Chapter Text
It’s over.
So many years, so many enemies, so many battles… and it’s over. Marinette’s body feels like jelly unable to support its own weight as she stands there. It’s over. Marinette fights the tears in her eyes. Already it’s hard not to lose her grip on the butterfly Miraculous in her hand. It’s finally over.
There’s a soft, breathy laugh from her partner. Chat Noir leans heavily on her, as she leans on him. “We did it.” He says. “We did it!”
“We did it.” Marinette agrees. She sniffs back her tears, steels her heart, and sighs. “Come on, chaton. We’re done here.”
Chat Noir smiles gently at her. He and Marinette both spare Lila another look, but no more than that. “After you, my love.” Chat says.
Lila raves at them. She spits and screams and throws every vicious insult she can at them, but in the end, Lila is in handcuffs going the way of Gabriel. In the end, the butterfly Miraculous is finally back where it belongs. And with the box complete, no one can use the Miraculous for evil any longer. Not so long as Marinette is still guardian over it.
But Marinette… Marinette is so tired. All the fighting, every battle, just one after another, over and over. The secrets. The fame. The responsibility. The expectations. Marinette is so tired of fighting. She’s tired of being perfect for the people. She’s still human.
When they take down Gabriel, there is a whole celebration. The butterfly Miraculous eludes them, of course, to ultimately land in Lila’s hands, and Nathalie escapes as well, though without the peafowl Miraculous, but there is still a celebration. Hawk Moth is taken down. One great evil defeated, so it’s only a matter of time before the next is, too. It renews faith, proves to the people that their heroes are the paragons they’re meant to be. For Marinette, it is a failure. For Adrien, it is losing his family. Marinette still doesn’t quite forgive Paris for celebrating something so horrible.
She wonders, will they celebrate this? It’s over. Ladybug has retrieved the Miraculous. The source of the power that allows those evils to do what they do. Gabriel and Lila. Selfish, cruel, short-sighted, villains the both of them. But their power is gone. It’s in Marinette’s hands now. That’s something to celebrate. Marinette just really doesn’t feel like celebrating.
Right now, she just wants to see the butterfly Miraculous in its rightful place in the box, Nooroo to reunite with the rest of the kwami, and to sleep. So that’s what she does. In near silence, she makes her way back to her apartment, pulls out the hidden Miracle Box, puts Nooroo back where he belongs, smiles at the kwami’s excitement to be together again, and crawls feebly into bed beside Adrien.
Adrien wraps her up in his arms, happily holding her close and whispering cheery words to her. He’s excited, and rightly so. Lila has been a thorn in their sides for more than just her reign with the butterfly Miraculous, and for much longer, too. To see her finally land herself in jail is satisfying in a way that Gabriel’s arrest still isn’t. Adrien is so happy right now, nuzzling into her and giggling and peppering her with victory kisses. It’s more than enough to make her smile. Marinette slips into sleep there in his arms, curled up where she belongs.
Marinette stares at the letter in her hand, not quite sure yet how to feel about it. The letter is great news! Yet… something ugly writhes inside her. She doesn’t know how long she stands there, just staring at the words – not reading, just staring – slowly being eaten alive by that ugly thing in her gut.
“I’m home!”
Marinette jumps, quickly folding the letter and slipping it into one of the pockets of her nearby coats and closing the closet door on it. The reaction is purely on instinct, and that only makes that ugly thing inside her grow larger. She doesn’t have time to reconsider, though, before Adrien pokes his head into their room. “How’re you doing, my lady?” He asks with an easy grin. “Did your acceptance letters come yet?”
Marinette nervously glances away, to the closet, and hesitantly shakes her head. “No. Should be any day now, though, right? If I get in.”
“Oh, you’ll get in.” Adrien chuckles. “I know they’re competitive, but you’re you. You’re a hero, remember? You’re literally miraculous! And you’re best fashion designer in the world.”
Marinette ducks her head to hide her blush, even as Adrien approaches to hug her. “I’m not…”
“Yes, you are! You’re Ladybug! You can do anything, and if those dummies at IFM or ESMOD or wherever don’t see that, then they don’t deserve you. You’re already successful, so you’d only make them regret turning you down by being the bigshot in fashion you already are. None of those universities are dumb enough to turn you down. The real question is which one you’re going to pick!”
Marinette laughs, a tad humorlessly. Isn’t that the truth? “Adrien…” She says, “I…”
Adrien just smiles at her and takes her hand. “Come on, my lady. Let’s go patrol. It’ll take your mind off while we wait.”
“I…” Marinette tries again. Words just don’t come to her. She can’t tell him that she doesn’t want to patrol. She can’t tell him that being Ladybug isn’t the honor it once was. She can’t tell him that she hates being a vigilante. (Hero, he and Paris keeps saying, but without a Miraculous-powered villain, they’re tackling regular crime and that makes her a vigilante, whether Paris agrees or not.) She can’t tell him that she’s starting to hate Paris itself. Fighting Hawk Moth is one thing, handling Miraculous problems is one thing, but Marinette always thought, back when that was happening, that when she beat Hawk Moth that would be the end of it. Every moment Adrien and Paris demand more from her is another that she resents Ladybug just a little more. “Okay.” So, she just agrees and transforms and goes out on the rooftops with her partner.
And, for a while, it takes her mind off of everything. She soars through the air and dances across the rooftops like she was born there, and she and Chat Noir break up some minor crime. Catch a pickpocket, stop a mugging, help an old lady across the street. It’s busy work, and it does keep her mind occupied, but it makes her heart heavy.
She’s sick of people calling for Ladybug like she’s some god among men who can be omnipresent and solve everything for everyone. She’s sick of fighting, of the adrenaline she gets when she sees a knife, or of the chase of some thief trying foolishly to escape. She’s sick of sacrificing her time and effort and safety for increasingly diminishing returns. It’s just not satisfying to her to stop a robbery. Not enough to justify dressing up and seeking them out. Not anymore. It’s cruel of her to think so, but sometimes she wishes that these people could just defend themselves.
Chat Noir ironically lights up when he dons his dark costume. It’s when he’s clad in black that he truly shines. He’s a true hero, a born hero. It’s worth it for him. He’s not sacrificing anything, because being a hero is what he’s meant to be. That’s why Marinette hasn’t told him yet. That’s why she can’t find the words to tell him that she doesn’t want to do this anymore.
They return to their apartment tired as always and feeling like they’ve done good. Adrien is cuddly. He always is after patrol. He’s touchy anyway, but in the afterglow of fighting crime there’s nothing he wants more than to cuddle up with his girlfriend. Marinette has no problem with that, of course, except when he gets a little clingy and interrupts her when she’s trying to work, but she usually is too tired to work right after patrol anyway. That’s just for when she’s bogged down.
Marinette lays in bed listening to Adrien’s sweet nothings, hyperaware of the letter in the closet that he still doesn’t know about. She has to talk to him about it, but how will he react? Will he be mad that she hid this from him? That she applied to schools abroad without telling him because she secretly wants to be anywhere but Paris? Will he be disappointed in her, for shirking her responsibility as one of Paris’ heroes by leaving their city to fend for itself without her? Will he and the kwami hate her for putting such selfish desires over her duties to them as the guardian?
How is she supposed to be Marinette, when Ladybug demands so much of her? Is it so wrong to want to walk away from it all? If people get hurt that she could save if she stays a hero, is that blood on her hands? Is she even allowed to be Marinette at all, or is she only Ladybug?
Marinette goes to sleep thinking that she’s starting to hate Ladybug, too.
“Marinette! It came! It came!” Marinette jumps up from her work when Adrien comes running into the room. He’s breathless, clothes and hair a mess, but he’s glowing and holding a small envelope proudly. “From IFM! Come on, Mari, open it!”
He shoves the letter into her stunned hands and sits eagerly, waiting for her to open it. Marinette examines the letter carefully. Plain, white, with their address and her name and Institut Français de la Mode’s seal printed boldly on it. Such a small, delicate little thing, holding her entire future inside it.
There’s no more avoiding this. Marinette realizes staring at the letter. Dread bubbles up inside her. If she’s accepted, then she’s going to have to tell Adrien that she isn’t sure she wants to accept. If she’s not, then she’s only delaying the inevitable until the next letter comes. She’ll only be playing along as Adrien sits with her to look through even more schools to apply to. More schools in Paris. Only in Paris.
The gentlest of hands cover her own, and Adrien’s loving green eyes bore into her. “It’s okay. Only one way to know, right? I’ll help you, if you want.”
Marinette shakes her head. Sweet, sweet Adrien. He’s the love of her life, but… he just can’t understand that acceptance isn’t why she’s scared to open this letter. She’s scared because the last one she opened changed everything and she still hasn’t figured out if she wants that change or not.
With trembling hands, Marinette breaks the seal and extracts the letter. She can’t breathe as she unfolds it. And when she reads it… she can’t finish, because she’s too busy crying.
She can feel Adrien carefully take the letter from her to read over himself, and then his ecstatic arms around her as her feet leave the ground. He lifts her, so joyful, and swings her around with a bright, clear laugh. “You got in! I told you, you would! Oh, Marinette, this is so great! I’m so happy for you!”
Marinette pats his arm as firmly as she can, a request to be put down. While she’s wiping at her eyes, Adrien seems to realize that she’s not as excited as he is. “Bugaboo? Are you okay? You don’t look ver-”
“I’ve got something to show you!” Marinette blurts out suddenly, still trying to stave off her tears.
Adrien blinks dumbly. “You- okay. What is it?”
Sniffling, Marinette guides him back to the bedroom closet, where her other letter of acceptance sits quietly hidden. She digs it out of her coat and hands it to him, too ashamed to meet his eyes. When she feels the paper slip out of her fingers, she wraps herself up tightly in her own arms and closes her eyes.
“Marinette, this is…” Adrien’s voice is so hesitant, so quiet compared to the jubilation from before. It hurts Marinette’s heart so deeply to hear. “I… Why didn’t you tell me you applied to New York? I- I mean, I’m happy for you! I am! I just… I thought…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Marinette mutters.
“I- wait, are you… are you planning to go to New York? To FIT? Is this where you really want to go?”
Marinette sighs. “I haven’t decided yet, but… I think so.”
“Oh.” There’s a long, long silence, during which all Marinette can think of is that tiny, hurt, “oh.” That realization that she isn’t what he thinks she is. That she lied to him, and that she wants to be an ocean away from their home. “I… I don’t…” Adrien sighs. “I don’t understand, but… if that’s really what you want, I… I’m here for you, Marinette. A- and hey! You got accepted! This is- this is still a great thing!”
“Adrien, I-”
Adrien laughs sharply and rubs at his eyes. “I’m sorry, I- I really am so happy for you, I just… This was a… bit of a surprise. I’m… I’m going to miss you.”
Marinette surges forward to crush him in a hug. “You’re not mad at me?” She asks quietly.
“Mad? Never. I love you, Marinette. If this is what you want, I’m proud of you for getting it.” He squeezes her back like he’s trying to crush her. “I’m just also sad that I won’t be able to go with you. And I… I have to ask… what about Paris? We need you. I don’t know what we’re going to do without you.”
Marinette reluctantly pulls away. “I- I have a confession to make about that, too.” She says.
The way Adrien’s eyebrows knit together tugs too hard at her heartstrings. I’m so sorry. “What is it?” He asks quietly, patiently.
Marinette takes a deep breath. “I… I don’t really… want to be a hero anymore.”
“You… don’t?”
“I’m tired, Adrien. I hate fighting. I hate going out every night looking for trouble. I hate being an idol. I hate that everyone expects so much from me, when I don’t even want to fight in the first place.” After a long pause and a lot of sniffles, she says, “I do love the people. And I love you. And I’m so proud of you and all the good you do. I just… kind of hate Ladybug. And I don’t really like Paris much, anymore, either. I don’t want to be a hero, Adrien, I just want to be me.”
“But… you are a hero.”
“I’m not. Maybe I was, but I don’t want to be anymore. I’m tired. We got the Miraculous back, and as far as I’m concerned, I should have retired then. I never wanted this.”
Adrien bites his lip and grits his teeth, turning his gaze to the ground. “I didn’t know you felt that way. I thou- I thought we were in this together.”
“We are!” Marinette says. “That why I’ve been going along with it. For you. Not to be a hero or anything like that. Because I knew it was so important to you. I’m sorry I never mentioned it before, I just…”
“Just what? You think I’m not under pressure doing this? You think I don’t know what it’s like to have everyone expect you to be perfect? I know that being heroes is a lot to live up to, but that’s why we can’t just give up on it! We’re important! We accept that pressure because everyone else can’t!”
Marinette sighs. “I can’t. Not anymore. It’s too much for me. I know you know what it’s like, Adrien, I just- I’m not like you. I’m not a hero. I don’t want to be a hero. I just want to be Marinette. Not Ladybug.”
“Marinette and Ladybug are the same person.” Adrien says. “You’re the same girl. One girl who’s so brave and talented and beautiful. One girl that I love. That’s you. You’re not two different people.”
“I know that, I- I just- I…” Marinette huffs in frustration. “I don’t know. I just want to go to school and live an ordinary life. That’s all.”
Adrien’s expression softens, and Marinette feels his hand on her shoulder. “Marinette, I… I don’t think you can. I don’t think either of us can just be ordinary anymore. I mean, you’re the guardian. There’s nothing ordinary about the kwami.” He chuckles weakly.
Marinette sighs. “I never asked to be guardian, you know. I don’t even know why Master Fu trained me for the role, and then when he actually transferred the guardianship…” She sighs. “Hey, Adrien?” She steps close again to hold him tightly, whispering into his chest. “Can I tell you a secret?”
His arms wrap around her like they’ve done a thousand times, and it eases her anxious heart. “Of course.”
“Promise you won’t be mad?”
“I could never be mad at you, my love.”
Marinette sniffs. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think you’d be a better guardian than me. I think I should just transfer the guardianship to you and be done with it all. Then I could… I could be normal.”
Adrien stiffens under her. “But… then you’d forget. Everything. You’d forget me.”
“I know.” Marinette admits.
Adrien holds her for a long, tense moment. “Oh.” He says tightly. “I see.” Marinette just hums to acknowledge him and holds him tighter. “Hey, Marinette?” Gently, he pries her off of him. Cupping her face in his hands, he kisses her, fervently, timidly, carefully. “Don’t ever forget me. If… if being a hero really is so hard for you, then… then stop. It’s okay. I understand. I want- I want you to be happy. You hear me? So… so accept your spot in New York. Go to America. I can take care of the box and Paris while you’re gone. Just go and… be normal. Okay? When you come back, then you can decide where to go from there.”
Marinette’s eyes flicker away from his. So kind and sincere and caring and… everything. It’s such a cruel thought she has, such a cruel question to pose to the man she loves and who loves her, but… it might be the most important question in this moment. “What if I don’t want to come back?”
Adrien follows her gaze to the floor. “Then… Then I’ll miss you. And I’ll be rooting for you. And I’ll be happy you’re doing what makes you happy. Maybe New York could take another hero?”
Marinette snorts. “Have you seen New York? It’s a pretty competitive market.”
Adrien laughs. “Yeah, I suppose it is. Paris would miss me, anyway. What would they do without my devilish charms?”
Giggling, Marinette enjoys that small moment. But it’s not nearly enough. “Adrien, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Adrien steals another kiss. “You’re so brave. You know what you need to do, and you’re doing it, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. That’s exactly what makes you Ladybug, you know.”
“I…” Marinette’s throat closes up. “Thank you.”
Adrien smiles, sniffles, and nods. “Anything for you.” He ducks his head. “But… if you don’t want to be involved in all of… this, then… what about us? Will I… Will you be okay with me still going out as Chat? Will you being in New York…”
“I don’t know, Adrien.” Marinette murmurs. “I don’t know. I’ll never ask you to stop being a hero, but… I just… right now, I just want to put this life behind me.”
“I understand. So, then… are you going to break up with me?” His eyes are so wide, so scared, so worried and hurt and sad and haunted.
Marinette grimaces. She wants so badly to deny it. To scream “Of course, not! I love you!” But though the latter is true, the first… Can Marinette really put heroism behind her when her boyfriend goes out to fight crime every night? Will she ever have the peace of mind she so craves, of a normal life without worrying over a city worth of trouble if her boyfriend is still involved in that trouble? Can she do that even if she doesn’t have that boyfriend? “I don’t know.” She says. The honesty sears her throat. “I’m sorry, I… I don’t… know.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not… not that bad, yet, but… I don’t know if I can live this way forever. If you’re still…”
“No, I get it.” Adrien says. “I understand. But I- I can’t give this life up. It’s… It’s everything to me. I’m… I’m sorry. I wish this was different.”
“Me too, Adrien.”
“Do you… think we can hold on?” Adrien asks softly. “Do you think, if you go to America and take a break from all this, we can survive that? Do you… want to try?”
“I want to try. I don’t know if it’ll work out, but… maybe if I get a break, it’ll be okay. I… there’s no way to tell for sure, and I… I do love you. So, so much. I don’t want to break up.”
Adrien smiles. “Me neither. I want to try, too. I’ll be yours as long as you’ll have me. But… Thank you, for the time we’ve had together. If you do decide we can’t do this, I hope… I understand, and I still love you, and I want only the best for you. And, I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.”
“You never need to be anyone but you, Adrien.” Marinette says. “I’m sorry I can’t be a hero like you.”
Adrien chuckles. “You’ll always be my hero. Always. Just be happy. That’s all you need to do.”
Marinette accepts her spot at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. Once she does, it’s a scramble to get everything ready for her departure. Her parents help her organize everything, as does Adrien. Marinette can tell that Adrien is trying to be strong for her, but the smile he wears is unmistakably forced, and no amount of poise can hide the way he cries when he thinks she’s not watching.
It’s almost too much to leave. To leave him, her parents, her city, even the kwami. Everything she knows. Everything except her and her dream. She feels so unbelievably terrified, and yet somehow, she feels like she’s the boldest she’s ever been. To take this step into the unknown, to leave behind so much of what’s familiar, it’s a brand-new chapter in her life. There’s a lot she hopes she can keep, like Adrien, and a lot she knows she’s going to have to give up, but it’s a new step, and she’s excited to see where it takes her.
The kwami are none too happy about the thought of her making Adrien the de facto guardian in all but the magic. Marinette knows he’ll be a better one than her – he’s a hero, after all, through and through, not like her who only wants to be normal – but they, like Adrien, understand where she’s coming from. They like and trust Adrien enough to accept him looking after them while she’s gone. After all, since they beat Gabriel and Adrien moved in with her, first into her parent’s bakery and later into their own apartment, he’s essentially been a second guardian already.
Tikki does insist on coming with her, though, and with Adrien and her parents arguing that her having the earrings, even if she doesn’t always wear them, will give them peace of mind that she’ll be safe all the way across the ocean, Marinette has to concede this. She doesn’t want to say goodbye to Tikki, either, but she will never be normal while she’s still with her. But her family and her boyfriend and all the kwami do have a point. Marinette doesn’t plan on wearing the earrings all the time like she used to, but if it’ll make the people she loves feel better, it’s a small enough thing to concede.
And no matter how much she wishes it, while she still remembers everything she’s been through, she’ll never be totally normal. Tikki is a beloved friend, and Marinette will be glad for her company when she’s all alone in America. Maybe, if she’s not a hero, having Tikki won’t be too bad. No one is completely normal, after all.
Everyone joins in on the “send Marinette off” planning party. Her friends, her family, everyone. Alya is tearfully leading the charge on making sure everyone spends as much time with her as possible before it’s time for her to leave, and her family leads the charge on making sure everything is in order, that she’s packed and has everything she needs and that she knows what to do when she gets there. Adrien is quieter than usual, but he’s stuck to her side like glue, refusing to leave her for any longer than is necessary for his own job, and stealing intimate moments anywhere he can in the flurry of the preparations.
When the day comes for her to leave, there’s more tears. Marinette is half-afraid she’ll miss her flight because everyone wants to hug her and no one wants to let her go. It’s hard. It’s very hard. To look at the faces of the people she loves and tell them goodbye.
Adrien kisses her. Heated and tender and trembling. Only for her to hear, in a hot whisper, he says, “Don’t know if that’s the last time I’ll get to do that.”
Marinette just kisses him again. “I love you.” She says.
“I love you too, Marinette. Promise me you’ll be happy.”
“I promise. I’ll do whatever I need to to make it happen. Promise me you’ll do the same?”
“Of course, my lady. I’ll do everything I can.”
The next thing Marinette knows, she’s all alone, save for Tikki in her purse, and she’s flying high, en route to America. The long journey is filled with doubt and second-guessing, but it’s too late to turn back. She’s committed, and now all she can do is find her new apartment, meet her new roommate, and make the most of life in the Big Apple.
It’s a relief to have Tikki with her when she touches down. Leaving the airport, Marinette hesitates, but Tikki’s reassurance gets her back into gear. She hails a taxi, finds her new home, and gets started. Her roommate is supposed to move in soon, she’s told, but she has the place to herself for at least a few days. That’s fine. She’ll just get the place how she likes it and ask her roommate when they get here.
Opening the door to the small apartment, Marinette explores first, though there isn’t all that much to see. It feels a bit like the whole apartment is just a narrow hallway. When she steps inside, there’s two doors to her right, one with a small closet and one with the washer and dryer. The hallway turns to the left, and there’s three more doors on the right before she finally steps into the living room. The first door is the bathroom, and the next two are bedrooms, and the kitchen is just the inner wall of the living room.
It’s tight and will be especially so when her roommate gets here, but it’s enough. I’ll have to apologize in advance. She thinks. The living room is the only place with any space to get work done. I’ll probably be taking up a lot of the floor when I’m sewing. Hopefully most of it can be done at university, but I don’t know yet how they’ll feel about using the school resources for personal projects.
I can’t imagine it’ll be an issue, but I also imagine I’ll be doing at least some work here, so I should make sure my roommate is warned about that.
Marinette takes the second bedroom after determining it has a larger closet, but she doesn’t unpack yet. She just throws her bags down and calls home.
Her parents answer right away, and Marinette isn’t surprised that Adrien and Alya are both with them. “We miss you already.” Her mother says. “How is everything? What’s New York City like?”
Marinette chuckles. “Maman, I only just got here. The apartment’s alright, but my roommate’s not here yet. I’m really excited to visit the garment district, though! I’ll have to do that soon.”
“Of course. Don’t slack on your studying, though.”
“I would never!” Marinette fake-gasps. “But seriously, don’t worry. This is going to be great. I’m excited to get started.”
“And I’m excited for you, sweetheart.”
The conversation goes on and on, but eventually they have to hang up. Knowing already what she needs to do first, gets started on cleaning. The place isn’t dirty, but she feels better after having gone through it thoroughly.
After that, it’s all about getting ready for school. Marinette will worry about unpacking and making sure the apartment is exactly how she wants it when her roommate gets here to give their input, but for now, she’s starting university in a week and she has a lot to do in the meantime.
But she’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng, after all. If anyone can handle it, she can.