Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ram knew that it was going to happen sooner or later that day. Ever since he had woken up to get ready for his classes, it felt like there was an unbearable weight placed on his chest, making it hard to breathe and hard to think. Taking in a deep yet shaky breath, Ram glanced over himself in the mirror and couldn’t help but notice how pale was and how his breathing seemed elevated. Swallowing the lump that seemed to be growing in his throat, Ram sighed and messed with his tie, fidgeting with the knot before he let his hands drop, grabbing his phone from his bedside table and slipping it into his jeans pocket, toeing on his shoes as he threw his backpack over his shoulder. Rolling his shoulder back, Ram took in another deep breath as he grabbed his keys and left the safety of his dorm room, heading out into the loud dormitory hallway. Wincing as the louder than average voices rang in his ears, Ram kept his gaze to the ground as he quickened his pace, trying to get out of the loud environment around him and outside where he knew it would be a lot more peaceful than this. Finally getting out of the building, Ram ran a shaking hand through his hair as he panted, playing with the knot of his tie again as he sucked in gasping breaths.

“I-it’s going to be okay. I just need to get to class and try to relax,” Ram thought to himself, letting out a breath as he thought over the plan. Keeping his eyes towards the sidewalk, Ram quietly made his way to his class, not looking up even though some students said hi to him or when some of them accidentally bumped into him. Making it to the canteen, Ram plopped down at the usual table where Duen and the rest of the group met, resting his face in his arms as he tried not to focus on how the talking and laughter all around him seemed louder than it normally was. Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, Ram flinched and clenched his eyes shut, not bothering with grabbing his phone in fear of what would happen if he wasn’t covering his ears. “It’s going to be okay...i-it’s going to be o-okay.”

Squeezing the fabric of his school shirt hard enough that it could tear, Ram focused on calming his racing thoughts, not hearing the way Duen and his friends came to the table until it was too late and they sat down, the movement of the table and the sounds of their bags hitting the plastic shaking Ram to his core enough for him to shoot up, his eyes reddened with the telltale sign of tears. Watching him with wide eyes, Duen slowly reached out, wanting to lay his hand on Ram’s to see if he was okay, but he didn’t have a chance as his friend jerked back and ran off, not even saying a word to anyone. Biting his lip, Duen glanced at his friends before he pulled out his phone, shooting a text to the only person he could think of that could help. In the garden, Bohn felt his phone vibrate as he pulled it out of his Engineering vest pocket, his eyes brightening up when he realized it was from his boyfriend. Furrowing his brows however, Bohn moved his gaze from the text to King, who noticed him staring at him.

“Buen said that you should check up on Ram…?” Bohn instructed, rubbing the back of his neck in confusion. Blinking as he took in the message from Duen, King cocked his head to the side in thought. Was something wrong with Ram? Why was he the one who had to check on him? Not that he cared, but wouldn’t Ram like it better if one of his friends from the group checked on him? Seeing how King’s mind was racing a mile a minute, Bohn shot a quick text to Duen and not even a minute later, his phone shook again and he frowned when he read the text, kicking King’s shoes from where they were resting underneath the table. Letting out a yelp at the abuse, King glared at Bohn until he noticed the serious expression he was wearing. Apparently this was no joking matter. “Buen said that he just up and darted away from them as soon as they got to the table. He thinks that Ram was heading for the bathrooms.”

“Okay...yeah, I guess I’ll go check on him,” King hummed, gathering his studying materials and placing them back in his messenger bag, fixing the strap around him as he pushed himself off the picnic bench. Waving as he left his friends, King pulled out his phone and opened the messenger app, clicking the name that said, ‘Cool Boy.’ Making a quick text, King pushed send as he got to the main building of their faculty, heading towards the bathroom in hopes that Ram was truly there. Not getting a reply back at all, King felt the worry that was trying not to plant its seed in his chest blossom, his pace growing faster as he made it to the bathroom door, staring at it as he took a deep breath in. Pushing open the door, King frowned deeply when he heard the sound of someone gasping for breath before he shut the door behind him, locking it so that no one could come in and see whatever was happening. “Cool Boy, is that you?”

Hearing the gasps hitch, King rushed forward and quickly got to his knees when he noticed Ram, pressed against the cold wall with his knees to his chest, his face as pale as a ghost as he fought for breath. Biting his lip, King calmed his racing thoughts, it was not the time for them now since Ram needed himself. Scooting a bit closer, King made sure he wasn’t touching Ram, knowing that if it was unwanted, the panic attack he was currently having would get worse. Feeling a presence near him, Ram’s eyes shot open and he stared directly into King’s worried gaze, his eyes dilating when he realized he wasn’t alone anymore and the last person he wanted to see him like this was right in front of him. Shoving a shaking hand out, Ram tried to shove King away but found that he couldn’t find the strength to do so, his knees falling from where they were curled against his chest as his trembling started getting worse.

“Cool Boy...I’m going to ask you some questions, but you don’t need to answer okay? Do your best to nod or shake your head. And is it okay if I touch you? I...I promise what I’m going to do can help you!” King insisted softly, making sure he kept eye contact with his junior, waiting for his instructions to register in King’s stuffed mind. Letting out a cough as he struggled to swallow, Ram nodded, keeping his eyes on King as the senior smiled softly, not a single judgmental look anywhere on his face. Reaching out, King gently untied the knot of Ram’s tie from around his neck, loosening it enough to where he could unbutton a few buttons of his school shirt. Feeling the cool air hit the top of his chest, Ram took a gasping breath in, already feeling the weight that was on his chest leave a bit. Fixing the shirt so it remained open, King took a deep breath in before he held out his hand, palm up, waiting for Ram to take it in his own, only if he wanted to. Staring at the hand, Ram lent out his own shaking one and let King hold it. Pulling Ram closer towards him, King pressed the palm of his cold hand to his chest, taking in deep breaths and letting them out slowly. “Try to follow my breathing. You know you’re having a panic attack, right? You do, okay good. Then I don’t have to explain that. Just focus on the rising and falling of my chest, okay? You can do this, you’re not alone.”

Nodding as he tried to do what King had asked him to do, Ram clenched his eyes shut as he tried to match his hectic breathing to King’s own calm one. Letting out a noise that sounded like a sob, Ram was ready to give up trying until King squeezed his hand, giving him quiet reassurances to keep going and that he was doing great. Keeping that in mind, Ram’s body shivered as he took in a shaky breath, not quite good but not as bad as the last breath was. Noticing this, King smiled softly and continued to breathe deeply, closing his eyes as well as he felt Ram press the palm of his hand a little harder against his chest so he could feel his heartbeat. After a few moments of the exercise King was giving him, Ram finally took his first deep breath in, releasing it as slow as he could. Opening their eyes at the same time, King frowned softly when he noticed the tears that were bubbling in Ram’s brown eyes, staining his flushed cheeks as he bit back the sobs that King could tell wanted to leak out of his throat. Sniffling softly, Ram carefully pulled his hand from King’s and wiped his face with it, trying to clear the tears away as his body shivered with held back cries. Moving to stand up, Ram grunted as his body fell forward, weak from the attack as he landed in King’s chest.

“Cool Boy! Don’t get up yet, just relax a little more, okay?” King asked softly, not wanting Ram to hurt himself for doing something his body wasn’t ready for. Feeling his face lighting up for a different reason now, all Ram could do was nod as he buried his face into King’s chest, finding that he didn’t mind the way his arms wrapped around him, holding him close enough to where his ear was pressed against the senior’s chest and his heart was beating softly in his ear. Finding this noise not bad, Ram closed his eyes and slowly reached up, clinging to the dark blue fabric of King’s Engineering vest. Keeping his fingers running through Ram’s hair, King fought back a smile as he felt the boy relaxing in his hold. King didn’t know how long they were sitting like that, but by the time he began to feel his legs growing numb, King gently helped Ram up, keeping a hold on his arm just in case his legs gave out again. “Is everything okay, Cool Boy? That was some ugly panic attack...you don’t have to tell me or even talk to me, I’m just worried about you.”

“....” Finding himself not wanting to talk, since he felt like he didn’t have the energy to do so, Ram let out a muted sigh and dug through his jeans, pulling out his phone. Wincing at how many texts he got from his friends, Ram clutched his phone tighter before he took in another deep breath, not wanting to spiral again. Pulling up King’s name, Ram typed in a quick message and sent it, letting his gaze stick on King’s as his phone pinged and the senior picked it up to read it. “I don’t think I can talk...not today...been feeling like this since I woke up...didn’t think it would get this bed. Noises hurt my head and I couldn’t take anything today…”

Frowning as he read this, King glanced back up at Ram, who found their shoes more interesting as he realized King was watching him. Rubbing the back of his neck, King hummed a bit as the thought of what sounded like sensory overload popped up in his mind. It normally happened to people who were in the midst of a panic attack or had bad anxiety before an attack. Deciding to tell Ram this, King made sure to keep his voice low as he explained, offering a soft smile once he was done. Leaning against the cool wall as he took this in, Ram tugged at his hair again and groaned. If only he knew that, he could’ve just stayed in his dorm and avoided this whole situation. He could’ve avoided King seeing him like this...now he’s going to see him as weak..right? As if he could tell where Ram’s train of thought was going, King reached out and gently took his wrist in his hand, rubbing his thumb against the vein. Twitching slightly at the touch, Ram slowly moved his eyes up to King’s and saw a look of understanding that got him confused.

“Cool Boy...you know there’s nothing wrong with asking for help, right? Asking for help doesn’t make you weak,” King softly reminded him, keeping their eyes meeting to show how serious he truly was. Biting the inside of his cheek as he heard this, Ram tried to look down at their shoes again but failed when a soft finger brought his face back up and a hand gently rubbed the tear stains from his face. Letting go of Ram’s wrist, King moved towards the sink and grabbed a piece of paper towel, wetting it with cool water and ringing it out once it was soaked. Going back towards Ram, King met his eyes with his eyebrows raised before he raised his arm, gently wiping the cool damp towel around his face, cleaning the tears and cooling the redness to the junior’s face. Satisfied enough, King tossed the wet towel into the garbage and grabbed a dry one, gently patting off Ram’s face as their eyes met, King still looking quite serious. It takes a certain kind of strength to accept your shortcomings. Not that having a panic attack is a shortcoming, but please, Ram...next time you feel like this, please text me. I don’t like seeing you this way.”

Opening his mouth as if to speak, Ram quickly shut his mouth and instead, pulled up King’s name, shooting him a text again. Reading an, ‘okay P,’ Ram smiled and reached out, taking Ram’s wrist gently pulling the boy towards the door but stopping when he felt Ram’s feet dragging across the ground as fear made its way into his normally guarded eyes. Realizing what he was afraid of, King hummed before he got an idea. Pulling out his headphones and his phone, King gently placed the headphones into Ram’s ears and kept the volume low as he pushed the song they had listened to on the bus to play. Hearing the familiar notes, Ram closed his eyes and bit back a small smile, not being successful when King noticed and grinned. Rubbing the vein on his wrist again, King shot him a look as if to ask if he was ready and with an appreciative nod, Ram watched as King unlocked the door and held onto him just a bit tighter as they stepped out. Maybe asking for help wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Staring at King’s hand that was around his wrist, Ram couldn’t help the butterflies he felt fluttering in his stomach as a small smile stayed glued to his lips, keeping his attention on their hands as King led him towards his condo. Knowing that it was going to be a bit of a walk, Ram couldn’t find it in himself to care as he let one headphone loop around his ear, choosing to listen to King’s quiet rambling as they walked away from the bustling university campus.

Chapter Text

While he thought about taking Ram to his own condo, King hummed as he thought against that and changed his destination, heading towards the Engineering Dormitory. Sure his condo was quiet and could probably help Ram’s over-sensitivity to everything around him, but Ram had only been there one time and it wasn’t for long. He knew that the boy would be more comfortable if he was in some place that was familiar to him and his dorm room would have to suffice. Noticing the change of direction as King grew silent, Ram eased the earphone back in his ear and kept his eyes towards the ground, vaguely aware that King was leading him back to his own dorm instead of heading to the senior’s condo. Keeping his grip on Ram’s arm soft, King glanced back every once in a while to make sure Ram was doing okay before they finally made it to the brick building that was the dorms. Still keeping quiet, King slowly pulled Ram a bit closer as he walked them in, deciding to stay out of the elevator since it was an enclosed space and he wasn’t sure if Ram was ready for that sort of thing just yet.

“Mind if we take the stairs, Cool Boy?” King asked, just making sure his conscience was right, grinning softly when he saw the soft nod Ram gave him. Squeezing his wrist to make sure Ram knew that he understood, King continued to lead them up the stairs, feeling the soft taps of Ram’s thumb on his hand, letting him know which floor to stop at. Hitting the second floor, King felt Ram moved and before long, he was the one being led towards the junior’s dorm room. Hitting the end of the hallway, Ram could not be happier as King’s headphones muffled the noise around him as he finally got to his room, shakily grabbing the keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. Pulling King in and shutting the door behind him, Ram took in a deep, shaky breath and removed the earphones, handing them back to King as he dropped his bag ungracefully on the floor, moving towards his bed as King pocketed his headphones. “Okay...are you okay now? If so, I should go so you can have your alone time. Remember though, Cool Boy, if you need anything, don’t be afraid to text me, yeah?”

Swallowing the lump that was still in his throat, Ram watched silently as King waved and turned to exit. Clenching his bed-sheets, Ram bit his lip and quickly shot up, reaching out and grabbing the back of King’s Engineering vest tightly, making the senior yelp and halt all his attempts of leaving. Blinking at the floor as he felt the tremble of Ram’s hands, King slowly turned and eyed Ram who was keeping his gaze on the floor, a slight flush filling his cheeks as he realized what he did to make King stay. Frowning softly, King reached out and gently took Ram’s wrists in his, rubbing his thumbs against the undersides, trying to show through his actions that it was okay. Letting his eyes finally meet King’s Ram hoped that his silent wanting for the senior to stay could get through just by the pleading gleam he had in his eyes.

“Do...do you want me to stay?” King asked, keeping his voice soft as Ram nodded, the gesture barely there but still enough for King to see his answer. Taking in a deep breath, King let out a hum to show that he agreed before he let go of Ram, moving to take off his shoes and placing them down next to Ram’s when he did the same. Gesturing King further in the room, Ram slowly stepped towards the couch and sat down, waiting for King to do the same as he pulled the coffee table closer. Leaning over the couch, Ram picked up his backpack and opened it, trying not to pay attention to how much his hand was still trembling. Watching him silently at first, King leaned back when the junior pulled out a work packet for the class he was currently missing and set it down on the table, digging through his bag for the pencil King had gifted to him. “Cool Boy...you don’t need to do that right now...why don’t you relax a little before focusing on doing classwork?”

“...” Pausing as he took in what King had told him, Ram closed his fist around the pencil and stared at the packet on the table, not really sure what he wanted to do if he was being honest. Noticing the way he was struggling to decide, King licked his lips and reached out, gently wrapping his hand around Ram’s wrist, pulling it out of the bag as he took the pencil out of his grip. Not saying anything when he saw that Ram was using the pencil he had given him, King bit back a satisfied grin before he placed it on the packet, leaving it there as Ram moved to let his bag drop to the carpeted floor. Pulling out his phone, Ram pulled up King’s name and texted him, turning his eyes to the side when King’s phone pinged and the senior checked his message. “What should we do then?”

“Well...what do you normally do to relax? Just do that and I’ll follow your lead,” King hummed, leaning back against the couch with a soft smile. The last thing he wanted to do was make Ram do things that he wasn’t comfortable with, so he stayed quiet as Ram slowly pushed himself off the couch and moved towards the kitchen area of his dorm, setting up the tea kettle before he leaned back against the counter. Brushing his fingers through his hair, King stood up and followed Ram into the kitchen, humming the song that he had the younger boy listen to as they were making their way towards the dormitory. Listening to the humming as King still next to him, close but not close enough to touch, Ram closed his eyes and shyly lessened the distance, pressing their shoulders together as the warmth of the senior spread through his chilled body. “What kind of tea are you making?”

Turning around so he could open the cabinets above them, Ram pulled out a plain yellow box with a picture of a white flower decorated on the cardboard. Showing King the box, Ram watched as he grinned and held his hand open. Handing to him, Ram leaned back against the counter again, keeping their shoulders pressed together again as he listened to King ramble on about how this tea was right for calming anxieties, stress and how it can help with insomnia. Seeming to realize that he was rambling, King bit his lip as an adorable blush began to stain his face. About to text him that he was truly listening, Ram paused as the tea kettle began to whistle, telling both of them that it was ready. Jerking his chin towards the cabinet next to the fridge, Ram moved to turn off the burner as King picked out two mugs for them. Noticing a black mug with a silver lineart of a wolf, King picked that one for Ram while he got himself a mint green mug that reminded him of one of the plants he had in his condo.

“Let me pour the water! Please?” King asked as he placed the mugs on the counter, waving his hands around as he noticed Ram try to lift the hot kettle by its handle. Freezing up at the urgency King had in his voice, Ram allowed the senior to take the kettle, standing back as he watched King pour the water in the mugs. Deciding to let himself put the teabags in, Ram tried to steady his hand as he dunked them in, letting them sink to the bottom of the mugs before he pulled out a spoon and gently stirred, letting his eyes settle on how the water changed to a dark color and the smell of Chamomile filled his nose. Letting out his own sigh at the smell, King shuffled closer to Ram as the boy took the spoon out and placed it in the sink so he could wash it later. “How about you go change into something more comfortable? I’ll set this stuff down on the table and let it cool while you do that!”

Biting his lip as he thought, Ram knew that King was probably right so with a sigh, Ram spun around the older boy and moved towards his room. Watching him disappear, King let out a snort and picked up the mugs carefully, walking them back into the main area of Ram’s dorm, setting them back on the table as he sat down on the couch. Leaning back, King stared at the turned off television until a sound of shuffling feet caught his attention. Peering up, King bit back the embarrassing squeak he wanted to let out as he took in Ram. The gel must’ve been quickly washed out of his hair since his bangs were down and partly over his eyes. Letting his eyes lower down Ram’s form, King took in the way he was wearing a shirt that seemed to be too big on him and just a pair of boxer shorts that barely peeked out from underneath the shirt. Not to mention the boy was carrying a black and grey checkered blanket around his shoulders that was still being dragged against the floor. Noticing the look King was giving him, Ram swallowed the nerves he could feel growing in his throat and began to fidget, shifting on his feet, left to right. Shaking his head to dismiss what wanted to slip from his lips, King smiled softly and patted the spot next to him.

Rubbing his eyes as the sunlight peeked through the open windows, Ram walked towards King and threw the blanket on top of his senior, who sputtered and shrieked in shock. Covering his lips to hide a growing smile, Ram walked around the room, shutting the curtains so that the blinding sunlight wasn’t making his eyes hurt before he flicked the light switch off, making the fluorescent lighting turn off and bathing the room in a muted darkness that helped ease the unnerved feeling that was making his whole body itch. Pulling the blanket off his head, King blew some of the bangs out of his eyes as he observed the way Ram was making everything perfect for his current state of mind. Moving to sit next to King, Ram shakily grabbed the remote and turned on the television, turning on Netflix before he handed King the remote, letting him choose whatever he wanted to watch. Taking the offered remote, King searched through all the sections of Netflix while Ram fixed the blanket around them, scooting a bit of closer to King until their thighs were touching and the blanket could sit comfortably around the both of them.

“How does a Disney movie sound? Hmm...but which one?” King asked, tapping the remote against his knee as Ram reached forward and brought his tea close, taking a careful sip of the still hot beverage. Knowing that Ram would like something with dogs in it, King squinted his eyes as he was stuck between Fox And The Hound or Oliver And Company. Choosing the latter, King placed the remote between them and grabbed his tea, leaning back against the couch as Ram felt his tense body finally relaxing as the beginning credits for Oliver And Company and the tea filled his senses. Noticing this, King hid his pleased smile behind the mug as he took a sip, letting out a contented sigh as the tea warmed him from the inside. Peering to his side, Ram tightened his hold on the mug and slowly slid, falling against King’s side. “You okay?”

Nodding softly, Ram took another sip of his tea and kept his eyes on the movie, trying not to pay attention to the way his cheeks were filling with color and how King was observing him. Squirming a little, King freed one of his hands from his mug and slowly laid his arm over Ram’s shoulder, pulling him a little closer as he fixed the blanket around them. Rubbing Ram’s back, King settled back again and moved his gaze to the movie, not seeing the way Ram was smiling into his mug as he finally could feel the deep rooted paranoia that he woke up with fade to something just a bit more bearable. Snuggling closer to King’s warmth, Ram slowly linked their ankles together and settled, relaxing himself in his senior’s warmth as the first song to the movie played, bringing a soft smile to both their faces as they pressed against each other, the warmth of the tea and King’s body lulling Ram into a silent sense of comfort.