Work Text:
In January, Hajnal yelled at her laptop.
She thought she was ready to read Genesis from scratch. An hour and a half later, she doubted her mind would ever open up for any kind of holy texts. The religious commentary under each paragraph only worsened her attitude.
She couldn't give her flaw a precise name. Nevertheless, her allyship was insincere and she kept failing and failing to fix it.
She closed the tab with the Torah and refreshed her Twitter timeline.
In February, Hajnal yelled at her laptop.
Everyone in the family knew aunt Csilla was slipping away. Talking less frequently. Maintaining no hobbies. She had visited Hajnal in November; that was when she admitted her support group for recovering alcoholics disbanded.
Hajnal knew. Nevertheless, until February, she hoped aunt would never gather enough courage to follow the path of the rope.
She tended to smile awkwardly whenever a tragedy hit her. She couldn't suppress the reaction.
In March, Hajnal laughed at her laptop.
She discovered a new content creator: a young woman who recorded fast-paced videos. She forgot her primer, and instead of re-recording the footage or editing the sequence, she casually applied primer atop the foundation.
Hajnal felt good again. She appreciated the phase.
At the beginning of April, Hajnal stimmed in front of her laptop.
A door opened as Hye-won sprinted towards the bathroom.
"Oh crap, you okay?" Hajnal barely managed to articulate a conventional verbal message.
"Yeah, it's just... a mishap!" the roommate replied, already locking the bathroom door.
"Okay."
"Damn it! I forgot underwear. Could you help me?"
Hajnal chuckled with two glottal stops. "If you're not embarrassed..."
A whine reached her ears. "I aaam, but I can't really go back now."
She stood up. "Okay, which drawer?"
"It's a short one, the very top one. There should be a grey pair inside."
"Gotcha."
Having solved the mishap, the women mixed egg yolks with sugar and cocoa powder in their favourite mugs. As they were eating, they chatted about the previous five months.
Hajnal recalled the November. "I suggested that she should solve crosswords. As if that would do anything."
"I mean, it is a distraction. It can help get through the empty phase, but not the sharp relapse."
She nodded. "Yeah, I realised that much."
"What is done is done. Now all you can do is focus on other family members, and yourself."
"Indeed. Mom met a psychiatrist. At last."
"At last?"
"She had suspected that she could be depressed too. She simply didn't have enough motivation to make an appointment."
"And?"
"Now, she's trying out her first medicine."
"That's good."
The conversation paused briefly. Wooden wind chimes danced near the half-open window. The room was pleasantly orange from sunset.
Hye-won resumed, "My mom is losing her patience."
"About you being a worker?"
"Yeah."
"It will pass."
"When?"
"Tough question. In my case, it took a year."
"What if I can't manage a year?"
Hajnal looked at Hye-won. "Don't talk to her. Cut the contact to minimum."
"I'll try. Thanks."
Silence came back, but Hajnal didn't return to her dessert.
Hye-won noticed her gaze. "Anyway, I've been also thinking..."
"Yes?"
"Since you're Hungarian... uh... I'm expecting your honest opinion; so... Is it wrong or offensive that I... kinda see myself as a socialist?"
Hajnal oinked and laughed into her palm.
"Not a communist, a socialist," she disclaimed.
"Hye-won, honey... Like, I know what you mean. No, I'm not offended. It's just... I don't believe socialism can be achieved."
"Because?"
"Not a single politician will commit to it. Ever. They want power for themselves; they want wealth for themselves. Thus, they'll never be true socialists, only liars and puppeteers hiding behind the police. Every attempt at establishing a 'socialist' country will result in... what we've already seen. So. Yeah."
Hye-won hummed.
"I have to admit, though, this topic is a bit too difficult for my level of competence."
"Oh come on now."
"No, really."
"Where DO you feel competent, then?"
Hajnal drew a semicircle with her pupils. "Uh... The discography of Nightwish?"
They giggled.
At the end of April, Hajnal saw a notification on her laptop. Someone was using the ad hoc network to send an image file.
"Maybe a student needs help..." she thought as she accepted the file, scanned it for viruses, and opened it. To her surprise, it was a photograph of a young adult, possibly a goth, in overwhelming make-up.
She cleared her throat. "Okay, I wasn't supposed to see that."
A text file followed.
"wrong recipient lol sorry"
Hajnal smiled. She wrote in Notepad, "it's okay. btw you nailed that eyeshadow." She sent the file and waited. A minute later, the goth replied.
"aw thanks <3<3<3 u got a twitter or sth"
Hours passed as Hajnal was chatting with the eyeshadow enthusiast.
whats ur name
Hajnal. read it like hoy-nohl
what is your name?
Fani
is it a short form or...?
yea the full names Estefanía
where r u from
city of Debrecen. but now i live here
and you?
Arauzo de Miel its teeny tiny
im exchange student
kinda regretting it but whatever
r u a student
not anymore. i flopped.
sry to hear that
nah i'm okay
in fact, it feels better for me to be a worker
i see
got a half-time job?
obv lol
campus store assistant
u?
tire manufacturing
oh thats far do u drive there
yes, i have a bicycle
ok ok
would u like to pay me a visit
im super bored rn
hm
i guess i could
which house?
and forgive me my voice, in advance
212
why u caught cold
... read bio
ah lol sry
started late?
yup
no stress
waiting <3
Hajnal was applying subtle blush on her face when the door opened and Hye-won took a peak.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes. I think I'll be back around nine."
"And if not?"
"I'll text you."
"Okay. Um, Haj?"
She put her brush down. "Yes?"
"Mom calmed down."
She raised her eyebrows. "That's great."
"Isn't it? Such relief... I really needed it this month. Thank you."
"Uh, me?"
"For advice."
"Ah, you're welcome. We're in this together, hun."
Hye-won nodded. But soon, her soft smile sank. "If I ever... surrender early, will it be a failure?"
Hajnal didn't hesitate. "No."
"Will God be upset that I didn't entrust Him with my day of death?"
Hajnal ignored her own belief to give a more fitting answer. "No. He'll understand."
"Okay. Thanks."
"Honey? I can cancel the meeting if you need..."
"Don't. I'll be fine. This isn't that kind of relapse."
"Well, okay. But if you do feel worse, text me."
"Okay."
Fani introduced Hajnal to Diabulus in Musica, turning the volume of her speakers up to eleven. They ate crema catalana and drank unsweetened green tea. They discussed make-up, memes, queer baiting in Japanese media, and pastel aesthetics.
At eight P.M., Fani turned the music off and tuned her guitar. "Landlord goes to bed soon. No, he doesn't mind guests, only the music."
Hajnal checked her phone. "I should be going anyway."
"Alright. I'll walk with you."
"Thanks."
At home, Hajnal knocked gently on Hye-won's door. She opened very slowly as if she were ashamed. It was easy to notice the reason: the roommate's forearm gained two gauze swabs.
"Oh dear," Hajnal almost whispered.
"I know I was supposed to text you but... that wouldn't do much."
"I'm sorry."
"No no, don't. You did say you could've... so... um. But I did my best."
"I'm sure you did," there was no irony in her voice.
Hye-won smiled. Out of nowhere, she came closer and hugged Hajnal. "How was the meeting?"
"Very loud. I'm not used to this anymore. Guess I'm becoming an old, boring adult." Her last sentence was a joke.
On the first of May, Hajnal rested her phone on a blanket, power bank to her left. Clouds above were swelling in pink and orange shades. Chill wind was rocking branches of a single tree.
Hye-won was sketching Fani with pencils and coal sticks. Fani was playing guitar, adapting chords for Hajnal's voice.
They celebrated because they made it till May.