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“Can I go out on a date next Saturday?” Emily asked. She picked the carrots out of her brown rice.
“Absolutely not.” Erin shook her head.
“Why did you say it like that? What's wrong with going out on a date?”
“You're too young to date, Emily.”
“No I'm not…I'm almost 14.”
“You're 13.” Erin said. “And 13 is too young to date. Almost 14 is too young to date. You need to be focused on school and…”
“And what, Mom? Its 2013 not 1960; lots of kids date. I'm in high school now.”
“That’s a decision for their parents to make. If lots of kids jumped off a bridge…”
“Dad.” Emily groaned and rolled her eyes.
“I'm with your mom on this one, Em. 13 is way too young. You can start dating when you're 16.”
“16? Why don’t you just hold me hostage in my room until I have to register with AARP?” Emily asked.
“Don’t give me any ideas.” Dave said.
“This is wrong.” The teenager shook her head. “This is sexist and wrong. Hotch has a girlfriend but I can't date? How are you going to justify that without immediately seeing how sexist it is?”
“What's sexist mean?” Penelope asked.
“It’s when boys are favored over girls just cuz they're boys.” Derek replied. He was already reaching for a third piece of baked chicken. He looked at his mom but pretended not to see her watching him. Derek was still hungry; he was a growing boy.
“That’s dumb.” Penelope turned up her nose.
“See, she's seven and she knows sexism is ridiculous.” Emily said.
“If you want a girlfriend, I'm not going to fight you on that. Your dad isn’t going to fight you on that. But you're not ready to date.”
“I think you mean you're not ready for me to date.”
“Who would you go out on a date with anyway?” Erin asked. “Who is this boy and why have we never met him. How old is he; is he the same age as you?”
“Not exactly.” Emily went back to looking at her plate. “Why does age matter anyway; you're younger than Dad?”
“Well unless you say he's 12 then the answer is a resounding hell no.” Dave said.
“David,” Erin put her hand on Dave’s arm. “Language.”
“You're never going to let me grow up.” She slammed her fork down. “This sucks.”
“Emily, you’ll be fourteen in three weeks. Just give it another two years. I'm not saying there aren't going to be boys…and a few might even be interesting. I just need you to see it from my point of view for just a moment. One in seven teen girls is at risk for date or acquaintance assault. It could be some older boy, some sweet talker, who is perfectly fine the entire time you're at the movies or the mall and then suddenly you're alone in his car.
“He’s going to be forceful, he might even be mean. I lie awake at night scared to death that could be you. No matter how much you'd like to think otherwise, you're still a kid. And no parent in their right mind would put their kid in any position where that might be the outcome. There are so many things that your dad and I cannot control. That isn’t one of them.”
“Two years is forever Mom.” Emily sighed. She was willing to give her parents the benefit of the doubt on the assault thing. She knew girls her age who had already been forced or cajoled into things they didn’t want to do from boys they liked. Emily sometimes thought she was smarter than all of them. She wasn’t going to do things that she didn’t want to. But most of the time situations like that spiraled out of control faster than anyone could handle. “Why can't it be 15?”
“I'm willing to concede to 15 if you agree to carry a Taser, and are assertive in its use.” Dave said.
“Whoa,” Emily’s eyes went wide. “You'll get me a Taser?”
“She’s under 18, David, Tasers are illegal for minors.”
“I'm a former FBI Agent, you're a current FBI Agent. If we want to get our daughter a Taser than we will.”
“Don’t put me in that.” Erin held up her hand.
“I want the Taser.” Emily nodded.
“The Taser is a long shot.” Her mother said.
“A long shot doesn’t mean no. Will you at least consider it, Mom…please?”
“I’ll consider it.”
“That’s the voice you use when you're totally not going to consider it.” Hotch said. “Just putting it out there.”
“Thank you for that, Aaron.”
“He's right though.” Emily said. “Dad, do something.”
“I am doing something; I'm eating my dinner. We’ll both think about it, Emily. You don’t have to beat a dead horse.”
“And even though I can't date, I can still have a boyfriend right? It’s only fair, considering Hotch and all.”
“I said girlfriend.” Erin said. “Hotch is almost 14 with a girlfriend. If you want to be almost 14 and have a girlfriend too than your father and I accept that.”
“Make sure she’s cute, Em.” Morgan laughed.
“Oh, she’d be a babe alright. No girlfriend of mine would be a bowwow.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Emily.”
“I know, Mom, but some people are so beautiful they don’t even need a beholder. If I can't date until I'm 16, can I have an eyebrow ring instead?”
“One of these days,” Dave shook his head and smiled. “We’re going to have dinner like a normal family.”
“I hate to break it to you Dad,” Hotch said. “But we’re pretty normal.”
“Speak for yourself.” Penelope said.
“We’ll talk some more after dinner, Emily.” Erin said. “Does anyone else want to talk about their day or what's on their mind?”
“I'm gonna wear my Batgirl outfit to school tomorrow.” Penelope said. “My friend Gina is gonna be princess Captain America.”
“I think that’s a great idea, kitten.” Dave said. “Do me a favor and stay young for a long time.”
“OK Daddy.”
“Can we talk some more about Taser guns?” Derek asked. “Cuz I’ll be 15 soon and I would give up a girlfriend for some voltage.”
“I think we should just eat.” Erin said. “Everyone enjoy their dinner and we’ll have a nice, contemplative silence.”
Derek started it, which was how a lot of things in the house went. It was just a little snicker and then he made eye contact with Emily. Her laughter was a bit louder; she covered her mouth with her hand. Her delight, whether it was for no reason or any reason, caught her twin and then all three of them were laughing.
“What is so funny guys?” Erin asked.
“You're the best, Mom.” Morgan tried to stifle his giggles.
“Thank you. That’s worthy of laughter?”
“We just appreciate you putting up with us.” Hotch’s dimples were showing which meant that his words and smile were genuine. “It can't be easy but you jump in with both feet every time. It means a lot to all of us.”
“I wasn’t laughing but it means a lot to me, Mommy.”
“Thanks Penelope.” Erin caressed her daughter’s cheek. “As for the rest of you, I’ll just take the money I’ll need to cover my grays out of your allowance. And I love you guys too.”
***