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Ed didn’t usually see visitors - especially not at perfectly reasonable times of day like shortly after supper - so when there was a loud, excited banging at his door, it wasn’t exactly difficult to figure out who was making the noise.
He opened the door without a second thought. “Kannon.”
“Yeah-” the man held up one finger, wheezing to catch his breath “-that’s me. Hold on. Hoough. Okay. Yeah. Hi, Ed.”
Most people would flinch under the cold stare of Ed’s scrutiny, but Kannon was not most people, and he took the silence to catch his breath the rest of the way and shove both hands in his pockets. Something was different about him, today, some strange mania that was causing him to stand more still than normal.
“Are you being chased?”
Kannon shook his head. “No, no. No pursuers. But can I come in anyway?”
Ed stepped aside. “Go ahead.”
Without another word, his friend practically vaulted over the stoop indoors, sliding into a seat directly across from where Ed had been sitting. “Okay. So.”
Ed closed the door, sat down across from Kannon and stared at him again, folding his hands under his chin. Something was still different. Kannon tapped his fingers against the table, staring at the wood grain, one hand still in his pocket.
“Ed… you know how I don’t spend money, like, ever?”
He cocked his head to one side. “Yes.”
Kannon let out a slow, frustrated puff of breath. “I… Okay, no, that’s not - I’ll start over. You know how I’m getting way too good at chess by virtue of I die way too often?”
Something gnawed at the back of his mind, a little bit of worry that something was just a little bit wrong. Ed tugged at his collar, readjusting it, but otherwise ignored the feeling. “Absolutely.”
A long period of silence. “So I figured out a way to fix that,” Kannon finally said, pulling something out of his pocket - a clear glass bottle filled with golden, shimmering liquid, exactly large enough to fill two glasses to the brim.
Hesperidean cider.
“I was wondering,” Kannon said, voice calm but shaky, “if you’d like some.”
Ed just stared at it, eyes not moving from the bottle as he unhooked his glasses from his collar and polished them on the hem of his shirt. As usual, he was still being thrown off guard by Kannon and his weird, sideways honesty - only this time, the situation was actually serious, actually required his input.
“Was I your first choice, then?”
Kannon shrugged. “I mean, I thought about maybe offering some to Feducci, like as sort of a ‘hey wanna be double immortal’ type of thing, but that wasn’t really serious. Thought maybe I’d turn around and offer some to the shopkeep as well, but… no, yeah, you were my first actual choice that wasn’t just me thinking ‘hey y’know what’d be funny’ or whatnot.”
Ed raised an eyebrow, trying to stop from cracking up with laughter, because here was a ridiculous situation he’d never thought he would encounter. “Kannon, you do know in some places this would be considered tantamount to a marriage proposal?”
His friend’s face contorted into a very confused and worried expression. “What? Okay? No offense, but no.” Kannon took a deep breath in. “Actually, I don’t - I wouldn’t even consider it, if I felt that way. Why would you offer immortality to someone you’re in love with? That’s a huge gamble. It’s not… it wouldn’t be worth it, if you woke up one day and realized you had nothing between you anymore, you know?”
He shook his head. “Look, if I decided to live forever and I picked someone else, I’d need someone to keep me on my toes. Someone I’m never sure where I stand with so I don’t just get lazy.” Kannon fiddled with the cork on the bottle, tilting the container to one side idly. “It’s only right I make my best friend, closest ally, and self-sworn nemesis just as unkillable as me. Wouldn’t be fair otherwise.”
Ed fumbled with his glasses as he folded them back onto the collar of his shirt, no cleaner than when he’d first put them on. “You’re sure this is a decision you want to make, then.”
“Yeah.”
He took a deep breath of his own, thoroughly thrown off by this entire situation. It made sense, of course, because Kannon was like this. He was always like this. Every time he thought he’d seen the limits of how ridiculous the man could get, more just happened. Every time he thought he had an upper hand, he was completely shoved off balance again.
Keep someone on their toes, indeed.
“I accept your offer,” Ed said, leaning forward and folding his hands once more. “On one condition, though. You come up with a toast.”
Kannon blinked, then puffed his cheeks out in annoyance. “Dangit, I thought you were gonna ask to make the toast, and I was so prepared for it that I… uh, maybe didn’t come up with one. Boy. Okay. Do you have a couple glasses I can pour while I think?”
Ed stood up and silently crossed the room over to a small cabinet, then pulled out two clean glasses - cider glasses, actually. He slid one over to Kannon, who caught it before it fell off the table and then stared down at it, expression blank and thoughtful.
“Okay,” he said. “Okay. It’s not really a toast, but I have an idea. ”
“Go ahead.”
Kannon stared at the table through the clear glass, at the wood grain, clearly thinking intently. “You know… if we’re really not going to do the whole death thing, we’re going to miss out on our funerals. I had a kinda cool one planned for when I kicked it, but -” he gestured at the bottle “- doubt I’m gonna do that now. So what if our toast is… a funeral. What we’d say at each other’s graves, since we won’t get to have that chance after this.”
Heavier than Ed had expected, but it was a condition that he’d specified. “All right, then. Should I lead, or…?”
Kannon shook his head. “No. No, I want to go first, because you’ll probably have something really well thought-out and it’ll make me sound dumb if I go after you.” He paused, just briefly enough to take a breath. “If that’s alright.”
“Go ahead.”
Kannon uncorked the bottle, poured out its contents into the two glasses on the table. “So. Something something, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Ed Never-learned-his-last-name. Right. That opening aside. The actual toast.”
“I really didn’t think I’d see this moment. Wouldn’t have thought he could die, to be honest. Ed always seemed too smart for that, too smart for anything. Keen-witted. I bet he’s still beating the Boatman as we speak, honestly. But that aside… it’s weird, you know, having your best friend also be your sworn nemesis.” He let out a soft laugh. “Never was sure if he was going to help me out or stab me in the back. Nothing’s certain in London, really, so it was kind of a comfort to have a friend just as unreliable. I’ll miss his company, as offputting as it was sometimes. Underneath all the villainous scheming, Ed was a good guy, I think.”
“He’s going to be buried under an obelisk of mostly unmarked stone, save for some untranslated Correspondence sigils that’ll be added over the years. Some of them right now happen to be a general series of boons, a key step in Seeking, and that good ol’ sign that makes the readers’s eyebrows catch on fire. A mixed bag, keeping everyone guessing. I think it’s what he would’ve wanted, though I can’t be quite sure.”
“Rest in peace, you glorious bastard. Give ‘em hell downriver.”
Kannon sighed and sat back in his chair, letting out another heavy breath. “Okay… I think I’m done. Go ahead.”
Several seconds of silence passed before Ed reached out and took his own glass, staring at the golden cider in it. “So, the day has finally come. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting this. Jonathon Kannon, Cocky Jo, always taunting Fate. I don’t think any of us can actually guess what did him in, but I’m sure he faced it with a grin on his face.”
“I was friends with him, or at least I’d like to think I was friends with him, and I can attest to one thing - he was less a man than he was a force of nature through and through. I’ve never seen someone get a Jack to make friends with them, but Kannon did it. Never thought I’d see someone intentionally animate item after item in Polythreme, but Kannon did it. They were as much his friends as we were - maybe even more so, actually.”
“So… congratulations, to whatever did finally knock him down. You took his life, but hardly put a scratch on his legacy. People are still going to tell stories, and I doubt they’ll stop talking about Cocky Jo anytime soon.”
Silence, and then Kannon shook his head slowly, breaking out of his reverie. “...Told you yours would be nicer than mine.”
“I literally said I was expecting your demise.” Ed raised his glass slowly.
Kannon mirrored the movement, a wry smile flitting across his face. “And I said you’d probably stab me. Anything else you want to add before we stop being mortal?”
Ed shook his head, smiling back. Really smiling, not just a shark’s-tooth sneer. “No, I don’t think so. Cheers.”
“Cheers.”