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Ambient light fills the small New York apartment, just at the crack of dusk. Nadia peers up from her bottom bunk at an elegant hand draped over the bed above hers, manicured and bejeweled. She had woken up a few hours earlier from the sound of her roommate coming home from a late night of partying and couldn’t get herself to sleep again.
Lu had practically stomped in, drunk and disheveled, and clumsily climbed to her bed without removing her clothes or makeup. She was softly snoring in 5 minutes time.
Nadia found it amusing that Lu could fall asleep without any trouble. She had always had problems sleeping and staying asleep.
Nadia had prayed Fajr, the morning prayer, just a few minutes ago before the light splayed out on the horizon. She’s starting to get back on track with her prayers. When she first came to New York, she had all but forgotten about it. College, a new job, a new country, a new language, it was all too much at once. But as she’s gotten more acclimated to her new life, she’s found more and more time to pray and reconnect.
Prayer time was always time she loved. It was a chance to let the pressure and the expectations fall away and be left with only herself and God. Nadia was never super religious, but she prided herself on being spiritual. So, this shift back into the familiar was very much welcomed.
She’s also creating a new normal, one that’s getting more and more normal each day. A normal that intertwines her existence with Lu’s. She wakes up, has breakfast with Lu, they banter back and forth until Lu has to go get ready. They have lunch together sometimes and have dinner together almost always. They work in the same office at the university. Occasionally they take the subway home together. They share the rent on their apartment and split the bills. They know almost everything there is to know about each other.
They found a tiny apartment that barely fit a bunk bed and a couch. It was as cheap as New York can get and super close to the university. Sometimes, Nadia wishes they could have a bigger apartment with more privacy, but most times she’s secretly grateful neither of them could afford anything better.
Almost everyday except Wednesday, Lu has a 9 am lecture. Nadia’s schedule starts a bit later, with most of her days starting at 10 or 11. That means she gets to watch Lu get dressed almost every morning and head out.
Nadia and Lu have gotten really close over the last five months. Like, really close. Having a tiny bathroom and all, it became more practical to change in the main room. Nadia usually pretends to be looking at an assignment in her lap just to steal glances at her roommate changing in the morning.
She sighs and checks the time on her phone. 7:23 am. Almost time for Lu to wake up.
-
Lu wakes up to the smell of bacon cooking just feet from her. Wait bacon? Nadia doesn’t eat bacon. She sits up to look in the general kitchen area when her headache hits.
“Ah, fuck!” Lu exclaims.
“Good morning to you too,” Nadia replies with a smirk.
Lu gives her a fuck off look as she climbs down from her bed. The aching won’t stop. She waddles to the kitchen in the short black dress she wore the night before. As she sits at the counter, Nadia slides two identical plates on there and comes around the other side to join her.
“I thought you couldn’t eat bacon? Because of, like, your religion?” Lu said looking down on her hearty breakfast of avocado toast, an over easy egg, and three strips of bacon.
“It’s turkey bacon, totally fine. I wouldn’t normally go for it, but I thought it could be good for you. Like, for your hangover,” Nadia said, smiling over at her roommate.
“I am not hungover!” Lu tries to deny but her headache is back in full swing. She decides to shut up and eat.
After breakfast, Lu stumbles into the shower and relives the night before. Or, at least what she can remember from it. There were boys all over her, of course. But there was someone else. Someone that she’d never go for. Fuck. She had made out with a girl.
But that’s ok, right? Making out with one person doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian, it just means that she’s open-minded. She tries to convince herself that the kiss(es) didn’t mean anything, that she’d never do it again.
As she leaves the bathroom she wonders what Nadia would think of her. It was one thing to have family member being gay, you can’t replace family (or at least Nadia’s family can’t). What if Nadia was disgusted with her? What if she thought that Lu would try to hit on her?
Lu makes a beeline for the closet, towel around her torso and eyes glued to the ground. For the first time in a long time she feels weird changing in front of Nadia. She briefly considers going to the bathroom to change, but Nadia would definitely know something was up. Besides, Nadia never even pays attention to her changing, she’s always just doing homework on her laptop.
Lu tries to calm herself down. Nadia would not kick her out if she was maybe into women. But Nadia might start looking at her weird and that’s not something Lu thinks she can handle. The only person she has left is Nadia. She does not want to lose her.
-
On Mondays, both Nadia and Lu have a 2 hour gap in their schedules at noon. They always get lunch together, they use it as time to reconvene and catch up. Each Monday they pick out a different restaurant, this week it’s Otto’s Tacos.
The place is small and dim. The dark wood and warm lights make it feel more cozy than a restaurant should be. They sit at a small metal table in the back with their order of tacos.
“So… what’s going on?” Nadia asks, raising an eyebrow. Lu has been acting strange the entire trip there. She’s barely spoken which is definitely noticeable because usually Lu never shuts up.
“Nothing at all, why are you asking?” Lu answers, shifting her eyes to the table.
Nadia decides to drop it and change the subject. Lu never talks when she feels cornered and, besides, she doesn’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her friend.
“No reason, forget I said anything. Anyway in my bio class this morning, this blonde white girl in front of me would not shut up about how she had a ‘life-changing’ experience at this party last night kissing another girl. Like, time and place! Some of us were trying to-” Nadia says as Lu looks queasy and gets up dramatically.
“I just remembered I have a meeting with my advisor soon. So sorry but I can’t miss it,” Lu says.
Nadia watches as her best friend leaves, wondering what the hell she said to elicit such a response.
-
Lu had put off going back home as long as possible, but as there weren’t any parties on a Monday night or exams to study for, she decided to just go home and act like nothing happened. She hopes that Nadia wouldn’t do that thing she usually does and read her mind with one look.
As soon as Lu shut the door behind her, she realized no luck. Nadia was sitting at the kitchen counter, directly facing the door, not even pretending to be doing something else.
“Why did you storm out on me? Did I say something? Are you actually going to tell me what’s going on? Don’t even pretend everything is okay. Lu, I know you. I can tell when something is wrong. Don’t shut me out, okay? We have to be in this together. We came here together and I need you to tell me when something is wrong. I thought we had that kind of trust-”
“OKAY, OKAY!” Lu shouts. Throughout her rant, Nadia had gotten up and slowly backed Lu against the door. It’s just easier if she just fesses up and deals with the consequences. “Um, the girl you were talking about at lunch, I think I was the one making out with her last night. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know how you’d react. I don’t want to ruin our friendship and have you think I’m some kind of whore.”
Nadia had gone silent. This is what Lu was afraid of, Nadia shutting her out and not talking to her. She didn’t want to ruin things with her only family.
“Oh.” Nadia finally says.
“Oh? Really? That’s all? You don’t have more to say? How much you hate me or are disgusted or something?”
“Did you like it?”
“Did I like what?”
“The kiss, did you like it?”
“I don’t know, I think so,” Lu was seriously confused.
“How did it feel?” Nadia took a single step closer.
“Um, I’m not sure. I felt good, like really good. Her lips were soft and her lashes felt nice on my cheek. It’s nothing like kissing any boy.”
“Show me.”
“Uh, what?”
“I said, show me,” Nadia took one step toward her, then another. They were close now, their face just inches apart. Lu could feel Nadia’s minty breath on her cheek. Without skipping a beat, Lu closes the distance and kisses Nadia.
If kissing that girl last night was life-changing, kissing Nadia is absolutely magical. Nadia’s lips are so, so soft and her skin is so, so warm. Nadia frames her hands on Lu’s jawbone and deepens the kiss. Lu wants to be in this moment forever.
“What was that about?” Lu asks when they finally break apart.
“Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” Nadia smirks.
“Oh yeah? And that’s all, princess?” Lu asks and Nadia mhmm’s innocently.
They spend the rest of the night on their couch, wrapped in blankets and each other. They watch Netflix and eat instant ramen and make out every so often. Eventually, the girls fall asleep in each other’s arms, not yet having to worry about what this means for them. For now, they're just breathing in each other, basking in the warmness.