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The halls of The Salvatore School had been too empty and too quiet for too long. The chill of winter crept through the wooden floorboards and snow coated the ledges of the windows. Josie sat by the fireplace in the main hall, watching the flames lick across the wood, embers crackling and smoke rising through the chimney.
It was winter break and everyone but the Saltzman’s and Hope had gone home to see their families. Lizzie was up in their room, talking to their mother on the phone. Josie had gotten her turn to talk earlier and when she passed the phone off to her sister, she left to give them a little bit of privacy. That was how she ended up alone, on a couch, mesmerized by the fire.
Josie’s thoughts were scattered. She was excited for Christmas and for time with her family, but she was disappointed that her mother wouldn’t be coming home again. She was happy about Lizzie’s budding, new relationship with Hope but she felt more alone now than she ever had. It was a confusing time for her.
This time two years ago, she was sitting on this exact couch, with her head in her girlfriend’s lap. They were talking about Christmas traditions and how Penelope wished that her family had cared enough to have some of their own. Josie was telling Penelope about all of the traditions that her family used to have when they were younger but ended when her mother started going away on long recruitment trips. Despite the dismal conversation, both Josie and Penelope were happy to have each other during the holiday season.
This time last year, Josie had laid in bed, alone and broken-hearted because her mother had canceled her trip home for the holidays and Penelope wasn’t there to fight for her anymore. She spent most of the winter break crying and asking the universe what she did to deserve all of this. What she did that made her so unworthy, so unloveable. What she did to deserve such a short life filled with nothing but heartache.
And this year, Josie sat clutching the letter that she hadn’t read until it was too late. She spent days tracing the letters on the folded paper, tracing Penelope’s beautiful handwriting, but she couldn’t make herself read it again. It wasn’t that she needed to read it again. She had memorized every word, etched each letter into her heart. But she realized that Penelope had been gone for a year now and wasn’t coming back. Josie wanted one last moment to remember the love that they shared, to reminisce in the memories that still occupied her mind. Then she was going to throw the letter into the fire as a symbol of moving on, of giving up, of finally accepting her true fate.
She took a deep breath and unfolded the tattered paper, then began to read.
Jojo,
It’s been a year since I ended things and my heart still breaks every time our eyes meet. It kills me to know that you hate me but at the same time, I understand and I would hate me too. There are some things that you don’t know, some things that made me believe that breaking your heart was my only option, and I am so sorry for having to do that. I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to break your heart, but I did what I felt l needed to do.
I’m writing this for two reasons. The first is because I’m leaving. The second is because I can’t leave knowing that you’ll hate me forever.
My mom called a few days ago. She told me to pack my things and get ready to leave The Salvatore School because my family is moving to Europe. At first, I was excited. You know how much I’ve wanted to travel the world. We had plans to do it together after graduation. But then I realized what I would be leaving behind. It took a few days for me to process everything and I realized that leaving this school, leaving you would hurt, but being here and seeing you look at me with so much disgust, hurt even more. So now, I’m writing this letter to tell you goodbye and to ask for your forgiveness.
What we had was an epic love. And I know we were young and dumb and just trying to make our way through the world, but we did it together and we thrived. We had the world in the palm of our hands and we took it on together. You were my everything for that year, and if I’m being honest, you still are. You can tell me how much you hate me every day for the rest of our lives and I’ll still only smile and say “I know” because I could never hate you.
I know you don’t understand where things went wrong and God do I wish I could explain it all to you, but it’s not my place to. So for now, I’m asking that you let go of all of the hate in your heart and remember the good times that we had together. I don’t need you to love me, I don’t even need you to like me, I just need you to know that I care about you more than I could possibly explain. And I need you to know that I think you are wonderful and strong and worthy and that you can take on the world without me, and still win. And even when I’m gone, I’ll always be in your corner, rooting for you from afar.
With love,
Penelope
The tears started streaming down Josie’s cheeks as she stood up and walked closer to the fire. The memories of that final night and the past year replayed through her eyes. Penelope walking towards the front door without saying goodbye. Josie, herself, running after her to beg her to stay. The tears they shared together. The final kiss. The “I love you” from Penelope and the “I love you too” that Josie didn’t have the courage to say out loud. Penelope walking away from her for the last time without a single glance back. Josie’s legs giving out on her as she fell to the floor sobbing and clutching Penelope’s journal. The anger that darkened her heart when her father told her and Lizzie about the Merge. The darkness that took over her soul and turned her into the person she feared the most. The loss of control over her own actions and her over behaviors because she was possessed with her own monster. Her dark side nearly killing her sister. Her dark side telling her that Penelope doesn’t think she was worth fighting for. Her good side finally realizing that she was too scared to be strong, to be selfish, to be her own person, and defeating all of the evil within her. Forcing herself to put all of her magic into a coin until she knew that she was capable of controlling herself for good. And now, she was finally getting ready to live up to the person Penelope saw in her.
Josie dropped the letter into the flames and took a step back as it was being engulfed. She stood watching the paper burn, the ends falling off into piles of ash, the words disappearing into the air. Nothing else around her mattered, nothing else could take her attention away from her last thoughts about the love of her life and the one who she let slip away.
Nothing else, but Penelope.
“So, this is it, huh?” A familiar, soft voice spoke, ripping Josie from her thoughts, “This is you moving on?”
Josie turned quickly, thinking that she was beginning to hallucinate. Her eyes then met the hazel forests that she thought she would never see again.
“Pen?” Josie whispered, still not believing the sight to be true.
“I’m here,” Penelope sighed, “But it seems that I’m too late.”
Josie looked the shorter girl up and down. She noticed the two bags of luggage off by the main entrance. She noticed Penelope’s hair was a bit longer, but not nearly as long as when Josie had burned it off. She noticed the glimmer of hope in Penelope’s eyes start to fade with every second that Josie didn’t speak.
But Josie couldn’t speak. She was too shocked by the sight of her ex-girlfriend in front of her. Scared that if she opened her mouth, she would wake herself from whatever dream she might have been having. Soft tears started to fall from her eyes as she watched Penelope’s soft smile shine in her direction.
Penelope raised her hand up and brushed a tear-off of Josie’s cheek. She cupped the taller girl’s face between both hands, letting Josie feel the warmth of her palms. Letting Josie feel that she was, in fact, real and that she was really there with her.
Josie closed her eyes, taking in the softness of Penelope’s touch. It only took a moment before their bodies were pressed together in a crushing hug. Josie had her arms over Penelope’s shoulders, wrapping around her neck and her upper back, while Penelope rubbed soft circles on Josie’s lower back.
“I’m here, Jojo,” Penelope whispered into Josie’s ear. It caused a sob to rip through Josie’s body but it didn’t matter because Penelope was there to hold her together.
They stayed in each other's arms for what felt like hours until Josie pulled back and gave Penelope a confused look.
“What are you doing here?” Josie asked softly.
“Come sit with me?” Penelope asked, grabbing Josie’s hand and leading her back over to the couch that Josie had spent most of the night on.
Once they were both seated, Josie’s hand still wrapped up in Penelope’s, Josie repeated, “What are you doing here, Pen?”
“Hope got in contact with me a few months ago… Astral Projection and all that. She forgot about the time difference and woke me out of a dead sleep,” Penelope laughed, “She told me about everything that had happened. That you shut down after everything and got rid of your magic and that you wouldn’t talk to anyone. When I heard that, I knew I needed to come back. I needed to make sure you were okay and I needed to forget all of the hurt and be there for you through this. So, I booked a flight back at the end of the semester and told my mom I was leaving after the second term and I wasn’t coming back.”
“You’re staying?” Josie asked, completely shocked by Penelope’s statement and completely unaware of what Hope had done for her, “Like, permanently?”
“As long as you’ll have me,” Penelope smiled softly, “I already talked to your dad about re-enrolling. I just wanted to talk to you first because you’ve been through enough. I don’t want to add to that.”
“I never thought I would say this after everything that happened between us,” Josie sighed, “But you being here makes everything a lot easier to handle.”
“Then I’m all yours, Jojo,” Penelope chuckled and pulled Josie into another hug. Josie tucked her head into Penelope’s neck and allowed her heart to open, to welcome Penelope back in. Even if she might get hurt again, at that moment, Josie had never felt safer and more comfortable. Penelope had always been a safe haven for her, always a source of comfort and protection. With everything that had happened since Penelope left, Josie didn’t care what would happen in the future, she only cared about the right-now and the feeling of being in Penelope’s arms again.
“JO!” Lizzie's voice sounded from another room, “JO WHERE ARE YOU?”
Penelope took in a deep breath, preparing herself for Lizzie’s wrath when she saw Penelope again. She pulled back from Josie, seeing a look of worry written across her face, and waited for Lizzie to enter.
“There you are!” Lizzie beamed as she came walking into the main hall. She stopped dead in her tracks when she looked past her sister and made eye contact with Penelope, “What the hell is Satan doing here? I thought she was rotting in hell or Belgium or whatever,” Lizzie scoffed.
“Hello to you too, Lizzie,” Penelope glared at the taller blonde, “I see your shrewd, Slytherin side is still showing after a year and a half,” She bit back.
“Enough!” Josie shouted and stood up. She didn’t bother looking at Penelope because she knew the girl was only defending herself from Lizzie’s attack. Instead, Josie looked at her sister with a newfound fire in her eyes, “I’m not going to deal with you two at each other’s throats again. Penelope is back and she’s staying and you, Lizzie, are going to have to get used to it.”
“Jo, she broke your heart twice !” Lizzie defended, “I get that you care about her or whatever, but she LEFT you. She found out you might die and instead of staying until one of us does, she left and broke your heart all over again!”
“She left because I was hurting her just as much as she was hurting me!” Josie argued. She took a moment to compose herself, and then she started her explanation, “When I was stuck in my subconscious with Hope, I felt powerless and worthless. I thought being strong meant being selfish, being evil. I thought being strong meant letting my dark side take over. But it’s not. If there’s one thing Penelope taught me, it's that this world needs the selfless and the selfish to keep spinning. There’s a balance between being a selfless doormat and being a selfish, evil person. There's a balance between being too good and being too evil. And everything that I’ve gone through in the last year and a half, including Penelope leaving, has taught me that... Penelope leaving was what started it all. She didn’t know that I would go rogue, but she knew that if I was left to my own devices, that I would figure it all out on my own. Because she has been the only one to EVER believe in me. And when the time came to take back my own mind from the darkness, it was Penelope that reminded me that I could do it.”
“Jo,” Lizzie exhaled, “I didn’t know any of this…”
“That’s because you never asked,” Josie sighed, “I’m not blaming you, Lizzie. But I’ve finally realized why Penelope did everything that she did. And I’m saying that you can’t blame her for it either. Because if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be me anymore. I’d be that dark, ruthless, evil person that I was a few months ago. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I want to live in the now and in the future and to keep moving forward. And I’d appreciate it if you could too. Penelope is here to stay and I am so happy that she is. So please, just for once, support me in that,” Josie begged.
Lizzie dropped her head in shame and gave Josie a slow nod. After a moment, she looked over to Penelope and said, “I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bitch to you.”
“I’m sorry too. For everything,” Penelope said back and they left it at that. Lizzie gave her sister one last apologetic smile and then left the same way she came in.
Josie turned to face Penelope once her sister was out of sight. Penelope grabbed Josie’s hand and tugged her back onto the couch.
“Did you really mean all of that?” Penelope asked, “About understanding why I did everything that I did? And that you don’t blame me?”
“Every word,” Josie whispered the affirmation. She spoke up for her next statement, “Pen, I have realized so much in the last year and a half. I’ve overcome so many things that I never thought were possible. The one thing that got me through it all, was realizing that I lost you because I never chose myself and I swore to myself that I would never make that mistake again.”
“And what happens when you turn 22?” Penelope asked, her voice breaking halfway through the question.
“We’re closer than ever to understanding the loopholes in the Merge,” Josie explained, “Since my dad told Lizzie and me about it, the two of us and Hope started doing some research with my mom. We asked Hope’s Aunt Freya for help. Freya and my mom think that we’ve almost got it. So for now, I’m going to continue to hope that we will never have to see that day. But if we do, I can’t promise I’ll win, but I can promise that I’m going to put up one hell of a fight.”
Penelope couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Josie understood everything Penelope did. Josie started to fight for herself. Josie beat out her dark side and learned to balance out her good side and her bad side to become such a strong, powerful, caring woman. It was everything Penelope could have hoped for. And on top of all of that, Josie stood up for herself and her feelings when it came to Penelope and Lizzie’s bickering.
Penelope was completely shocked and her heart was soaring. The love of her life was finally choosing herself and deciding to not give up on herself. Finally allowing herself to see a future where she can be happy. Penelope didn’t know if that future included her but she really hoped it did.
Without thinking anymore, Penelope cupped Josie’s cheek with one hand and brought her into a searing kiss. She didn't care if she was messing things up with Josie again. She only cared about the feeling of Josie’s warm lips against her own. Penelope let her one hand slide behind Josie’s neck to hold her in place, while the other dropped down to Josie’s hip. Josie was kissing her back with every ounce of passion that she had inside of her.
Josie kissed Penelope until the whole world fell away, running her fingers down Penelope’s spine until they met her lower back. She pulled Penelope into her until there was no space left between them. Until she could feel Penelope’s heart beating against her own chest. Until they were both out of breath and in need of a break.
Josie pulled back, only slightly, letting her forehead rest on Penelope’s. Their breath mingled, warmth radiating from where the other person’s lips had just been.
“I love you,” Josie whispered.
“I know,” Penelope laughed before pulling Josie in for another kiss. This time it was soft and slow, comforting and reassuring. A small tear fell down Josie’s cheek, but this time it was a happy tear, “I love you too. With all of my obnoxious, selfish, evil heart,” Penelope repeated her words from over a year ago.
“The last time you said that you left,” Josie whispered, pulling her head back from Penelope’s.
“I’m not going anywhere this time,” Penelope assured her and wiped the tears that fell from Josie’s eyes.
“You’re not any of those things, you know,” Josie smiled, “It was wrong of me to say those things about you. You’ve never been obnoxious, selfish, or evil.”
Penelope smiled at the taller girl. She took Josie’s hand in her own and brought it to her lips, placing a soft kiss onto Josie’s knuckles and then intertwined their fingers, “Stay with me tonight?”
“I don’t want to move too fast,” Josie sighed, “I don’t want to mess this up again.”
“No,” Penelope chuckled, “Not like that. Just stay with me. I’ve missed having you in my arms and waking up in the morning with you next to me.”
“Okay,” Josie replied with a soft smile. She stood up, her hand still intertwined with Penelope’s. Penelope followed, allowing Josie to walk her over to her luggage by the main door. Josie grabbed one of the bags and Penelope took the other and then they both made their way up to Penelope’s old room.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been in here,” Penelope sighed, looking at the number on her old room door.
“Everything’s still the same. Those pictures you left on the mirror are even still there,” Josie explained.
“I thought they would have cleaned it out,” Penelope said, surprised when she walked in to see most of the things she left behind, still in their original place.
“I didn’t let them,” Josie whispered. Penelope didn’t know that Josie spent a lot of her time in this room. Whenever she was upset or in a fight with Lizzie or just needed to hold onto Penelope’s memory, this is where she went. She had to beg her dad not to clear it out, but in the end, he let her have her way.
“Why?” Penelope asked as she dropped her bag by the door and took the other from Josie’s hand to do the same.
“Because until today, I wasn’t ready to lose you entirely,” Josie whispered again, “When I threw your letter into the fire tonight, I was ready to move on. To let you go completely. But it was as if the universe was telling me not to because as soon as I did, you were right next to me.”
“So, I guess I wasn’t too late,” Penelope answered with her old cocky grin crossing her face.
“No. Not at all,” Josie laughed. She missed this side of Penelope. The confident, cocky, funny witch that she had fallen for years ago. Josie was glad to see that she was still there. Penelope was so sweet and so hopeful earlier when they were talking, but now she was just a better, more mature version of her old self, “I spent a lot of time in here since you’ve been gone,” Josie admitted.
“Well if I have my way, you’ll be spending a lot more time in here for the foreseeable future too,” Penelope smiled.
She took Josie’s hand and led her over to the bed. After kicking off her shoes and not caring about being in normal clothes, Penelope climbed into her bed and pulled Josie in with her. She rolled onto her side to face Josie and scooted closer until Josie’s head was tucked into her chest. She wrapped her arm around the taller girl’s waist and sighed out an, “I missed you so much.”
Josie mumbled something incoherent with closed eyes, her breathing evening out until she was asleep. Penelope could only smile because there was one thing that didn't change about Josie with all of the growing and maturing that she had done over the last year and a half. It was the fact that as soon as she was in Penelope’s arms, she would fall sound asleep.