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Every time Hajime Hinata closed his eyes, images of what happened that day clouded his mind, making him want to keep them open forever if that meant he could just have a moment of peace.
A clock was rhythmically ticking away in his cottage, and while before the boy welcomed the soft interruption of complete silence besides the sound the ocean made seeing as they were on an island, now it only reminded him of the fact that time was flying by and soon enough this peaceful setting would once again be ruined. Exhausted he truly was, mentally and physically, but still sleep refused to overtake him. Even if this bed was more comfortable than he could ever remember a bed being before, and even if the moonlight was shining softly through his partially closed blinds which lit the room in a pleasant not too dark for scary thoughts and not too light to be distracted energy, Hinata’s body was everything but resting. Gripping onto his bed sheets that he casted away before, he wanted to force himself to man up and just try to sleep at least, but he couldn’t. He closed his eyes for only a second, and there it was again.
The crime scene. Something he had been certain at the time he witnessed happening, and he couldn’t do anything about it as the person whose face was masked with a bag was getting ready to never be able to take it off again. And the horror he could remember being on his own face and everyone else’s when they realised this person was Ibuki Mioda, their normally so lively and cheerful friend that managed to keep Hinata sane so far with her ways of being, even if that shouldn’t make sense when she was a little strange herself. It wasn’t the only crime scene, soon enough they found out about a second victim. And it made no sense at first of course, because why would anyone need to kill two people when that would only cause for more evidence that could lead to someone? Yet there she was, Hiyoko Saionji with her eyes as lifeless as her body was. The shock of finding a body was soon multiplied by this discovery. Monokuma didn’t even spare them the time to get frustrated about it all, no. He made sure that everyone would get to investigating and starting the class trial, since that was probably the most fun part of the deal for the evil stuffed animal.
The guy turned in his bed, face in his pillow as he tried to stop himself from thinking about it. He already felt a headache forming, and he’d had enough of those after having to listen to Nagito for over an hour during the class trial.
The trial had been mentally draining, to be honest. Everything just seemed wrong and all their theories seemed wrong, and boy had he almost given up hope. Maybe right now he kind of wished he had, since the revelation that came with unmasking the true culprit behind the crimes was a heavy burden to carry now. Mikan Tsumiki, the girl they’d all knew as a sweet young woman that did everything in her power to be of help and not get in anyone’s way was completely different from the girl they’d came to know after the trial. After the second killing Mikan and Hajime had gotten closer as friends, when he was able to help her during her hard time at the hospital because of the despair disease. Even if past events led to the girl believing she wasn’t, Hinata truly believed her to be a wonderful person, even with all the stuttering and crying and apologizing. He felt bad for her, but that wasn’t the reason that he wanted to become her friend. He wouldn’t befriend someone out of pity, after all. She was more interesting than she led on, and even if she was strangely passionate about being a nurse, that didn’t down her qualities. Maybe especially because of the fact that she was a nurse, Hinata had fully trusted her. Because of her way of being when everyone was around, because of her way of being when it was only them, and because she was just overall really needed around. Yet the despair disease didn’t even pity her of all people. Monokuma had said that all the despair disease did to her was bring back some of her memories, and if that was really true, Hinata wasn’t sure if he really wanted his stolen memories back when he thought about what happened to the girl. For some beloved none of the other classmates knew about she killed not just one but two people, and showed no remorse for her actions either. For the second time since waking up on this island, Hajime couldn’t help but feeling completely betrayed once the truth came out. He was pretty sure she didn’t even care that much about her execution, and maybe that was the worst of it all. Stuffed with drugs until she would die ironically for her ultimate talent, and the lovestruck sick expression never left her face. It was horrifying to watch.
Hinata sat up in his bed and groaned quietly, shaking his head to rid himself of all the thoughts. Glancing at the clock, it wasn’t even that late in the evening yet. Perhaps time just felt a lot slower in here. Whatever he was going to do, it wasn’t going to be laying in bed with his thoughts like this if it wouldn’t change a thing. Taking a deep breath, the boy silenced himself again, as he listened to the soft rocking of the ocean outside of his cottage. It reminded him of a simpler time, when he was little. His parents had enough money to get around, so he felt like they really had almost no problems. They owned a beach house in another country, and ‘til his fifteenth year, Hajime always accompanied them during the summer vacation of his school to this house. There wasn’t a lot to do there of course, definitely when his parents were mostly interested in spending time off together instead of focussing on their kid, but he could remember how calming hearing the noise of water splashing against the shores was. Without any further thought, he slid out of bed and put his usual attire on as he walked to the door of the cottage. He didn’t need to bother with the lock; after all, Ibuki had broken it before. The memory made him frown a little, and for some reason he decided it maybe didn’t need fixing that bad.
There was a pleasant breeze outside as the boy walked, and luckily the tropical island did hold a bit of it’s warmth at night, so Hajime didn’t feel too cold. Even if by now he knew how to get to the beach by heart, it was nice that the way was lit with small lanterns that he’d seen all over the island so far. They emitted a soft light that wasn’t too painful for his eyes to get used to after the darkness of his room, and although the lights probably weren’t actually necessary since the moon illuminated most of the place and the path he had to walk already, he found himself enjoying them somewhat. Breathing in the night air and trying to calm himself down that way, he followed the path that during day time he’d walked countless times before.
Hajime knew that the people around him and the people on the island knew him as a pessimist, but he himself found that not to be true. He was a realist, really, and there was nothing wrong with that. He proved himself that much by coming out of his cottage at this time of day; a pessimist would’ve probably worried that they were going to get killed, but with a bit of logic Hinata could calm that worry down with the fact that there was no new motive given yet and a trial had just ended, so there wasn’t that much danger at the moment. And just because he cowered away from some noises at moments he walked past bushes that rustled suspiciously, didn’t mean he was scared. He could fool himself fine enough and call it a reflex. Nothing wrong with that.
Even if Hajime started to resent this place and everything it stood for to his knowledge as soon as Monokuma arrived, at the moment he couldn't help but to be amazed by the sights during this specific evening. For a second there he felt like he stepped into a painting, and even with the lights coming from outside the cottages and the tiny lanterns lighting his way, the sky was as clear as it could be and stars were visible, bringing a nice contrast to the dark blue tone of the sky. It was honestly a lot different than what Hinata was used to, and he didn’t mind so much. It wasn’t the land’s fault that what was going on there was unbearable (no pun intended), it was Monokuma’s. Pretty sure that the bear could see him through one of the camera’s that was hanging around, Hajime made sure to be extra petty and glare into one of those things so hopefully the stuffed animal could feel the hatred the guy felt towards him and the person controlling him.
The average looking boy soon enough arrived at the beach, the sound of the ocean and the waves getting more clear the closer he got to his destination. Even if the worries never left his brain, a small smile tugged at his lips as he breathed in the scent of the clear water and the night around him. The first time the whole class came to this beach, things soon escalated into a drama, but that didn’t matter at the moment. He could remember them having fun, and he himself being reluctant to join in on the fun with them; at the moment he wished he could’ve been like them right at the start. But perhaps he was glad that he was thinking more logically at the moment and that he didn’t trust in things going this smoothly like his other classmates had, so the fact that everything indeed went wrong didn’t bring him down too much as he somewhere expected it to happen eventually. Yeah, of course he didn’t think that they would have to murder each other and hold class trials to proof who did what so in the end Monokuma could kill that person off as well, but still.
Hinata huffed to himself for letting his thoughts return to the stupid bear and the latest events he came to this beach to forget about, and kicked his shoes off, barefooted joining the sand. The sand was softer than he imagined it to be for some reason, and it felt pretty nice; it was still warmer from the sun than the air around him was, since it held onto the temperature longer, a pleasant heat coming from his feet and setting in his body as he stepped closer towards the shore. It was sad that they were supposed to fall asleep in their cottages, otherwise he was sure he could have been able to fall asleep right here at the moment. Even if the air was a little salty, that didn’t matter; Hajime supposed it only fit him and his mood at the moment. He got cranky and snappy pretty easily when he was tired, but since he was alone at the moment, that didn’t matter all too much: he could be cranky all he wanted, as long as he got a bit of peace here. The boy got the closest to the water he could get, without the sand being wet yet so it would stay the soft texture instead of the muddy type that would stick to your skin, as he sat himself down, for now not caring about his pants possibly getting ruined. Resting his head in his hands and his elbows on his legs as he sat a little hunched over, the student eyed the blue ocean as he let memories about going to other beaches when he was younger consume him. It was quite nice to take a break at caring about things for a moment.
Hajime jumped a little from where he was sitting when a hand was placed on his shoulder to make a person known, hearing the sound of them sitting down beside him. The brown haired male had been so deep in his own thoughts he didn’t notice someone else entering the beach at all, so he was a little startled when suddenly someone made their presence known. With eyes bigger than he intended them to be, his gaze met the person who was interrupting the time Hinata had planned to have for himself to calm his worries and be pissed off at the world in peace.
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you’, a voice he recognized told him with a bashful smile, as the face he also recognized was set in a worried frown. Nagito Komaeda.
The Ultimate Lucky Student had taken a seat next to Hinata, sitting cross legged and with pale hands somewhat timidly placed on his lap. His white hair as unruly as ever, which wasn’t anything strange for the boy. Sometimes Hajime found himself wondering what he did to his hair to make it stay… big like that, but most of the time he realised he probably didn’t want to know. His pale skin almost seemed like it was glowing from the moon light shining and high lighting it, but his eyes appeared darker than Hinata knew they actually were. And to be frank, at the moment Hajime loathed those eyes. ‘What are you doing here, Komaeda?’, he asked, although it came out more like a snarl. The guy didn’t even flinch, and Hinata regrettably thought this could be because the ultimate knew all about his antics and how he got when it was late and he was tired. Nagito did sit back a bit however, granting the brown haired boy some space as he spoke. ‘I could ask you the same thing’.
His eyes stayed on Hajime, and the boy didn’t get as uncomfortable as he thought he would get, and as he would like to get. Those eyes were deceptive and misleading, Hinata had to find out before. He trusted them once he got on this island, and he trusted them completely to back him up, but instead they turned into mirrors to Komaeda’s mad soul during the first trial. No matter how much truth and carefulness they held now, Hinata didn’t want to look at them, he had no reason to. Still, he didn’t turn away. ‘No, you cannot’, he retorted. A soft laugh escaped the luckster’s lips at his sassy remark, the laugh that Hajime before remembered he quite enjoyed, not the one that send shivers down his spine from uncomfortableness during the trials. ‘I would think as much, for trash like me to be taking up your precious alone time...’, Nagito said, which turned to muttering as he came towards the end of his sentence. Somewhat self conscious his gaze left Hajime’s, and instead the boy opted to look at the sand. And just because Hajime really wanted to be able to think like that about the lucky student, he still didn’t feel right hearing the guy talk like that about himself. Komaeda always put himself down like that since he felt like his talent wasn’t a real talent, yet he still made the effort to become friends with Hinata, and the student didn’t fully understand; he still couldn’t remember what his ultimate talent was, and for all they knew it could be something completely worthless or stupid. ‘Whatever’, Hajime huffed, folding his arms over his chest and hoping the other could sense he was displeased with this conversation.
‘Hajime, is something wrong?’, Nagito hesitated, his head tilting a little with curiosity. Of course he hadn’t meant it in an offensive way, or in an intruding way for that matter, but the question still baffled the brunette. ‘
...Is something wrong?
Are you
serious
right now?!’, Hinata snapped somewhat perplexed, and now the white haired male did flinch back a little. Good. ‘You seriously don’t know?!’. Trying to calm the riled up guy down, Komaeda put his hands out in defense as his eyes widened a little when he realised his choice of words. ‘Oh- oh!, I didn’t mean-’. ‘After what happened today, and you
dare
to ask me that? Well, Komaeda, maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you, and this all doesn’t mean anything to you, but I
do
fucking care alright, a lot! And you can
not
expect for everyone to life in your little fantasy world where death is some step ladder for your awful concept of hope, since I am sane, and I’d like to stay that way’, Hinata raged, all pent up worry and confusion and distrust and hatred coming together and getting out in a frustrated battle against the poor luckster.
‘N-no, seriously, I didn’t mean to-’, Nagito tried again, an awkward and nervous smile on his face as he stood up, but when he did, so did Hajime, and the boy interrupted his excuse. ‘Yes, Komaeda, something is wrong. In fact, everything in here is wrong. But you wouldn’t know, and Mikan wouldn’t know, since you all decide for some reason that after earning my trust and becoming my friend to go and turned out to be fucked in the head!’, Hinata cussed, something he didn’t do often but once he snapped he couldn’t turn back that easily. His actual worries and his actual underlying thoughts also spilled in his speech: it was true, after all. He got close to Nagito, and the guy turned out to be crazy. He then got closer to Mikan, and she did the exact same thing. It was frustrating. Still, for some reason, the Ultimate Lucky Student let this raging of his past friend come over him and he silently listened to him. ‘Is that what worries you?’, he asks softly, a determined look that Hinata hadn’t quite seen before on his face. ‘It doesn’t “ worry ” me, it’s frustrating me! First you, then Mikan, who’s gonna be next?! I can’t do this when everything I work towards gets thrown off by you sick people!’, Hajime snarled at him. The white haired male didn’t flinch anymore, but seemed to have steadied himself as he expected such a response. The breeze felt like it was acting up a little, but Hinata didn’t care, since he felt quite heated from the argument he was having basically single handedly. ‘Can’t do what?’, Komaeda asked awfully calm, acting like some sort of therapist Hajime knew the boy would definitely need himself. ‘ This ! It’s- everything ! God, Komaeda, is it so hard to understand?!’. Frustrated tears pooled in Hajime’s eyes, but he bit them back; he wasn’t going to cry today. He was going to say what he truly wanted to say, even if it was partly because of his sleepy mind.
‘Hajime, you are worrying too much’, Komaeda told him in all honesty, and even though he could see the boy’s rage acting up again, he still smiled reassuringly at him. It wasn’t as if he was trying to reassure himself. It was worse. Hajime was fairly positive this was to reassure him that he could be angry and the guy would understand, even though that could have just been him hoping too much and looking to much into it. ‘How do you expect me not to worry?! People are dying , Nagito, and I’m not sure how to get it through your thick skull, but death means forever gone . My friends, my classmates, people I used to know but because of that damn stuffed animal I just cannot remember, and it’s unfair! People are dying, and the ones I try to call my friends are turning out to be insane, and I just- I can’t! First you, then Mikan, who is next? Am I going to find out Kazuichi used to torture people? Am I going to find out Sonia beheaded her parents? Am I going to find out one of you spend half their life in jail for a failed murder attempt? Am I going to find out that I am crazy too?!’, Hajime ranted, his face set in a permanent frown as he saw Nagito think about what was being said to him. Almost childishly, the boy couldn’t help but to stomp his foot in frustration at the person that was in front of him, calmly listening to Hinata yell at him. For some reason he would’ve felt less angry at the dude if he would actually fight back, but he didn’t. He let Hinata rage at him, and he let Hinata call him crazy and call the others things, and he let Hinata think whatever he was thinking at the moment that got him all worked up. If he wasn’t pissed before, he sure was now.
‘You don’t even care’, Hajime chuckled humorlessly, but more like a scoff. Komaeda’s eyes met his again, and for some reason he could sense in them that this was far from the truth, however, he chose not to acknowledge that. ‘No, that’s wrong. I do care’, Nagito said, denying this claim. His arms were also folded over his chest, almost mirroring the brunette, however his weren’t as tightly wrapped around himself in anger as Hajime’s were. ‘No, all you care about is your stupid hope and how twisted you can come across’, he accused him, knowing it was probably a very shitty thing to say, but he was in a very shitty mood in the moment after all. Komaeda was at a loss for words, but Hinata surely wasn’t. He kept yelling at the boy, while for some reason the other didn’t try to answer anymore, and just let him.
‘...And it’s always the damn same, and I wish you wouldn’t understand why no one on this island trusts you but you do and it’s furiating how you speak about yourself and about all this hope bullshit when one of our friends has
died
! You don’t even care about murder, I don’t know why I’m having this conversation with you’, Hajime grunted, snapping his head away to avoid the look Nagito was giving him. Instead, he focussed his gaze on the ocean, the ocean that had calmed him down before, but now only served as a background noise to drown out the silence between the moments Hinata decided to start yelling at Komaeda again. ‘No. no… I do care about murder, I do’, Nagito spoke softly, defending himself but not that much as he again held out his hands in a defensive manner. It was almost sad to see, really. A small smile again tugged at the white haired boy’s lips, as he continued. ‘I just don’t mind dying for the sake of hope, that is. For the sake of all of your hopes’. Hajime stared at him in disbelief for a moment, completely silent.
Then the tears started to flow.
Komaeda was a little started, and he took a step forward, although Hajime cowered back almost instantly. ‘Hey- hey, wait, I don’t-’, he said quickly, his eyes wide as he watched tears roll down Hinata’s cheeks, and the boy in question angrily wiping them from his face, but they kept coming. ‘I-I don’t know what to do’, Nagito stammered, and it didn’t help at all in the situation. ‘Well I-I don’t fucking kn-know either!’, Hajime hiccuped in between sobs, as he shamefully balled his hands into fists at his sides. He didn’t want to cry in front of his classmate, definitely not if that classmate was Nagito Komaeda out of all people. He knew why he was, though. He felt alone, he felt lost, and he felt frustrated. He couldn’t trust, and he couldn’t understand, when he truly wanted to understand. He didn’t want to hate Nagito, that was never his intention. He just wanted to find out for some magical reason that his intentions weren’t actually evil, but he just had a different way of thinking. Even if that was probably true, Hajime just couldn’t understand him, and it was so very frustrating. He was shaking, and he was staring daggers into the other’s feet. Even if he did keep his eyes open his vision was slightly blurry, so he didn’t realise when Nagito again moved.
He was pulled into the other’s arms.
His first instinct was to pull away and yell at the other more. Even if the touch felt somewhat hesitated, Komaeda closed his arms around the boy with a determined strength. And it was… comforting.
So Hajime didn’t pull away. He leaned into the touch, instead.
Wrapping his arms around Nagito in return, he buried his tired face into the other’s clothed shoulder, probably ruining that green jacket he loved to wear with his salty tears. Komaeda’s heartbeat was sped up a little, but it didn’t matter that much. He was showing humanity. He was showing compassion. And it was all that Hinata needed at the moment. Hands were softly rubbing circles in his back, and he vaguely heard the white haired boy mutter things in his hair to calm him down, yet he couldn’t focus on the actual words. A soft defining scent of the other made Hajime close his eyes and try to focus on the steady breathing of the person he was hugging. Arms tightened around him a little, and it felt almost protective. Komaeda’s soft whispers and the sound of the water splashing against the shore clouded Hajime’s brain. The heartbeat of the other steadied, and so did his own, as he felt it rhythmically tick against their joined chests. After getting out his rage and his pent up emotions, he was able to hold onto the person he’d projected his problems onto. Even though he felt a pang of guilt in his heart, he tightened his arms around Nagito in return and decided to ignore that guilty feeling for now. Instead, he focussed on the change of aura. No longer was the breeze a bad addition to the conversation, instead it made the boy bury his face deeper into the shoulder that was giving him to cry into. The tears had eventually stopped, but he didn’t quite let go of the hug. He felt… peaceful.
With a bit of a hoarse voice, Hajime spoke up again, this time softly. ‘You’re really cold, do you need to go inside?’, he asked. The fact that he just spend half an hour shouting at the guy was ignored, strangely enough on both sides. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, is it unpleasant?’, the lucky student asked quickly, ready to step away and probably ready to trash talk himself again, so Hinata explained himself before that could happen. ‘No, no, don’t worry about it. It’s just, I wouldn’t want to keep you cold out here’, Hajime muttered, his breathing matching Komaeda’s fully. He could quickly notice his breathing hitching a bit. And Hinata pulled back a little bit only to be able to look at Nagito. ‘You okay?’, he asked, biting his lip, and the guilt must have been evident on his face as Komaeda reassuringly smiled back. ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. You needed that, and… and I think I’m lucky to be here’.
‘I wouldn’t call yourself lucky right now’, Hajime couldn’t help but to chuckle, bringing his head back to rest his chin on Nagito’s shoulder. The boy’s breath tickled his neck as he spoke, and he didn’t mind. ‘No, trust me. I came outside to clear my head a bit, just like you apparently, and I got to meet you here’, he said, the smile evident in his voice. He was actually being for real.
Even though Hinata briefly questioned why that would be considered lucky by Komaeda, he couldn’t help but to dwell a little on what he said first. ‘...Trust me?’, Hinata repeated quietly, a small frown on his face. Did he trust Nagito? He didn’t want to, he knew that much. He felt betrayed by the other, after all. But was it really a betrayal? The Komaeda he was listening to right now, who was trying to calm him down and with that willing to go as far as to hug him and listen to him rage to him for this period of time, that seemed an awful lot like the friend he first made on this island. He couldn’t be evil, could he? No one was evil yet this… attentive, of all things. Perhaps the fact that he couldn’t understand Nagito wasn’t because the other was filled with malice, but because his way of thinking was entirely different from Hajime’s. And that didn’t mean that Komaeda hadn’t done anything wrong, because he surely has, but if his intentions weren’t evil, couldn’t Hajime forgive him? After all, the luckster did let him shout and yell whatever he wanted to for as long as he wanted to, no questions asked, and he immediately forgave him afterwards. Does that count as trust?
‘Yes. You can talk to me’, Nagito said, sounding nothing but genuine. This made Hinata tense a little. He wasn’t planning on actually confessing anything about his deeper feelings towards the other, and just because he was tired and snapped some of it out of there, didn’t mean he was willing to treat Komaeda like some therapist both probably needed. ‘You need to stop calling yourself trash’, Hajime defensively retorted, noting how in return the luckster also tensed a little in his arms. ‘Alright, touche’, Nagito chuckled softly, and both boys calmed down. Nevertheless, Hajime still talked to him. It might now have been about his feelings or whatever, but he did feel a bit of pride knowing he could trust Komaeda at least a little after everything that happened. The dude indeed had a different way of thinking and had different priorities (which Hinata still didn’t fully agree with, but hey, no one could be perfect), but he wasn’t the bad guy . Monokuma was, and hopefully, Hajime could continue on with all his hatred pointed towards the actual cause of all of this, instead of the friends surrounding him.
‘I truly am lucky to know you if you’re still willing to spend time with me’, Nagito said with a genuine smile as they stepped back from each other, his hands being gently hold. It felt intimate in a comforting way; the boy knew his boundaries, but he wasn’t scared to show that he cared, in whatever way possible. ‘Yeah you are’, Hajime smirked a bit, jokingly adding a ‘you better watch out, soon I’ll turn out to be some crazy killer as well’. It was honestly not a great way to deal with his worries, but luckily it made Nagito laugh. ‘Counting on it’, the white haired male answered.
Even if their conversation was a little strange, Hajime surely recognized the person he’d befriended before. He wasn’t completely different like Hinata thought; there was just a layer that he hadn’t paid attention to before to the dude. He had some problems, sure, but who didn’t? Hinata would be glad to be able to help him if he could, definitely because he didn’t feel like letting a friendship go, no matter how the others thought about it. Perhaps because Nagito was unpredictable at times, he could be the most trustworthy person on the island; everyone knew what he was capable of, it was no secret anymore.
Hajime looked into his friend’s eyes, thinking the interaction over. He came to the beach to help himself feel peaceful enough to be able to sleep later, and he would leave here knowing that something that had been bothering him deep inside was at least settled a bit now.
‘Thank you’, Hinata muttered as Nagito had taken his leave to go back to his cottage. Finally, he did feel at peace.