Penelope was genuinely worried about her friend. If there was one thing Emily was good at, was hiding her emotion and maintaining a poker face at all time. And right now, she could see right through her, she wasn’t okay.
“Nothing I swear”
“Do you wanna go get a drink? So that you can make up for ruining my beautiful dress with that disgusting coffee from the break room? By the way this is mandatory and I know you don’t have plans so let’s go.” With that, Penelope put her arm around her friend and got into the elevator.
They went to the nearest bar and chose an isolated table so that they could be alone and talk without being bothered by other people’s conversations.
Penelope got their drinks, and when she came back, she noticed that the older woman had picked up one of her bad habits.
“You’re biting your nails and you expect me to believe that nothing is wrong?”
Emily stopped and grabbed the glass her friend was giving her.
“Listen, something is clearly bothering you, and I know you just want to bury your feelings deep down like you always do, but we both know it’s not healthy, and even if you don’t want to, you need to talk about it to someone. I might be terrible at keeping secret, and that’s probably why you don’t want to me, but I swear I won’t say anything to anyone, cross my heart and hope to die. Please talk to me Em” Penelope was looking at her friend, her gaze was full of sympathy and concern. Emily could see that she was saying the truth, and that Penelope would never say anything about this to anyone.
“It’s complicated”
“Oh trust me, I know about complicated.”
Emily took a deep breath and said “JJ’s getting married”.
“I know that’s great!” The analyst looked at Emily’s eyes and said “…or not?”
“not”
“Okay, why wouldn’t it be great?”
“Because she’s not marrying me.” Said Emily, deadly serious.
The analyst was shocked.
“You…love JJ?”
“Yes…I don’t know, I used to.”
“Did something happen between the both of you?”
“Yeah, for a while, after Henry was born, JJ and Will separated, she didn’t tell anyone, except for me. We spent a lot of time together, watching movies, drinking, even just going of walks together in the middle of the night when one of us couldn’t sleep. And then one night…she kissed me. I was magical, I had never felt like that before. Something changed between the both of us, we started realizing that our feelings weren’t just friendship, it was more than that. And we fell in love. We were together for about six months, but it was intense. I had never felt like that with anyone, just her. I discovered more about myself in six months that I had in 30 years. I thought she loved me the way I loved her, but I was wrong. She came back to Will and left me all alone, heartbroken. Then Doyle happened, and I spent time in Paris, and I tried to get over her, but it was hard, she was the only one I trusted during that time, and we spent time together playing online scrabble. But I managed to get over her. And then I had to come back. And then earlier today she told me she was getting married. I really thought I was over her, but I’m not.” Emily realized she had been crying the whole speech.
“Oh Em…I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now. I wish I could make you feel better. Did you tell her how you felt? When she told you about the wedding?” Asked Penelope, as she put her hands on her friends arm to try and give her some comfort.
“Not really…She seemed sad and it pissed me off because she’s the one that ended it, you know? Not me. So I just left and basically bumped into you”. Emily wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
“You need to talk to her Em, you need to tell her how you feel before it’s too late. I know I’m basically what you could call a hopeless romantic and sometimes I can feel like I’m living in a romantic comedy, but I’m serious. If she marries Will, it will be too late, you need to tell her before. Because if you don’t you’ll regret it and the rest of your life will be full of “what ifs”, and I don’t want that for you. Tell her how you feel, and if she doesn’t feel the same way, at least you’ll have some closure. And no matter what, you’re not alone, you’re my friend and I’m here for you. And to be honest, I don’t really like Will and I want you and JJ to be happy and have many many many Prentiss-Jareau babies and a beautiful wedding where I will be the maid of honor!”
The last sentence of Penelope’s speech made Emily smile a little. She knew what she had to do. Garcia’s advices were always really smart and good. She had to talk to JJ, no matter how painful the outcome could be. She had to tell her.
“But do I have to tell her now?”
“Well, it’s Saturday, her wedding is on Monday morning, so yeah, you don’t really have a choice” said Penelope, with a small smile.
“So like, I should bang at her door, tell Will I wanna talk to his fiancée because I need to declare my undying love for her?” Asked Emily sarcastically.
“You really are the queen of sarcasm, aren’t you?”
“Yup, I’m a real Chandler”
“Okay wait a minute”. Penelope got her laptop out of her bag, started tipy-typing and in a few seconds she said “yup, that’s what I thought, she’s still in her office. So tell me Emily, it’s Saturday night, she just got engaged, is it a sign of happiness that she’s still in her office this late?”
“I guess not…wait. Do you often stalk us like that?” Asked Emily suspiciously.
“I… no?”
“Okay it’s a conversation we’ll have really soon, but I guess I have something to do right now.” Said Emily, getting up from her chair.
“Yes!” Garcia started clapping frantically with a huge smile. “Let me drive you, I didn’t drink, you need a driver and your emotional support human”.
The two women left the bar after paying the drinks. They were both silent on the drive to the office. Garcia left her on the parking lot “go! I’ll stay here, go get the girl”
Emily entered the building, took the elevator. When she arrived at her floor, she saw JJ in her office, probably working on some paperwork. She was frowning, she always frowned when she was concentrated. It was cute. Emily’s heart was racing as she climbed the stairs. She thought she was gonna pass out. But she didn’t. She knocked at her door and heard the young woman say “yes?”
Emily’s hand was shaking when she opened the door.
“hey” said JJ as she closed the file she was apparently working on. “you okay?”
“I’m sorry I left like that earlier.”
“It’s okay, I understand, I shouldn’t have dropped a bomb like this, not here, not like that. I’m the one that’s sorry”.
“I have something to tell you”
“Okay? Do you wanna sit down?”
“No it’s fine”
JJ got up and sat on her desk, looking at her friend.
“I’m gonna say something, and I need you to listen and please don’t interrupt me because if you do I won’t be able to say everything I need to say and I need to say it.”
“I’m listening”.
Emily tried to slow down her breathing to stop her hand and legs from shaking.
“I hate the way you make me feel. I hate that I’m a mess because of you, that I can’t even stop my hands for shaking right now. I hate that I’m vulnerable. I hate the fact that I can’t have any control over my body, over my mind when you’re around, I hate the fact that you can create butterflies in my stomach with just one smile, I hate you. I don’t want you to get married. I don’t want you to marry Will. I’m not saying I want you to marry me, I just want another chance. Because I love you. I love you the way I’ve never loved anyone in my whole life. I love that just seeing you makes my day a thousand times better. I love the way you tuck your hair behind your ear every time we make eye contact. I love your voice, I love the smell of your perfume, I love how you way you never know how to pronounce “antarctic”. I love how you care about people. I love how you can make someone feel better with just one sentence. I love the way you care for Henry. I love every single thing about you. I loved the six months we spent together, the way you used to kiss me in the morning, I love how you used to hold my hand every time we watched a movie, I love the way you laugh, I love that you make me laugh. I love every aspect of your personality. I fucking love you. I know it’s selfish to tell you that know, but I can’t shake the feeling that you might feel the same way, and that you’re making a huge mistake by marrying Will. I know you want Henry to experience a happy family, but how is he gonna feel when he’ll discover that his mom is everything but happy in that relationship. If you really love Will, if he makes you happy the way you make me happy, if you love everything about him, then go for it, marry him, I won’t stop you. But it you don’t, please cancel the wedding, choose to be happy, you deserve that. I’m sorry I don’t even know if what I just said makes sense, I just…I just needed to say it before it was too late. I should go now”.
Emily didn’t have the courage to look at the woman she loves, she just turned around, but JJ stopped her.
“I do”. Emily froze. She didn’t turn around, she just froze. “I do love you.”
“Why are you marrying Will then?”
“Because it’s easier. It’s simple, it’s comfortable, it’s what everyone expects me to do.”
Emily had turned around and was looking at JJ “Since when do you do what people expects you to? Since when do you settle for what’s “simple”? This isn’t the Jennifer I know. You’re special, and because of that, you deserve something special”.
“How do I break up with the father of my child two days before our wedding? What kind of horrible person does that? I’m not special, I’m selfish and stupid and maybe it’s what I deserve”. JJ’s voice broke, tears started rolling on her face.
“I know it’s not easy, but you’re not a horrible person JJ, you’re just lost.”
“The thing is, I’m not. I’m sure of my feelings, I didn’t want to admit it all of these years, but I’m sure.”
“Then do what’s good for you, even if it means hurting Will, he’ll understand, and trust me, no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t feel the same way”.
“do what’s good for me” whispered JJ to herself.
She got up from her desk, and before Emily could say anything else, their lips were crashing into each other’s. They engaged in one of the most passionate kiss they had ever experienced. They both have been waiting for this in years. JJ’s tongue started touching the brunette’s lips, like if she was asking for permission, which Emily gave immediately by opening her mouth. Their heart rates started accelerating, they felt like they were gonna explode. JJ was now sitting on her desk with her hands tangled in Emily’s hair while Emily’s hands were on JJ’s hips. As the kiss was getting deeper, Emily’s hand started getting closer to JJ’s breasts. They were both losing control, letting go of everything. It was just them. The love they had for each other was so powerful that they couldn’t even think about anything else. It was just them. But while they were catching their breaths, JJ said “not here, not now Em”.
“Why?”
“Not until I tell Will”.
Emily started coming back to her senses, her heart started slowing down again. Then she realized “FUCK”
“What?”
“How long have we been here?” Asked Emily, while tying her hair up in a ponytail to erase every evidence of her making out session with JJ.
“I don’t know, why?”
“Garcia is kinda waiting for me in her car downstairs and I… kinda forgot about her”
“Why is she…oh, she knows, right?”
“yep she does” said Emily as she unlocked her phone just to see three missed calls from her and about a dozen texts.
“Em? You okay?”
“What did JJ say?”
“Are you here??”
“Did she say she loved you????”
“When are you coming down??”
“I need an updaate”
“Cmon Emily just tell me”
“Omg are you guys having sex?????”
“I have to go, please call me if you need me to pick you up”
“PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING ASAP OKAY I NEED TO KNOW”
Emily started laughing at all of the texts.
“Do you need a ride home?” Asked JJ, as she was putting her coat on.
“Yeah thanks”.
“I’ll talk to Will tonight, I promise”
“I’m so sorry you have to do this, take all the time you need, okay? And I’m here for you”.
“I know”.
Emily brought JJ in for a hug, and kissed her on the forehead.
They were about to embark in a new chapter in their lives, and they were gonna write this one together.