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It had only been mere minutes since everything happened. Minutes since we destroyed Grace Field House, cut our ears off, and sped out to the wall and escaped.
Escaped.
The thought of it still felt unreal. Had we really done it? I blinked profusely, as though I was trying to see through some kind of glamour. Am I really not dead? Apparently, the row of goosebumps left on my skin as I ran through the cold winter night wasn’t proof enough. I shook my head and continued running. My wandering thoughts could wait. We needed to get far before we could fully breathe in this newfound yet fragile freedom.
I ran behind everyone else with Jemima clutching my right hand. It wasn’t an order that I was tasked to do, nor was it a strategy that was discussed before. Yet somehow I took it upon myself to be the guard. The one who protects the rest—the one taken should the pursuers be hot on our heels. I’d like to lie to myself and think that I did it because I held some kind of moral responsibility for these kids, but that wasn’t entirely the reason. Selfishly, I did it because I wanted to see Emma.
Like everyone else, she was running as fast as she could without leaving the others behind. I could tell she was slowing down for our sake. I’ve watched her running since we ever learned how to run, and at the speed that we’re running, she could probably outrun us ten times over. She didn’t look the least bit bothered though.
Because she’s Emma.
And being Emma, she’s positioned herself up front and led everyone through the seemingly endless forest like she wasn’t as clueless as all of us about where we’re headed. No one seemed to be afraid though—everyone believes her. And it wasn’t at all surprising because if I was positioned at the back to be some sort of insurance, she was positioned to be our sign of hope.
Unconsciously, I scan our surroundings for the nth time tonight, still checking for anything remotely suspicious. When only the stillness of the night and the occasional sound of rustling trees made itself the observable norm, I couldn’t help but felt both relieved and anxious. Relieved there was nothing, anxious of what’s to come.
We kept running through the landscape, pushing our feet as far as our adrenalin could take us. It didn’t take long before we exhausted our escape high and began to feel the weight of our bodies. Emma seemed to realize too and turned to check on the group. “We’re taking a break!” She shouted, then she plopped to the ground, clutching her chest, panting. As ordered, everyone stopped on their tracks and slumped over, letting exhaustion take over.
“I think we’re far enough,” Emma said, still catching her breath. “…For now.”
I found myself leaning over a nearby tree, my legs burning from the run. Reaching over my pack to find some water, I noticed Emma looking over. When she found me, she waved and smiled, “Ray! Help me get them settled?”
After a few minutes, Emma and I had finally gotten the kids to sleep. Since setting up a fire wasn’t an ideal option (might attract some monsters and whatnot), we let them huddle together with their own blankets wrapped around them. Logically, it should’ve been particularly hard to sleep through this cold, but that god-knows-for-how-long run was enough to put them dead to sleep.
“I’ll take first watch,” I said, settling at the foot of a tree not far from the bunch. Emma scooted next to me and laid out her blanket before turning to me, shaking her head.
“No can do. I’m taking first watch.”
She had that stubborn look on her face again, both haughty and defiant at the same time. I returned it with a scowl. “Don’t be a child, Emma. I said I’m taking first watch.”
“Ray. I said, I’m taking first watch. We’ve planned this weeks ago. Quit trying to act all mighty and cool. Just shut up and rest.”
Right. They’ve planned this months ago without me. She had to remind me like my guilt wasn’t palpable enough.
I let out an irritated sigh. “That’s the point, Emma. I haven’t been a part of anything for the last two months. All I’ve done is sulk in a corner and then suddenly get whisked away by some elaborate plan I wasn’t even a part of. At least let me make it up to them. Let me do this, at least.”
She looked down, hiding her face. “…but it’s your birthday.”
“What?”
“It’s your birthday,” Emma said, loudly this time. “You just got your ear cut off, ran for hours, and now you can’t even take a proper nap. I’m trying to salvage what little comfort you have for your birthday, okay.”
I couldn’t say anything after that. Instead, I held her gaze for a moment. A mix of emotions played out: frustration, sadness, pity. I couldn’t blame her. It really had been an extra shitty day.
“Emma. For my birthday, I get to live. And honestly, this could very well be the best birthday I’ve ever had,” I took her hand and squeezed it lightly. “And it’s all because of you and Norman.”
Emma turned and raised her head up slowly, her eyes directed towards the night sky. I noticed she hadn’t pulled her hand away. “He really got you, didn’t he?”
I looked up too. “I should’ve known he’d do that. I’ve never been able to best him, after all. He was always out there spoiling my plans.”
“And because of that, I don’t have to lose yet another one I care about.” Emma said, still focused on the stars.
I turn to study her face. Tears were threatening to fall out of the corner of her eyes. My insides curled and I realized after a few beats later that mine were too. It physically pained me to see her like that, but I knew I couldn’t do anything. I can’t bring Norman back. I can’t save him.
With her hand still on mine, I pull her to me, catching her in a tight embrace. That’s when she completely crumbles. She grasps my shirt and sobs onto my shoulders. Pulling her tightly, I let myself cry too.
I can’t bring Norman back, but I can be there for her.
We stay like that for what felt like an eternity, with the night sky bearing witness to our brokenness. When Emma finally lifts her head up and wipes her face with the back of her hand, she shakes her head and smiles. “Alright, I’m taking first watch.”
I snorted, and raised my hands up in defeat. “Fine. But wake me up when you feel you want to take a rest.”
She smiled wider.
“Good night, Ray.”
“Good night, Emma.”
I woke up to Emma shaking me awake. “Ray, wake up. We need to get going.”
Abruptly, I looked around in haste, trying to figure if something was wrong. To my relief, there wasn’t any, just the telltale signs of a dawning sun rise.
Gathering everyone, we quickly got on our feet and moved.
It was clearly getting brighter now, and for some reason, it gave us the energy to run much faster. The kids were laughing with a certain delight as they followed Emma’s tail. When we finally stopped, it was by a clearing that gave us a full view of the sunrise. I’ve watched the sun rise before, several times in fact, but right now, standing here out in the open, it felt infinitely different.
I felt Emma grasp my hand as she looked ahead. Squeezing it, she turned and her eyes met mine for a small moment. And without any hint of doubt or uncertainty about what’s to come, she smiled at me.
My conversation with Norman echoes in my ears.
“You’re not like her! You always stay calm and pick the right choice! So why are you choosing her side?”
“Because I love her. I want Emma to always keep smiling because I love her.”
My heart skipped a beat.
I’ve always told Norman he was crazy to have claimed that he was in love with Emma. We were 11 years old. What the hell does he know about love? He’d probably laugh if he saw me now.
Perhaps this was why he was smartest of the three of us. He just knew it right away. He never tried to deny it. Never tried to force it. And in the end, he kept his promise.
Emma’s here in front me, smiling.
Silently, I offer up a promise to Norman. I’ll protect that smile, Norman. Because I love her too.
My mouth lifts into a grin and we continued to run.