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“EMILY”
It was a gut wrenching scream. JJ couldn’t see anything anymore, she couldn’t think properly. All she could think about was the fact that the building had exploded and that Emily was in it.
She needed to go get her, she needed to enter that building and save her. But someone’s arms were around her waist, keeping her from doing so. It was probably Tara or Reid. She kept screaming her name, hoping that it would change something, that it would change the fact that the building was now on fire, and Emily was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t supposed to end like that. Emily was still young, she couldn’t be dead, it was unfair.
But then, through her tears, she could see a human shape walking towards them, they were coughing, holding their stomach, trying to catch their breath. JJ tried to see what it was, but she was still too agitated to see anything clearly. She noticed that the arms around her waist were loosening up. She wiped her tears and realized that it was her, she was alive, Emily was alive. The EMT were with her, giving her oxygen, insisting about the fact that she had to go to the hospital to get a MRI and some other tests to see if she was okay.
JJ wanted to hug her, just touch her, to make sure it was really her. But she had to let the EMTs do their jobs.
“Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital” said Reid as he took JJ’s hand, guiding her to his car.
The whole ride to the hospital was quiet. JJ kept playing with her fingers nervously. She had never reacted like that, she always knew how to keep it together, even when one of her team members was in danger. Not that she didn’t love them, she just know that if she fell apart, she could never help them. But this, this was different. She totally lost control.
“She’s gonna be okay, you know?”
Reid was looking at his best friend, worried. JJ and Emily were close, it was no secret. They were best friends, they had been through a lot together. JJ’s reaction was normal, she was worried about her friend. But there was something more, and the young doctor couldn't figure out what. They arrived at the hospital, and JJ almost ran to the reception.
“Hi, I’m looking for agent Emily Prentiss?”
“Are you family?”
“No, I’m with the FBI” said JJ, showing her badge to the nurse.
“The doctors are examining her right now, someone will come tell you when you can go see her”
“thanks”
Reid arrived a few minutes later and sat next to JJ in the waiting room. She was still nervous, bouncing her leg and playing with her fingers.
“Are you feeling better?” He put his hand on her knee, to stop the shaking.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I don’t know why I reacted that way”
“sometimes your emotions take over, and you can’t control what’s happening in your body, you just react, your instincts take over to protect the people you care about. That’s how mothers are capable to lift a car, even though that’s not exactly true because-“
Reid realized that it was probably not the moment for him to talk about science. Instead, he asked :
“I’m gonna go get some coffee, do you want one?”
“yeah thanks Spence”
“Anytime”
He smiled at her and left.
JJ couldn’t help but think of the worst outcomes, what if Emily had too much smoke in her lungs? What if the stress of the explosion was gonna make her heard stop? What if she had brain damages? She tried to think about anything else, but her brain always came back to that. She tried to control her breathing, feeling the panic attack arriving. The sound of her phone made her come back to reality. She unlocked it, secretly hoping it was Emily, even though it was impossible. But it was just Spencer :
“do you want cream and sugar?”
“yes thanks”
A few minutes later, Spencer was back with two coffees. He sat down next to her again.
“Any news?”
“No, not yet”
They sat like that, in silence, drinking their coffees, for more than an hour. It felt like an eternity. Finally, a doctor came to see them.
“Are you with Emily Prentiss?”
JJ almost jumped from her chair, causing her to spill some of her (third) coffee on her shirt.
“Yes, I’m Agent Jareau from the FBI, and this is Dr Spencer Reid, we all work together”
“Miss Prentiss is okay, she was far enough from the blast to not get injured too much, her lungs and heart are fine, she might be sensitive to loud sounds for a while, she will probably have to step back from the field for a few weeks, but she will be fine. You can go see her now.”
The two agents followed the nurse to their friend’s room. With no surprise, Emily was already fighting with a doctor, trying to convince him to let her go :
“Listen I feel great, I’m totally okay, you don’t need to keep me for the night”
“Ma’am please get back in that bed, you had a concussion, we need to monitorize you for at least 12 hours.”
“If you don’t let me go I’ll call the director of the FBI personally, trust me you don’t want that”
Emily was facing the doctor and couldn’t see the door. She heard a familiar voice :
“Trust me doctor, she won’t do that”.
“JJ?” Emily turned around, and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her friend.
“Now will you please get back in that bed?” Asked JJ, with a serious tone, the tone she used with her children when they wouldn’t listen to her.
Emily obeyed immediately, and got back in her bed.
“How are you feeling?” Asked Reid, standing next to JJ.
“I’m okay, my head is killing me, but it’s probably because of these annoying doctors who don’t wanna listen to me.” She answered, scowling at the doctor.
“I guess that’s my cue, I’ll come back to check on you in a few hours, get some rest” said the doctor before leaving the room.
“Come on, you didn’t have to scare that doctor like that, he’s gonna have nightmares because of you” said JJ, laughing.
Emily shrugged “His fault, not mine”.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Asked JJ again, worried.
“I swear, I’m okay, don’t worry JJ” Emily was calm again.
“Hum…I should probably go, JJ call me later if you want me to pick you up, okay?”
“Thanks Spence”
Reid hugged Emily before leaving the two women alone. They probably have a lot to talk about, he said to himself.
JJ sat down on the chair next to Emily’s bed.
“Can I get you anything? Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?”
“Thank you but I’m okay, I don’t need anything right now”.
JJ was still bouncing her leg, she was still in shock and frankly exhausted after everything that happened today.
“JJ are you okay?”
“Me? yeah, yes of course”
“No you’re not. I’ve seen you being okay and this ain’t it” Emily sat down on her bed, patting the space next to her “Come sit”.
JJ got up and sat down next to her friend.
“Tell me, what’s happening in your head?”
She didn’t wanna cry, she didn’t wanna lose control again in front of Emily. She felt a mix of worry and shame. She was ashamed of how she reacted.
Emily put her hand on JJ’s. “You can tell me”.
“I-“ her voice broke “I thought I had lost you”. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Emily stroke her friend’s cheek.
“I’m here, next to you, you didn’t lose me, I’m okay”.
“I know, I just…I don’t know how to make my brain realize that it’s true. I still feel like I’m about to lose you at any moment, and I don’t want that.”
“I understand, it takes time, but your brain will come around eventually, because trust me, I’m not going anywhere”
JJ rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder. They stayed like that for several minutes, in silence. JJ wasn’t shaking anymore, she felt some peace coming back. Emily was here, next to her, she could smell her perfume, the smell of her shampoo. She was here.
The younger woman was the one that broke the silence. “You know, when we talked about our worst fears? I lied. I didn’t know that then, but my biggest fear is losing my children, but also losing you. That’s my worst fear. Living in a world without you in it.”
“I could never live in a world in a world without a Jennifer Jareau, that world would suck.”
“Can I talk to you about something?” Asked JJ, feeling nervous again.
“Of course, you can tell me anything.”
“I’ve been…I’ve been having these feelings. Even before Will and I broke up. I tried to ignore them, but…I can’t. It’s too strong.”
“What kind of feelings?” Asked Emily
JJ stood up, facing Emily. She was playing with her fingers again, she took a deep breath.
“Romantic ones…for you.” She looked down, terrified of the expression she thought would appear in Emily’s face. But when she looked up, all she saw was a small smile. If she had describe Emily’s face, Emily’s gaze, in one word, it would be warm.
“Really?”
“Yeah, listen I’m sorry I told you that now, I didn’t want to put you on the spot like that, I mean you’re in the hospital and you almost died and here I am declaring my feelings for you, I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t be. Those feelings…I’ve been having them a while now, and they’re for you.”
And JJ did something that she had dreamed about for months now, but never dared to actually hope for. She kissed her. She kissed Emily. It was soft, shy, tender, gentle. It felt like home. Both of them were crying. They couldn’t find the words to describe what they were feeling at that moment. But they were home.