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The thing was, Theo’s passion seemed to have no bounds.
There was just a way he held himself, something about the way his eyes held whatever emotion he felt on clear display. Lapin could see him training sometimes, from across a courtyard or from inside the bounds of a castle, aloof and from afar in a way he felt so infinitely familiar with, and he could see even from a distance the clear difference between the ways he practiced depending on his mood. Even then, there was never a lack of energy in the way he attacked, whether it was harsh wide swings as he vented frustration or the clear precise movements of his focus.
His energy wasn’t limited to training though. He threw himself into every task he took on with a fire Lapin could barely comprehend. It made sense he supposed, that Theo, who swore himself to a single cause from such a young age, would handle himself with more dedication than a clergyman who aligned himself with a god that was illegal under the religion he publicly served. But it still took his breath away, sometimes, when he saw (from a distance, that deep gap that existed between them in the eyed walls of the castle outside of their rooms, where the threat of exposure never seemed quite as real) the way he took on any burden regardless of size with a solemn nod and a vow to do his best. Lapin respected it, knew he could never have that approach to life himself. It wasn’t the painful optimism he often saw in others, nor was it his own slightly pessimistic world view. It was something unique to Theo, an opinion that the glass was simply waiting to be refilled once more. It was refreshing
The problem was when he directed those eyes, truly incapable of hiding any emotion, towards him.
As much as he may have thought that his passion for life was overwhelming on it’s own, to see that same passion directed towards himself was always enough to force him to tear his own eyes away.
It would be a beat, a long moment that felt inadequate, while he remembered how to breathe and turned back to the knight. He wassmiling at him then, like he could read his thoughts, and the slightly arrogant nature to it made the way he continued to look at him feel bearable. Lapin felt far too seen when he looked at him like that. It was a strange feeling indeed when truly no one else knew who you were besides the god you worshiped alone in the woods in the dead of night, easy excuse on your tongue at the slightest noise.
“You’re staring,” he whispered. Theo pretended to look apologetic, but there was no apology in his eyes mixed with the mirth and the love, the one thing that Lapin never really could handle seeing directed at him.
“My apologies,” he whispered back, making no attempt to avert his eyes. Lapin did not press the point.
“It’s been a while,” he said instead, because it had. Because there were precious few hours where they could see each other, really, and they were so often eaten up by other things. Theo turned genuinely apologetic, the smile faltering somewhat on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That mission took far too long for something that ultimately served no purpose.”
“Don’t say that,” Lapin waved off the apology. “Maybe it gave those buffoons you’re in charge of a chance to wisen up.”
“Doubtful,” Theo snorted, smile coming back. He raised a hand up the Lapin’s cheek, leaving it rest there. Lapin, unconsciously, leaned into the touch. “I missed you.”
“It was only a week,” Lapin said, because he was hopeless at being romantic and because Theo had turned serious again, and now it felt like the force of his stare was pinning him to the wall, and he couldn’t bring himself to look away this time, not with the way the knight had leaned in, and he could now feel his breath, and the warmth of the hand still cupping his face. He had some height on the other man, but Theo had always been bigger than him, and the hand took up nearly the entirety of one side of his face.
“The week itself wasn’t so bad,” Theo mussed aloud, leaning in even closer. “But getting back last night, knowing I couldn’t see you yet, and watching you all day being stuffy- that was harder. What did the girls do while I was gone, anyways? You seemed more frustrated than usual.”
“Nothing more than their usual antics,” he huffed. “I was just in a bad mood, I suppose.”
“Aw, so you did miss me.” Theo’s grin had taken on a teasing note to match his voice. Lapin rolled his eyes.
“Was that ever in doubt, Theobald?” He asked, refusing to relinquish any hint of the upper hand he still had left. Clearly that was the wrong move, however, and Theo’s smile only widened.
“I suppose not, chancellor,” he murmured, leaning in and closing the gap between them with a kiss. “After all,” he added, moving back once more, at which point Lapin definitely did not unconsciously lean forward to meet him again. “We all know how much of a softy you secretly are.”
“Oh, I believe you have me confused with someone else there, perhaps a mirror,” he suggested. Theo did not take the bait, and leaned in to kiss him again, which Lapin supposed was the much more favorable option anyways. They could fight whenever they wanted, in the castle surrounded by whomsoever cared to watch two men bicker. But this was something they only got to do alone in either of their rooms, usually Lapin due to the numerous close calls where members of the guard had burst into Theo’s unannounced with questions for the captain. Lapin, on the other hand, was more often than not blessedly free of visitors.
“I was surprised to see you running the sermon when we got in today,” Theo said eventually, and, honestly, abruptly. It took Lapin a few moments to gather his thoughts enough to determine what he was talking about.
“Right,” he nodded. “There was some sort of emergency, I was asked to fill in. The girls were quite excited to escape their morning lessons. Of course, that was until I gave them a quiz in their afternoon class over what was discussed.” He expected Theo to laugh at that, and hoped he would just ignore it all together and get back to the task at hand. Instead he continued looking at him.
“It was quite distracting,” he said, still leaning against Lapin, whose back was now fully against the wall. “Didn’t manage to pay attention to a word of the homily, honestly.”
“How blasphemous of you,” Lapin mock reprimanded, irony clear in his words. “In such a holy place of worship, no less. What would the Bulb above say?”
“Don’t worry, I was worshiping, it just wasn’t the Bulb receiving my admiration.” Lapin stared at Theo through squinted eyes as the meaning of his words fully dawned upon him.
“Now that, ” he said slowly, with far less sarcasm in his words than there had been the first time. “Is truly blasphemous.”
Theo smiled at him, and then leaned in again, and then they didn’t do much more talking.