Work Text:
TJ’s POV
“You rather do a costume with Cyrus than with me? OK, have fun with that.”
I watched as Kira walked away, suddenly worried-- although I wasn’t entirely sure of what. I found out when my phone buzzed later that day. I picked it up and opened Kira’s message:
So about costume day…
I considered just ignoring her but apprehension stirred in my gut once again.
What about it?
You really sure about going with Cyrus?
Yes
I started really wishing the conversation would end right there-- naturally it didn’t.
That seems kinda
Well
You know…
I do?
Yeah, it just seems kind of gay.
You know, considering it’s Cyrus and all
But I think it’s really great that you don’t care what people think
It would just be a shame if someone started rumors
I wouldn’t want anything to come between you two
Would you?
I stared at my screen rereading the text, and suddenly short of breath (it just seems kind of gay), my heart stared beating faster (considering it’s Cyrus), I felt like my stomach was trying to eat itself (if someone stared rumors), my hands went cold and I stared to sweat (between you two), tears pricked my eyes (would you?).
No.
My hands shook as I typed out my response,
You wouldn’t dare
Wouldn’t dare to do what?
(I could practically hear the false sweetness dripping from her voice)
I just think you should know what you’re doing
And what you’re doing could be saying.
My mouth went dry and my brain went into overdrive. What was I even worried about? It’s not like we were together. I’m not even gay! I closed my eyes and tried to quiet the unhelpful part of my brain as it supplied an: Are you sure about that?
Yes (no), the rest of my brain hissed back. Girls are great, they’re pretty and smart and talented and… and I’ve still never had a crush on one. But how do I know that? If I’ve never had a crush how do I know what it feels like? I could have had a thousand and never realized it… But I do know what it feels like, don’t I? It’s always wanting to be near someone, and feeling on fire every time you touch, and your heart speeding up when they laugh, and feeling your stomach do somersaults when you see them smile (no, the irony doesn't escape me). And I know that. And I know that that’s how I feel about Cyrus. And I know that makes me…
it makes me… gay.
It means I’m gay.
So as the first of far more tears than I’d like to admit went sliding down my cheeks I shakily typed a response back to Kira:
So
What’s your idea?
~~~~~
TJ’s POV
I had done the math (ha):
Cyrus + Me + Costume = Kira outs me and I lose Cyrus, my other friends, and my reputation forever.
It seemed like a pretty straight forward (I’m not really sure where all these puns are coming from) equation to me. But as always it seems I’d failed to account for something. The look on Cyrus’s face when he saw me in my costume with Kira. I realized that maybe I was going to lose Cyrus anyway. I hoped he could see how sorry I was.
~~~~~
Cyrus’s POV
I don’t care how sorry he looked, that was horrible... Is what Buffy said to me later that day, after I had changed out of my embarrassingly straightforward costume. It’s also how I want to feel about all of this. Because it really was horrible…
But he looked so sorry. Something had been nagging at me: Why? It wasn’t like TJ to just ditch with no notice (I mean, it kind of was, but he’s never done something like that to me). Which is why when I saw him sitting on the swing, unmoving, head in his hands, I didn’t turn around and leave.
“Hey,” I’m quiet but he still jumps turing to look at me-- he looks awful, judging by the circles under his eyes he hasn’t slept at all the two days since the Incident (to be fair I haven’t either) “Is that swing taken?” I ask him, gesturing to the empty swing next to him. A smile ghosts over his lips
“That’s my line… but no it isn't.” I cautiously sit,
“So. How about an explanation.” he visibly flinches but nods and runs his hands over his legs and then his face.
“She… she was going…” TJ stands and faces away, swallowing hard and blinking the tears out of his eyes “She was going to out me.”
it was barely more than a whisper-- but I heard it just the same. I start and sit in shock for a moment. TJ is still facing away, his arms crossed staring at the tops of the trees edging the park. My brain is spinning a million miles per second. I feel like I’m missing something-- like I know the answer to the problem is five, but all I see is two plus two. Then I find the missing piece and it all makes sense. Before I have time to think I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. When he turns around I don’t remove it, and a shy smile flits across his face. I feel his hand closing around my free one and I smile back, lacing our fingers together. I’m really not sure who closes the distance-- but that doesn’t matter, because all of a sudden his lips are on mine and everything seems right.
It’s fast and chaste and by most standards far from perfect, but it’s ours and to us it’s magic.