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“No matter what happens, I love you both.”
The words make Lincoln uncomfortable in all sorts of ways.
First of all, because Michael’s got that look on his face, like he knows something is going to happen. They all knew he was going into the lion’s den but it isn’t until then, right at that moment, that Lincoln realizes he may never see his little brother alive again. It didn’t occur to him to ask Michael what he should do if, after a few hours, Michael never shows up at their rendezvous point.
Part of Linc knows exactly what he would do though, and running isn’t it.
The second reason why his heart stops is that he hasn’t heard those words in a while from Michael. It is a sad fact that their family only said ‘I love you’ when in mortal peril or, in LJ’s case just a day ago, when they knew they wouldn’t see each other for a long time.
It’s almost too much for Lincoln, to hear two of the most important people in his life say the L-word in that way in such a short period of time. It reminds him that even though he doesn’t have much to lose, what is left is everything.
That led to the last reason, the most important in Lincoln’s mind. The inclusion of a new member to Michael’s very short list of ‘people to love’. For so long he’d been the only person, then LJ came along and Michael grudgingly extended the list for one more.
It isn’t the fact that Michael loves Sara that makes time slow for Lincoln, its Michael’s saying it that causes something to twist painfully in his belly. He watches them share a long look and notices that she doesn’t say it back. That while Lincoln’s tongue is tied with machismo and bad family tradition, Sara’s is tied with something else.
If Lincoln was an easily emotional man he’d shout at her. Didn’t she know how hard it was to earn Michael’s love? Didn’t she know how little he actually said it? Michael may act as if he has his heart on his sleeve but he never gave it away lightly. Maybe she didn’t deserve it. Maybe she justified running across the country with two fugitives by believing that she was in love with one of them. It would certainly be the most romantic excuse.
In the pause between Michael putting on that damned ratty baseball cap and leaving the room, Lincoln realizes that someone has to say it back. Even if it isn’t enough. He grabs what little he needs, crosses the room to give Sara an uneasy look, then races out the door and down the hall, catching Michael just as he rounds a corner.
“Michael.”
His brother turns, his shoulders set, hands in his jacket pockets as if to shrink himself into invisibility. His piercing hazel eyes ask him what’s wrong.
Lincoln checks the hallway quickly before closing the space between them and yanking Michael into his arms. The hug is stiff for a second before Linc pulls back a little, whispers in his ear, “I love you too”, and kisses the clean skin of his jaw. He breathes in his familiar scent, unblemished by the expensive cologne and aftershave that Michael used only a year ago as a status symbol, and chokes on a surge of emotion.
Holding his little brother in his arms, feeling the man he has become – so much stronger than Lincoln ever was, he loves Michael to the point of bursting. More than he’s ever loved anyone in his entire life. More than a brother loves a brother, or a man loves a woman. Lincoln simply loves him.
He wants to tell him that. How glad and lucky he is that he has someone like Michael. Lincoln’s grateful and sad and angry and, more than anything, thankful that Michael would risk everything for him. But he knows the words would never come out right and instead he squeezes his brother’s solid frame tight once more.
Lincoln feels Michael sigh, hug him back before he steps away, and gives Lincoln the smallest of grins, disappearing down the hall in the blink of an eye.
Lincoln only stands there for a moment, feeling things settle back where they should be in his chest. He’s certain he’ll see Michael again in a few short hours. He’s certain that, Sara or no, he’s still at the top of his brother’s short list.
Now, saying those words don't mean that anything is over. They're just enough to get them through.
End