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Yuki does it again. Again and again and again. He always follows up with a sheepish and soft “sorry” that Machi doesn’t understand. She tries to make sense of it all, exactly what in Yuki’s life causes him to jolt away instantly when she gets too close to him. Hugs start off tense until they relax into their mold, his arms flexing to keep them securely together. Machi’s not at the pinnacle of physical touching herself, her time with Yuki an entire learning process that’s pushing her to accommodate for other people, begrudgingly including Kakeru. But Yuki’s a special case. She’s aware of the room that Akito locked him in, and how his mother hit him on a couple occasions, thoughts that raise a fierce ire in her, but it doesn’t seem to account for how jumpy he gets at sudden full body contact. Maybe it was the lack of a caring person giving him the physical touch he needed, but she can never be sure.
The sun shines warmly on them, almost enough for Machi to break out into a sweat uncomfortably, the white of her uniform her only savior as it reflects the heat. Yuki doesn’t seem bothered, chatting away about Naohito messing with the AC unit and almost breaking it, complaining that it was too cold.
“Naohito might be the death of me yet.” Yuki huffs in amusement.
“I think it’s good you have someone in each year that gives you a hard time.”
“Hmm?”
“Keeps you humble.” Machi teases, no hint of a smile.
“Ha!” Yuki bursts out. “If that’s humbling, I’ve been humbled enough.”
Machi snorts and smiles, looking at his easy-going expression that appears more natural the more she spends time with him.
Her observations are cut short when there’s no ground under her foot, sending her heart in her throat in a rush of adrenaline. A curb had dipped down, catching her lack of attention and sprawling her forward. She catches herself quickly enough, not face planting, but not without arms flailing. Yuki only grabs a hold of her when she’s already steadied herself, catching her breath.
He assists her in righting herself up. “Machi, are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch you fast enough.” It parallels easily enough the first time she tripped in front of him, Yuki only standing and watching without initially trying to catch her. Machi’s observed him enough, has seen Yuki’s reflexes and athleticism and knows he’s not incapable. So where does the aversion come from?
“Is there a reason?” Machi looks up to Yuki. “That you have a harder time physically catching people or being close to them suddenly?”
Yuki’s face pulls into shock, eyes diverting and looking unsure. “Ah, um, I guess I—” He cuts himself off and stares off into nothing, eyes going unfocused momentarily before blinking several times. He puts a hand to his forehead, a way to settle his frustrations, Machi’s learned. But she doesn’t want to push if it’s going to upset him. She makes to apologize, to drop the conversation, but Yuki beats her to it before she can open her mouth.
“Yes. There is a reason. It’s just hard to talk about. It’s…unbelievable in a lot of ways. I was going to tell you about it actually, the day we first kissed, but I got sidetracked and it didn’t seem to matter. But if you’ll listen to me, I’ll talk about it.” Machi nods her head without thought or words. Yuki stands before her, nervous but collected, trusting but cautious, and she knows what he’s about to tell her isn’t a run of the mill confession. The tenseness around his eyes and in his shoulders sit like hardened concrete, Yuki’s thoughts clearly running wild. She understands this well. Telling Yuki about the dysfunctions of her family fastened her curled up posture, like moving would scare Yuki off like a skittish animal. But Yuki wasn’t skittish, not in the way he seems now, and Machi’s not about to give the impression she can’t handle what Yuki’s about to tell her.
They spend the remaining walk to her apartment in silence, the sound of her door unlocking louder without their usual chatter. Yuki goes to use the bathroom while she begins on the tea, pulling out the cup she’s unofficially designated as Yuki’s, not to be used by anyone else. Yuki comes back before the tea is finished and sits cross legged at the table, loosening his tie to pull it completely off his neck.
“I’m sorry I’m so down all of a sudden. It’s not easy to talk about.”
“Please, don’t worry about that. I’m the one who brought it up.”
“And I’m glad you did.” Yuki looks her in the eye, body and face directed toward her, confident. “I think you deserve to know.”
Machi nods, not entirely settled. “Okay.” The kettle reaches boiling, blue light clicking off as the water bubbles. Machi makes up both of their cups, sitting down adjacent to Yuki and setting his tea down. Yuki thanks her as he centers his cup, not moving and contemplating.
“I don’t really know where to start so bear with me please.” Yuki laughs humorlessly. “Are you familiar with the Chinese zodiac and the legend including the cat?”
Machi nods, remembering it as one of the stories her mother told her younger brother.
“What if I told you that the spirts of the zodiac, including the cat, possessed humans for hundreds of years and when hugged by someone of the opposite sex they transformed into those animals?” The corner of Machi’s mouth wants to tip up. It sounds like something Kakeru would spin to add flare to a story, but Yuki’s looking directly at her, the question non-rhetorical as he waits for her answer.
She clears her throat. “Um, I would think that as odd, I suppose.”
“You’re right, it is odd. And if I told you it was true?”
She runs through her head someone getting hugged by another person and just turning into an animal. It doesn’t sound pleasant, coming off as more of a giant inconvenience. Not being able to hug a family member or friend or even a significant other sounds lonely in a way.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t imagine that it’s a great way to live.”
“Hm. And if I told you that those spirits possessed my family line, lasting for multiple generations?”
Machi doesn’t respond, tentatively putting the pieces together and wondering if where this was going was in the realm of possibility. Yuki’s not one to lie or make up exaggerated stories with no truth to them and has nothing to gain by telling her a false tale of possessive spirits. He wasn’t faking his nervousness so him and Kakeru could pull a fast one on her. His eyes, grey as a storm cloud, were determined for her to believe him. She sees Yuki in her memory, always careful to hug or catch her, always rejecting the girls who would confess to him. The palms of her hands began to sweat, thinking of what Yuki’s really telling her right now.
“So…were you possessed?”
Yuki’s shoulders release at that moment, tension easing up. “Yes.”
“And you’re no longer possessed?”
“Correct.”
Silence stretches between them, Machi not knowing where to begin with all the questions that are now flooding in.
“What animal were you?”
An embarrassed look crosses his face. “Ahh the rat.”
“Oh.” She tries not to let her lack of fondness towards rodents show and takes a sip of her tea.
“How did it work? Like transforming?”
“Chest to chest, chest to back, back to back, then poof, in a big cloud of smoke we were our animals.”
“Did it hurt to transform?”
“No. I was just…very small.” Yuki laughs at the end and Machi can’t help but smile along.
“So you’re hair and eyes, is that because you were the rat?” Machi doesn’t know if she’s prying but she can’t stop the flow of questions she has.
Yuki nods, and goes down the line of the Sohma’s at school that had been possessed along with Shigure and the few others she had met over summer. He delves into the secrecy of their family and the reach they have to keep such a thing a secret. Money, memory suppression, violence, all to keep this secret from getting out and becoming unmanageable.
“And then there’s Akito. He’s, er, I mean she’s the family head, but she was also god, the one who invited everyone to the banquet, and she had complete control over us. There was no denying her or going against her word. She no longer has that control, and she's not power hungry the way she was, but it still impacted everything we did. Some people called it a bond, we called it a curse. Being attached the way we were with no possible means of escape was a lousy bond. It created a lot of tension, ruined a lot of families, and showed how selfish people can be.”
Machi lets his morose words roll over her. The stories he belayed of his mother and Akito have more context than before, issues borne from an ancient social hierarchy that doesn’t even exist in the modern world. It truly was a lonely existence.
“That all sounds really terrible.”
Yuki hums. “It was. It warped our views, made us alienate people, even our own, all for the sake of upholding the bond. I was going to tell you all this that one day, but it just so happened right as I was about to tell you the curse broke.”
“Eh?” Machi startles. “Really?”
“Mm-hm. The curse wasn’t tangible, it existed on its own plane that I couldn’t possibly understand, but the severing of the curse was both the most hollowing and freeing experience I’ve ever had.” The end of his sentence trails off, quiet but just loud enough for her to hear.
Machi rests her hand over Yuki’s. She remembers his tears and that he had said good-bye to someone, confused almost as much as herself at that time, but it all makes sense. As unbelievable as it all sounds it still adds up.
“And Honda-senpai? Did she know?”
Yuki laughs, a fond smile appearing. “Yes, but it was an accident the first day she moved in with us. I could blame Kyo since he was the one not paying attention, but Shigure and I invited her to live with us despite the risk, so it was really only a matter of time. Akito decided she could keep her memories though and continue to live with us.”
“I see. Everything. I just…I get it now. It’s a lot, but it makes sense with what I know. It really is almost unbelievable.”
“Almost?” Yuki parrots, teasing and leaning in.
Machi doesn’t respond, instead leaning in and meeting Yuki in the middle. Machi tries to put her trust in the kiss, using her hand to keep Yuki close. They pull back and Yuki tucks her hair behind her ear.
“I’m happy I told you. I’ve been holding on to it for a couple months now, but I wasn’t sure when I could tell you. I’m glad you asked.” He repeats from earlier. It eases the tension she was feeling for asking something Yuki might’ve not been ready to talk about yet, an additional reassurance that he feels comfortable talking to her and being open about his feelings.
“And I’m glad you told me. Thank you.” She knows when the time comes, she will continue to return the favor, showing him just how much she trusts him. She can’t imagine it surpassing supernatural spirit possessions, but she knows regardless, he’ll be there for her the way she’ll be there for him.