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Felix looked at Glenn's knee with big eyes as a wound started to appear on the other's knee while both of them were sitting in his room, building a house with some wood blocks.
The younger one was four while his big brother was three years older than him.
'Are you hurt?' Felix had asked.
Last week he fell down the stairs and also ripped his skin open. Since his parents weren't at home then, Glenn had to comfort him for half an hour till Felix had calmed down after the initial shock of falling and suddenly feeling the pain.
So the smaller one's eyes filled with worry and fear when he saw the wound on his brother's skin manifest from thin air. Glenn looked at the wound in surprise but when he saw that Felix was about to cry again he quickly picked his younger brother up and sat him on his lap.
'No, it's fine I barely feel it. Don't worry, Fe. Everything is ok.' He whispered in his younger brother's hair. 'But thank you for worrying.'
In the evening both of the brothers showed their parents the wound. Their mother had lifted Felix in her arms and said that Felix was too young to understand and should go to bed earlier. He surely had an exhausting day already.
The kid wanted to throw a tantrum and stay. He wanted to know why his brother suddenly got hurt and usually his parents would yield once Felix started crying but this time his mother brought him to his room and tucked him into his bed.
'We will tell you one day, alright, Felix? You're such a good boy for worrying about your brother, though.' she patted his hair and pressed a kiss on his forehead. 'Nice dreams, Felix.'
Then Felix was alone in his room. Being a stubborn four year old, he waited until he heard his mother walking down the stairs and then slipped out of his bed and sneaked out of his room to the staircase. When he sat on the upper step his parents wouldn't be able to spot him but he could hear them talking in the kitchen.
'Glenn, did you already talk about soulmate bonds at school?' he heard his father asking.
'Yeah, the teacher mentioned it once. Said we will notice signs of it around our age.'
'Yes, usually these signs will appear from the age 6 till 8. What else did your teacher say?'
'Well, not that much. She said our bodies are like linked together though some people are connected stronger than others.' A short silence.
'Some bonds are weaker than others and they only get a faint scar on their skin when their soulmate gets hurt or they only feel a short initial pain when their soulmates felt it. Others get the wound as well, just like you did, but don't feel it while some others feel it. Some even get the wounds, the pain and feel extreme emotions together with their soulmate. That's the most extreme case when the bond is especially deep. Did you feel any pain?'
'Only in the beginning but that wasn't really painful either.'
'Well... that's a relief.'
'I don't understand why you had to send Felix up though. Why can't he hear this?'
'Felix is way too young for this. He wouldn't understand this and probably get scared. We will tell him in time.' His parents weren't wrong. Felix didn't understand half of what his parents were discussing with his brother.
'Will I always be bound to my soulmates?' Glenn asked. 'Yes, a soulmate bond is for life but once you have met your soulmate and you... kissed you won't get each other's wounds anymore.' His mother piped up.
'Ew.'
Felix had just turned 6 when the soulmate bond appeared on his body.
His parents hadn't really talked with him about the soulmate thing after their talk with Glenn, probably thinking that they still had some time but fate had different plans.
His mother had sent him to bed while Glenn was still allowed to stay up for a while longer and watch some TV. 'Older sibling privilege.' Glenn had teased him and Felix had stomped up the stairs angrily.
Stupid Glenn who was allowed to stay up one more hour than him. He had jumped on his bed and started hitting his pillow with his small fists.
One moment he only felt the soft pillow on his skin, in the next moment he felt like something thin hit his arm and he yelped in surprise. Felix felt confusion surging through him but then he felt another hit, and another, followed by many more. The sensation on his arms and legs was intense like they were burning. Felix had never felt this pain before. With every hit the pain became more intense and he kept whimpering and called out for his parents and Glenn.
It felt like he was getting hit with something over and over.
Hastily he pulled up one of his sleeves and saw longish wounds forming on his arm, overlapping at some point.
Then finally his door flew open and Glenn was running inside followed by his parents. The three of them watched with Felix in horror as another wound developed on his skin.
The first one to snap out of their stupor was Glenn who hurried to his brother. He looked like he wanted to scope his brother close but he wasn't sure if there were more wounds underneath the pyjama. So his hands were hovering in the air while he helpessly watched his little brother struggling against something invisible.
By this point Felix' face was full with tears and snot. 'Make it stop, Glenn, Make it stop.' He begged over and over but what was happening was out of their control. Out of anyone's control.
After ten minutes the attack seemed to have stopped as no new wounds started to appear. His mother quickly went out and got a medical kit.
Felix had burried himself in his blanket trying to fight away whatever was inflicting the pain. He had moved his limbs so much, they were tangled with the blanket at this point. Gently, Glenn and his father helped to entangle him and sit him up.
'Everything is going to be fine Fe. Come on, you are a strong boy, aren't you?' Glenn whispered and patted Felix' hair. His mother was tending the wounds that had appeared. She knew that the wounds were whiplike and it was probably because her son's soulmate had been whipped by someone with probably a belt or something close.
'Oh my poor boy.' she whispered. Tears were forming in her eyes, too. She had hoped that both her kids wouldn't suffer from the soulmate bond and she was glad Glenn barely felt the pain from his but Felix – of course her sensitive Felix – seemed to feel everything.
'Mama,' Felix was hiccuping now. Tears were still flowing down from his swollen eyes. 'My soulmate is hurt. They're crying.'
It didn't end with one incident.
Once or twice a week Felix would feel new wounds appear on his body. On some nights it wasn't too bad, he gritted his teeth together and didn't call his parents. He didn't want to worry everyone.
On the other nights the pain would be overwhelming and he would call for Glenn, who would hold him and whisper encouraging things to him till he fell asleep in his brother's embrace.
'Rodrigue, we need to do something. Felix he's- he's suffering too much from this. He's only six! What is his soulmate going through?!' his mother would sometimes say after yet another attack but then his father would sigh in defeat.
'Darling, you know that we can't do anything against the soulmate bond. It's part of nature. We tried every instance. Police, hospital, child protective service to find Felix' soulmate but no one was able to help us. His soulmate could be in another country... We can only try to be there for him when he needs us. I know he's a strong boy.'
The teachers at school quickly noticed his wounds and had to send social workers to his home and check where the wounds had come from.
At this points he had scars on his arms, neck, stomache and legs. None on his face though. It was a long talk with the social workers who didn't want to believe the soulmate excuse. They stayed over for the night and as if his soulmates abuser had known his time had come, it was a particularly harsh attack that night.
Felix ended up having to go to the emergency room because he had a broken arm.
The social workers left, saying that his parents weren't abusing him but couldn't help them with this problem.
'Why can't you help my soulmate?' Felix had asked weakly. Even through the pain of the arm, he was still feeling the heavy feeling in his heart from his soulmate. He wanted to scream his heart out. The other part of his heart was filled with concern. He closed his eyes. He wished he could send his soulmate some positive feelings. Like when he beat Dimitri and Ingrid in hide and seek. Or the hugs from Glenn.
The pain in his arm made him dizzy but somehow he felt like his soulmate was feeling a bit less sadder now.
Years passed and Felix learnt to deal with the attacks.
He had to call for Glenn, less and less. He also didn't feel the endless pain in his heart anymore after an attack stopped.
Instead he felt empty as if something had eaten his heart and left an empty husk that was starring into the void. Felix tried to fill that emptiness with warm thoughts and moments.
Trying to glue together the shattered pieces of his soulmate's heart with the little bit of warmth he can offer them.
Most children his age were afraid of Felix because of the scars that he had but Ingrid and Dimitri stayed with him. When Felix couldn't really play outside because of his broken arm, they had entertained him with a puppet play, Ingrid had written. Felix found the puppets too childish but Dimitri was giving his character's funny voices and soon he found himself smiling despite the situation.
Felix had also learnt to pay more attention and avoid any situations where he could get hurt. His soulmate was already hurting as it was and he didn't want to add anymore pain.
The broken arm wasn't the only time he had to visit the hospital. Once he was over at Dimitri's house playing a boardgame with him and Ingrid when Felix had suddenly started to shiver.
The three didn't pay that much attention at first, it was winter after all and Ingrid turned up the heater but then the shivering got worse. Ingrid brought blankets to wrap him like a burrito but the cold didn't seem to leave.
When Dimitri saw his lips turning blue, he started to call his parents. They in turn alarmed Felix' parents and then he was on his way to the hospital. At some point Felix had passed out but when he woke up the doctors explained that he had hypothermia. Or rather his soulmate had.
The worst night was when Felix was 10. He had already been asleep when his eyes flew open. There was pressure, an unnatural one, on his throat and panic flooded him.
Realizing what was going on he stumbled out of his bed. As the squeezing increased, walking got harder and he couldn't speak anymore. He could only choke out broken sounds.
Felix crashed against his door, missing the doorknob. Too weak on his legs, he tried to reach the doorknob again but his vision was blurring at this point and just when he touched the cool metal his body shut down and he fainted.
When he opened his eyes again he saw a white ceiling. There was something fixed around his throat so he couldn't turn his head to look around. The emptiness was there again. And this time Felix didn't have the strength to think about anything else. Silent tears were rolling down his face.
The doctors had told Felix that he had been lucky. There didn't seem to be any lasting damages, at least not on his body. The hospital kept him for two more weeks to check that no fluids got into his lungs or any other abnormalities would happen but then again. The doctors told him he was lucky. Nothing happened.
When he was finally allowed to have visits, his mother had come in crying. She was holding his hands and cried into his chest.
Felix didn't know what to say – not that he could. His vocal cords were also hurt and he would need weeks to recover these. He looked at his mother and sadness filled him. Was someone crying for his soulmate? Someone had to right? The fact that Felix was still alive meant that someone had stopped the attack in time. At least that's what he told himself. Maybe their attacker also stopped on their own to make no lasting damage.
His family probably thought the same because after he got discharged, he was never left alone. His father told him that Glenn had heard him fall down from his room and when he hurried over, Felix was already loosing conciousness.
His family was terrified. They were worried.
But Felix wanted to tell them that they shouldn't worry for him. They should worry for his soulmate. They were the one who was really hurting.
The next attack never came. For weeks the tension in his house was high, every night his parents were expecting the next attack but it never happened. Weeks turned into month and these turned into years. His father had concluded that the abuser must have been finally caught and his mother started to smile again. Things seemed to turn back to... normal.
Well for his family at least. After the last attack, Felix couldn't let anything touch his throat anymore for a while. Scarves in winter became unbearable and he insisted on keeping them off even if the cold would kill him.
Everytime someone or something made contact with his throat he would slap it away immediately. A shiver would run down his spine and he would think about the evening when he was truely fearing for the live of his soulmate.
Beside the feeling on his throat, the attack left the sensation as if ice claws had dug their way into his heart. Often he found himself wondering if this was how he was going to die. Along with his soulmate. His parents and Glenn insisted on sending him to therapy but Felix refused. He was fine. It wasn't him who needed help. It was never him who got hurt directly.
And as the years passed the incidents seemed to wander to the back of everyone's mind. Sometimes Felix would stand in the kitchen and prepare breakfast and catch the stare of his mother on his arms, where she could see the scars. They were healing. Slowly becoming brighter and pale, sometimes Felix would traced them unconsciously. Wondering what had occured to his soulmate.
But in general noone talked about it anymore. His parents were just glad this nightmare was over and that Felix could lead a normal life again.
Glenn on the otherside stayed more attentive.
He would come into Felix' room in the evening and sit on the bed while Felix was sitting in his chair with his legs folded, reading a book. 'Are you sure, you're ok?' he would ask.
'Yeah, I'm fine.' Felix would answer, not bothering to look up from the book.
'You seem... more distant.' "since the last attack". Would hang in the air, not spoken but Felix could still figure out what his brother meant.
'I'm fine. I'm just growing up. What are you expecting? That I'll still cling to your leg when I'm 16?' Felix retorted. Sometimes he appreciated his brother who constantly worried about him but on other days it felt overbearing and he would be brushing him off quickly.
'That's not it... I mean, you used to tell me everything. Now I can't seem to figure out what you are thinking anymore.'
'Like I said, I'm growing up. It's none of your business. Get out off my room, I need to study.'
Then his brother would stand up wordlessly and leave the room. He would stop at the door and look at his little brother for a moment.
Until Felix would look up from his book and give him a glare.
Felix wasn't sure why he was like this. He felt like he should be happier that all of this was over but somehow the whole situation with his soulmate had made him feel incredibly empty. He wasn't sure if his body had just gotten used to the pain and now felt itchy for no reason or if he had just invested too much energy into it. Trying to fix whatever was left from his soulmate.
He spent years of his life trying to make the life of his soulmate less miserable, focusing his energy on positive things but he had been exhausted. All positivity seemed to have drained away. And at some point he had to focus on not sending any more negative emotions.
Now that his soulmate seemed to live a normal life... Felix wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.
He felt empty, not sure what to do with his emotions. Maybe that's why he had distanced himself from others. Because their emotions became overwhelming for him.
Sometimes he would still feel the presence of the other. Like someone had slapped them in the face and Felix wondered if he was still being abused by someone. But that wasn't happening that often.
Maybe once a week. And otherwise it felt like the connection was not even there.
At one point Dimitri and Ingrid and forced him to join a Kendo class with them because they were sick of Felix staying cooped up in his room.
'Felix, your soulmate is fine now. Please, try to live your own life now!' Dimitri would practically beg him as they pushed him into the sports center.
'It's really fun and you really can't get hurt that much. We'll take care of you' Ingrid added and hold him still while Dimitri grabbed some papers to sign him up.
So Felix started to learn Kendo. The first problem was that he was still worried about hurting himself but then he saw the big helmet and calmed down. He imagined that he couldn't get hurt too much through it.
The second problem was that the uniforms usually covered his neck which was... unpleasant. Ingrid had made sure to get him a loose one. After enough coaxing, Felix had put it on.
He wouldn't admit it to his friends but he was grateful to them. Kendo did help him to relief some stress and also gave him the opportunity to put his mind into something else. It became his favourite pastime and it also helped him to strengthen his mind.
His mother was surprised when he came down one day, wearing a turtleneck he had gotten from his grandmother. 'Are you ok?' she asked and Felix only nodded.
When he was 19 he moved out of his home to study in another city. His brother had left long before him and his parents seemed reluctant to let their second son go as well.
'Come home whenever you want to.' his father told him, patting his shoulder while his mother had tears in her eyes. 'Call when you arrive!' and then she gave him a hug.
Felix was glad to leave the house. He felt like changing his environment will do him good and maybe he will finally get over everything. Maybe.
He had considered looking for a single appartment but then opted against it. It could prove useful to have someone around, just in case something happened.
So Felix had applied for a room in a two room appartment, sending the other owner a picture of himself and a short pretty superficial description of himself. He was grateful for Dimitri and Ingrid for talking him into Kendo. Otherwise, he would have made the impression of a hobbyless loser.
He had gotten an approval to move in after... a few hours. Felix wasn't expecting to get accepted this quickly. He thought he would have to do at least one skype call with the other but he had only gotten an E-mail with the message:
'You look fine, see you soon :)'
Felix should have gotten suspicious at this point but the room he was promised was already furnished, cheap and close to the campus. So he took his chances and agreed to move in.
Turned out that was a horrible idea. His new roommate, Sylvain, was two years older than him, stupidly handsome and the most annoying human on earth.
Felix would have been fine to keep their relationship on a professional level. Live together, pay the rent in time, stay out of each others' business. That's what he had imagined but Sylvain had made it clear from the first day that he was going to act like a puppy that had just found a new owner.
He insisted on breakfast and dinner together, would invite Felix to watch a movie with him, drag him to bars or anything else to coax him out of his room. Felix felt like the other was way too clingy for a 21-year-old student.
Worst offense was that he was a hopeless philanderer. When he drags out Felix to go to bars, he would flirt with anyone who had two legs or breathed toward his direction and Felix would usually end up going home alone, too annoyed to stay as Sylvain's side-kick.
Even then Felix sometimes laid on his bed thinking about his redhaired flat mate. He had somehow annoyingly wormed his way into Felix' mind and decided he was there to stay.
Felix had started to wear turtlenecks with long sleeves soon after he realized that he had gotten over his phobia, mainly to avoid other people's stare and weird questions. He covered up all the scars under layers of clothes and only undressed in his room and made sure to leave his room dressed.
Sylvain didn't question his outfit, he probably thought Felix was into the gothic style because most of his clothes were just black. In fact Sylvain also usually wore long sleeves at home so he couldn't question Felix for his choices.
Over the months, their relationship had gotten a bit warmer, Sylvain would make coffee in the morning for them as he worked part-time at a coffeeshop and Felix could appreciate a good cup of coffee before lectures. Then both of them went their own way.
Sylvain usually skipped class for his part-time job, to laze around the house or goof around somewhere else while Felix visited his lectures and studied in the library. When he came back they would prepare some food – or order a pizza when Sylvain was tired from work and Felix' brain had said goodbye after a rough day in the library.
Then they would throw in a movie with snacks and drinks. Sylvain would insist to watch some classics, like Titanic, while Felix would prefer a different genre like horror or thriller. But Sylvain would put on a beaten dog face and Felix would give in with a sigh and push in the movie the other wanted to see.
Sometimes, if Sylvain was feeling brave, he would stretch his arms while yawning and then put them on the backrest like he's putting an arm around Felix. The younger one wasn't dumb and knew that Sylvain was playing the cheapest trick in the book. He noticed these advances of the other but didn't comment on them.
Afterall he had lived with Sylvain for a while now. The other wrapped people around his little finger, fooled around with them for a while and then dump them or get dumped after he had lost interest. Felix wasn't ready to be one of his flings so he put up an icy front whenever Sylvain would drop any romantic hints.
Beside that Felix wanted to meet his soulmate before finding love. He wanted to make sure his soulmate was doing well now and was happy. After all these years, he felt like he shouldn't achieve easy happiness before his soulmate.
One night, Felix had tried to pull an all nighter for university. At about seven in the morning he must have dozed of and his head crashed into his books. A sudden pain in his heart woke him up but dissipated quickly. Confused, he blinked the sleep out of his eyes and realized it was already time to get up. When he left his room for breakfast, he had to block out the light with his hands. His eyes were too sensitive and he felt like a vampire who would die from any sunrays.
When he entered the kitchen, Sylvain was sitting at the kitchen counter staring at his phone. The look in his eyes was dark and cold. Unlike any face Felix had ever seen on Sylvain and he approached the taller guy quietly with an uneasy feeling in his gut. For him his flatmate was like a bag of sunshine so connecting his current expression with his mental image of his was... weird.
'Morning.' He said after a while, in which Sylvain hadn't moved, just staring at his phone. Seconds ticked by and Felix thought the other had achieved the skill to sleep with open eyes when Sylvain slowly blinked and then lifted his head to look at Felix. Gradually the life returned to him.
He put on a smile and also greeted Felix. But the younger could see that the smile wasn't genuine. He had gotten used to Sylvain beaming at him, all smiley and warm eyes that reminded him of sunny days. Now his eyes didn't smile.
'Anything happened?' Felix asked and pulled out a chair to sit opposite of him. Sylvain pushed a coffee over to him and he took it gratefully. His hands wrapped around it like it was his last lifeline after the all nighter.
'Nah, just some family shit.' Sylvain explained and shrugged his shoulders to act like it was some light topic but Felix still felt weird.
'You... uh... want to talk about it?' Felix offered. It felt weird to ask this. He wasn't sure when the last time was, he had offered an ear to anyone with a problem so he wasn't sure if he could even offer a piece of advice or any helpful words afterwards.
Sylvain looked at him surprised but then a smirk stealed on his face and Felix immediatly regretted his offer. 'Aw, are you worried about me, Felix? I knew you liked me after all.' Sylvain teased and Felix shot up from his seat.
'Nevermind then, you ass. I'll go to sleep.' he fumed and was turning around to leave when he felt the other grabbing his armsleeve. Silence wrapped around them. Felix stared at Sylvain's fingers that had caught his sleeve while Sylvain stared at Felix.
'Sorry.' Sylvain said after a while and then let go. 'Do you mind staying with me for a bit longer?'
His request was only a whisper. Suddenly the bigger man seemed smaller than him with the way his shoulders were sunken into him. There was a pain behind his eyes and he was biting his lower lip. Felix couldn't shake away the feeling that the older guy's feelings were invading him and he turned around to face the other again.
Felix blinked a few times. 'Did you eat breakfast yet?' he asked and received a head-shaking. So he started to make some pancakes while Sylvain watched him in silence. Both sunken in their own thoughts and the only sounds that could be heard was Felix whipping the batter and then preparing them in the pan. Felix topped the pancakes with some berries. That usually put a smile on Sylvain's face. Then he carried it over to the other and sat down with him again.
Even the breakfast was eaten in silence. Felix wondered why he was doing this. Usually he would have gone to his room anyways, trying to catch up on some sleep but today his body told him to stay with Sylvain. And so he did. He wondered if if he had ever stayed in peaceful silence with Sylvain for such a long time.
Suddenly the other started talking. 'I used to have a brother. He was kind of an asshole. Pushed me down a well once and did a lot of other shit. Was send to juvenile prison after he was caught and my mother sent me a text tonight that he will be released soon. I- I just don't know what I should do. I'm big enough now to fight back. Maybe even break a bone of his but... what if I really see him again?' Sylvain dropped his knife and fork and burried his face in his hands.
'That... sounds awful.' Listening to Sylvain reminded him of his childhood and he shivered involuntary thinking about his soulmate who must have suffered a similiar fate. 'If your brother shows up, I'll beat him for you.' Felix said.
Rage suddenly flooded him and he took in deep breaths a few times before he finally calmed down a bit.
Sylvain looked at him surprised again and then chuckled.
'Sorry, I didn't want to tell you this. Makes you all depressed right? I'll make you another coffee as a thanks for listening to me... Oh, and I got some cake from a co-worker, her name is Lysethia and she makes amazing cake, we should have some.'
'Sylvain, we just ate pancakes, it's really not time for cake.'
'That's where you are wrong. It's always time for cake. And please indulge me for once, I'm feeling kinda depressed today.'
With these words he opened the fridge and took out a small box with the cake. He put it on the counter to let it warm up a bit and then turned the other way to make another cup of coffe. When that was done, he pushed the cup over to Felix and went back to the cakebox. Clumsily, he took out the cake to cut it. Felix on the other hand took the new coffee cup and started sipping on it. Maybe he shouldn't drink it if he was really planning to go to bed anytime soon. He mustered Sylvain and wondered how much of what the other was showing was only a facade. Somehow he knew that there must have been something else behind Sylvain's happy-go-lucky attitude but he would have never imagined that the other had been carrying around such a big package since his childhood.
In the meantime Sylvain was peeking into the shelf for a good knife and then reached deep into a drawer.
'Shit!' the other suddenly sweared and quickly retrieved his hand. He brought his forefinger to his mouth to suck the blood away. 'Why did we put that knife into the shelf like that? I just cut myself!' Sylvain whined and turned just to freeze immediatly as he saw that Felix was staring at his finger, too.
A small trail of blood was making it's way down and presented a big contrast to the white skin of his.
Sylvain was dumbfounded and stared at his finger and then back at Felix.
'Did you just cut yourself, too?' he asked after a while.
Felix had started looking into the air as if he was trying to process the whole situation. He thought about the heartache he felt when he was startled awake, the way he suddenly felt overwhelmed with despair when Sylvain was telling him his story and how the other was wearing long sleeves all the time as well. It was like pieces of a puzzle finally connecting in his brain but finishing the piece didn't bring him satisfaction. Right then, right there, he felt unprepared for this whole situation.
'You- did your brother push you into a well in winter? Did he break your arm once? Did he... did he try to c-choke you?' Felix suddenly asked. Slowly getting up from his chair and Sylvain just stared with even bigger eyes at him.
'How did you know?' he whispered. 'Don't tell me, you are my s-'
'Shut up. Don't say it.' Felix gasped. 'Gods, I can't believe this. For years – years- I was wondering how you were. And now you are here. I, I can't believe this.' Felix fell back on his chair again. Years filled with pain followed by years of worrying came flowing back to him and he felt like he was getting overwhelmed by all his emotions. Or Sylvain's, at this point he wasn't sure anymore.
Now it was his time to burry his face in his hands. Both of them stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Sylvain felt completely devastated while Felix just stayed in his position, not showing his face.
After a while Sylvain took some steps toward the other and tucked his hands into his. At last he could see that silent tears were making it down the other's face.
He reached up and caught a tear. 'I'm sorry, Felix...' he suddenly said.
Like a film, his childhood played in his mind while he looked into Felix' teary eyes. He knew that he had a soulmate but he was never sure how deep their connection was since the other never seemed to get hurt. So he had just assumed their bond was only by emotions and they wouldn't feel the other's physical pain. Or rather he had hoped that this was the case because he prayed to all the gods that his soulmate wouldn't have to go through this with him. How could his soulmate ever forgive him for putting him through all this pain? He was sure they would want nothing to do with him anymore after they had found out who he was. Maybe that was the reason why he fooled around with so many hearts, readying himself for his own to be rejected and broken. And the more years passed without any signs of his soulmate, the more he convinced himself that his soulmate didn't have to go through the same shit as him.
But now he saw the raw sadness in the other's tears and his heart clenched. He wanted to slap himself for assuming that his soulmate wouldn't suffer like him. He felt tears prickle at the side of his eyes.
'Why are you apologizing, idiot?' Felix choked out. Tears still flowing. He took in a deep breath, seemingly trying to will the tears away but he just ended up hiccupping.
'Because you have been suffering because of me?' he gripped the other's hands harder and his heart broke when the other shook his head.
'It wasn't your fault. It never was.' he whispered through the tears and then he whiped them away. Sylvain followed his movements and then his eyes latched at the other's sleeve.
He tucked at the hem of the sleeve. 'May I?' he asked and when no protest came he slowly rolled it up, ever so lightly as if Felix' arm would break if he put too much pressure on it. Then he rolled up his own and held it next to Felix. It was as if they were looking at a mirror the way their scars resembled each other.
'You really have them all, huh?' he murmured and then he remembered something. 'You... you tried to cheer me up after the attacks, didn't you? I was always confused about the emotions I suddenly felt but... it was you all along, wasn't it.' Sylvain reached up and cupped Felix' face. Stroking his cheek gently, lovingly.
The other closed his eyes and slightly leaned into the touch. Just for a moment he wanted this moment to last. Finally he had found his soulmate. And he was doing – relatively – well. Well, he was obviously still broken but so was Felix. But now they had each other, picking up the others' pieces and maybe they couldn't be whole anymore but maybe they could be whole together one day.
And at this moment Felix felt like it would be alright.