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Seokjin
First Debut Stage, M!Countdown
June 13th, 2013
Today was the day, and Seokjin didn’t know how he was keeping his nerves in check.
Their makeup had been done, they were in their stage outfits, and now all they had to do was wait.
Wait for their turn on their very first stage performance.
None of them were exactly a bundle of laughs right now.
Seokjin couldn’t keep still, constantly pacing around and making sure everyone was still there. The group weren’t the closest, but he knew they’d bond over time.
Yoongi was pretty quiet, not talking to anyone and staring at his shoes, drinking water periodically.
Hoseok was talking a mile a minute, unable to control how much he was talking due to the nerves battling in his stomach.
Namjoon was acting very much like Seokjin was, checking up on everyone every few minutes to make sure everyone was coping as well as could be expected.
Jimin was hurrying around, handing out water bottles and cereal bars to the other members.
Taehyung was pacing, tugging at his hair and playing with his own fingers as he trembled a little from the anxiety over what was coming.
And Jeongguk was silent.
Completely silent.
He hadn’t said a word since they’d left the dorm that morning, and even under the makeup Seokjin could see he was several shades paler than normal.
Of course, their maknae was quite shy, he hadn’t quite managed to open himself up to them yet. And that was fine, of course it was fine. Seokjin understood. He was the youngest, he was naturally shy anyway, and he didn’t know them well enough. It would take time, but Jeongguk would open up to them soon. They just had to be as understanding as possible with him.
Seokjin watched as Jeongguk wordlessly accepted a bottle of water, but shook his head at the cereal bar, slowly sipping at the cool liquid as he stared straight ahead.
“BTS?” A stagehand called from the doorway. “15 Minute warning.”
Once the stagehand left, the room dissolved into further panic.
“Oh my god, we’re about to go on stage. We’re actually about to go on stage!” Taehyung mumbled to himself, his pacing speeding up.
“What if we mess it up? We’re only rookies! What if people are disappointed in us? What if they ignore our set?” Hoseok babbled.
“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be fine. It’ll be okay. We all just need to breathe and calm down.” Namjoon attempted to be the voice of reason, but the shake in his voice wasn’t reassuring to any of them.
“This is bullshit, we’re not ready for this.” Yoongi said with a sigh, still not looking up from his shoes.
“Where’s Jeongguk gone?”
Seokjin looked up at Jimin’s question, glancing to where Jeongguk had been sat only moments ago with his bottle of water. The space that was now completely void of their youngest.
“Did anyone see him leave?” Seokjin questioned with a frown. When he was met with negative replies, the oldest ran a hand through his hair, knowing that he was probably going to mess the styling up but unable to control it. “I’ll go find him.”
Without waiting for the others to reply, Seokjin turned and hurried out of their dressing room, looking up and down the hall for any sign of their maknae. Seeing nothing, he took a left and began to hurry. They didn’t have time to hesitate in finding Jeongguk, they were on stage in no time at all and it wouldn’t look good for their first stage to be delayed because their maknae had done a runner. He didn’t blame Jeongguk of course, the kid was only 15 and scared out of his mind, it was natural he’d run and hide instead of facing the stage with so many eyes on him.
But they didn’t have time for it.
Seeing the bathroom up ahead, Seokjin guessed that was a good place to check to start off with, and if the youngest wasn’t there, then he’d really start to panic.
Thankfully, it didn’t have to come to that, as the oldest walked into the small bathroom and immediately found Jeongguk leaning against the wall, legs pulled up to his chest and hyperventilating as he shook all over, tears streaming down his face.
“Jeongguk?” Seokjin said as he kneeled down next to the maknae. “Come on, it’s okay. You’re okay.”
Jeongguk didn’t say anything, simply leaning his face down and burying it into his knees, shoulders shaking as though they were sitting through an earthquake.
Hesitating for only a second, Seokjin reached out a hand and rested it on Jeongguk’s shoulder, rubbing the muscles there carefully in what he hoped was a soothing motion. “I know you’re scared, we’re all scared. This is a big thing, and it’s not surprising you’ve got stage fright right now. Just… just know you’re not alone, okay Jeonggukkie? We’re all feeling what you are right now. Our first stage is a massive thing. But it’s going to be okay, alright? You’re so talented, so amazingly talented, and everyone is going to love you. I don’t know what specifically you’re worried about, and it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me, but… you’re going to be okay. We’re all going to be okay. There’s seven of us, and we’re all in this together.”
Jeongguk sniffled a little, but didn’t lift his head up, still hiding his face.
“Okay? It’s okay. I know you’re struggling to open up to us, you miss your parents and your brother and your friends back home, and that’s okay. We get it. All of us do. But we’re here for you, okay? All of us. We love you, and we’re here for whatever you need us for. You don’t need to hide, we’ve got your back.”
Another sniffle, and Jeongguk lifted his head, wiping at his eyes with shaking hands. The boy looked horrified, and Seokjin couldn’t hide the heartbreak on his face at the puffy eyes and pale cheeks. “I-I’m sorry, hyung.”
“Don’t be sorry, we get it. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, okay? You’re going to rock it out there, everyone is going to be so impressed.” Seokjin smiled a little at the maknae, offering his hand to help the younger up, which Jeongguk accepted as he slowly stood on baby deer legs.
“You think so…?”
“I know so. Jeongguk fighting!”
Yoongi
Red Bullet, Day 1
October 17th, 2014
The car was filled with a nervous energy.
Namjoon was in the front passenger seat with their manager driving.
Jimin, Seokjin and Taehyung were in the middle row, talking between themselves in hushed tones as if they were scared to break the nervous quiet of the car.
Himself, Hoseok and Jeongguk were in the back. Hoseok was joining in with the middle three’s conversation every now and again, yet again not quite able to be quiet. It was something Yoongi had picked up as normal for the rapper, the fact that when he was nervous he couldn’t turn his mouth off. But it was something he’d also grown used to, so it didn’t really bother him.
Jeongguk being silent was also a tell tale sign of the nervous war going on in the maknae’s head. He’d turned 17 only the month before, and the crippling shyness that they’d had to deal with for the first year or so of them all living together had begun to fade a little now as the maknae got used to being around them all. He still wasn’t the most outspoken or outgoing member, and Yoongi doubted he’d ever be, but it was reassuring to watch him open up to them, even if it was taking longer than they wanted it to.
Even if Jeongguk was naturally quiet, the complete silence coming from the younger wasn’t the most common thing.
“Are you okay, Jeongguk?” Yoongi questioned after a while, looking around Hoseok’s back to see the youngest.
Jeongguk didn’t respond verbally, but gave a small nod, looking out of the window instead of looking at the older, causing Yoongi to frown a little.
“That was a lie but okay. What’s going on in that fluffy head of yours?”
“Nothing, hyung, I’m fine.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes at the response, but couldn’t help but feel a little pride in getting the youngest to talk, even if it was just brushing him off.
He knew it was a lie, he knew the youngest wasn’t fine. None of them were, on their way to AX-Korea to do the soundcheck for their first ever concert. They were all a bundle of nerves, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to force Jeongguk to talk even if he held a gun to the younger’s head.
He was better with them now, more open with them, but Yoongi knew he was the most intimidating to Jeongguk. He didn’t mean to be, but he was the oldest besides Seokjin, and Seokjin had a…softer way of words than Yoongi did. He didn’t want Jeongguk to be scared of him, but he knew it would take a while to get him to open up, longer than the others.
Maybe he’d have to work on his tone and his facial expressions, but he wasn’t prepared to change everything about himself just to get Jeongguk to open up to him. It wasn’t like the youngest didn’t have 5 other hyungs he trusted to talk to.
So he dropped it for the moment, leaning back in his chair again and opening up his phone to scroll through that instead.
Hesitating over the KakaoTalk icon, before opening it and opening up a group chat that was lovingly named “The Baby.” Of course, it was a chat with everyone but Jeongguk in it, and the youngest didn’t know it existed. It hadn’t been used very often, mainly because there wasn’t much to talk about that didn’t include their maknae, but now was as good of a time as any.
Yoongi: Anyone know what’s up with Gguk?
He watched as Namjoon checked his phone at the vibration, saw the typing bubble, before a reply in the chat came through.
Joon: He’s just nervous, we all are.
Yoongi: I can’t get him to talk to me though, can someone try to talk him down before he has a panic attack in the back seat?
Joon: Not without making it obvious, you talk to him. Think of it as a bonding opportunity, hyung.
Yoongi: You suck.
Joon: Yeah and you swallow.
Yoongi: Yah have some respect I’m your hyung!
Yoongi heard Namjoon choke on a laugh in front of him, and he couldn’t help but smirk a little at it, especially when he heard Taehyung trying to stifle laughs too as he checked the chat. Taking a deeper breath though, Yoongi turned towards Jeongguk again.
“Hey, you know, talking about it helps.”
“Theres… nothing to talk about hyung.”
“Bullshit.” Yoongi winced as Jeongguk flinched at his tone, and as he continued, Yoongi was sure to talk softer to try and not intimidate the maknae more. “You’re nervous, just like we all are. It’s a lot to take in, and if you talk about it, it will be easier to process, okay?”
Jeongguk was silent for a moment more, and Yoongi was about to give up, but Jeongguk began talking again. “It’s just… there’s going to be 5000 people there. Staring at me. Waiting for me to mess up so they can say I’m not a golden as people claim I am. Thats a lot of people ready to watch me fail.”
“They’re not there to watch you fail, Jeongguk.” Yoongi tried hard to keep his tone soft. “They’re there to support us. They love us. And if you do mess up, so what? It just shows you’re human, and humans make mistakes. It isn’t the end of the world, if anything, they’ll find it endearing. They’ll love you regardless of if you’re perfect and golden, or if you fall on your face in front of 5000 people. They’re not there to watch you fail, they’re there to watch you grow.”
Jeongguk turned a little pink at the words, but didn’t say anything.
“You’re talented, okay? We all are, and thats what they’re there to see. And if you mess up? Big deal, it happens, you get up and continue. Life is about rolling with the punches and continuing on regardless. You’re talented, and you started doing this so young, of course you’re going to be terrified. But bottling it up and trying to deal with it alone is just going to make everything harder. You don’t have to do that. We’re all here to help each other through it. BTS is family, right?”
“Right…”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about. They love you, we love you, and everything is going to be fine. ARMY have your back. We have your back. Its our first tour, we’re going to be a little messy and scared, but that’s okay. It makes us human.”
“… Thank you, hyung.”
“Any time, Jeongguk.”
Hoseok
Wake Up Japan, Day 1
February 10th, 2015
Back stage was a flurry of movement as they prepared for the concert to start. Stagehands and stylist noonas were running here there and everywhere, making sure their costumes were in place, their makeup was set, all the microphones were working, and a variety of other things Hoseok didn’t understand that went into making sure their performance went as smoothly as possible.
He didn’t envy the staff that worked both with them and for the venue, it seemed like so much work and so much stress.
Of course, the members were stressed too. It was their first ever concert in Japan, and they wanted to make a good impression for their Japanese ARMY. They’d all been studying the language for months in preparation, and although they had translators on hand ready for them, none of them wanted to rely on it. Their translators were there to help them connect to their fans, but it wasn’t the same as talking to them in their native language. None of them were fluent in Japanese, but they were trying, and Hoseok hoped they would all appreciate the effort they had gone to regardless.
As before every concert they did, no matter how many times they’d performed on a stage before, the buzz of anxiety in the air was just as present as it always was, and Hoseok was doing his best to brighten everyone’s day as much as he could. He smiled, he laughed, he joked, he messed around, all in an attempt to bring everyone’s spirits up ready for the next few hours of performances.
Everyone seemed to be coping well enough, not paralysed by fear, but dealing through it as healthily as they could. He knew they’d all be fine once they got on stage, it was the waiting that was the hardest part.
At least they’d performed in Japan before, as part of their Red Bullet tour series, but this seemed completely different. This tour was purely for Japan, and they weren’t going anywhere else. They had six shows over the next nine days, and performing in Japanese was completely different than performing in Korean. They had to remember to sing the right version, to make sure they got their pronunciation right past their muscle memory of doing the same in Korean. It was a lot of pressure, but they were coping.
At least, most of them were. Hoseok knew he had too much energy when he was nervous, he often couldn’t control his mouth and could babble on for hours about everything and anything, but Jeongguk was usually silent and kept to himself.
Today however, the youngest was pacing in a circle, to the point where Hoseok was convinced that Jeongguk was going to wear a circle into the floor.
“Jeonggukkie, calm down. It’s going to be okay.”
As soon as the words had finished leaving Hoseok’s lips, the maknae promptly burst into tears and sunk to the floor, hiding his face in his knees and trembling like an autumn leaf on a tree, clinging on by the last thread.
Immediately, Hoseok hurried to the youngest’s side, kneeling down next to him with a soft laugh.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s up? Did I say something wrong?”
Jeongguk shook his head, hiccupping through his words. “N-no, hyung, I’m okay, sorry. I’m just… I’m really nervous.”
Hoseok’s heart went out to the youngest, but he was a little relieved it wasn’t his words that had caused Jeongguk to suddenly snap. His prompt to calm down must have just broken the last of Jeongguk’s strength to hold it together, and Hoseok winced a little at the eyeliner already trailing down Jeongguk’s face. The stylist noonas weren’t going to be happy.
“What’s up? Talk to me Gguk.” Hoseok sat next to Jeongguk, no longer on his knees as he sat as casually as possible, leaving his arms resting against his knees as he looked at Jeongguk.
“I-I just…” Jeongguk took a shaking breath, the tears still not stopping as he spoke. “I don’t want to let everyone down.”
“Why would you let us down?”
“M-my Japanese sucks. ARMY are going to be disappointed in me, a-and you guys are going to be disappointed in me. W-We’ll lose fans and th-they’ll stop liking us a-and i-”
Hoseok cut him off. “You can’t think that way, Ggukkie. You’ll work yourself up too much. Just…breathe a minute, okay? They don’t expect your Japanese to be perfect. You’re a 17 year old kid doing his best. We have translators to help us if we need it. It isn’t a big deal.”
“B-But the Japanese versions of our songs, m-my pronunciation is g-going to suck and I’m going to mess everything up and it’s going to be a disaster!”
“And? So what? You just laugh it off and continue! It’s going to be fine, Gguk. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
Jeongguk simply sniffled and wiped at his face, trying to stop the tears but being unsuccessful. Hoseok gave a small smile, reaching over and wrapping an arm around the younger’s shoulders, pulling him in close and hugging him until the trembling in Jeongguk’s shoulders stopped and his breathing came a bit smoother. It took a little longer than they really had time for Jeongguk’s breakdown to last, but Hoseok didn’t care as long as Jeongguk had time to calm down before they went on stage.
“There, better?” Jeongguk gave a small nod in response, and Hoseok grinned, getting onto his feet and pulling the maknae up with him. “Let’s go get your makeup fixed then, don’t worry. We have time.” They didn’t, they were due on the stage in literal minutes, but the fans would have to wait a little longer. Jeongguk was feeling self conscious enough, without going on stage with eyeliner smeared down his face.
Jeongguk simply nodded again, letting Hoseok lead him towards a stylist noona with his infectious grin.
“Noona! Jeongguk got a little upset, could you fix him up before we go on stage?”
The noona looked at them with a sigh, but smiled pleasantly as she sat Jeongguk down, beginning to fix his makeup without complaint. Hoseok’s arm never left the youngest’s shoulders, grounding him into place with touch.
It didn’t take long for Jeongguk’s makeup to be fixed, and although his eyes were still watery, the salty tears were no longer gushing down his face, so Hoseok took it as a bonus as he helped Jeongguk stand and gave him a comforting pat on the back.
“Let’s go, Jeongguk. Time to show them what you’re made of.”
Namjoon
WINGS Tour, Final Day
December 10th, 2017
WINGS had been an experience for all of them.
It had certainly been an emotional tour, a difficult one to get through, but they’d gotten through it none-the-less.
It was their last day now, the last night, the last show, and despite how exhausted all seven members were, none of them were ready for it to be over.
The first few songs were done now, and everyone was preparing for the Solo stages to begin. Namjoon and the rest of the rap line had just finished up the Cypher medley, which thankfully had gone well, and had just made their way backstage. Namjoon however, had immediately started looking for Jeongguk. The youngest was the first to do a solo stage of the group of them, and he knew their maknae had been incredibly nervous over tonight’s performance in general. He hadn’t been able to get it out of Jeongguk why exactly tonight’s was so important in particular, but he wanted to check up that the maknae hadn’t wound himself up into a panic attack yet while the rap line had been out on stage.
Apparently, he was right to be concerned as Jeongguk sat on the floor, back flush against the wall as he struggled to get air through his lungs. Immediately, Namjoon made his way to the youngest’s side, sitting next to him.
“Hey, Gguk, you gotta breathe a little better than that. You know breathing is kinda vital, right? You need that.”
Jeongguk gave a soft laugh at the words, but he caught in his throat as Jeongguk ducked his head, continuing to struggle to breathe as he panted. Namjoon reached out a hand, gently touching the back of Jeongguk’s head and smoothing down the dark hair in as much of a comforting gesture as he could do without messing up the style. “Come on, breathe, it’s okay. Are you ready to tell me why you’re so scared? Maybe I can help.”
“W-What if,” Jeongguk sucked in a wheezing breathe. “W-what if I mess it up? I-I’m the only one they can focus on while we’re up there, there’s 20,000 people out there watching me, that’s 40,000 eyes just waiting for me to mess up, watching to see if I fail and prove I’m not as good as people think I am. What if I do, what if I mess up and prove the antis right? What if that’s the only thing people remember from the entire WINGS tour? Me failing in front of everyone on the last day. I don’t want that to be what people remember.”
Namjoon gave a soft smile as he reached over with his second hand, gently cupping Jeongguk’s cheeks and tilting the 20 year old’s face up to look at him. Even though so long had passed since their first debut stage, even though Jeongguk had grown so much and proven himself time and time again, the youngest’s performance anxiety had never really faded much. He was always so scared of messing up, so scared of letting them down, no matter how many times they tried to convince him that wasn’t the case, that he could never let them down. He was their maknae, he could fall flat on his face and break his nose and they’d still be just as proud of everything he’d done.
“You need to calm down, Jeongguk. You’ve done Begin perfectly 39 times so far, what’s one more? You’re not going to mess up, and even if you do, it really isn’t a big deal. You’ll brush it off and continue with the professionalism you always do, okay? We will tell you this time and time again until it goes through that thick skull of yours, you can never let us down. You will never make us disappointed in you. ARMY love you, we love you, and you’ve got this. You make me proud to be this group’s leader. I’ve watched you grow up so much since you joined us as a trainee, I’ve watched you improve and put your all into everything we do. I’ve watched you balance your school work and the group’s activities, I’ve watched you reach heights that we never thought possible for you to do. Time and time again, you prove yourself to everyone. You prove yourself to the company, to your parents, to the fans, to us. We’ll never be disappointed in you. We believe in you so much, I just wish you could believe in yourself a little more.”
Jeongguk gave a small nod, still trying to take deeper breaths and starting to be a little more successful with them. Unfortunately for the maknae though, they didn’t have much more time for Jeongguk to try and recover. He had to be on stage in literal minutes.
“Come on, pull yourself together and show everyone what you’re made of. You weren’t dubbed the Golden Maknae for no reason. You might be a brat, but you’re our brat, and you’ll never be able to disappoint us even if you tried. You could fall and shatter your nose and we’d still be impressed by the grace in which you fell.”
“Please don’t talk about me breaking my nose that isn’t reassuring.”
Namjoon laughed a little, letting go of Jeongguk’s face and patting his shoulder before pulling the youngest to his feet. Jeongguk took one more deep breath, and Namjoon could hear that it was still catching a little in his lungs, but his face steeled itself from the panic and he walked towards the stage and into the limelight.
Namjoon followed behind, ignoring the fact he was meant to be getting ready for his own next performance. He had time after all, they were in the solo stages now and he didn’t have to worry about it for a while. He didn’t have to be back on stage until they performed Save Me.
So he stood in the sidelines of the stage, out of sight of the fans and the cameras recording them for the DVD, and watched as their youngest performed.
Pride swelled in his chest as he watched Jeongguk perform Begin as perfectly as he had all the other times, as his feet moved in ways Namjoon would never be able to without falling over himself. You couldn’t even hear the anxiety attack in his voice as he went through the song steadily, you couldn’t be able to tell the maknae had been struggling to breathe through panic only moments before.
Namjoon almost cried at the pride he felt in their youngest.
Jeongguk would never be able to disappoint them.
Jimin
Love Yourself in Seoul, Day 2
August 26th, 2018
The second day of their Love Yourself tour had been…emotional to say the least. They had all been anxious before it had started, more anxious than they had been for day one which none of them could understand, but Jeongguk had been worse than he’d normally been.
He’d done his best to sleep well the night before, he hadn’t even stayed up playing games with the rest of the maknae line despite what he usually did. He’d drank Red Ginseng, taken Dextrose, Propolis, Vitamins and Energy Boosting pills in order to try and be in his best condition for the concert.
And yet, Jimin was sat next to their youngest as he sobbed and struggled to pull himself together, overcome with hurt over an apparent mistake in his solo performance.
“No-one noticed, Jeonggukkie.” Jimin tried to reassure, pulling the taller maknae towards his chest and cuddling him. “None of the fans even noticed if you messed up, I know we didn’t notice.”
“They definitely noticed, they had to. I let them down. I should have done better. I know I can do better.”
Jimin’s heart shattered at the choking sobs from the youngest, and although all of the members were hovering, trying to reassure Jeongguk, none of them knew what to say to try and make him feel better.
“It’s going to be on the DVD too, everyone is going to see me messing up. It was recorded. There’s going to be a DVD for it. Everyone’s going to see.”
“Jeongguk…” Jimin sighed, cuddling him tighter and pulling his face into his chest, despite the very obvious height difference between the two. Jeongguk curled up into him regardless, accepting the comfort. “It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. It’s done now. Like we said, the mistake was so minor that none of us even realised! No-one noticed apart from you, and if you don’t tell us what part it was, we can’t reassure you.”
Jeongguk just shook his head, continuing to sob openly into Jimin’s shirt. The other’s shirt was soaked with both sweat and Jeongguk’s tears, the maknae’s makeup staining it also, but Jimin couldn’t bring himself to care too much about it. It didn’t matter, it was just a shirt, comforting Jeongguk mattered more.
It took a few minutes for Jeongguk to pull himself together, before he stood and started walking out of the room, trying to be alone. And as much as Jimin respected Jeongguk’s want to cry in private, he wasn’t prepared to let that happen as he got up and followed, clinging to Jeongguk as much as he could.
“Hyung, I’m okay, can I just have 10 minutes alone?”
“Nope.”
Jeongguk sighed at the response but didn’t argue any further, allowing Jimin to hover as much as his small Hyung wanted to as he cried away the guilt of messing up in front of so many hopeful fans, in front of so many people who that was their first experience of seeing him perform Euphoria.
Jimin’s heart went out to him, but he couldn’t do anything to help but be there for him as much as Jeongguk would let him.
It didn’t take long before they were in the van heading back to the dorm, the dorm that all of them could afford to move out of and live alone but none of them were prepared to take that leap and leave the others yet. Jimin was quite thankful for that, he wasn’t ready for any of them to leave, nor was he ready to leave himself.
Jimin sat in the back with Jeongguk and Seokjin, never once letting go of the youngest’s hand as they made their way back to the dorm.
“Jeongguk,” Jimin said in a hushed voice to get the maknae’s attention without pulling everyone in the car’s attention to them. “It’s okay, yeah? Today was only the second show, and we’re going to the USA soon. You’ve got plenty of time to make it up to ARMY if that’s what you’re worried about, yeah? It’s fine, completely fine. Nothing is wrong with what you did, and no-one is mad at you. It’s okay.”
Jeongguk didn’t reply, simply looking at Jimin with watering eyes before looking back out of the window in silence. Jimin’s heart sunk a little at the movement, but he didn’t try to talk to the maknae again during the car ride, even if he didn’t let go of Jeongguk’s hand either.
The rest of the drive was spent in silence, and once they were back at their dorm, Jeongguk pulled his hand out of Jimin’s and went straight towards his bedroom despite Seokjin’s call that he had to shower and eat before he went to sleep.
Jeongguk ignored the oldest.
Jimin knew exactly what he was doing, he was hiding himself away in order to wallow in self pity, but Jimin wasn’t about to let his best friend do that as he followed behind, getting into Jeongguk’s room before the youngest could lock the door.
Jeongguk stared at him for a moment, hand still hovering over the lock before letting it drop, saying nothing and falling down face down onto his bed sheets.
Jimin wanted to lightly scold the other, wanted to tell him to shower, eat and get changed. But he knew that wouldn’t be helpful at this particular moment. He knew it wouldn’t help anything to scold Jeongguk right now, it would only send him deeper into his self pity.
So saying nothing, Jimin toed off his socks and flopped down onto the bed next to Jeongguk, shuffling up the sheets a little so he was on the pillows and Jeongguk’s head was by his chest.
Then, in complete silence, Jimin reached forward and took hold of Jeongguk again, tugging at the boy much larger than he was until Jeongguk’s face was pressed into Jimin’s chest.
They didn’t say anything.
Jimin didn’t comment on the hiccupping sobs coming from his shirt. He didn’t mumble reassurances or try to further convince the youngest that he didn’t mess up badly.
He just held him, he let him cry, until the sobs calmed into light snores, and the youngest was dead to the world.
Jeongguk would always be hard on himself, they couldn’t fix that, but Jimin could always be there for him, even when he wasn’t there for himself.
Taehyung
First ON Comeback Stage, M!Countdown
February 27th, 2020
They were ready.
They’d already been Promoting their newest single, ‘ON’, for a while before an official comeback stage. After all, the group had grown so exponentially that they’d been promoting all over the world. They’d been in the US promoting ‘ON’ for American TV shows before they’d even promoted it in their own country.
But this moment felt like a full circle to Taehyung.
They were ready to go on stage, their backup dancers dressed all in white with their drums at the ready, the group’s makeup had been done and they were all in costume, just waiting to on the stage and perform.
But no matter how big they got, how their popularity grew, Taehyung couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic sat in the dressing room at the M!Countdown venue. It was where it had all began over 6 and a half years ago. They’d been younger then, less experienced, with a hell of a lot smaller of a fanbase as they’d prepared for the debut stage.
But no matter how long had passed, Taehyung never felt any less nervous waiting to go on the stage.
The stage fright never really passed for any of them. It was as if they were still teenagers, waiting to prove themselves on a stage surrounded by strangers, rather than senior idols who had hit heights they’d never dreamed of being able to reach.
Their performance anxiety was a lot more subdued now though, over the years they’d learnt to hide it better, learnt how to cope in their own personal ways without having a sobbing breakdown or wearing a hole into the floor with pacing.
They were ready for this performance, they’d practised it so much, worked so hard, there was nothing to be concerned about.
Yet Taehyung couldn’t tear his eyes away from where Jeongguk sat, seemingly calm while they waited for their cue to go onto the stage.
“Hyung, what’s up?” Jeongguk said once he met eyes with the older, and Taehyung just grinned at him.
“You’re anxious.”
Jeongguk rolled his eyes with a laugh, shaking his head a little. “I’m not anxious. We’ve been doing this for years. Why would I still be anxious?”
Taehyung gave a little shrug before getting to his feet and walking over to the little fridge in the room, pulling out two bottles of water and handing one to the only member younger than him. Jeongguk accepted it without a word, cracking the cap open and taking small sips of the cold liquid. Taehyung didn’t miss the small tremble to the maknae’s fingers.
“You know, it’s not a bad thing to still be anxious.”
Jeongguk gave a light glare in response.
“What? It’s not! You don’t have to lie and say you’re not, because we all are. We’re all anxious every single time we go on a stage, and that’s okay, right? You wouldn’t judge me if you said I was anxious for it, right?”
“Yeah but-”
“But nothing, Ggukie.” Taehyung laughed as he sat next to the younger, taking a sip of his own water. He wanted to mess with Jeongguk’s black hair, mess it up as a way of showing physical affection, but it was styled so specifically for their performance that he didn’t want to risk getting in trouble, nor set Jeongguk off. “It’s okay to get nervous, and you’re no different. We’re human, all of us are human, and humans get nervous when thousands of people are watching their every move. But… you’ve gotten so much better, you know that, right?”
Jeongguk looked up at his hyung, but didn’t say a word. His look told Taehyung to continue though.
“Nearly seven years ago, you were a terrified 15 year old who ran off to hide and cry in the bathroom because you were so scared to perform. You’ve learnt how to control yourself so much better, its almost admirable. I know I’ve been having stress dreams for weeks over this album, but you’ve barely been swayed by it. It’s amazing how much you’ve grown.”
“You’re not much older than me, hyung, you’ve grown a lot too.”
Taehyung just shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m not the maknae, its not as obvious for me.”
“You’re part of maknae line.”
“Yeah, but you’re still our baby.”
Jeongguk pushed lightly at Taehyung’s shoulder at the comment, causing the older to laugh. Jeongguk might claim to hate being called the baby, but he couldn’t hide the blush that flushed under the makeup from the words.
“I’m not a baby.”
“You totally are. Our overgrown, far too tall, muscle pig baby. And that’s okay. It’s also okay to be nervous.”
Jeongguk stayed silent once again.
“It’s okay, Jeongguk.”
“Okay, fine, I’m nervous.” Jeongguk admitted with a shaking sigh, going to muss with his own hair but stopping himself before he had change to. “I’m always nervous before a show, no matter how small it is.”
“See? Progress! Admitting you’re an anxious mess is the first step to recovery!”
Jeongguk hit his shoulder again, and once again, Taehyung just laughed at the act instead of getting offended by it.
“Okay boys, time to get into place,” Their manager called from the doorway, pulling Jeongguk and Taehyung’s attention to them. The older of the two took a deep breath, getting to his feet and offering a hand to the younger.
“Okay, are you ready?”
Jeongguk didn’t hesitate as he took Taehyung’s hand, getting to his feet with a smile. “Ready.”