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Sadie sees Abigail.
She sees her hidden smiles, her frustration, the worry that leaks out onto her features. She sees the expression Abigail wears after a fight with John, the way she cradles Jack and tries convincing him everything about this life they all life is perfectly normal.
Sadie sees everything in Abigail that she tries so hard to tuck away behind that tough and hardened exterior because it’s one that she, too, wears every day. Sadie wishes things could be different, for the both of them. For all of them, maybe. Although she isn’t sure at what point in time things could’ve changed to suit her wishes.
Somedays, when the grief over her husband is too heavy, Sadie finds herself wishing they’d never met and maybe they’d both ended up better off. Her husband was the best man she’d ever had the fortune of knowing, and yet somedays she can’t help but feel like maybe their paths should’ve never crossed.
Somedays, when Abigail’s left sitting in her tent watching Jack play in the dirt, an expression that only John Marston can create etched into her features, Sadie finds herself wishing things could’ve been different for them as well. Of course, their relationship brought Jack into the world, which is nothing short of a blessing. He’s one of the last few remaining examples of innocence and purity that remain within Sadie’s world, but maybe this world isn’t fit for the likes of Jack Marston.
Although the first time Sadie hears Jack refer to her as “Aunt Sadie” on his own without Abigail introducing her as such, she can’t find herself to believe that the world would be better off without Jack Marston, just that Jack Marston would be better off without this world. He and his momma, both. Fragile, good creatures that have been damaged by the hard lives they live, Abigail more so than Jack, but Sadie doesn’t doubt it will eventually catch up with him. A life that Abigail has tried so hard to prevent for him, and a life that he has been born into, nonetheless.
Eventually, Jack will know the feeling of blood on his hands, and it’s so hard to imagine. Sadie sits with Jack in the dirt, talking to him in the same gentle, quiet tone his mother uses, and he smiles up at her with John’s smile, a smile as bright at the sun shining overhead. He hands her a flower he’s picked and watches her with Abigail’s eyes as she tucks it behind her ear. It’s so hard to imagine the life this boy will eventually live.
Arthur takes Jack fishing one day and the boy comes back with two flower necklaces, one for Abigail and one for Aunt Sadie. Abigail leads Jack over to her, and he presents it to her with both hands, John’s lopsided smile plastered on his face. “Here, Aunt Sadie, I made you this necklace.”
“Oh my,” Sadie adopts the affectionate tone she can’t help but use in the boy’s presence. “That’s beautiful, Jack. Thank you.” She takes the flower necklace and automatically slips it around her neck and Abigail’s smiling at her in a way that makes her feel something deep down in her chest like she can’t breathe. Nothing could ever take away the pain she feels for her husband, nor the way she misses him so deeply, but Abigail is something of the sun shining through the cloudest, darkest days of Sadie’s life since that night. Rain on the dryest of days.
Sadie sits with Abigail at the campfire at night, Jack hopping back and forth from either of their laps, giddy and clapping along with Javier’s singing. The fire is warm and comforting, and the sound of everyone singing along, happy and free from worry is a beautiful feeling. Everything is okay. Everything will be okay.
Jack has picked Sadie’s lap to settle on for the moment being and she has her arms wrapped around his tiny little body and he laughs, the vivid smile never leaving his face for even a second. Sadie’s smiling too, because she can’t help herself, and she looks over and Abigail is smiling too. Her eyes focused on the two of them, first on Jack and then her eyes flick up to meet Sadie’s and she smiles even more. For a moment, Sadie can pretend all that pain and anger in her never existed.
Sadie shifts Jack’s weight to her left leg, wrapping him up in one arm instead of two. She moves her hand to settle on top of Abigail’s, which is resting on the log in the small space between them. Abigail’s eyes never leave Sadie’s and she turns her hand over under Sadie’s own and holds it. For once in the past few weeks, Sadie knows peace, again. For once in the past few weeks, Sadie wishes maybe she met Abigail before she met Jake. Maybe things would’ve been different.
Nothing could ever fill the gaping hole Jake left in her heart, but maybe Abigail and her sweet little boy could be one of the best bandages she never thought she’d come to know.