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Yeonjun was exhausted.
He really was.
After hours of lecture and then more time spent in the library (Granted, given the fact that the finals week was coming for him and his future) he could physically feel fatigue take over each of his limbs one by one. But now he was done for the night. He had done everything he possibly could for the day and he didn’t think he could possibly retain more informations.
Besides, he had never missed his bed like that before.
To be fair, he would have kept studying despite his state of exhaustion if it wasn’t for Beomgyu forcing him to go home. His best friend had texted him hours prior to know where he was and when the older answer the same ‘library’ text he always sent everyday, Beomgyu had just replied a cryptic ‘hell nah’.
Now here he was. At 7PM. Dragging his shell of a body across his college’s campus to go back to his dorm and catch some well-deserved Z’s (Beomgyu’s words, not his.)
He walked slowly on the campus’ yard to take the shortcut that would reduce his walk to his dorm by two minutes and thirteen seconds (He had counted). The sun was about to set, if the orange hues that illuminated the yard was anything to go by.
He was about to put on his earphones to drone out outside’s noise when he heard someone walk to him.
“Excuse me, do you have a minute?”
Yeonjun turned around with a single eyebrow raised at the inquiry. Two guys looked at him with small (pleading?) smiles. They both seemed young, although one of them was taller than him, their faces held some kind of youth and liveliness that Yeonjun had had lost two midterms ago. The guy on the right was holding a camera right next to his face although he still maintained eye contact with Yeonjun, that made the older squirmed.
“Huh, what for?” Yeonjun asked instinctively. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t have time. But as much as he hated to admit it, Beomgyu was right. He needed those Z’s.
The taller grinned, “We’re filming a video for our Youtube Channel. And we wanted to know if you wanted to participate.” He explained enthusiastically. The other simply nodded and maintained the piercing eye contact. What the fuck.
Yeonjun froze at the question and cleared his throat to buy himself time.
A Youtube video?
Yeonjun was in no state to appear in a video right now. He probably looked dead. At least that’s what his best friend had told him before leaving him to go back to his own dorm.
(Precisely Beomgyu had thoroughly described how much he resembled one of the rats that his grandmother killed with her broom back in their farm. Yeonjun had just looked at him, ever so offended but not surprised by Beomgyu’s ridiculous insults.)
“Hum, are you okay, dude?” He heard a worried voice call him back on this realm.
He had zoned out again.
“Huh, yeah, sorry— Wha—What is it for again?”
“Well, first of all, do you have a crush?” The piercing eyes creepy cameraboy asked.
Did he have a crush?
Dimples and cute stretchy cheeks flashed through his mind.
He could feel his cheeks heat up as he cleared his throat yet again. Both of the boys looked at him with their eyebrows raised and knowing smiles, indicating that he was zoning again.
“Hum... Maybe. I guess....” He cryptically answered, “Why?” His eyes narrowed, not liking where this was going.
“Well basically my friend Taehyun and I — I’m Kai, by the way — we’re filming videos where we ask random strangers all through the campus questions about their lives and experiences, if they are willing to share of course.” Kai explained, Taehyun nodded and Yeonjun tried to fight a flinch, “And today we’re asking people if they have crushes and if so, would they be willing to call them to confess.”
Yeonjun never felt fatigue leave his body that quickly.
“Confessing?”
“I know it may sound frightening. But we’ve been doing this for quite some time now and it overall goes great.” Kai reassures him hastily, “today at least,” he hushed out quickly. Yeonjun’s eyes snapped to the tall boy’s face.
“It’s all about trial and errors, hum...”
“Yeonjun,” the older finished for him, still fidgeting at the idea of confessing.
“Right... Would you do it?” Kai asked lowly with what seemed to be the cutest but also most ridiculous puppy eyes he had ever seen.
Taehyun smirked. Surely at how distraught Yeonjun must have looked after looking at them.
Yeonjun didn’t know what to do. On one hand he was so exhausted and he really missed his bed. All he wanted to do was go home, order some teobbokki, shower and go to sleep after eating until he couldn’t walk.
On the other side, it was an opportunity..?
To be fair Yeonjun wasn’t the most spontaneous person. He was quite the opposite actually. Beomgyu always complained playfully that he didn’t have enough of an adventurous side, teasing him to no end about how predictable he was. Well, Yeonjun liked the peace and quiet of a routine, because when he did decided to listen to Beomgyu and go on ‘adventure’, you finished like he and Beomgyu did when he spontaneously decided to take a biking trip to some random hill and having a race to see who would bike down said hill the fastest. They both had ended up with matching casts on their arms.
Anyways, it was a nice and painful memory that always came back every time he had spontaneous or bold thoughts and ideas like this one.
But this one was a little different.
This one was about Him.
What was he risking?
“Okay, I’ll do your video.” He said quickly before he decided to change his mind.
✜ ✜ ✜
“I changed my mind. I can’t do this.”
“Kai! Get him!”
Yeonjun tried to scramble to get his bag from the cooling lawn and run away but the taller almost tackled him while he was getting up.
“You promised Yeonjun-ssi!”
“I did no such thing— Let me go!” Yeonjun pathetically tried to free himself but alas, Kai was far stronger than him. He was still quite weak from his day after all.
That was one of the reasons he changed his mind.
At first he was almost... giddy? To act on his (rather strong) feelings and actually do something bold that would benefit him for once in his miserable life. But now (literally two minutes later) he wasn’t as sure about his spark of courage.
What if he rejected Yeonjun?
What if he laughed at him?
What if he decided that Yeonjun wasn’t worth his time after that?
What if—
“Yeonjun-ssi! Please calm down!” Taehyun exploded after Yeonjun almost decked Kai to get out of his grasp. The thunderous command made both of the wrestling boys pause immediatly.
“It’s okay if he doesn’t want to do it, Kai. We’ll find someone before our deadline.” Taehyun fiddled with the camera as he said those words with a semblance of nonchalance. Kai’s alarming look showed that it wasn’t actually fine.
“Yeonjun-ssi, you can go, thank you for considering it.” Taehyun then said, briefly raising his eyes to pointedly looking at Yeonjun.
Kai whined, “But the deadline is tomorrow morning, Tae—“
“We’ll figure something out.” Taehyun smiled tightly, shutting down Kai’s protest.
Now, Yeonjun felt bad.
He didn’t want to be responsible for the delay of whatever deadline they had. As the sun went down, the people on campus reduced and frankly, it was already a big demand, Yeonjun doubted they would find someone easily before the night fell.
Yeonjun sighed.
“Fine, I— I’ll do it. For real this time.” He added when Taehyun’s eyes narrowed at his agreement that was similar to his previous response. “We— I... I’ll call him.”
“Him?” Kai said in surprising.
Yeonjun fidgeted at the looks they were giving him, “Huh, yeah, my crush is a guy, I hope it’s not—“
“It’s not.” Taehyun cut him simply. Kai gave him a knowing look before clearing his throat.
“Great, let’s start then.” Kai said in excitement. It almost made him forget his impeding doom.
“So, I’ll ask several questions for context before the call, in order to set a scene. We usually do that with people, to help you relax and remind you why you would like to call him, why you like him.” Yeonjun nodded nervously, staring at the little blinking green light on the camera that Taehyun was holding. Kai sat next to his friend in order to be out of the frame and pointed at himself so that Yeonjun can look at him instead of the nerve wracking camera.
“Okay, go on Hyuka,” the cameraman said.
“Okay, so. First, know that everything that you don’t like will be edited out, you just say the word,” he started softly as if to reassure him, “How did you meet your crush?” Kai asked gently.
Yeonjun fidgeted nervously, but he couldn’t help but smile at the memory, just like he always did every time he thought about him.
“It was actually quite simple, no sparks or love at first sight. We met back in freshmen year. We were both completely new, obviously and had no friends three weeks into the beginning of the year. We shared a class together but never really interacted before. One day we sat next to each other and I don’t know why, he was so tired. Fighting to not doze off during the lecture. I myself was a little bored by the subject treated in class so I was even more prone to get distracted by him. And god was he a distraction.” Yeonjun sighed. When he heard a snicker he blushed and looked away, above Kai’s shoulder to avoid their knowing look.
“After three mini heart attack inducing moments because he was resting his head against his hand while dozing off, and the balance was just off, I quietly talked to him. Just small talk, nothing special. But it was weird because I don’t usually do this.” He scratched his head and looked at Kai who had, yet again his eyebrow raised, “I don’t easily interact with... people. Now I’m better at it, but back then, two years ago, beginning of freshmen year, I was not. The simple fact that I talked to him, even for a small talk, was already a big step out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know why I had decided that this specific person was worth getting out of it. I guess that I was subconsciously drawn to him from the beginning...” he trailed off, knowing he had a stupid smile on. In those moments, Beomgyu would simply smack him on the head and tell him to snap it off.
Taehyun did it by literally snapping his fingers in front of his face because yet again, he had dazed off because of him.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.
“It’s fine,” Kai smiled, “So, you guys talked and you became friends. Now you have a crush on him.” He summed up.
“I guess you could summarize it like that. But I feel like it’s a little bit more complicated than that. Back then, despite my first effort to talk to him, it wasn’t enough to spark a friendship. We chatted a little here, joked a little there, but that was it. Not even something worth mentioning to my best friend who’s the nosiest person I know.” He thought out loud.
“We didn’t talk again, after that. I went on with my year, made some friends who lived in my dorm and went on with my life. Then we met again, in a cafe down in campus, and there he was again, fighting off sleep again. This time he had a steaming coffee mug in his hand. Maybe it was the fact that I knew he could seriously get hurt if he kept on dozing off, maybe it was something else that I never wanted to admit to myself, even today, but I approached him again. Surprisingly enough, he remembered me.”
“He was grateful that I woke him up, although at that moment all I could think was, ‘You should actually go to sleep, like right now’, so I said it... Well, more like blurted it out. And then he smiled at me and he was just... Just so fucking cute.” He winced at the curse word that slipped out.
Kai chuckled, “It’s okay we’ll beep it out. Go on,”
“Huh, yeah,” Yeonjun blushed, “he was so cute. And, hear me out, I never even thought of a guy this way before. I mean I have eyes, I know a lot of guys that are objectively handsome. But never cute. Cute in a soft way. In a ‘I want to cuddle the hell out of you’ way.” He hastily explained. He would always feel a strange giddiness, that he never felt out of this particular context, when he talked about his crush on him.
“So what did you do after this?” Kai asked and Yeonjun could see that he was genuinely interested in his story. Taehyun was only smiling at his screen, monitoring the screen.
“Well, I panicked, because I blush so easily for the stupidest thing, so I knew that I was already red as a tomato. It’s almost chronic at this point, I get red super fast and it doesn’t leave easily either because I don’t control it that well... I know it can make people uncomfortable sometimes. Especially guys, because I guess that blushing is more of a feminine trait? My best friend says it’s bullshit and that it’s a human reaction, not a feminine one. I agree, but I wouldn’t ever tell him that because he gets smug when I tell him he’s right.” He rambled again.
“Anyways, I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so I made sure he wasn’t going to pass out on his coffee and tried to scramble out of the cafe, but he stopped me. He did it so hastily too, and he grabbed my arm while doing so. It was all very flustering and I just thought it was so weird, from me, to feel that flustered. Despite that, I couldn’t really think about it because he started asking me questions about the class we shared. So, I put my inner panic aside and answered him. Two hours later we were still chatting about a completely different subject. I guess we just... clicked.” He said in thought.
“ I found out he was an Art major, that he was a year younger than me but that he had skipped a grade, basically he was an art genius of some sort. He is so talented really, want to see the drawing he did on me? He didn’t have any picture of me back when he did it, it was all out of memory,” Yeonjun didn’t even wait for them to agree, he took out his phone and quickly went into his phone gallery to find the picture of the hyper realistic drawing that he had done. He loved this drawing so much, he didn’t know why.
“Look,” he showed the drawing to Kai then to the camera so that it could focus on it, “Isn’t it beautiful? I don’t even look that good in real life.” He joked before looking at the drawing again fondly, remembering how shy He was about it when he gave it two him, three months after they met. It was the first time that he acted shy with Yeonjun like that. The little dimples creasing his cheek and the teeth gnawing at his lower lip in anticipation, waiting for Yeonjun’s reaction would be ingrained in his brain forever.
“It’s a really nice drawing, I like the aquarelle aurora and starry sky in the background, it really gives depth to the picture. Does it have a significance?” Taehyun asked, eyes still glued to the camera’s screen.
“He said that it was because I reminded him of stars a lot,” He explained shyly, he knew that his blush was creeping to his cheeks, “I joked that it meant that I reminded him of something that was basically dead. Because you know stars that we see to the naked eye are so far away that the light coming from them is probably already dead. I don’t know if I explained that well...” he chuckled awkwardly.
“We’ll add the explanation below during the edit, don’t worry.”
“Thank you,” he said, grateful, “So, yeah, I joked about it, he quickly denied it because he’s the nicest person who doesn’t want to offend anyone, ever. When he realized I was messing with him, he whined about me ruining everything all the time, it was funny. And cute. He’s adorable.” Yeonjun sighed fondly. He was so whipped.
“Okay,” Kai snickered, probably laughing at his stupid dopey look he had on. He also knew that the blush was now reaching his neck. “So, when did you realize you had a crush?”
Yeonjun thought about it, wanting to carefully choose his words, “I don’t think there was a moment where I realize that ‘Oh, yeah, it’s a crush’, I feel like it was always there. Underlying. We got close quickly after we met again at the cafe. We became fast friends and it was just natural, you know. I never felt this comfortable with someone, the only person who made me feel this way was my best friend, and I had known my best friend for years before letting him in the way I had let my crush in. We told each other things that no one knew about us. He told me about his personal struggles, about him fighting to uphold this perfect record he always had, about his struggles with his art, with his future... He trusts me and I trust him.”
“Like I said before I never considered having a crush on a guy, I never really felt attraction towards guys before. The only crush I had ever had on someone was on a girl and it was so much different from what I felt for him. I think that’s why it was so confusing that I just wanted to cuddle him five seconds after I met him that day in the cafe. That’s why it was so odd that I wanted to cheer him up when he looked down or tired, which he always did. That’s why it was nerve-wracking that I just wanted to make him smile from the inside all the time, the way that he did it to me.” He rambled passionately. At this point he was forgetting that a camera was there, he was just expressing everything he never told Beomgyu or even Yeji, the only other person who knew about the crush, and who, in theory, would love to hear those silly sweet details about his feelings for him.
He looked up to the two interviewer to see them glancing back at him with this look of fondness, like he was a kitten drinking warm milk, or something. That made the embarrassment even more creeping.
“I’m so sorry if I’m rambling, I—“
“No, no! We love it when people do that. Makes it more genuine, in my opinion.” Taehyun winked at him, to what Yeonjun chuckled nervously. “We’ll have to cut some of it to make it fit in the 15 minutes video format, but frankly I don’t think we’ll change it a lot.” Taehyun said kindly. He had a softer gaze than at the beginning, despite his eyes still being piercing. “Your story is the cutest we’ve had for a long time. And we’ve interviewed fifteen people since the beginning of this week.”
“Is it really all that special? Surely you must have heard girls fawning over their crushes in a more embarrassing way than I did, right?” Yeonjun asked. At this point he was trying to reign down his embarrassment by fishing for any information that would prove that he’s not the worst kind of whipped.
“No, not really.” Taehyun answered.
Well, shit.
“Actually, from what I have noticed, people get crushes so easily these days. As if they like the idea of having a crush more than they like the crush themselves.”Kai pointed out, “70% of the time, the people we interview fawn over how good looking or cool their crushes are. And granted, that can be a good reason to have a crush on someone, especially if you don’t know them that well. But most of the time it does feel a little impersonal, you know? Not a lot of people talk about what they like in their crushes’ personalities or in the little details. Like you did.” Kai teased him lightly. At this point Yeonjun knew he was red all over. No point denying it.
“Gosh, I’m sorry but you’re so red right now, it’s so cute.” Kai laughed fondly and Yeonjun whined childishly in response because he was who he was. He raised his hands to his face to tame it down, even though years of experience told him it was pointless.
“Stop, I’m so embarrassed right now... Plus, I probably look dead tired. I’m so relieved that I won't have to see him today.” Yeonjun muttered softly.
“Well, you still have to call him, now.” Taehyun pointed the obvious that Yeonjun’s subconscious was trying to ignore.
“I know...” Yeonjun trailed off. He was getting overly nervous now. Why had he agreed to do this again?
“How do you think he’s going to react to your confession?”
Oh, that Yeonjun had some idea about it, “He’s going to be a mumbling mess, that’s for sure. He never knows how to react well under pressure. Now as for whether he’s going to reject me or not... I really don’t know. Actually I don’t even know if he’s attracted to guys either.” Yeonjun said lowly. He’s so uncertain of his reaction because for some reason, they talked about everything except crushes. Yeonjun knew He didn’t like talking about relationship or anything love related, because of his parent’s divorce. They had separated when he was really young, leaving him so bitter about love.
That frightened him a little, sometimes.
Especially because Yeonjun himself had had the best childhood, living in a happy home that made him feel like love was everywhere and so important to give and to receive.
Maybe was it one of the reason why he wanted to confess. Maybe he was sick of seeing someone so unapologetically nice and caring — despite his rough childhood — believing that love wasn’t real and that he didn’t deserve it anyways.
Yeonjun simply wanted to show him how much he did deserve it. More than anyone else.
“Generally does this end good or bad?” He asked nervously, fidgeting with his phone.
“Honestly? Two out of three times this ends pretty badly.” Taehyun said bluntly. Kai hissed at him, elbowing him in the arm when he noticed Yeonjun blanching, “Oww! What? it’s the truth. I don’t see the point to lie about it.” Taehyun huffed.
Yeonjun’s head was spinning a little. He was risking a lot by doing this. He was risking his friendship with someone really important to him.
While he was internally panicking he looked at his phone’s lockscreen. A selfie of the both of them at the beach, faces marred with sunscreen in the most ridiculous way. He smiled softly at the memory.
Even if his crush has settled in gradually. If he had to give a single moment where he was overly aware of his feelings, it would be that hot June day at the beach. It was also one of the few moments where is spark of spontaneity turned out good. Great, even.
Both of them had to do a summer term, unlike any of their friends. Yeonjun knew that he personally needed more credits, but as for Him, he knew that He was trying to avoid going home. So, Yeonjun decided to act by dragging the both of them to the beach, that was two hours away from their campus, just to see the sunrise. They ended up making a day out of it. They had bought swimming trunks, towels and sunscreen and had spent the day cooling in the water, fighting childishly and sharing big bowls of shaved ice.
The picture that was his current lockscreen was right before Yeonjun had had the moment. The one where his heart jus opened and the softest feeling took him. Not exactly like butterflies fluttering inside, but more like going to bed when you just changed your sheets. Like a breeze of fresh air during heated days. Like the smell of your favorite dish.
It was like everything that made him effortlessly happy mixed into one feeling that bursted out all over him. That’s how he felt when he looked at him, right after they took that selca and that the sun grazed him so softly, making him look almost ethereal.
When he came out of his daydream, he looked back at the two youtubers and one glance at Kai’s encouraging look made him confidently utter out the following words.
“Okay, I’m going to call him now.”
✜ ✜ ✜
“Okay so put it on speaker mode. If anything goes drastically wrong, we’ll edit it out. If things go really downhill, we can delete it all. It’s no problem.” Kai explain professionally. Hands hovering over his own that was nervously pulling out the grass on the yard.
The sun was almost down completely but the campus had already lit up the streetlights, and they were next to the History building’s fountain which illuminated the whole yard in an aesthetic way.
“Okay... Okay— I, I can do this.” Yeonjun stuttered out. He unlocked his phone and quickly clicked on the green and white icon to look for Soobin’s contact.
“You can do this. We’re rooting for you, guys!” Kai said encouragingly, he squeezed Yeonjun’s hand before retrieving it and put himself out of screen.
Yeonjun’s finger hovered over the phone number for few seconds. The dreadful feeling wouldn’t leave him, he was getting hot all over and his hands were shaking slightly. Was this how love felt? Because he didn’t want any of that. He—
“Yeonjun-ssi, can I give you an advice? Maybe it could help.” Taehyun interrupted his thoughts.
“Yes, please.” He answered desperately.
“Think of him, of how he makes you feel. Breathe in and out. Then press the button.”
Think of him.
Of how he made him feel.
Dimples, shy grins, soft cheeks, button nose, the loveliest smile and even more adorable sparkly eyes all flashed through his mind in a jumble of softness.
His thumb grazed the phone number before he second guessed it.
“God, okay, I— I. Okay, I did it.” He freaked out out loud. He could feel Kai and Taehyun’s excitement buzzing. It was overwhelming.
“Great now put it on speaker phone.” Kai instructed him. He did it immediately, the name ‘Soobean’ glaring back at him.
It rang one time. Twice. Three times. Then it stopped.
A voice said, “Hello?”
Yeonjun’s stomach dropped.
“Huh, hi Soobi—“
“Sike! This is Soobin’s voicemail. Wow, I totally got you, huh?—“
Yeonjun’s brain short circuited for few seconds. Like he was brain dead.
“I can’t believe that his stupid ass would do this.” He grumbled out in disbelief, drowning out Soobin’s (melodious) voice spilling out his voicemail speech.
“This happens. Don’t worry. Huh, you can always leave a message.” Kai interjected to avoid a nervous breakdown. The grass around them was getting scarcer by the minute from all the nervous pulling.
“A message?” Yeonjun said, ironically right before the beep tuned indicating it was his time to speak.
Kai hastily gesticulated to tell Yeonjun to say something. Anything.
“Huh, Yeah. I. Hi, Soobin. Huh, I tried to call you, but you’re not answering. Typical of you I guess. And what’s with that voicemail message, by the way. It’s not even fu—“ Kai started gesturing dramatically again, to tell him to get a grip. Even he knew that Yeonjun was stalling, “I mean. Whatever, hum. So. I was calling you because I wanted to tell you something. About how I feel. About you.” He butchered out. His whole body must have been crimson by that moment.
“I like you, Soobin.” He finally said.
It was like a whole weight lifted out of his shoulder, to relieve him of this big secret.
It just felt so good to say, just like everything related to Soobin felt.
“I really do—“
“—Hello? Hyung?” A raspy voice interrupted him, startling Yeonjun so bad that he threw his phone on the yard.
Yeonjun’s eyes snapped towards Kai and Taehyun, their own eyes so wide, gaping back at him.
What the hell.
Yeonjun mouthed a panicked ‘It’s him!What do I do?’ To the Youtubers, to which Kai answered a ‘Talk to him’. He then picked up the phone and gave it back to Yeonjun’s clammy hands.
“Hyung? Are you here?” Soobin’s raspy voice said again. Was he sleeping? Why did his voice had to be so sexy in this moment of crisis.
He zoned out so bad that he forgot to answer. A throat clear snapped him out of it.
“Huh. YES! I am here. Sorry, I— I was doing— Something. Else. So. Yeah, anyways. What’s up?” He mumbled out. He wasn’t even making any sense. He was just panicking. This was a mess.
Why did Soobin have to actually answer? It would have been so much easier if he would have just not answered. Yeonjun would have confessed, without any pressure, and all he would’ve done was waiting for his impending doom.
“I was taking a small nap, but the phone call woke me up. What’s up? You never call.” Soobin said in an almost worried tone. Yeonjun could barely focus though, the raspy deep voice was working for him.
Gosh, he was whipped.
“I know. I just had to tell you something.” Yeonjun said cryptically. He was looking at Kai who was just nodding at him encouragingly.
He could do this.
It was Soobin.
He heard ruffling through the phone, indicating that he was moving in his bed, “Oh, yeah? What is it?” Soobin asked, “Wait five seconds, I’m just sitting up and taking my earphones.”
Yeonjun waiting those five (nerve wracking) seconds, noise of sheets ruffling before the sound got way clearer.
“Okay, tell me now.” Soobin said softly, a yawn following his words.
Yeonjun froze, hesitating for a bit, but Kai caught his attention by smiling at him, mouthing a small ‘Fighting’.
“Okay, I’m going to tell you something that may change everything for us but, I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t tell you. Just listen, please.”
“Okay but you’re scaring me, hyung.” Soobin uttered out, worry definitely present in his voice.
“It’s okay. I— Okay. So, hum. Remember that day at the beach we had last summer? The first one, when we went on a whim?” Yeonjun started, small smile creeping up as it always did every time that he thought of that day.
“Yeah? What about it?” Soobin asked.
“Remember when we looked at the sunrise together?”
“Yeah, of course, the view was beautiful.” Soobin made the remark absentmindedly.
Here went nothing.
“Well, I barely remember it because despite how beautiful the sun was, all I could see was you.”
“What?”
Yeonjun fidgeted nervously, “I said, all I could look was you, Soobin. Because all my attention is always on you. Because ever since we met, and ever since we became friends, it’s like all the beautiful things are drown out, because to my eyes they’re pale in comparison to— to you, Soobin.” Yeonjun choked out.
Soobin didn’t directly answer, dread filling him even more. Eventually, he heard a watery “Wh—What do you mean, hyung?”
Yeonjun sighed, and fondness overtook him, the feeling almost overpowering the dread. His reaction was just like him. Confused, maybe a little startled, sensitive in the best way. But weirdly enough, it made Yeonjun feel warm, it made him feel so...
“I mean that I’m in love with you, Soobin.” He finally said.
Soobin gasped. Or maybe was it Kai.
“What?”
“I— I know it may sound crazy, I mean, I— We never talk about this kind of things for obvious reasons. I’m pretty sure that before you, I never even felt remotely attracted to guys. And in a way, I feel like despite how beautiful I think you are physically, I am also so attracted to your personality too. I just like everything about you, Soobin.” He sighed, nervously but also fondly, “Your squeaky laugh, your beautiful smile, the way you nuzzle into things when you’re really tired, the way you would drop anything you’re doing to help people, even random strangers. Y— You have a heart made out of gold. You’re so caring, and you make me a better person.” He heard more sniffles through the phone, but he kept going “And even though you’re probably straight, I still wanted to tell you all of this. Because you deserve to have someone telling you that. Because you deserve the world Choi Soobin. Most importantly, despite what you believe, you deserve so much love.”
There it was.
After few seconds of pure silence, Soobin croaked out an emotional, “Hyung... I don’t know what to—”
“You don’t have to reciprocate my feelings, I— I know how doubtful you are about love in general and I can only respect what you want. I just—“ his speech was interrupted by a loud honk coming from the local garbage truck passing by.
“Hello? Hyung?”
“Sorry it was the garbage truck. Can you hear me?”
“Where are you?”
Yeonjun gulped and looked at Kai with a questioning look as he felt the dread coming back. Why was he changing the subject.
“Huh... I—Near the history building’s fountain...” He hesitated.
“Okay. I—” the call stopped abruptly. Yeonjun’s eyes widened as he looked at the screen turn off because his phone battery died.
Suddenly, Yeonjun wanted to cry.
“What happened?” Kai asked hurriedly. Yeonjun was shaking, eyes still glued to the black screen.
“My phone died.” He muttered out. His voice was already watery, he knew. He felt so weird. Like he had made a big mistake.
“Yeonjun-ssi, don’t cry please.” Kai said softly, “Taehyun turn the camera off,” the other boy did and sighed. Yeonjun could barely hear it as he was trying not to curl in a ball to weep. He felt the tear rolling on his cheek, but wiped it fast.
“I’m okay, I just... I don’t know what I was expecting. And now my phone is off.” He cried out. He couldn’t bear the looks that Taehyun and Kai gave him. “Maybe it was for the better. I made him cry. He was going to reject me anyways...”
“You don’t know that, Yeonjun-ssi.”
“Just call me hyung. Also the only other time I saw him cry was when we were talking about deep things that really affected him emotionally. Bad things. I just can’t believe I had to ruin things for us like that, I—“
“Hyung!”
Yeonjun felt the voice before he heard it.
Well, more like he felt the pang in his heart before he heard it.
He turned around to look at Soobin jogging towards him, with a small smile. Yeonjun almost believe it was a dream.
“Soobin?”
(“Taehyun! Fast! Turn the camera on again!”)
Soobin jogged until he was a few feet away from Yeonjun who had gotten on his feet. Soobin was still in his home wear it seemed. He had his old worn out yellow hoodie that was stained by paint that wouldn’t come off on, an old jogging that had received the same treatment, and his sneakers that he hadn’t even put on completely. Soobin looked so nice despite that, he had trailed of tears still staining his cheeks but he still had the softest smile that confused Yeonjun to no end.
Soobin approached him slowly, and Yeonjun hated how careful he seemed to act when they were supposed to be each other’s safe place.
“What are you doing here?” He asked softy.
“Do you remember the day that I gave you my painting of you back in first year?”
Yeonjun froze as Soobin walked to him. Then he held his hand as gently as possible, like Yeonjun was the most precious thing.
What was happening.
“Of course I do.” Was all he could answer.
“I know you keep on saying that you didn’t understand how I made you look so pretty. Even prettier than you actually are. But I painted you the way that I saw you, hyung.” Soobin said intensely, his glowing eyes locked on Yeonjun’s. Yeonjun could feel his heart skip a beat and his cheeks getting rosier.
“Because everything about you is as pretty as that painting, well at least as pretty as you think it is.”
“Soob—“
“I’m in love with you, too, hyung. I’ve been in love with you since that day. At first I tried to ignore it, especially because I didn’t even know how it felt to be in love, in the first place. But now I can’t ignore it. I don’t want to. Not anymore.”
Yeonjun felt his head getting dizzy, like the whole word was spinning but the only thing going right and staying put was the gorgeously breathtaking boy in front of him.
“Do you really mean that? I just— I really don’t want to pressure you into—“
He was interrupted by large hands going around his waist to take him in the most heartfelt hug he had ever experienced. He froze for few seconds before hugging Soobin back. His own arms snaking around the taller’s neck. He felt Soobin soft lips kissing his neck and cheek, leaving the best trail of tingles all over his body.
“I love you, hyung.”
“I love you too, Soobin.”
After a whole minute of silence, Yeonjun heard a whispered “I’m so fucking relieved.”
He chuckled and leaned back from Soobin to look at the duo filming. Kai was looking at them fondly and Taehyun... was that a tear that Yeonjun noticed.
Soobin pulled away too and startled when he saw the two people standing next to them.
“What the hell is going on?” Soobin asked Yeonjun lowly.
“I met them here. They’re filming a “confess to your crush” video for their YouTube channel” Yeonjun explained, but he was still so focused on Soobin. He eyed his lips before taking them for the sweetest, yet too short, kiss. A simple pressing of his plush lips on Soobin’s barely parted one.
Perfect. Just as he imagined.
After few seconds to process what had just happened, Soobin looked at him in shock, cheeks getting rosier by the second. Yeonjun loved that he wasn’t the one getting ridiculously red for once.
“Hyung!” Soobin squeaked in faux indignation, completely flustered.
Oh, Yeonjun was going to love this.
(“You know that this is going to go viral, right? It’s our first gay couple, too” Taehyun said with a small grin as they tidied up their equipment to go back to their dorm.
They could still see Yeonjun and Soobin’s silhouette walking back to Soobin’s dorm, hand in hand.
“Yeah, but I don’t know why, I feel like it won’t matter to them anyways. They’ll be fine no matter what.” Kai smiled back.
Taehyun nodded silently, glancing back at the new couple, already bickering playfully from afar.
“Yeah you’re probably right.”)
✜ ✜ ✜