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Smile.
(It's normal, after all. Smiling isn't something weird for anyone to do.)
(But you want them – you want him – to believe you aren't normal. So, don't do it like everyone else. Do it like someone who has something to hide – like him. Do it like someone who doesn't care – even when it's not hidden. Do it like someone who enjoys chaos – and if he can provide you that chaos, well. Do it to appear as he wants his people to be.)
(You have one goal. One. Don't stray. And for that...)
(Smile.)
Smile when you are happy.
(Show them. Make it seems like you are honest and friendly. Don't isolate yourself simply because you wouldn't smile. You need to be useful, if you want him to notice. You cannot isolate yourself.)
(Don't forget. Nothing is considered least honest than a honest smile than cannot be told apart from a dishonest one. They have to think you are friendly enough, only to realize something is slightly off. Not enough to warrant suspicion, but enough to create unease.)
Smile when you wish to scowl, to cry and to scream.
(Don't show them. Make it seems like you never get hurt. Like you understand their anger, and therefore cannot be but compassionate. Like it doesn't really matter, what they think of you. Make them doubt which one it is.)
(Don't let him see what makes you tick. Have him believe nothing really does.)
(As far as he is concerned – as anyone is, because everyone could be his spy – you are nothing else than a smile. No matter the circumstances. Even those that call for an entirely different reaction.)
(That's what you want, remember. For him, and therefore, for everyone, to think you are just ever so slightly off. For him to take interest, to start and manipulate you.)
(For him to let you close enough that you'll know how to kill him.)
Smile when you lie.
(Don't make an effort to be a liar. You want him to think you useful, so you can't isolate yourself. Lie too often, and some of those lies will be caught by too many people.)
(Instead, make sure to smile when you lie. Make sure to smile the few times you are caught. Make sure he comes to the conclusion that you don't care. That remorse is not something you've ever felt.)
(He needs to know you can lie convincingly, and that you will. But he won't want you if you are distrusted.)
Smile when you speak the truth.
(A convincing lie is one you cannot differentiate from the truth. If you act the same when you say the truth and when you do not, no one will be able to tell until the facts are revealed.)
(Of course, it also means you might not be believed when you say the truth. Hence why you should not lie too often.)
(Smile especially when the truth you have to speak is not one to warrant a smile.)
Smile when you should, and smile when you shouldn't.
(As if you could not make the difference. As if you'd learned to mimic the open facial expression of someone normal, but you still can't get it quite right. As if you were a perfect little monster to groom into a loyal traitor.)
(Let them think you've learned different kinds of smile, too. You can't get away with only one kind of smile, it would be too obious. Let them think you do know how to offer a sorrowful smile when you tell a family their father and husband died on duty, but don't offer anything else but a smile.)
(Keep the smile on.)
Smile when you speak to your colleagues.
(You'll get attached to them. You do have feelings, after all. Pretending you don't won't make that go away. You can be kind to them, as long as you don't let go of the smile. After all, if you treat the ones you care about the same way – with a smile – as those you don't, who could say which ones you do care about?)
(You might get the idea to try and save them too.)
(Don't. He'll see. He'll make you pay. And they will be the price, along with the loss of your goal. If anything, they'll be in less danger if you pretend you don't care, like for anyone else.)
(Or rather, that you do, but that it still doesn't matter. Even people like you – like the person you want him to believe you are – are allowed to care about others. It just doesn't stop them from doing whatever they want when it comes down to it.)
(You might have to cut them down, at some point. And you will. You have only one goal. The enemy is powerful, and intelligent. You can't afford more than one goal. Strive for one thing, and you might get it. Try for more, and you will lose.)
Smile when you betray your friends.
(You do not care.)
(You can't.)
(They will die if you do. They might not if you don't. You won't be the one saving them, that's for sure. But you can try and not endanger them even more by showing concern.)
(Well.)
(You can show concern. You can ask how those you betrayed are doing. You can say you are happy they are doing well. You can give them the advice to step down. You can. But you must do it with a smile. You must do it ready to cut them down if he asks, if they stand in the way.)
(It'll make them think you don't actually care. It'll make him think that you do, and yet you would still kill them, and not be much affected afterwards. A casualty which you tried to prevent, kind of. How sad.)
(You have one goal. Don't forget.)
(Smile.)
Smile when they ask if you ever cared.
(If you make it, if you kill him, if it doesn't kill you, they'll ask: why did you do it?)
(Because you could. Because it was the only thing you could do. Because it was the most efficient way – the only one with a chance to succeed. Because killing him was the only way to protect her, to avenger her, to get back what was stolen from her. Because killing him, in the end, would be for the best, and not only for her. Because killing him meant making sacrifices to get there.)
(Because the enemy was powerful, and intelligent, and dangerous. Because there was no easy way in, and even less of a way out. Because deciding on one goal only meant some measure of a chance.)
(They'll ask: why didn't you ask for our help?)
(Because you could not. Because the enemy was powerful, and intelligent, and dangerous. Because you could not tell who worked for him, not with the power he had. Because you yourself aren't sure of everything you've done along the way, not with the power to control all five senses against you.)
(Because force is in numbers doesn't mean anything when you aren't even sure of who you're talking with.)
(Anyway, that's an if.)
(You are doing everything towards your one goal, but well. The enemy is powerful, and intelligent, and dangerous. It might not be enough. Maybe you won't succeed.)
(Maybe you will, but that will come with a price. Maybe you won't be here to talk about it. Maybe they won't.)
(You'll see. If anything, you're prepared for the punishment. As long as the enemy is dead, as long as she is safe. It doesn't matter what happens to you.)
Smile, Gin.
Smile for them to believe you a monster.
Smile for him to believe you a puppet of chaos.
Smile as you lie and tell the truth, smile as you make friends and betray them, smile whether you want to or not. Even when you don't smile, let the amusement seep through.
Let them believe what they will.
It is, after all, what you need, if you want him to die, if you want her to be safe, if you want everything back where it should be, starting with what he stole from her.
And when you get what you want, do not forget to smile.