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One Big Family

Summary:

Fuji: "Saa, Echizen, I'm your mommy now."

Echizen: "I'm sorry, what?"

Tezuka: "Fuji! O///O"

Fuji: "And that makes Tezuka your daddy, understand?"

Notes:

For reference, the age range of the team is 13-15 years old, like in the New Prince of Tennis series.

(Except it takes place before Ryoma goes to America and the whole U-17 camp shebang.)

Work Text:

Fuji: "Ne Tezuka, do you want to have kids someday?"

Tezuka: "...We are in middle school, Fuji."

Fuji: "Do you not want to have kids? :("

Tezuka: "We already have them. We have to deal with them almost every day."

Fuji: "We do?"

Tezuka: "...Echizen, come here."

Echizen: "What is it buchou?"

Tezuka: "Fuji, here."

Fuji: "Saa, Echizen, I'm your mommy now."

Echizen: "I'm sorry, what?"

Tezuka: "Fuji! O///O"

Fuji: "And that makes Tezuka your daddy, understand?"

Echizen: "But I already have-"

Momoshiro: "Aren't you only 2 years older than him though? How does that make sense?"

Fuji: "Don't question it, Momoshiro."

Momoshiro: "Yes sir!"

Eiji: "Hold up! You can't just monopolize Ochibi like that! We all know that Oishi is the team mom here!"

Oishi: "...Eiji, what are you saying."

Eiji: "And since I'm his partner, then that means I'm the team dad."

Oishi: "Uhhh."

Fuji: "That can't be right... can it?"

Momoshiro: "If that's the case, then I get to be Echizen's reliable older brother!"

Kaidoh: "Pfft, reliable? Yeah right."

Momoshiro: "What! I am totally a reliable senpai! More reliable than you at the very least!"

Kaidoh: "Oh yeah? Well I can be a reliable older brother too! I'll show you!"

Inui: "Based on this development, then Kawamura I should also be the older brother."

Kawamura: "Eh? Me? Uh, okay?"

Eiji: "Mmm, I think Inui's more of an uncle actually."

Inui: "You do realize that we are the same age, right? The only second years here are Momoshiro and Kaidoh. It goes without saying that Echizen, who is a first year, is the youngest."

Eiji: "Wow, Ochibi is so smol!"

Echizen: "..."

Oishi: "Momoshiro, Kaidoh, stop fighting! Kawamura, could you please help me out here!"

Kawamura: "Y-yes!"

Fuji: "Hmm, but Tezuka looks the oldest among all of us, so that ultimately makes him the team dad."

Tezuka: "Ahem, Fuji."

Fuji: "Therefore, we are the ultimate couple."

Inui: "This can be good data..."

Oishi: "Don't just stand there and watch, Inui!"

Inui: "Ah, r-right."

Eiji: "No way! Oishi and I are the Golden Pair, you know? If that's the case, then the two of you should be the team's grandparents."

Fuji: "Excuse me?"

Oishi: "Phew, they've finally calmed down. Seriously, those two..."

Tezuka: "Thank you for your hard work, Oishi."

Oishi: "You could have helped us, Tezuka. T^T"

Tezuka: "...It looked like you had it control."

Fuji: "...Fine. We will be the grandparents. You and Oishi can babysit the kids."

Momoshiro: "Hey! You're a kid too, you know!"

Kaidoh: "Fshuu, I don't need babysitting!"

Kawamura: "Uh, guys..."

Eiji: "Fine! We will be the parents then! Right Oishi?"

Oishi: "Yes?"

Fuji: "Inui, if you want, you can be the uncle."

Inui: "Alright."

Momoshiro: "Tch, they're just ignoring me. C'mon Echizen, let's ditch these idiots and get something to eat."

Kaidoh: "What did you just call me, teme!"

Kawamura: "You're welcome to come over for some sushi if you'd like."

Echizen: "Thanks Kawamura-senpai."

Kawamura: "Of course!"

Momoshiro: "I called you an idiot. Is there a problem?"

Kaidoh: "Yeah, aren't you the idiot here?"

Momoshiro: "No, I already said that the idiot here is you!"

Ryoga: "Sorry to interrupt your lover's quarrel but I need to borrow Chibisuke."

Eiji: "Ah! He's taking Chibisuke away!"

Fuji: "You there!"

Tezuka: "Who are you?"

Echizen: "...Brother?"

Kawamura: "Eh?!"

Eiji: "Brother?"

Momoshiro: "Brother?!"

Ryoga: "Hey bro! I'm here to save you! Aren't you glad you have such a cool older brother?"

Inui: "So Echizen has an older brother... Interesting."

Echizen: "...I don't know you."

Ryoga: "Rude! Wah, my brother's such a little brat!"

Echizen: "..."

Ryoga: "Aww, are you pouting? Chibisuke is so cute, hehe! I'll forgive you so don't be mad, okay? Come on already, let's go home!"

Eiji: "Ah, Ochibi's gone. What do we do, Oishi!"

Oishi: "It's fine, that was Echizen's brother after all."

Fuji: "...Did he just steal our grandchild away."

Tezuka: "...It would seem so."

Eiji: "Our precious child! ;A;"